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A Product of the Patriarchy

Recently a teacher at a Seattle, Washington high school asked a room of tenth graders to identify themselves racially and sexually, which is abhorrent by itself. But then the teacher scolded a student for unfairly referring to himself as straight. The teacher noted that if he is straight, then that implies to be gay is to be crooked. The teacher told this same student that he was a “product of the patriarchy”, as if to imply transgression on the student’s part.

There is a strong push to bark at people that appear to be a “product of the patriarchy.” This is driving me insane because of the science and history that flow directly in the face of this phrase and notion. The mere hypocrisy of blistering someone verbally for something they can’t control by someone who believes they are being oppressed over something they can’t control is astounding.

Where to begin… well, let’s start with the fact that the patriarchy itself is not a bad thing. Patriarchy is how we got here. It’s how we got the greatest nation on earth. It’s how we got the least bad system of governance on earth. So it can’t be all that bad. There are certain systems of matriarchies that no one seems to be quick to refute as competent. But only for the purpose of identity over quality, which is, itself, a most irrational way of thinking and providing goods and services. Somehow the good or service is more credible because of what someone looks like, regardless of if it works or not. This removes merit.

What we know about hierarchies in general is that it is the least bad system created and that it will always displace the people at the lowest echelon of the hierarchy. This is a good thing and a bad thing in the same sentence. The only real question is how to take care of those that are displaced by the hierarchy. Some believe government programs are the answer. I know that if I ran my business like the government runs theirs, I’d be out of business. Others believe the fellow man, the citizen should pick up the slack. What’s ironic about this issue is that the same people that believe the government should regulate this are the same people that want socialism, where every member must carry their load or it doesn’t work, which points back to it being their fellow man that helps the lowest member of the hierarchy out of those depths of despair. This alone should tell you which is most likely the right solution.

Then you have to dive into the idea of matriarchy and patriarchy. Neither of which are inherently bad. Areas governed by women work when they are suited for the biological tendencies of women. This primarily happens in countries where the men are either insufficient or absent due to other needs being met for the community.

So we are back to patriarchy. The term “a product of the patriarchy” implies malevolence and toxicity in the mere existence of a patriarchy. This obviously denigrates men as a whole for being born with an xy chromosome. We have to at least recognize that the only time a patriarchy becomes a bad thing is when it denigrates into being based on power. Until it is based on power, it is based on all the things that make a society thrive, resources, distributions, protection, and growth (among other things). According to the website “Woman Against Feminism”, the matriarchy is an individual-based system while the patriarchy is a child-based system. It is centered around child survival and growth.

So now we get into the issue of men. So men are the problem? Statistics show in opposite-sex couples, when the male is either working only part time or not working at all, that couple is significantly more likely to get divorced than a couple where the male works full time. However, the opposite is not true. If the female works part time or not at all, there is no difference in the likelihood of divorce. So this statistic only applies to how much a man works. Why? Men need to be productive and feel as though they are wanted and needed. And production is one of the core ways a man feels wanted and needed. The breakdown of that leads to both men feeling useless and falling into severe depression as well as women feeling as though they’ve been left alone in the workload for the family and subsequently want out. Oh, but there’s more.

Dr. Sarah Hill believes she is on the cusp of something that will most likely lead to a research study. We have known for some time that the overall level of testosterone in men decreases when they get married. We also know that this overall level of testosterone decreases again when the couple has children. Now take the current research on a woman’s brain when she’s on the birth control pill. We have learned that the pill replaces progesterone with a synthetic form, progestin, which is the name given because it is not biologically identical. This progestin also replaces the area of estrogen increase during a normal cycle for a woman.

Dr. Sarah E. Hill

What does this mean? The progesterone phase of the cycle is when the body tells the brain that it could possibly be pregnant. So women gain weight, they want less risks, they avoid contaminants, and so on. Another side effect is that they desire fewer masculine qualities in their mate. They have found that if a woman on the pill believes she is with a desirable, attractive man, when she comes off of the pill, she is more attracted to him. Likewise, if she believes she is with a less desirable and attractive man, she is less attracted to him when coming off of the pill. The effects of being off of the pill magnify in either direction, depending on which way they were bent to begin with.

Now take what we know about couples’ likelihood of divorce if the man is working part time or not at all, combine this with what we know about women desiring less masculine men as a result of the birth control pill since the 1960’s, and put that with the current social climate of women working more than they ever have and men contributing much more to the day to day domestic tasks, and even some being stay at home dads (which we no know makes them more likely for divorce). What Dr. Hill believes is that this new social climate of men doing more domestic tasks and less working at their job is significantly leading to the emasculation of men and one of the reasons there are T centers on every corner of a city.

Men being men is what got us to our desired destination as a country. Men protect. Men serve sacrificially. Men are genetically physically bigger and stronger than equal women. The family is by far the strongest and best unit the world has ever seen. This all comes crashing down if we don’t stop crushing men and their natural instincts and tendencies because you feel as though they are a “product of the patriarchy.” Men are not the problem. Patriarchy is not the problem. Catering to one’s feelings in the face of biological and scientific facts is the problem. Being afraid to tell the truth is the problem. Being immersed in an echo chamber of social media rants where you only ever see what you agree with… is the problem. Don’t blame this on men no more than we can blame this on women. This transcends gender. And the more time we spend on what is not the solution, the longer our society decays before it either crumbles or we find the actual solution, which many were trying to warn us of, was right in front of us, and it wasn’t gender, age, nor race.

The United States of America and everything that is right about it is a product of the patriarchy. But you won’t hear that in a classroom in Seattle, Washington.  

Stay Classy, GP!

Grainger 

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Is Love All We Need? Not Even Close

Why is Christmas many people’s favorite time of year? Even non-religious people, it’s their favorite time of year. What makes this time of year different for those that aren’t actually celebrating Jesus’ birth? I have a theory.

We have all heard the songs, “love is all you need” or “you are all I need” and we have all chosen to believe this. Celine Dion, Rodney Crowell, and The Beatles sang about this. The problem is, it’s not even close to the truth. If you said, “God is all I need” you’d still be wrong. Here’s why:

We were designed to be social. We were created to have social interactions. Without these social interactions, we begin to lose our minds. Let me explain from a psychological viewpoint.

The Stanford Prison Experiment: In 1971, a psychology professor at Stanford University led a research team conducting an experiment on human behavior given pack mentality versus isolation. Everyone involved was a willing participant in the research and was told they could leave at any time. They split the group into guards and prisoners. They told the guards to keep the prisoners in line. Eventually, the guards took their jobs as power-wielding tyrants seriously and began using psychological tactics to keep the prisoners from escaping. The experiment was supposed to last 2 weeks. It only lasted 6 days because both the guards and the prisoners had all but forgotten they were willing participants and felt forced into their current positions, which caused extreme psychological stress to the prisoners, and later the guards as well. The isolation caused their minds to lose their grasp on reality. The reality was that they were just college students pretending to be something else for an experiment but instead they had grown to believe they were actually prisoners.

Kalief Browder: Now if that was the effect after 6 days, imagine being isolated from reality for 2 years. This was the case with Kalief Browder. Browder was a common kid, getting into small theft trouble in the streets of New York. One day he was arrested and charged with a crime he did not commit. Without any evidence, he was charged and sentenced, based on his prior history. He was sent to the Rikers Island jail system. There, he was being bullied. So he fought to defend himself. In doing so, they put him in solitary confinement. He spent 800 days in solitary confinement. Studies show that if one is in solitary confinement for more than 30 days, they will suffer severe psychological damage.

After his release, the case gained national attention. Browder appeared on The View with his lawyer. Rapper Jay-Z reached out to him. He was gaining national support. Nothing but love. But love was not enough. Upon his fifth suicide attempt, Browder was finally successful in 2013. The isolation had destroyed him permanently. Love was not enough.

Oxytocin: There are four “feel-good” chemicals that flow through your brain. Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin. Of the four, oxytocin is the only one that does not have a negative side. Endorphins mask pain, but the pain comes back. You can easily become addicted to dopamine. Serotonin can be tricked into being released. But oxytocin requires generosity and/or physical touch.

So the way oxytocin is released is when there is physical touch and when there is a random act of kindness or an act of true generosity without expectation of reciprocity. So when you pat someone on the back or shake their hand or hug them, oxytocin is released. When you do something kind for someone, you get a release of oxytocin, they get a release as well, as well as anyone who witnessed it. Oxytocin fights addiction and boosts your immune system. We are DESIGNED to be generous, social beings. Love is not enough. I know, “But you said God is not enough?” Hear me out.

Adam and Eve: God created everything in the world, every living thing. Then He created Adam. At this moment, there is no sin. There is no competition for God’s attention. There is only Adam and God. Adam literally had everything he needed in that moment. And somehow, in the midst of such perfection, God still said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Why?! He had God. He had love. If that is all we need, then there was no need for anything else in that moment. That’s just it, we needed more, because of how God made us. It’s the relational aspect of how we are created that causes us to want to be close to God, which was the original design. I don’t want to force my kids to hug me. I want them to want to hug me. That aspect of us requires more than love and more than God. It requires each other.

What we find is that when we are separated from each other, the enemy begins to tell lies that we begin to believe which destroy us. When we are isolated from God’s other creations, we lose the ability for rational thought. But when we do something for someone else, we better our own physical body and brain. We unlock what God created for us by being socially interactive.

So, is love all we need? No. Is God all we need? Apparently not. We need God and God in each other. This is the only way we thrive the way God intended. I know it doesn’t sing well, but it’s just the truth. So this Christmas, embrace the time of giving generously and joyously but with a new outlook on it. It is what we all NEED. And maybe we can start acting like it’s Christmas year round.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Tattooed on Your Heart

I’ll never forget the time I was on the road with Blessid Union of souls and we had played the University of Miami. Afterwards, we were invited to a very nice restaurant. So nice, I felt very out of place. I was uncomfortable from the moment I walked in. And it must have been on my face because the guys in the band just sat me between them and started throwing appetizers at me, “Try this… and this!” Before long, I was no longer uncomfortable and was able to just enjoy the time. They went out of their way to make sure I felt like I was one of them.

In my time in the music industry, this was the case with most. Most people in that industry are kind, thoughtful people. When their brothers and sisters are hurting, they run to each other’s need and comfort them in whatever way they can. Such was my experience.

This is NOT the case with the church, unfortunately. The church is the only army that kicks its wounded while they’re down. It’s one of the few groups out there that gloat in how great they are… “in the name of Jesus.” Church people have a tendency to struggle less with major things (or at least hide them better), and therefore view that as a license to attack anyone who does struggle; “I don’t struggle with adultery or porn addiction, so I’m going to drive that home, showing everyone how righteous I am! I will conveniently leave out the sins I struggle with… let’s not talk about those.”

Kat Von D

Such is the case with Kat Von D. The celebrity tattoo artist was immersed in witchcraft and occult culture. She stated that there was a heaviness, a darkness, and a negativity that she no longer wanted to be a part of. She returned to her early roots of Christianity. She chose to publicly get baptized, expressing the belief that baptism is an outward expression of an internal change.

Of course, this brought out the morally superior. She stated that her atheist friends and fans came out with a huge show of support and love about her personal decision. It was not they who attacked her. It was Christians. They claimed she was faking the whole thing as a PR stunt. They accused her of not being a real Christian with all of the tattoos and the clothes she wears… the CLOTHES she wears! Christians came out and attacked her for now being married to an apparent non-Christian. They attacked her for her choice in music. They even came after her because her hands didn’t go completely under water. WHAT?!?

Basically, every narrow-minded, nonsensical statement you could think of shot out of their vitriol-filled mouths. She finally said, “do you only hang out with people that think and look like you? If so, that is a very sad and narrow-minded way to live. I didn’t get baptized to be saved. I was already saved. It’s not about me.” Good for her. Because it’s true. At the end of her response to this vile retort from these “peculiar people”, she said, “I love you anyway. That’s being Christ-like.”

Kat Von D getting baptized and attending church

The audacity of some people to believe that because they don’t live a dark life, they have the right to look down on those that have, is amazing to me. These are the same people that would have bet on never seeing that thief on the cross in heaven. The thief said (paraphrased), “I believe you are who you say you are, please remember me when you get where you’re going.” To which Jesus responded, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” His hands never went fully under water. In fact, water never touched them. He never signed a membership document. He never learned the sinner’s prayer. It’s like a minister once said, “on what authority did he get into heaven? The man on the middle cross, that’s all the authority he needed!”

For those that believe tattoos are ungodly, you missed the point and, once again, took a scripture out of context. Not that I’m surprised. In Leviticus 19:28, when it says to not put tattoo marks on your body, the passage is specifically referring to false idols. The verse before said not to cut your hair. We going with that too, or just sticking with what you believe to be someone ELSE’S sin? These were things the people of that time and area were doing to worship false idols and gods. God said to stop those things and worship Him. Those were the things they were doing that were in the way of worshipping Him.

It’s not about the visible, it never was. In Numbers 21, the people of Israel had grown weary and frustrated with their circumstances. They spoke out against God. The response was a swarm of snakes. When they were bitten, they would die. The people asked Moses to speak with God on their behalf, asking for forgiveness. God’s response? Build a bronze statue of a snake on a pole (which, coincidentally, is currently used as a symbol for medicine). God told them to build a statue! It’s not about the statue. It’s about the heart. God didn’t remove the snakes. He gave them a way to deal with the problem. When we find ourselves in a predicament that we got ourselves into, God doesn’t just get us out, but rather He gives a way to survive and work through it. He doesn’t just rearrange who you are, He gives you the grace to work through who you are and who He is in you. It’s like the old saying, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

God didn’t save you out of your mess so that you could belittle those that don’t look like you. He saved you from your mess so that you could love those who don’t look like you. This is how they will know… by the LOVE that you show. Currently the church is more known for what it is against than who it is for. It is time we, as ambassadors for Christ, start giving the world a reason to find what we found and stop being the reason they never will. Thank you, Kat Von D, for showing us the error of our ways, and at the same time, not giving up on us, but showing us love when we didn’t deserve it, just like Jesus does. I hope God’s love is forever tattooed on your heart.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Only Shape That Fits

Most of us have enjoyed the beauty of a painting. Artists spend their time crafting what they believe to be a good painting. When they are done, they sign the painting somewhere on the canvas. The creator makes a mark on the painting that only he can make signifying it is his. Our Creator did the same thing. I’ll explain.

I was in the doctor’s office waiting room with my daughter watching a few kids play. One kid concerned me a little. She kept trying to put the square piece in the round hole. Over and over she tried. She finally threw the square piece. Then she picked up the triangle piece and put it in the round hole. Again, didn’t fit. She threw that one too. It seemed no matter which block she picked up, if it wasn’t the round one, it wasn’t going to fit.

Then it hit me. This is exactly what we do in life. We go through life trying to find something that will fill the hole in our inner most beings, but it never seems to fit perfectly. We look up and wonder why we are still miserable.

I recently watched the Johnny Football documentary. He had achieved everything he had ever dreamed of and more. He was a D1 star. He made more money than he knew what to do with. He beat Alabama. Ha. He won the Heisman as a freshman. He was drafted in the first round of the NFL. Then, sitting on his couch in Cleveland, he was miserable. All of that still didn’t equate to fulfillment. He tried taking his own life. The only reason he’s alive is because the gun malfunctioned.

Then there’s the time Deion Sanders attempted to take his own life after winning the super bowl 3 times. Or how about the time Dennis Rodman contemplated taking his own life. He had won championships. But he was miserable.

Robin Williams was a living legend. Kate Spade had more money than I’ll ever see. Anthony Bourdain had his own show traveling the world doing what he loved. It wasn’t enough. There’s a reason.

There’s a hole or void in our souls in a certain shape. It’s the shape of God. We have all tried to put things there that don’t fit. Money, substances, fame, cars, friends, careers, our spouses, our kids. They don’t fit. But we try to make them fit. Then we look around and wonder why we are miserable. We are miserable because we are trying to make a square block fit in to a round hole.

When it comes to the creation, the Creator was clever. He made you almost whole. But he left one piece out. And made sure that it was only in the shape of Him. After all, He did say He made us in His image.

So if you are in a place where you can’t figure out why you are miserable, apathetic, sad, frustrated, lonely, full of anxiety… it may be that you still need to fill that void with the right shape. If you will just give up trying the other things, that don’t seem to be working, and fill your void with the shape of God, you will find that there’s peace and relaxation in this. Try it. What do you have to lose?    

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Still the Greatest Show on Earth

Why is America the greatest country on earth?

In the opening scene of the pilot episode of The Newsroom, a student asks Jeff Daniel’s character that question, His answer, in short, was, “It’s not, but it could be.” In part, I agree. In part, I don’t. Let me explain.

He was referring to certain statistics in his response. Primarily education statistics. He is correct about where the US ranks in education against other developed countries. It’s not good. However, I have stated for some time now that I firmly believe social intelligence far outweighs academic intelligence in the US. When you apply both, you see a few things.

Our country was founded on the idea that there had yet to be a form of government that wasn’t completely tyrannical. The founders saw that it had become so easy to do when the primary governmental leaders, mainly the monarchy, was in close collaboration with the church. There simply was no such thing as a country that did not also have an established religion. To break up that tyranny, they set out to establish a country with no set religion. They also put in place a series of rules for the government that forces the government to be severely restricted. That document is called the US Constitution. It was designed to restrict the government. They also gave a powerful voice to the people so that the rule was not coming from tyrannical leaders sitting in high places, but rather from the people on the ground.

When looking at our nation’s past, you also see slavery. This deplorable, peculiar institution was definitely a stain on an otherwise brilliant endeavor. Many can quote stats on slavery and how bad it was. Here are some things that few quote. The first slave owner in America was a black man. The last slave owner in America was a native American man. The last slave was released on June 14th, 1866, not June 19th, 1865. June 19th represents the last day a white man had a slave but not the last slave that was released. Slavery in other countries lasted at least hundreds of years. In England, it had already been in place for at least 400 years before arriving to what is now called America. American slavery lasted 89 years. So while it is a nasty past, we came a long way and did it quicker than other nations. We have a history of awful wrongdoings, but also fixing those issues and moving forward.  

America is still the primary destination for those seeking a better life than where they are. There is a massive problem on the Mexican border because WE ARE THAT GOOD. We still live by and uphold that every person has the right to PURSUE happiness. They don’t have the right to happiness. They have the right to the pursuit of happiness. We live by the idea that each person can subscribe to the religion of their choice, or no religion at all.

Free speech means no one can demand that certain words come out of your mouth. This applies to both self-incrimination and your pronouns. If I choose to call you by preferred pronouns, I’m being cordial. But that free speech thing protects me from having to call you anything.

That second amendment is just in case they (tyrannical government) try to take the first one away. Learning from history is important. Past history and recent history. Past history will show you that Hitler disarmed Germany “for the good of the people.” We see how that worked out. In recent history, Australia disarmed their people. Then when covid came around, they forced everyone to stay in their houses. The people had no recourse for such tyranny. They were stuck.

This country still gives you the right to live where you want to live, go where you want to go, and do what you want to do, as long as it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s individual rights and freedoms. Check out these financial stats:

  • If you have $61,000 in assets, you are among the richest 10% adults on earth.
  • If you earn $25,000 or more, you are in the top 10% of the world’s income earners.
  • If you earn $50,000 or more, you are in the top 1% of the world’s income earners.   

We have now had our first black president of the US. We have story after story of people fleeing places like Cuba, Venezuela, Columbia, Guatemala, Russia, and the list goes on… with a hope for a better life. And their hard work, gifts, and talents lead them to sufficient success. If this country is so bad, why is the rest of the world trying to get in?

The answer is simple. We are still the greatest country on earth. No, we are not perfect. No one will ever be. And no, a republic hierarchy is not a perfect system. But it is the least bad system ever created in the history of mankind. A republic that gives the little man a voice. A republic that is built to deter tyranny. We are in danger of losing this status. This is point of my book, America’s Greatest Threat: America. But as it stands, Americans live in the greatest country on earth.

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The Content of My Character

The 1960’s were a wild time. Black people in America were still being treated as subhuman. Black children were still being told the most interesting and repulsive thing about them was the color of their skin.

Picture this scenario… A teacher had separated the class by color. Black kids were on one side and white kids were on the other. One child hears her teacher say, “You can’t sit there. That’s reserved for the children that don’t look like you.” She already knows she can’t drink from the same water fountain. She can’t sit at the same lunch table. Now the teacher is making sure she knows that she’s being judged by the color of her skin over her personal qualities that make her unique. And in the great words of Jake Tyler Brigance (Matthew McConaughey), “Now imagine… she’s white.”

I’m fully convinced that if MLK Jr was alive today, he would be repulsed at the idea of segregating people (especially children) by the color of their skin. He would be disgusted at the idea of judging someone’s morality and intent by what color their skin is. My statement is based on his own words.

I truly can’t imagine any non-racist free thinker believing that a person’s skin color is more important than who they are as a person, how they treat others, and their contribution to society and the free market.

I also can’t imagine thinking that the answer to wrongs from one group over 200 years ago towards another is to enact those wrongs towards the descendants of that group. There is no good outcome of this. Not one good thing can possibly happen by enforcing policies on a group of people based on things that happened 200 years ago.

Anytime one group is oppressed, it leads to revolution. The oppressed group will only stand by for so long before they’ve had enough of wrongful oppression. We saw this with women’s suffrage. With the Supreme Court decision in 2015 to federalize gay marriage. The groups had enough and fought until they had equal rights. This applies to any “group”. If you oppress them, they will fight back.

As you can see above, the goal of CRT goes directly against the goal of Martin Luther King Jr. One was helpful. One is not.


We have to implement systems that refuse to oppress anyone and allow for equality of opportunity with the full knowledge that it will NOT lead to quality of outcome. The obvious reason for this is because some will take the opportunity and some will watch it pass by. Individual responsibility is the cornerstone of any great society.

Reading history is 100% free. And learning from it is an opportunity that some will take and some will pass by and be destined to repeat. Marxism as a core beliefs system revealed the effects of one group of people having too much power and thus globally racked up a body count of almost 100 million people. Even the most devout followers saw the error of its ways. Thomas Sowell was one of them. He now sees how that was a terrible idea. We must learn from history.

The Holocaust didn’t happen overnight. It was a series of changes that were made over time like: segregating people into groups, taking guns away from citizens “for their own safety”, propaganda given through media and controlled by the government, supporting groups who shame other groups that they disagree with. Sound familiar?

Not knowing you have an enemy gives the enemy the automatic win. Sitting silent is not an option for those that want to live and thrive in a free country. Understand that, right now, Marxism (that includes CRT and the destruction of the nuclear family) is your enemy. What will you do about it?

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Is Mrs. Doubtfire Under Fire?

Nope. The recent bill signed into law raises quite a few questions. All of the sudden, the same people that wanted to force you to put experimental drugs in your system are now saying the new TN law is a violation of free speech. I thought it was “my body, my choice”? This same group is saying this is an attack on the LGBT community. They’re saying if it isn’t bothering anyone, why do we care what they do. Some are saying it’s a violation of the constitution. So let’s break it down.

First, no one is being forced to change anything about their dress or speech. So that’s out. No one is monitoring or changing anything about sexual orientation. So that’s out. And the constitution provides a representative democracy where we vote leaders in that represent us and make laws to be voted on by the general assembly. So this new law abides perfectly within the US and TN constitution. So that’s out. What is it that is causing controversy?

Well, for one, the law makes it illegal to perform a drag show in public where children under the age of 18 can be present. It specifically lists the word “obscene.” This would imply things like stripping, sexual actions of a dancer, and lack of clothing. So the drag bus in downtown Nashville, as long as it continues to operate outside of those actions mentioned, will be able to continue its business as normal. Venues like Play will be operating as normal because you must be at least 18 to enter. So the law does not apply to them.

The purpose of the law is to prevent children from being exposed to obscene shows that are sexual in nature. The newest trend is performing strip shows in libraries for children. That can no longer be an option in Tennessee. When asked about this clarification, sponsors of the bill as well as Governor Lee said just that. This is not aimed at what is currently taking place. It is aimed at what could take place and has taken place in other states. This is entertainment that is sexual in nature. There is literally a psychological term for it, Autogynephilia, or AGP. This is the arousal of a man when he considers or sees himself as a woman. It has recently come out that Lia Thomas, the trans swimmer, has this. Which makes his actions to become a female swimmer all the more malevolent.

This new law boils down to one thing, children are under attack by those who wish to indoctrinate children with their adult political views and agendas at any cost. Protecting children should always be a priority in society. They can’t even be admitted into a rated R movie theater. If that’s the standard, then this is no different. There’s a reason that they’re not considered adults until age 18. They can’t make decisions for themselves fully. They are confused about many things. So throwing very complex, sexual behaviors at children only confuses them more. They don’t even consider things of sexual nature until they’ve reached puberty. Research shows that 90% of kids who are confused about their sexual orientation in their early teens reach an understanding of this by age 18 or 19. The research also shows that 80% of them are gay or lesbian. Which begs the question of why are people trying to push 15-year-olds into mutilating their reproductive organs? Doing so is damaging 80% of the gay population. Every 15-year-old I’ve ever known is confused about life in general and everything that comes along with it.

I agree, if it’s not bothering anyone, why do we care what they do? Good point. It’s not bothering anyone… until you parade it in front of children. And these issues, transgender surgery for early teens and drag shows in front of children, go together. It is driven by the same evil backbone.

Again, I hope that the statements are upheld that the law is not intended to apply to current activities but to what could take place. I say that because in order to make public drag shows illegal, they had to classify it in the same area as strip clubs, or cabaret. But most of us feel the same way…have your fun, just don’t put it front of children. And if you are angry about that, then you should have a much longer conversation the next time you see your therapist. 

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Journey

It’s something that I still have a hard time with. I see the goal. I see the outcome. I see that I missed the goal, not once, not twice, but three times. But I have to be reminded of the journey.

I’m watching TV one night and I see this guitar player jamming away. I wanted to write songs. I’d seen my dad write songs. I begin to write. I write one of my first songs about a celebration of one of my friends from school beating cancer. I was insanely nervous singing that song in front of my youth group. That was the first and last time I was nervous singing. Made some good friends through that. I’m walking around singing one day and a friend of mine hears me. She says, “you should think about doing that for a living.” A few years later as I’m finishing high school, I begin pursuing a career in music.

I began going to writers’ nights. Met many great writers. I had cuts, mostly by new bands or artists that never made it. Made some lifelong friends during that phase. There are a handful of people I still talk to from that phase of life. People that if I called today, they’d help me with whatever I needed. At the end of the day, I did have three cuts that made some noise, one of which was an all-star cast of artists. It went to #75 on billboard. On that song, “Dare the World”, I was a writer, producer, played acoustic, sang background, and sang one lead line (because I forgot to get that line from anyone else).

Me and Eddie Dunbar

I then moved into being an artist. It started with sitting in with a band led by Eddie Dunbar. That led to 6 different production deals. With each step, I made friends with the producers themselves, the players on the sessions, and writers that helped contribute. I spent a great deal of time in studios. I made friends with engineers at these studios. Made lifelong friends. Still talk to many these days. Some of the more notable producers were Jay DeMarcus from Rascal Flatts, Rob Galbraith (Ronnie Milsap’s producer), Shelby Kennedy of the famous Kennedy family (with credits like Garth Brooks, Reba), among others.

During this time I played the bar scene in Nashville. I spent most of my time at a bar called the Fiddle and Steel Guitar bar. Here I met many cool people, met a couple of heroes, and made lifelong friendships that stand strong today. I got to hang with Michael English, Toby Keith, Eric Church, Gary, Jay, and Joe Don from Rascal Flatts, and a host of others. I met my future wife there. I became close with the pickers that played with various artists. That period of time was a blast.

Fiddle and Steel

After 5 production deals came to an end, I took one last shot. I formed a band of a bunch of great players. Started with players that are world-renowned. Two of them chose to move in a different direction in their career. I ended up with a group of amazing musicians that seem to gel together nicely. We began playing out, writing, and pitching our sound to various labels. We then went into the studio with Rob Galbraith and Regie Hamm to record some amazing music. Warner Brothers was on board. They loved what we were doing. We were about to be signed when they had a meeting and decided that were simply were not country enough for where the industry was headed. And like that, 15 years of pursuit came to screeching halt. I looked around and realized no one was looking for the next big 36-year-old. It’s a young man’s game.

The next two years felt like one long funeral. It felt as though someone close to me had died. I was attempting to come to the realization and understanding that the idea of me touring with a record was out the door. But it still felt like someone sucker punched me in the gut. It felt like I had been chewed up and spit out of the industry. This contributed to my divorce.  

Dink Cook

That leads me to the journey. Looking back on that, it was the journey all along that was the part I remember the most. It was those I made lifelong friendships with that stood out. It was the process, not the culmination. It was the journey, not the destination. To this day, I’m still close to Eddie Dunbar.   

As this was wrapping up, I began officiating basketball. I quickly moved from refereeing middle school to high school, to college, to minor league professional. As I began, I wasn’t sure if I was any good. As I began getting hired by college conferences, I felt that I may have something. I spent thousands of dollars each summer on training to get better and better. I moved up the ranks until I was given a verbal queue that I would be on a division 1 staff. That person was fired from that D1 position before he could see that through. I continued to push forward but fairly quickly saw the writing on the wall. And the writing was familiar. It was a young man’s game. I made it up to D2 and everything below. There I settled in. I failed again. But there was still high school.

I came to my 16th season of refereeing high school ball and was selected to the state tournament championships. There were only 14 refs selected, so it was definitely an honor. Of those 14, there was only one there that had been in the TSSAA longer than me. At the end of the week, 12 were selected to work a championship game. I had a very good week. But I was aware that the leader of the state simply did not like me. All I could do is do everything he asked of me to the best of my ability. And that’s what I did. It wasn’t enough. When asked what I could do better, I did not receive an answer that I could do anything about. He just didn’t like me. Once again, 16 years and I feel like I’ve been chewed up and spit out of a profession for nothing that I could control. I spent the next two weeks trying to find the energy to get out of bed. I’ve now failed majorly three times!

Mason Smith & Justin Dorris

This leads me to the journey. The refs that I’ve met through the years are now lifelong friends. I’ve had many times where they came to my rescue, and I’ve come to theirs. At any moment, if I’m near their town and I need anything at all, they’ll be there. I have no doubt.

If the why is people, I’ve been blessed beyond measure. It doesn’t make the ending any easier. It’s still painful. It still makes you wonder. But it was never about the destination anyway. It was about the journey. Thank God for the friends. Thank God for the fun stories. Thank God for the journey. If you take anything away from this story, the destination takes care of itself. So don’t ever lose sight of the journey.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Comparison

Don’t compare, enjoy nature, don’t break trust. Sounds simple. It’s not.

Finland was ranked the happiest country in the world for the 5th year straight. One psychologist from Finland helped explain why she believed this was so. It was based on those three principles: don’t compare, enjoy nature, don’t break trust.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I believe that quote was attributed to Theodore Roosevelt and Dr Ray Cummings. Comparison does a few things. Primarily, it distracts you from who you are and who God made you to be. Believing that you must be something you’re not is the equivalent to believing that God made a mistake. He didn’t. Comparing yourself to someone else distracts you from what’s true and robs you of experiencing any joy about that truth.

The other problem with comparing is that we’re usually comparing the knowledge of our best and worst to only their best. No one puts up their worst on social media. No one shows you what they look like when they first wake up and comments about how bad their breath is. You only get a “perfect” version of the totality of who that person is. That’s a false representation of reality. If you knew as much about the person that you’re envious of as you do yourself, you wouldn’t be so envious of them.

One last reality about comparison is comparing how great you are compared to others. This is equally troubling, maybe more so. You have gained success and you make sure everyone knows it. You flaunt the bling out loud. The problem is, when you no longer have that success, or you realize it doesn’t provide eternal joy, the smile goes away. One way to achieve true happiness is to be humble in your fortune/blessing.

Enjoying nature is simple. It’s usually quiet. It’s amazing to look at something and think a creator put it all together. The same creator that made nature made you. It’s humbling. Sometimes it’s breathtaking. Enjoying nature helps you put things in perspective.

Trust is something that is given until broken. The longer it isn’t broken, the more is given. My favorite definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching and no one will find out. Be the person that is so trustworthy that everyone knows they can depend on you. Be the reason people smile. Keep your word. If you find money, do the right thing. And know that one day you will be wishing someone else does the same for you.

The more we find these things in our society, the happier we become. In America, it’s worth stating the obvious 4th thing to do to be happy, limit your social media intake. It’s designed to stoke the fire of whatever angers you. It’s designed to give you only one perspective, yours. You learn nothing that way. Get off of it and look around. People are way nicer in person than on social media.   

Stay Classy GP!

J Grainger    

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The Girl Who Cried Wolf

We have all heard the story called “The boy who cried wolf.” Unfortunately, this is happening in sports today. The latest version is the BYU story. If you haven’t heard, BYU plays Duke in women’s volleyball. A player from Duke claims to have heard a fan behind her yell a racial slur while she was serving. The country went into an uproar, again, assuming the story was accurate before the conclusion of an investigation. Today’s society judges in a trial by social media, not facts.

Immediately following the incident, the BYU athletic director let the coach and the player know that if indeed someone did this, they were very sorry, and that person would be dealt with. BYU then immediately began their investigation. They interviewed over 50 people and viewed video footage of the entire area where the vitriol came from. The even isolated audio from that area. They found no such word said and saw no one say anything remotely close to that. The conclusion of their findings was that there was no such thing uttered from the fans.

What if they’re covering for someone?

This would be worse than the guy having said it. This would mean that not only one guy had serious hatred for someone based on their color, but an entire group of people would all share the same hatred and manage to cover it up. The likelihood of this in 2022 is virtually nonexistent.

Why would she make that up?

This isn’t the first time someone in a bad position in a sports event has used this claim as an excuse for poor performance in sports. I didn’t even have to look it up to know that BYU won that match. I didn’t have to look it up to know that Duke played terrible in that game. But just to be sure, I looked it up and confirmed all of that. BYU won 3-1. The reason someone would do that is tough to understand but at the same time, reasonably simple. Someone would look for a way to excuse the poor performance of the team or a certain player. And if the other team is all or predominately white, one excuse could be to claim racism. The simple part is that everyone knows that if you cry racism, everyone WILL believe you and stop what they’re doing, point out the accused, and label them guilty, regardless of facts. It’s so serious of an allegation that you have to stop and treat it with extreme importance. And rightfully so. Everyone will believe you until it is proven otherwise. And even when proven otherwise, as is the case in two stories I’m sharing in this blog, they will still believe you, in spite of facts.

I’m a basketball referee and I have a colleague that was in a game where this happened. One team was all black and the other had roughly 5 black players (3 of which were on the court during the alleged incident) of the 9 on the team. The all-black team was getting beaten badly. One girl didn’t like a foul called against her and stormed off the court. After a couple of minutes went by, she claimed the referee used a racial slur towards her. This was investigated thoroughly. The mother claimed she heard it. There were problems discovered in the investigation. Problem #1: the mother was roughly 80 feet away in a noisy gym. It’s impossible for her to have heard that. Problem #2: none of the black girls on the other team heard any referee say anything close to that. They stated had they heard that, there would have been major problems. Problem #3: there were roughly 15 black students and parents sitting on the first row of the bleachers approximately 10 feet away and the referee was facing them when he was supposed to have said it and none of them heard anything like that. Problem #4: The school where the girl attended refused to cooperate with the state’s investigation. Problem #5: the other 2 referees were standing right there, and I know them personally and they told me privately that had he said anything close to that, they would have sent him home. But he never said anything close to being inappropriate. A black representative of the state was the person investigating the incident. After weeks of interviews, video, and audio research, his conclusion was that there was no wrongdoing by the official.

There are a few problems with this. The most obvious is that it is a lie that can cost someone their job and livelihood. This official could have lost his day job due to his company not wanting the bad press. Another problem is that each time there is an allegation of this magnitude that turns out to be false, it dilutes and takes away from the ones that are true and real. Are there allegations like this that are true? Sure. For instance, this week in Katy, TX, a group of high school students made monkey noises towards black volleyball players. This is inexcusable and needs to be dealt with. This was a real issue. But when someone is playing poorly and decides to cry racist/wolf, this only makes it harder to investigate the real ones.

Another problem is it creates a new oppressed group. Just this week, a teacher at Madison High School in San Diego wrote “fascists” on the board and then listed under that term, who the fascists are in our country. The teacher included all white people, Christians, heterosexuals, and the Republican party. Anytime a group continuously pushes down, oppresses, and suppresses another group, in the history of our country, it only gets ugly. It never goes well and eventually the oppressed group has had enough and does something drastic to end it. Look at women’s rights, gay rights, civil rights. At some point, we have to believe the best in our brother and sister, black, white, or brown. We have to let ancient history be just that. We have to expect the best of people, not the worst. Because if you continue to push a group of people down merely for existing and being born a certain color, it will only hurt everyone, and not help anyone. We learned this in the late 60’s. We need to avoid repeating that.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger