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Till the Ground

Parents of small/young children, I’m begging you to read this.

The issues I’m seeing the most among parenting young children these days are:

  1. We plant seed before we till the ground
    1. Tilling includes
      1. Teaching them how to obey the first time.
      1. Teaching them that we act differently in public than we do at home
  2. Too much autonomy
  3. We make the child too important

Tilling obedience.

I see many parents of young children spend a great deal of time plotting out how they are going to do creative things to help their little one grow emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. And these are good things. But if we haven’t taught them to first obey you the first time you speak, the other things you teach them will be for nothing because a) they believe the world is all about them and b) they don’t really respect you or they’d obey the first time. Asking a kid to do something is not always a good thing. Sometimes it is, but not always. Sometimes, I dare say most of the time, it is a better idea to tell them to do something, rather than to ask. Telling them or asking them multiple times shows a few things. It shows they really don’t respect your authority. They don’t believe there is a consequence to deliberately ignoring your request or demand. It shows that they believe they are so important, they don’t have to listen to you. It also shows they don’t believe you really want them to do whatever it is you’ve told them to do.

Tilling how to act in public.

I see this all the time. Actually, every time I go out. Kids are not taught to act differently in public. Therefore, they act exactly the same way in public as they do at home. There is a clear difference on how to act to not disrupt social interactions. I understand that society has defined this. I also understand that if your child is to succeed in this world, they must learn social aptitude and develop social intelligence. Teaching them that it is rude and wrong to kick the back of a chair on the plane or at the movies is necessary. Teaching them when it’s time to sit calmly and quietly and when it’s ok to run and have fun is necessary. Teaching them that destroying their dinner table at a restaurant is rude and won’t be accepted… is necessary. Teaching them not to interrupt is necessary.

Too much autonomy.

“But why can’t I go to this party? Everyone I know will be there! I should be able to make my own decisions!” My response was, “At 14 you can’t operate a vehicle. At 15 you can but with someone else in the car. At 16 you can operate a vehicle without anyone in the car, but you can’t vote. At 18 you can vote, but you can’t buy a glass of wine. At 21 you can buy a glass of wine, but you can’t rent a car. At 25 you can rent a car. Even the government knows that with age comes the ability to handle responsibility and make better decisions.” She didn’t like that, but it’s not my job to worry about what she likes.

Children are being given way too much autonomy. They are being allowed to make way too many decisions. I understand the need to let them make some decisions so they learn how to make good decisions. That isn’t an issue. The issue is in our best effort to teach them how to make good decisions, we let them make decisions they aren’t ready to make. If their chances of making a good certain decision is 0%, they’re not ready for that decision and the parent needs to make it for them. Children shouldn’t be deciding where you’re going, when you’re going, and when you’re leaving. They shouldn’t be deciding where you (or they) go to church or dinner. With each birthday, they get to decide more, but in very small increments. But this leads to the last point…

Too important.

Children are being taught that they are way more important than they really are. They are NOT more important than their teacher, their coach, their principal, their boss. They are making those decisions we just talked about because they believe they are the most important person in any room. There are serious consequences to believing this and it going unchecked by their parents.

Repercussions:

The results of these not tilling the ground before you plant the seed is that the seed will fall on ground that won’t let the seed grow. They will not take the seed seriously. Therefore, the seed is planted in vain because the ground wasn’t tilled first.

The results of too much autonomy is they don’t really learn how to make a good decision because all they do is make bad ones. It also teaches them false social interactions. They believe their way is the right way and no one tells them otherwise and when they are confronted with this in the social world, they’re met with great opposing force and don’t know why. “Mental health issues” are to follow.

The results of them being too important is simple. It puts them in a place to believe something about themselves that simply isn’t true and prohibits them from succeeding socially.

Other results include being a total disruption to your home and any social interactions you may have as a parent with other adults. Some may read this and say, “well why are we treating social aptitude with greater emphasis than self-worth?” Good question. Self-worth will come when they realize where their REAL place is in this world. If they are not believing those in authority, making too many decisions too early, and believing they are more important than they really are, they are set up for disaster, not success. I’m firmly convinced that social intelligence is FAR more valuable than self- worth, self- esteem, and academic knowledge. When you are socially apt, the rest of those attributes fall into place. Liberty resides within a set of boundaries. Without the boundaries, there is no liberty. If you want to free your children, create boundaries.

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The Debate over Abortion and School Shootings Have a Common Theme

You can’t scroll two posts without seeing someone sharing their opinion on abortion. The division. The vitriol. Everyone has an opinion and they’re willing to lose friendships over it. It’s worth noting two distinct things: 1- I won’t be covering the opinions of abortion in this and 2- the recent ruling merely returned the jurisdiction to the states, where it belonged in the first place. Nothing has been banned. The fury is over the fear that it may be banned in their state.

Just before that, it was the shooting in Uvalde, TX. A young man decided to commit multiple evil acts. Shortly after this event, the conversation about fatherless homes began to gain momentum, and rightfully so. The young man who committed those acts did not have a father in the home. I’m not shocked.

What is the connection between the two events? Lack of fathers. I firmly believe that’s the reason for the most recent outcry. If men were upholding their end of the bargain after sex, we wouldn’t have nearly the fury surrounding this issue. Mothers wouldn’t feel so helpless and alone. There would be more money available because the man is helping provide.

It started a long time ago but went something like this: President Johnson decides to lay out his plans for the “Great Society.” In it, he lays out a plan to help single mothers. He offers financial assistance to any woman that had a child in the home and no father/male in the home. While it probably had good intentions originally, it incentivized mothers to remove the men from their home so they could continue receiving money for their child. They were getting a certain amount of money per child. So not only were mothers incentivized to raise their children without fathers, they were also incentivized to have many more children to maximize their income. This is what led to the jump in fatherless homes. In the 1940’s and 1950’s, approximately 8% of white children and approximately 25% of black children were born to fatherless homes. Both of these numbers tripled by 2015. 25% of white children and 75% of black children were being born to fatherless homes. This plan obviously did not work and those negative effects were irrespective of race.

Now we’re left with the statistical nightmare of fatherless homes. Here are some of those stats:

*90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (32 times the average).

*85% of all children who show behavior disorders are from fatherless homes (20 times the average).

*71% of all high school dropout come from fatherless homes (9 times the average).

*85% of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes (20 times the average).

*Daughters of single parents without a father involved are 711% more likely to have children as teenagers AND 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

*90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live only with their mother.

President Obama stated in a speech that children from fatherless homes are 5 times more likely to grow up in poverty and commit a crime, 9 times more likely to drop out of school and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. Tupac Shakur recognized that he joined gangs because he searched for the things that fathers provide. He stated, “I know for a fact that had I had a father, I’d have some discipline and more confidence.”   

Studies have shown that children living with both biological parents are 20% to 35% more physically healthy than children from broken homes. Following divorce, children are 50% more likely to develop health problems. A child raised in a married family can reduce the child’s probability of living in poverty by 82%. Studies have also shown that growing up in a two-parent household is influential on reducing out of wedlock births. Studies show that kids who grow up in two parent homes have higher high school and college graduation rates as well as a higher likelihood of sustaining long term employment.

You want to fix the abortion issue for good? You want to do away with almost all school shootings? Fix those stats. Men were originally told to get out but then settled in this new life of laziness. I’m looking for an all-out revival of men stepping up and being the man God designed them to be. It takes a few things to accomplish this.

First, it takes the man willing to admit he could be better tomorrow than he is today. That’s a huge step for most men. We think we have all this figured out. Then we’re forced to admit that maybe we don’t. Once we can admit that, then we can work on it. The next thing that has to happen is men have to find someone they trust to point them in the right direction. Then they have to apply what they’re learning.

Next, their wife/girlfriend has to allow them to be who God designed them to be. She is capable of stopping that by not allowing him to lead his family. If she takes care of everything and he has no real responsibilities, he will never operate in the gifts God has given him. The wife/gf has to allow him the room to lead and make mistakes. Ouch. That’s where it gets ugly. Make mistakes? I once had someone ask me, “Well, what if you just know he’s going to make a mistake? You just let him?” My response was, “Unless you are 100% certain that you know exactly what he’s going to do and exactly what the repercussions are, then you don’t know if it’s a mistake yet or not. And even if you do, if he loves his family, then he won’t make that mistake again.”

“Men Step Up to Help Foster Families in Need Amid Pandemic“

Men have to stand up and be men. Love your spouse in front of your kids. Get them up and help get them ready for church, be the initiator. Pray over your children. Don’t know how? Ask someone to help. Serve your family by listening and caring. Caring about them more than yourself.

I’m fully convinced that the solution to the mass school shootings AND the heated abortion debate resides in the outbreak of men taking their roles and responsibilities seriously and choosing to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy. If the decision to overturn Roe v Wade did anything, it called men to step up. And if men will step up, society needs to let them.

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)!

Grainger

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What We Say

NyQuil… It’s the Nighttime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffy Head, Fever, so you can rest, medicine. These are symptoms we are all familiar with. Each year, there are periods when this “goes around.” Reminds me of the time I heard someone ask my dad if he heard the flu was going around. He said, “yeah, right around me!” In this moment, he refused to give in to the societal norm of just getting sick when everyone else got sick. He also didn’t give in to the norm of just agreeing that you will get sick, whether you know you will or not. Why is this vital?

I firmly believe that our words create action. I’ve said this before, but God said, “Let there be light”, and then there was light. His words created action. Then He went and made a bunch of people in His own image. This means OUR words create action. Consider the story of Nick Sitzman.

Nick was a hard worker, married man, had kids, a good job, and overall, a good life. The only problem was that Nick was known by all to be a bit of a worrier. He worried about most everything. So on the day he was working on a railroad car and accidentally got locked inside a car, it was no different.

The story was published in Reader’s Digest many years ago. As it goes, Nick was stuck in a freezer car. He realizes, at some point, that his coworkers had all left the worksite. Nick begins to panic because he’s in a freezer car with no way to get out unless someone gets him out. He finds a knife and begins to carve out sentences in the wood floor.

“If I can’t get out, I’ll freeze to death in here” … “It’s so cold, my body is getting numb” … “If I could just go to sleep” … “These may be my last words.”

Nick was doing what we all do in times of despair, makes observations. Only this time, he wrote them down for his wife to find. The next day, he was found dead inside that car. The cause of death was listed as freezing to death. His body showed all signs of someone’s body shutting down due to freezing.

This doesn’t sound like a remarkable story, does it? That’s because there’s one more important part of the story. The freezer car was inoperable and had been turned off (some reports say it was unplugged altogether). As a result, the temperature in the car was 55 degrees. This wouldn’t kill anyone. But wait, he died of freezing to death in a 55 degree railroad car? How?

To this day, no one can scientifically explain it. It makes zero sense to the science community. But to many psychologists, it’s quite simple. Nick Sitzman spoke into existence the desperation of freezing to death to the point that his body followed what his brain told it to. He literally spoke his death into existence.

Understand, I’m not referring to “mind over matter.” What I am referring to is that if you speak of something enough, you will begin to believe it, no matter what it is. And as you believe it, your body serves your brain. Part of the reason for this is for every thing you say once, you’ve heard it twice. You hear it in your mind before you say it, then you say it and hear yourself saying it out loud. Everything you say once, you hear twice.

An example of this is many reports that came out of the Vietnam War. Stories had been fabricated by people too ashamed to admit they didn’t take part in any actual conflict. So someone in the soup line would make up a story about how they climbed over their partner’s dead body to get a gun and kill the opposition and how horrific it was. Here’s the problem, they told these stories so much, they began to believe them and the next thing we know, the hospitals were flooded with people who are telling horrific stories from Vietnam and their minds and bodies are reacting to these stories, displaying genuine signs of PTSD. The issue here is that it was proven that these things didn’t happen. But their body and their mind were reacting as if it did happen. They said it once, they heard it twice and their body followed their brain.

With so much going around about whether we should wear a mask, masks are useless, should get a vaccine, vaccines do nothing, we find ourselves in a position to make choices about our health daily, which is new to most of us. We normally think seriously about our health about once a year. But now it’s daily. Are we saying that we are healthy and that if we get sick, are we saying we will get well? If you don’t know the future, and you have no certainty that you will or will not get well, then exactly what would it hurt to say you will get well?

I know what it would hurt, our ego. It would hurt our hope. We are afraid to say something hopeful because we have been let down so many times believing something hopeful about a situation, only to see it go the other way.

So what do we have to lose, besides a shot to our ego? Nothing. Begin to speak positively of things to come. If it doesn’t work out, there was a reason and God uses every success and every failure to move us in a forward direction. The Bible says, “The steps of the righteous are ordered.” It doesn’t say that the steps of the perfect are ordered. We’d all be doomed. But the righteous, or those in right standing, have ordered steps. Watch what you say. Your words have ENORMOUS power. If you say something horrific enough that you begin to believe it, this means you can also say something good enough that you will believe that too. So the next time someone says there’s a sickness going around, look at them and say, “right around me!”

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)!

Grainger

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He Won’t: (So Love Out Loud)

“You have to get over here now! He can’t breathe! We need to get him to the hospital!” Words you NEVER want to hear about a parent ever, but especially in their 60’s. Covid had grabbed both of my parents and it turned into pneumonia. The bad part is that my dad had spent a night in the hospital and was sent home with oxygen. So, here’s what happened:

I’m coming home from Memphis and on my way, my brother Adam calls and says he’s taking Dad to the hospital. So I tell him I’ll meet him there so his wife can stay with mom. Adam and I, with the help of an old friend named Wendy Sewell, help get him in and settled. They eventually get him admitted and won’t let us in because of covid. The next morning, I’m thinking about what to do. I’m scared. Then I think about the verse that says to come to God with a child-like faith. So I think of my children.

So I text 2 of my daughters with this: “I need you to make me a promise. Promise me that you will pray out loud where you can hear yourself say the words. I need you to pray for your healing (one of my daughters had covid) and for those you love.” One of my daughters forgot. Haha. My 19-year-old didn’t forget. When I asked and she replied yes, I told her that her Papu was going home from the hospital.

That was the first time he went into the hospital. The second time it was a little different. My brother and I try to get him to the car, and he didn’t have the strength to go 10 feet. We have to call an ambulance. Once he’s in, the word gets out and the prayers begin. We get word that a large group gathering will take place at someone’s home. There is a group of people that convene outside the hospital and go on Facebook live and pray for my Dad and one of his elders that was in the same hospital. There were hundreds of people everywhere praying for this man. That was Monday and Tuesday.

On Wednesday he had continued to decline. By the end of that day, I felt very hopeless and full of despair. I kept it to myself, other than my conversations with my wife. I had become one of the “strong ones” for my family. So I had to keep being strong around them and for them. But once alone, the despair and emotional wreckage unfolded. I had to pull over while driving one night because I just couldn’t see through tears. By Wednesday night, I had begun to think of how life was going to take place with our Dad gone. I thought of all the things that were going to be very different.

The next morning something hit me. I wondered why I had felt so hopeless when I knew that there were hundreds of people praying for Dad. ALMOST AUDIBLY, God made two statements to me. 1- “You asked your daughters to do something that you haven’t done yourself” (pray out loud, not just in my heart, spirit, or some other froo-froo word). 2- “You feel hopeless because you are leaning on the prayers of others.” WOW!

He was right. I felt like they had it covered, but it didn’t fix my despair. So I said “Ok!” I began to talk to God out loud. I asked for 20 more years but would be ok with 15. But I needed at least 15. I felt like God started bringing up me being in some sort of ministry again. I thought that was a strange time to bring that up. So I said, “Then I need 15 more years. He’s been my guide most of my life. I have a very good pastor, but I need Dad too.” No, I was not negotiating with God. God doesn’t do that. But I was pleading with him.

This took place between 9:30am and 10am. Talking to God out loud so that I could hear myself say the words. For some reason, this was very important to God. Sometime between 10:30am and 11:45am, the nurse at Dad’s side called my sister-in-law, who had been our medical liaison through this journey. The nurse said that his oxygen levels had increased without manually increasing the intensity for the first time since he arrived at the hospital. Then about 30 minutes later, the levels went up again. Then by the next morning, they went up again! W-W-W-WOW! It worked. He spoke. I listened. He listened. He chose to act in accordance with my, and many others’, requests. I was a bit dumbfounded. Not that prayer worked, I’ve always known prayer worked. But that this interaction seemed so specific and purposeful.

Do I think it was my prayer that did it? Nope. That would be very arrogant and very NOT God-like. Do I think God was trying to get my attention? Yep. No Doubt. Dad is still in the hospital and if God decides to fully heal him, it will be because of the hundreds of prayers, the doctors, all the nurses, Erin Grainger, Wendy Sewell, the drug Baricitinib, Dad’s willingness to fight, and an enormous love between two love birds that married when they were 18 years old. In fact, of all of my brothers, their wives, and my wife, I contributed the least. But make no mistake, God knew His timing would get my attention. And it did.

One thing that has stood out so far is the stoic steadfast approach that Dad has had through all of this. It is as if he never once questioned the fact that he was coming home to us, and that God would heal him. He was never shaken too strongly. He knew something the rest of us weren’t sure we were convinced of. He knew that when everything around him was shaken, he was glad he put his faith in Jesus. He had seen him be faithful through generations. He’d seen joy in chaos. He’d had peace, at times, that made no sense. He knew that his lack of strength only meant more strength for God. He knew that God had never let him down. So why would God fail him now?

He Won’t.

“Rain came and wind blew

But my house was built on you

And I’m safe with you

I’m going to make it through.”

For me, the lesson learned is that you can’t rely only on the prayers of others. You must join them and also pray. Pray out loud. Love out loud. Live out loud. And if God has never failed you before, why would he start now?

He Won’t.

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)… and listen to this song!

Grainger

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One Contribution to Mental Health

The bottles flew, the state became embarrassed, and the country got angry. If you didn’t see it, The University of Tennessee (UT) was playing Ole Miss in Knoxville and the crowd didn’t like a crucial call the refs made late in the game. As a result, they began to throw bottles, beer cans, golf balls, mustard, and all sorts of debris onto the field. The items struck people on the field area. UT had to evacuate the cheerleaders, the band, and the dance team for their safety. It was quickly recognized that most of these items were flying in from the student section. So they evacuated the student section.

Having said that, the first response for everyone that wasn’t a UT fan was to point the finger at how classless the university is. The truth is, UT was playing Ole Miss in basketball in Oxford, MS and Ole Miss fans (students) threw similar items onto the court. I’m an LSU fan and there are plenty of stories of those fans (students) throwing eggs at the opposing team bus as it was either arriving or leaving. So the university isn’t to blame. The SEC isn’t to blame. The stadium isn’t to blame. And I submit to you that the kids are only partially to blame.

What does that have to do with mental health issues? First, let me say that for this issue, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all fix. This subject is just ONE piece of the overall issue of mental health. I say the kids are only partially to blame because they claim to have mental health struggles, and many do. Mental health struggles are real. They are not to be taken lightly. In 1990, a survey was taken of high school students asking what their biggest struggles in school were. The top answer was drugs and alcohol. Down around 10th was depression and anxiety. The same survey was conducted in 2018. The results were the opposite. Depression and anxiety were #1 and drugs and alcohol were #10. What changed? Parenting.

When I was growing up, I wasn’t that important. My parents made sure I knew I wasn’t that important. I was cared for, loved, taught, celebrated at times, but was never more important than the teacher, coach, police, or trusted adult. When I had problems at school, the approach was, “What can we do at home to make this better?” OR “Don’t worry, he’s in so much trouble, you won’t have this problem again!” Much of today’s approach is, “What can you do to make my kid pass?” OR “This is your fault. My kid is a great kid!”

Parents, for too long, have protected their kid from any and every dart flying their way. There is no physical nor emotional immunity built up as a result. They got a trophy for spending the entire soccer season picking flowers out of the ground when they were supposed to be contributing. These kids grew up feeling VERY important. The importance grew to entitlement. The entitlement grew to a lack of respect for any form of leadership or authority. I mean, who needs leadership or authority when you are already perfect?

Right about here is where the mental health struggles kick in. They’ve gone through life being told they’re great for doing absolutely nothing. When they are really bad at something, they’re told they’re great. When they screw up in school or sports, it’s the coach’s or teacher’s fault. Not theirs. Then they enter life, look around, and quickly realize that the world doesn’t think they’re nearly as important as mom and dad thought they were. This is where they begin internalizing this. They are thinking about what they are doing wrong… “How can I fix what I am doing wrong?” Or “What is it about me that is now so bad that I can’t seem to please them or anybody else?” Well… the answer is- you didn’t change; you are just finding out that the world isn’t about you. Something you were never taught before but should have learned a long time ago.

All of my kids can answer this as quickly as I ask it. “What is the key to life summed up in one word?” OTHERS! I teach them that their life isn’t about them. I teach them they come after my God and my wife. I teach them that the world isn’t going to hand them anything. I didn’t have this happen, but I know someone well that it did happen to. His son got a trophy at the end of the season and they were both aware that they were the last place team. He took the trophy and told him he didn’t deserve it. That kid will grow up with a psychological condition known as work ethic.

Here’s the problem, once a kid realizes that throughout his/her entire life, he was being fed a half truth and that the world isn’t that impressed with him and that he actually has to work for things because they won’t just hand it to you, this is where the mental health struggles begin. They were able to please their parents pretty easily. But now, it’s not that easy. This leads them to a place of severe depression. They can’t help but internalize all of this.

What’s the solution? Begin teaching your kids that they are only as important as their work ethic. Teach them that respect for authority is mandatory to thrive in society. Teach them that others are more important than they are. This causes them to be outward focused, which is exactly what Jesus taught. Make them accountable for their actions. Set an expectation and demand they meet the expectation. If they don’t, set the consequence and MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THROUGH. If you don’t follow through, they don’t believe anything you say, which leads to more mental health struggles. I’m not suggesting this is the whole reason for mental health struggles. I am suggesting this plays a huge role. The AAP and AACAP just declared a national emergency for children’s mental health. One major cause was covid lockdowns. Children struggling with everyday issues is also a major cause. That struggle comes from unmet expectations. Let’s work on teaching our children what to expect and let them know you’re here for them, but you can’t “adult” for them. Give them the tools to succeed on their own. Their mental health will thank you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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No Unvaccinateds!

It was a Monday afternoon in Greensboro, NC. Four men entered a Woolworth store in downtown Greensboro, NC. There was a sign that clearly said “no unvaccinateds”, but they ignored it. They sat down anyway at the “vaccinated-only” lunch counter. Franklin McCain recounted, “Fifteen seconds after I sat on that stool, I had the most wonderful feeling. I had a feeling of liberation, restored manhood; I had a natural high. And I truly felt almost invincible.” This led to multiple “sit-ins”, as it came to be known, where unvaccinated people went into vaccinated only establishments and sat down and refused to leave.

Following this, there was a well-organized sit-in in Nashville, TN. Several restaurants were the subject of the protest and a few variety stores, like Woolworth. Martin Luther King Jr., who was the leader of the unvaccinated folk, said that the Nashville sit-ins were the “best organized and most disciplined in the southland.”

Then there was the time in 1955 when Rosa Parks Refused to give up her seat in the vaccinated section of the bus. She was told to get up and go to the back where the unvaccinated people had to sit. She refused.

Or how about the “Little Rock Nine”? Nine unvaccinated students were blocked from integrating into Central High School in Little Rock, AR. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to escort the unvaccinated students, but they were still harassed consistently.

We can’t leave out the Freedom Riders. These were a group of unvaccinated people that attempted to use restrooms that were designated for vaccinated-only citizens.

Or there’s the march from Selma, AL where Martin Luther King Jr. led a group of both vaccinated and unvaccinated people on a non-violent march protesting the mistreatment of unvaccinated people.

Here’s the thing, if you can’t see that this is where we’re headed, then you haven’t read history. History can easily be learned from. If we don’t learn from it, the worst of it will repeat itself. America is on a crash course for just that to happen if something doesn’t change. Is it fair to compare a personal health decision to skin color? I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not. The point is that this is only possible by being grossly divided and there are many that are trying to declare certain members of society as sub-human, much the way they did black people during the civil rights movement. And all over a personal health decision that only affects the one receiving the care. It’s a “divide and conquer” strategy. And when I think of divide and conquer, the fellow with the funny little mustache comes to mind.

More History:

When Adolf Hitler took over the Nazi party in Germany, he immediately began his work by dividing Germany in regions called Gaue. Each Gaue had its own leader. Within each Gaue, there were subsections called Kreise. Each Kreise had its own leader. Each Kreise was broken into smaller sections, with its own leader.

See, Hitler knew, if he could just break the country away from one strong group of people into small, weaker groups, he could control them. If he could remove their guns, he could demand things from them because they can no longer defend themselves. This was accomplished by using what psychologists call “de-individuation.” This is where group behavior causes the people in the group to abandon self-awareness and self-control so that they are like the others in the group. At this point, the collective behavior overpowers individual decision making and reason.

There’s that pesky phrase, individual decision making. And we’re back to that pesky document, the US Constitution, which tells us that personal decisions that only affect us are ours to make. And more and more those decisions are being made for us. This is what led to the Boston Tea Party. Someone told the colonists that personal decisions were being made for them. And eventually, they had enough.

There are still some, for some reason, that employ the idea that getting a vaccine somehow helps someone else. I’m not sure where this came from, maybe Bill Nye, maybe Facebook scientists. But it’s nowhere in reputable scientific journals. The CDC has stated HERE that with the vaccine, you can still GET and GIVE covid. So the vaccine ONLY protects the person getting it, which is a good thing, by the way.

I’ve never been against vaccines. They are a great thing and will save lives. But I’ve always been against anyone, especially a federal government, making my personal health decisions for me. I’m also not against the truth. Even if it goes against what my “team” is saying (Even though I don’t have a team because they all suck). And the truth that getting or not getting a vaccine has no bearing on others seems to be lost on many. Cruise ships won’t let you get on without a vaccine. Why? So YOU won’t get sicker? Concert venues are requiring vaccines. Why? So YOU won’t get sicker than normal at their concert? Because, as the CDC stated, you can still GET it and GIVE it. So it then becomes only a personal decision. Companies are firing employees that refuse to get it. Why? So YOU won’t get sicker than you normally would? The new New York Governor is doubling down on tyranny as we speak and as a result there is a massive shortage crisis among health care workers. 

So where does it end? Do we fire people that smoke because they might get sicker than someone that doesn’t smoke? Do we fire obese people just because they might get sick due to their weight? It comes down to the fact that we are as divided as we’ve ever been. Those that wish to divide and conquer are currently succeeding. History shows us that if divided, we become a weaker unit, unable to stand up to tyranny and dictatorship. History shows us that this separation of “sub-humans” leads to separate bathrooms, restaurants, swimming pools, etc.

The solution is simple: Learn from History.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Eliminate the E.N.D.

The last kid is moved into college and the parents are back at home. The very next thing that happens is the husband and wife look at each other as if they’re looking at a stranger. The husband says, “who are you and how did you get into my house?” The wife says, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Slowly they begin to realize they’ve been married for 25 years and end up divorced because they don’t know their spouse anymore. I call these “Empty Nest Divorces” (E.N.D.).

I get these calls all the time in the insurance business. The wife calls to tell me that we need to split her and her husband into separate policies because they are going through a divorce. The situation is almost predictable. They are in their mid to late 40’s to mid 50’s and their youngest kid went off to college. I’m telling you that I get that call more than once a month. How can this be? How can that many people be divorcing after that many years?

Unfortunately the answer is quite simple. They put so much time, effort, and importance on their children that they never took time to cultivate their own relationship. As a result, they look up at each other and don’t even recognize the person they’re married to. They forgot that all relationships require time and effort, even their marital relationship. It’s not something you can just take for granted. Because if you do, you’ll be calling your insurance agent asking to separate the policies. You’ll be trying to explain to your grown children why thanksgivings will never be like they were. And they will begin thinking that they were the cause. If they wouldn’t have gone to college, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Believe me, just because they’re older and wiser doesn’t exclude them from the internal belief that a divorce is their fault. It happens to all children, no matter the age.  

So how do we eliminate Empty Nest Divorces? It’s not easy, but here are some steps. First, date nights must be priority. Once every 2 weeks is ideal. Once a week is too hard to accomplish and once a month may not be enough. This is top level priority. You don’t cancel, you don’t “come back to it.” You go. Go somewhere. Don’t spend money if you don’t want to. But go. Get out of the house and spend quality time together, with NO children around.

Having said that, the most important thing you can do to avoid an empty nest divorce is to keep your children Third in your life. Your life must reflect God’s design for living. In God’s design, you should have no gods before Him. Also in His design, what He put together, let NO man (mankind) separate. This includes your children. So based on that, your first relationship priority is your relationship with God. Your second relationship priority is your relationship with your spouse. That means that your relationship with your children comes after that. For more on priorities in relationships, click HERE.

Your children simply were not designed to be that important in your life. They were designed to learn from you and you being there for them to prepare them to “Leave mother and father and cling to one another.” Your children weren’t meant to be placed in a position where they are more important than your spouse. But if they become more important than your spouse, your spouse becomes a stranger to you. You grow separately and because you grow separately, you are in different areas of life. You have to grow together.

But is it really that serious? Is it really that rampant? How many people is this actually happening to? Glad you asked (ok, I know you didn’t ask, work with me here). In 2015, for every 1,000 married persons ages 50+, 10 divorced, which is up from 5 in 1990, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau. Among those ages 65+, the divorce rate has nearly tripled since 1990, reaching 6 people per 1,000 married persons in 2015. With the surge in divorces for those 50+, the empty nest puts couples at higher risk for divorce than ever before. So yes, it’s kind of a big deal.

So for those that have a chance to reverse this trend, please work on it. Your children will thank you; your spouse will thank you. Date your spouse. Don’t neglect that. Keep your children third. Then, when that last kid gets moved into college, you can look at each other and say, “now we can REALLY have some fun!” Life only gets better as you grow closer to your spouse.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

Checkmate Government

I woke up this morning, fixed myself a cup of coffee, kissed a super-hot woman goodbye as she went to work, then sat down and started writing this. While that sentence doesn’t seem very monumental to you, in a way it is.

See, I woke up in a bed that I chose, in a house that I chose to live in. I fixed a cup of coffee that I bought because I like it. I chose and married a gorgeous woman that somehow puts up with me and chooses to be with me. Then I chose to sit down at a computer and type what I want to type.

Now, was that paragraph a bit more profound? Maybe. But just in case, let’s give perspective. In the mid 1700’s, the people that had settled here in this area we now know as America were making products to enhance their lives. They made their own food, clothing, and tools for working. One day, a group of British men came along and basically said that they we are going to tax you on what you were making and at the same time reduce any taxation or tariffs on companies they want to thrive there. In 1773, the East India Company was a beneficiary of this. That year, when a shipment of their tea arrived, the colonists took 45 tons of tea and threw it into the harbor. It took over 100 colonists and 3 hours to do. This gesture spoke volumes around the world. But why? Why this extreme? Simple, because they weren’t given a choice.

What we’re seeing more and more today is the reduction of personal choice over individual freedom. The laws that were set in place for the country and each local entity were designed to prevent or punish one from denying another those freedoms.

Maybe one possible reason is the division over feelings and facts. Maybe it’s those that truly believe that the collectivist cultures are the right way. They believe that because they emotionally relate to those cultures, that America needs to be a collectivist culture as well. There are great things about collectivist cultures. They are very family oriented. They are often very moral and ethical people. They give great weight to honor. All of these things are good. And to those I would say, Asia, Europe, South America would gladly have you as new citizens. America simply wasn’t designed to be a collectivist culture. Primarily because a collectivist culture sets aside any individualism for the sake of the group.

It was designed to remove the possibility of corruption in church, government, and other groups that were terrorizing them at the time. And the way to do that was to create an individualistic culture. This culture was based on the personal freedom and the idea that no one should take that freedom. This was the reason for the first and second amendments. The first was to ensure you had that freedom and the second was in case the government got so big and used tyranny as a method of control to maximize monetary gain. Always follow the money.

At the end of the day, any decision that only affects your health, should be a decision that is only regulated by you and no one else, especially any government body. If you wear a helmet when you ride a motorcycle, good. That’s probably a good idea. If you choose not to, it only affects you. There should be no laws to govern that. If you choose to wear a seat belt as an adult, good. It may save a life. But if you choose not to, that should be your decision only. No governing body should relegate your personal health decisions. But alas, both of those scenarios have laws governing them. Why? Because we gave into the emotion of losing a loved one because they chose not to wear a seat belt or a helmet. In theory, that sounded like a good idea, but the problem is, it began the slippery slope.

Now as soon as some of you read this you thought, “But people need to wear a seat belt and if they’re too stupid to not know that, we need to regulate that with law in order to save their life.” Again, sounds good in theory, but where does it end? Some of you may have thought, “but it does affect other people, their loved ones will suffer because they’re no longer alive.” There is some truth to this but again, where does it end?

I don’t know where it ends, but we can all see where it continues. Insert vaccines here. We know that the vaccine does not prevent you from getting Covid and it also does not stop or even slow the ability to spread the virus. There is an article that explains this and refers to a specific study listed by the CDC that details this. So, here we are again, it only affects ME. I can still get covid and give covid. Having said that, there is plenty of evidence to show that it reduces hospitalization and even death by 90% or better, particularly among those that have the comorbidities associated with death from covid, like obesity and any respiratory problems. And yes, there is evidence to show that it can hurt someone. This is experimental. So, we have evidence that it hurts one and saves another’s life. THIS is why it should also be a personal decision. It is different for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all to this. But we hear daily of those wanting to mandate vaccines for access to daily activities, including employment. I personally think it’s a good idea to get the vaccine if you have a comorbidity. But I also want it to be MY decision.

Are we seeing a pattern here? You see a group of people that aren’t being allowed to make their own decision on which tea to buy. And as a result of 10 years of enactments that limited personal decision more with each stroke of the pen, they finally had enough and threw what would be today’s equivalent of $1M worth of tea in the harbor.

I just have a feeling that at some point, someone is going to throw a bunch of masks and vaccines in a harbor somewhere that will get the world’s attention. If the legislators don’t arrive at the personal decision conclusion, the people will. History proves that. Everyone thought it was impossible at that time. Then George Washington said, “Hold my beer.” Checkmate Government.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Welcome: An Open Letter to Those Leaving CA & NY

Dear Californians and New Yorkers,

We would like to welcome you to Tennessee, Texas, and Florida. We truly believe in southern hospitality. We’ve operated that way our whole lives. Don’t be surprised when total strangers start waiving at you. Oh, and if someone says, “Bless your heart”, it’s not a good thing, though it sounds like it. And always try the biscuits.

We don’t hold resentment toward you for wanting to better your lives by moving here. We’d all do the same. We want to benefit from your contribution to society. We understand that in 2019 alone, 653,000 people left California. We know that number will probably be even higher in 2021. We understand that Tennessee is #1, Texas #2, and Florida is #3 on Uhaul’s list of one-way trucks entering states.

The purpose of this letter is to remind you why. See, we believe that the liberal and conservative can work together and get along. We believe in “you do you.” We believe in the good of humanity which causes us not to rely on the government. Remember 9/12/2001? There were no republicans in TN, TX, or FL that day. There were no democrats. There were no black and white people. There were no straight or gay people that day. There were only Americans helping Americans get through this trying time. In 2010, TN endured a devastating flood that shocked the nation. That event brought out the best in everyone. People were once again helping out complete strangers with total disregard to identity or background. Church attendance again reached an all-time high. In March 2020, middle TN was hit by strong tornadoes. Immediately, Tennesseans rushed out to help people they had never met. Events like these show us that people, at their core, are good people. We believe the same about you until you give good reason to believe otherwise.

Californians are fleeing by the droves and are all stating the same few reasons, personal taxes, business taxes, government policies, some of which led to shutdowns, and the lack of affordability to the middle-class family. Ask yourself how it got there. Think long and hard about how a vibrant, rich state, got to a place where it was too expensive for a middle-class family to live there. Ask yourself why that hasn’t changed.

What you’ll find are a few consistent principles. Big government leads to either mass exodus or opposition to tyranny. I learned that in history. But you, from California and NY don’t have to look back very far in history to see what relying on the government does. Raising taxes only hurts everyone EXCEPT the government. Making it impossible for a business to profit causes them to go where they can profit. Capitalism works when used correctly. Government doesn’t generate revenue; it only spends it. Of the top 10 states that people are leaving, NY #1, CA #2 and through MA #10, ALL of them are governed by big government policies: big government spending and control. Ask yourself, why would people leave that and come to our states. The answer is for the same reason you did. Big government PROVED to not work.

In our states, we believe that we know what to do with our money better than any government entity. We don’t force conservative or liberal opinions on you, and we don’t want other opinions forced on us. What you believe about a certain subject is perfectly fine. But we’d rather not see legislation stating we must believe the way you believe, nor do we want to see legislation stating you must believe the way we believe. Again, you do you.

So now you’re here, in TN, TX, and FL. And in these states, we believe that the people should retain more of their own money. We believe that people know how to spend it more appropriately than government. TN still has no state income tax… and we’re thriving. How could that be? Because people know what to do with their money to stimulate the economy. We believe in the humanity and goodness of people to give to charity, which we all do. We believe that personal choice is a constitutionally protected right and individual responsibility is vital to a thriving economy. We believe that if you want to wear a mask, that’s up to you. If you want to get a vaccine, that’s up to you. Don’t believe in God or church? Don’t go. Up to you. Don’t like guns? Don’t buy one. You will not be shamed for doing so or not doing so. You will, however, receive resistance if you are pushing us towards or away from any of those. You do you.

But remember that FL has remained open this entire time and has had by far the best overall response to covid in the country, with South Dakota close behind. Florida’s covid numbers are excellent. How did that happen? Protect those that are vulnerable to it, let everyone else go to work. Governor DeSantis refused to make an illness political. He just used common sense.

So, here’s where we have one request, we simply ask one thing, please don’t begin looking to make TN, TX, or FL just like home. We ask that you understand HOW we got to be YOUR destination, then begin to find a way to adapt so that you too can thrive. If we start implementing policies in these 3 states that line up with states you’re leaving, making the government too big, there will be mass exodus or opposition to tyranny here as well. Let’s avoid that if possible. Again, welcome. We’re glad you’re our neighbors. To us it means there are more good people to come together in times of need. In the words of my good friend, Jeff Pence of FL, “Hello Neighbor!” Now, somebody pass the biscuits!

Stay Classy GP,

Grainger 

Posted on

Enough is Enough is Enough

After looking at the events at the capitol, you have to ask why. Why are there people this upset? Why did they resort to a peaceful protest on the capitol? Yes, there were a small faction, less than 100, that went to violence. But most were there in disgust of how the election went down. There were obvious activities taking place that caused everyone to question the validity of the election.

For starters, never, in the history of our country has an election just “paused” and then resumed hours later like GA… only to yield thousands of votes that just “appeared” for only one candidate. That’s statistically impossible. This is obvious. Then there’s the truck driver in PA that was carrying blank ballots that were later “counted”.

There are more but let’s stick to the point. The point is that in our nation’s history, when a group of people felt oppressed, they spoke out. If they felt they weren’t heard, they speak louder. Then they turn to protests. Let’s not forget what happened in MN over the summer that sparked many violent acts and some peaceful protests along the way. I have a friend that supports BLM that said he went to Nashville for a peaceful protest and everyone he saw there left at the same time. Only later did the violence occur. Meaning, that an entire group wasn’t responsible for the nonsense of a small faction of that group. So, we can’t hold the entire #MAGA group responsible for what these few idiots did either. And certainly not Trump. He actually spoke against violence of any kind. And his speech never even got in the zip code of meeting the Brandenburg vs Ohio test.

It was once black people. It was once women. It was once LGBT. They spoke out against the oppression and didn’t feel as thought they were heard. So they protested. They stayed angry at the situation. In most cases, it stayed peaceful.

Four people die. Zero businesses destroyed. This is considered a riot

Now insert conservatives/republicans. They’ve been called every name in the book. Been made to feel inferior. Called racist with no evidence or base to the claim. Been told that being white is automatically a sin. Was told that being a male makes you toxic by nature. Written off as conspiracy theorists only to find total validity in such theories, such as Biden’s connection to China or the made-up allegations against Trump (ALL of which were proven false). As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of how many small, locally owned businesses were completely destroyed and it was consistently called “protests” by the media, but around 100 white punks (who deserve to be in prison) storm the capitol and it’s called “riots”. This is obvious. The media isn’t even trying to hide their disgust for all things conservative. Same goes for Hollywood and secondary education. Conservatives are the extreme minority that is tired of not being listened to and sick of being treated so poorly.

At some point, those people stand up and say, and I quote Joe Biden, “enough is enough is enough.” Yes, Mr. Biden, enough is enough. Enough kicking republican voter location workers out without explanation while the democrat workers stay and count alone. Enough mail-in voting that has proven to be an easy device for fraud (absentee is different, they’re requested first and validated by voter ID). Enough writing someone off solely based on their party affiliation.

Twenty-five people die. 1500 businesses destroyed. This is considered a peaceful protest

Have both sides done this? Of course they have. This is why blind tribalism is a total cancer that is eating our country. Democrats have objected to the last three GOP presidents. Democrats said to go ahead and appoint a SCOTUS before election in 2016 and don’t wait. Democrats supported the protests and refuse to condemn the violent looting and destroying of local businesses, citing that sometimes this is the only way to get the attention of the difference makers.

Now all of the sudden the GOP does these exact same things and it’s all of the sudden atrocious. Well the “deplorables” have had enough. They have watched as the so-called leaders of our country trample on the 1st, 5th and 14th amendments and absolutely spit on the separation of powers while basically saying, “What are you going to do about it?”

Did Trump cause this? Partially, yes. Obama? partially yes. These two presidents had an opportunity to unify the country and only did more to divide it. Part of their job is the set the tone for the nation. Trump never accepted that role. He just made brilliant business moves and got the country back on a very good fiscal track while tweeting the dumbest and most antagonizing things ever. No tone set. Obama set the tone that cops are racist and white people should pay. As a result, we see what we see. If you truly believe that one of these presidents did NOT divide our country, you, my friend, are guilty of Tribalism at the worst degree. Anyone paying attention would agree that BOTH of these presidents divided our country, unless you’re blinded by tribalism.

What is the solution? END TRIBALISM. Also, A third and fourth party being treated as equals. It can never happen as long as super-pacs are allowed. But its’ vital. We have to have leaders that speak up against the nonsense of their own parties, to call out the hypocrisy within the party. We have to have leaders that seek to truly bring unity. To support both the LEO’s and black citizens. Not vilify either.

When the sudden exodus to Parler came, you have to ask yourself why a large group of people would do that. Why would they leave the most popular format on the planet for something else? Are THAT many people just “stupid”? Of course not. Then why? Because they are being mistreated. Again, does this go both ways? Of course. Liberals are often mistreated by conservatives as well. Usually for no reason. Making comments like “dumb libtards don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground” by the right or “hope Parler lets you find FreeDumb!” by the left does nothing but further divide. It gets us nowhere.

If you want to be part of the solution, shake off your blind tribalistic allegiance to party and only support other Americans. We all want to get to the same destination. We just have different ideas of how to get there. If conservatives aren’t treated better, if the constitution isn’t treated better, if the 1st, 2nd, 5th, and 14th amendments continue to be under attack, and separation of powers is routinely ignored, a live-action reenactment of the Boston Tea Party will take place. This can be avoided, but unity and understanding must take place. And that can only happen if you seek to understand a person with an opinion other than your own. This goes for Conservatives AND Liberals!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger