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Social Media v. Free Speech

“Conspiracy theorists are everywhere these days!” “Stop the spread, get the vaccine!” “Care about your neighbor, have a heart, think of someone other than yourself!”

These are all very familiar words of virtue signaling, shaming, condescendingly accusatory from the morally superior. It wasn’t enough that you disagree or that you choose to make a decision for yourself. You must verbally say from the mountain top that you will inject a trial phase of a chemical into your body or you are morally repugnant and will get what you deserve. The attacks came frequently and regularly.

If you were on social media and made the claim that the covid vaccine did not stop you from getting covid, you were immediately written off as a conspiracy theorist. If you made the claim that getting the vaccine did not prevent you from sharing the virus with someone else, you were also written off as a conspiracy theorist. The New York Supreme Court recently ruled that those that lost their jobs due to choosing not to get the vaccine, which was based on the companies’ claim that the vaccine could stop the spread of Covid, were able to return to work with back pay. But yet another thing happened that affected the pocketbooks of others.

If you were someone who made money from social media because of the number of followers you had, and you shared such incendiary rhetoric on your platform channel, you would soon find that, magically, no one was seeing your posts. It’s commonly called “Shadow banning.” You were finding that you were “accidentally suspended” for a day or 2. When returning, you would find that the number of followers to your page had dramatically decreased. This happened to the Babylon Bee. It happened to many conservative commentators. Some would go from somewhere around 100k followers, get temporarily suspended, and return with 12k followers. Their explanation was “oops.” Well, we now may have a decent idea where the “oops” was coming from.

If the documents are real and this story is true (Big “IF”), the federal government has had open access to being able to quickly squash what it deems “disinformation.” Why is that a big deal? Because the government isn’t allowed to do that, per the 1st amendment. However, a private company is not bound by the constitutional limits of free speech, per section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (CDA). So how did the government get away with doing this? Through social media platforms. Ok, but social media companies are private. Yup, this is where it gets dicey.

There is something called a “State action doctrine.” Basically, there are two instances where actions of private parties are deemed acting on behalf of the state, or “state action.” One is when a private entity does something that is normally reserved for government. This part of the state action subject can be seen in the U.S. Supreme court case Manhattan Community Access Corp. v. Halleck. In this case, New York had a regulation that required cable networks with more than 36 channels to have a public access channel. A disgruntled employee of the public access channel MNN was fired and chose to sue on violation of constitutional rights. The Court ruled that running a TV station was not a function exclusive to the government because both public and private companies ran TV stations.

Another side of a case like was in Marsh v. Alabama. In this case, Chickasaw, Alabama was a privately owned company town. Grace Marsh wanted to distribute religious material throughout the town. Marsh was convicted of criminal trespass for doing so. Marsh appealed that her 1st amendment protections were violated. The Court agreed with Marsh. Even though the town was privately owned, it acted in a manner that was normally a function of the government and thus created a conflict between property rights and constitutional rights. Justice Black stated that when those are in conflict, constitutional rights should take priority.

The other instance in which private parties are deemed to be acting on behalf of the state is if there is a close relationship between the actions of the private party and what the government seeks to accomplish. American University Law Review lists this out in detail HERE.

So, one could make a solid claim that section 230 of the CDA is unconstitutional solely based on Carter v. Carter Coal Company in which the Court ruled that government power cannot be delegated to a private company so that the private company can then regulate other private companies, or even its own, which seems to be exactly what happened with the passing of section 230.

However, one doesn’t have to look far to find a case much like what we’re seeing in the “social media v. free speech” debate. In fact, I had to look directly into an organization that I’ve worked with for 15 years. In Brentwood Academy v. TSSAA, the TSSAA, which is recognized as the leading and primary organization for the regulation of school sports, both public and private, penalized Brentwood Academy for putting “undue influence” on football recruits. Brentwood academy sued that these actions by the TSSAA violated their First and Fourteenth amendment rights. The TSSAA held that they were a private company. The Court agreed with Brentwood Academy that because there is such a close relationship between the private company’s function and that which the government seeks to uphold, and because the TSSAA was recognized by the state board of education as the primary organization to regulate sports, that there was no reason to “claim unfairness in applying constitutional standards” to the TSSAA. If these DHS documents are real, there has been, for some time, a VERY close relationship between the government and social media tech giants, namely Facebook and Twitter. Watching this all play out will be interesting. But anytime someone wants to silence someone else’s speech, it’s of the utmost priority to know why, and it’s never “for the good of the people.”

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Girl Who Cried Wolf

We have all heard the story called “The boy who cried wolf.” Unfortunately, this is happening in sports today. The latest version is the BYU story. If you haven’t heard, BYU plays Duke in women’s volleyball. A player from Duke claims to have heard a fan behind her yell a racial slur while she was serving. The country went into an uproar, again, assuming the story was accurate before the conclusion of an investigation. Today’s society judges in a trial by social media, not facts.

Immediately following the incident, the BYU athletic director let the coach and the player know that if indeed someone did this, they were very sorry, and that person would be dealt with. BYU then immediately began their investigation. They interviewed over 50 people and viewed video footage of the entire area where the vitriol came from. The even isolated audio from that area. They found no such word said and saw no one say anything remotely close to that. The conclusion of their findings was that there was no such thing uttered from the fans.

What if they’re covering for someone?

This would be worse than the guy having said it. This would mean that not only one guy had serious hatred for someone based on their color, but an entire group of people would all share the same hatred and manage to cover it up. The likelihood of this in 2022 is virtually nonexistent.

Why would she make that up?

This isn’t the first time someone in a bad position in a sports event has used this claim as an excuse for poor performance in sports. I didn’t even have to look it up to know that BYU won that match. I didn’t have to look it up to know that Duke played terrible in that game. But just to be sure, I looked it up and confirmed all of that. BYU won 3-1. The reason someone would do that is tough to understand but at the same time, reasonably simple. Someone would look for a way to excuse the poor performance of the team or a certain player. And if the other team is all or predominately white, one excuse could be to claim racism. The simple part is that everyone knows that if you cry racism, everyone WILL believe you and stop what they’re doing, point out the accused, and label them guilty, regardless of facts. It’s so serious of an allegation that you have to stop and treat it with extreme importance. And rightfully so. Everyone will believe you until it is proven otherwise. And even when proven otherwise, as is the case in two stories I’m sharing in this blog, they will still believe you, in spite of facts.

I’m a basketball referee and I have a colleague that was in a game where this happened. One team was all black and the other had roughly 5 black players (3 of which were on the court during the alleged incident) of the 9 on the team. The all-black team was getting beaten badly. One girl didn’t like a foul called against her and stormed off the court. After a couple of minutes went by, she claimed the referee used a racial slur towards her. This was investigated thoroughly. The mother claimed she heard it. There were problems discovered in the investigation. Problem #1: the mother was roughly 80 feet away in a noisy gym. It’s impossible for her to have heard that. Problem #2: none of the black girls on the other team heard any referee say anything close to that. They stated had they heard that, there would have been major problems. Problem #3: there were roughly 15 black students and parents sitting on the first row of the bleachers approximately 10 feet away and the referee was facing them when he was supposed to have said it and none of them heard anything like that. Problem #4: The school where the girl attended refused to cooperate with the state’s investigation. Problem #5: the other 2 referees were standing right there, and I know them personally and they told me privately that had he said anything close to that, they would have sent him home. But he never said anything close to being inappropriate. A black representative of the state was the person investigating the incident. After weeks of interviews, video, and audio research, his conclusion was that there was no wrongdoing by the official.

There are a few problems with this. The most obvious is that it is a lie that can cost someone their job and livelihood. This official could have lost his day job due to his company not wanting the bad press. Another problem is that each time there is an allegation of this magnitude that turns out to be false, it dilutes and takes away from the ones that are true and real. Are there allegations like this that are true? Sure. For instance, this week in Katy, TX, a group of high school students made monkey noises towards black volleyball players. This is inexcusable and needs to be dealt with. This was a real issue. But when someone is playing poorly and decides to cry racist/wolf, this only makes it harder to investigate the real ones.

Another problem is it creates a new oppressed group. Just this week, a teacher at Madison High School in San Diego wrote “fascists” on the board and then listed under that term, who the fascists are in our country. The teacher included all white people, Christians, heterosexuals, and the Republican party. Anytime a group continuously pushes down, oppresses, and suppresses another group, in the history of our country, it only gets ugly. It never goes well and eventually the oppressed group has had enough and does something drastic to end it. Look at women’s rights, gay rights, civil rights. At some point, we have to believe the best in our brother and sister, black, white, or brown. We have to let ancient history be just that. We have to expect the best of people, not the worst. Because if you continue to push a group of people down merely for existing and being born a certain color, it will only hurt everyone, and not help anyone. We learned this in the late 60’s. We need to avoid repeating that.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger 

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Till the Ground

Parents of small/young children, I’m begging you to read this.

The issues I’m seeing the most among parenting young children these days are:

  1. We plant seed before we till the ground
    1. Tilling includes
      1. Teaching them how to obey the first time.
      1. Teaching them that we act differently in public than we do at home
  2. Too much autonomy
  3. We make the child too important

Tilling obedience.

I see many parents of young children spend a great deal of time plotting out how they are going to do creative things to help their little one grow emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. And these are good things. But if we haven’t taught them to first obey you the first time you speak, the other things you teach them will be for nothing because a) they believe the world is all about them and b) they don’t really respect you or they’d obey the first time. Asking a kid to do something is not always a good thing. Sometimes it is, but not always. Sometimes, I dare say most of the time, it is a better idea to tell them to do something, rather than to ask. Telling them or asking them multiple times shows a few things. It shows they really don’t respect your authority. They don’t believe there is a consequence to deliberately ignoring your request or demand. It shows that they believe they are so important, they don’t have to listen to you. It also shows they don’t believe you really want them to do whatever it is you’ve told them to do.

Tilling how to act in public.

I see this all the time. Actually, every time I go out. Kids are not taught to act differently in public. Therefore, they act exactly the same way in public as they do at home. There is a clear difference on how to act to not disrupt social interactions. I understand that society has defined this. I also understand that if your child is to succeed in this world, they must learn social aptitude and develop social intelligence. Teaching them that it is rude and wrong to kick the back of a chair on the plane or at the movies is necessary. Teaching them when it’s time to sit calmly and quietly and when it’s ok to run and have fun is necessary. Teaching them that destroying their dinner table at a restaurant is rude and won’t be accepted… is necessary. Teaching them not to interrupt is necessary.

Too much autonomy.

“But why can’t I go to this party? Everyone I know will be there! I should be able to make my own decisions!” My response was, “At 14 you can’t operate a vehicle. At 15 you can but with someone else in the car. At 16 you can operate a vehicle without anyone in the car, but you can’t vote. At 18 you can vote, but you can’t buy a glass of wine. At 21 you can buy a glass of wine, but you can’t rent a car. At 25 you can rent a car. Even the government knows that with age comes the ability to handle responsibility and make better decisions.” She didn’t like that, but it’s not my job to worry about what she likes.

Children are being given way too much autonomy. They are being allowed to make way too many decisions. I understand the need to let them make some decisions so they learn how to make good decisions. That isn’t an issue. The issue is in our best effort to teach them how to make good decisions, we let them make decisions they aren’t ready to make. If their chances of making a good certain decision is 0%, they’re not ready for that decision and the parent needs to make it for them. Children shouldn’t be deciding where you’re going, when you’re going, and when you’re leaving. They shouldn’t be deciding where you (or they) go to church or dinner. With each birthday, they get to decide more, but in very small increments. But this leads to the last point…

Too important.

Children are being taught that they are way more important than they really are. They are NOT more important than their teacher, their coach, their principal, their boss. They are making those decisions we just talked about because they believe they are the most important person in any room. There are serious consequences to believing this and it going unchecked by their parents.

Repercussions:

The results of these not tilling the ground before you plant the seed is that the seed will fall on ground that won’t let the seed grow. They will not take the seed seriously. Therefore, the seed is planted in vain because the ground wasn’t tilled first.

The results of too much autonomy is they don’t really learn how to make a good decision because all they do is make bad ones. It also teaches them false social interactions. They believe their way is the right way and no one tells them otherwise and when they are confronted with this in the social world, they’re met with great opposing force and don’t know why. “Mental health issues” are to follow.

The results of them being too important is simple. It puts them in a place to believe something about themselves that simply isn’t true and prohibits them from succeeding socially.

Other results include being a total disruption to your home and any social interactions you may have as a parent with other adults. Some may read this and say, “well why are we treating social aptitude with greater emphasis than self-worth?” Good question. Self-worth will come when they realize where their REAL place is in this world. If they are not believing those in authority, making too many decisions too early, and believing they are more important than they really are, they are set up for disaster, not success. I’m firmly convinced that social intelligence is FAR more valuable than self- worth, self- esteem, and academic knowledge. When you are socially apt, the rest of those attributes fall into place. Liberty resides within a set of boundaries. Without the boundaries, there is no liberty. If you want to free your children, create boundaries.

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The Tea is Headed Back to the Harbor

With the recent seizure warrants for Republicans just after the Trump raid, one has to wonder what the end game is. At what point is the government too powerful? The true answer is that happened a long time ago. The original design of the presidency was to be a commander in chief, primarily in foreign affairs. He was to be VERY limited in power and at the service of the people through elected leaders. The elected leaders were to listen to the people and legislate accordingly. NONE of this has happened in quite some time.

I get searching one’s home if there’s reason to believe he has committed a federal offense. I have no problem with that. But there’s more than enough proof to have already searched Hillary Clinton’s home, Hunter Biden’s home, Anthony Fauci’s home, and why is no one asking for the Epstein black book that Maxwell has or knows the whereabouts? If they would have already raided their homes, this wouldn’t be a problem at all.

If someone believes for a minute that this attack on Republicans wouldn’t happen exactly the same way against Democrats, you haven’t been paying attention. Democrats and Republicans are in the same arena. The arena where the only thing they really care about is keeping office and lining their pockets. They prove this time and again. I’m not a cynic. Quite the opposite. But this is so clearly obvious, it’s impossible to ignore.

Some say we are headed towards another civil war, “but this time it will be class warfare.” It will be civil war, but it will be the people versus the government. The government has reached proportions of tyranny never before seen in our country’s history. Each presidency, there is an abuse of power. Every. Single. President has abused their power. None more than the current, or at least the puppeteers pulling the strings behind the scenes (I have a terrible memory, but if I shake your hand, I’m not going to forget I shook your hand 2 seconds later). They have all used executive power to basically write law. The most recent abuse of power is to continue the state of emergency so they can circumvent laws and rules.

I’m not that fearful though. For one, the military swear an oath to the Constitution, not the presidency. Also, this resembles the feeling people had when the British were all but forcing their brand of British East India Company tea on the colonies. So they dumped what would be $1M in today’s money worth of tea into the harbor. The people will have had enough at some point and throw something into the harbor. Tyranny never lasts in a republic. It’s definitely here, but it won’t last. Besides, I don’t follow a donkey or an elephant. I follow a Lamb.   

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Don’t Blame America

Serena announced that she is retiring. Part of her official announcement was making sure to take a shot at American society by stating that she is stepping away to spend more time with family and that she wouldn’t have to if she was a man. She’s partially correct.

Women are genetically built to nurture children. Men are genetically built to guide, protect, and provide for them. This is something that has been proven through scientific research. There are times when it is more beneficial to the family for the mom to work and the dad to stay home. Scientifically speaking, it’s not ideal, but it’s not detrimental.

If Serena was a man, she would be genetically built to provide, protect, and guide. But she’s not a man. She’s a woman with built in instincts to nurture and comfort. If she wasn’t feeling that strong genetic pull, she wouldn’t be retiring. I’m sure her husband is more than capable of taking care of children. But it’s too much of a pull for her to resist…. Because she’s a woman.

This speaks to the many people that are attempting to redefine biology to suit their mental needs. Human biology is a set of nonmalleable characteristics. We can’t just change them to suit our needs. If I have 5 toes on one foot, I can’t just pretend I have 8 to suit my mental need for more toes. But that’s not the part that really got my attention.

What really got my attention was that Serena Williams has the ability to continue playing the sport and for one reason or another she is deciding to stop playing and blaming this on American society. The same society that afforded her to have a net worth of $260M. She literally said, “It’s not fair.” Which part isn’t fair? The part where you’re famous and financially secure for the rest of your life? Help me understand.

Healthy societal structures are based on genetic predispositions and the family unit. She has benefitted from this yet attempts to blame her retirement on this. Forgive me if I find it impossible to feel sad for her knowing she released her retirement while sitting in her $6.6M mansion.

Blame science. Blame God (in error). But don’t blame America. America is the REASON you get to make the statement that you are retiring with millions of dollars in the bank. 

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger   

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The Debate over Abortion and School Shootings Have a Common Theme

You can’t scroll two posts without seeing someone sharing their opinion on abortion. The division. The vitriol. Everyone has an opinion and they’re willing to lose friendships over it. It’s worth noting two distinct things: 1- I won’t be covering the opinions of abortion in this and 2- the recent ruling merely returned the jurisdiction to the states, where it belonged in the first place. Nothing has been banned. The fury is over the fear that it may be banned in their state.

Just before that, it was the shooting in Uvalde, TX. A young man decided to commit multiple evil acts. Shortly after this event, the conversation about fatherless homes began to gain momentum, and rightfully so. The young man who committed those acts did not have a father in the home. I’m not shocked.

What is the connection between the two events? Lack of fathers. I firmly believe that’s the reason for the most recent outcry. If men were upholding their end of the bargain after sex, we wouldn’t have nearly the fury surrounding this issue. Mothers wouldn’t feel so helpless and alone. There would be more money available because the man is helping provide.

It started a long time ago but went something like this: President Johnson decides to lay out his plans for the “Great Society.” In it, he lays out a plan to help single mothers. He offers financial assistance to any woman that had a child in the home and no father/male in the home. While it probably had good intentions originally, it incentivized mothers to remove the men from their home so they could continue receiving money for their child. They were getting a certain amount of money per child. So not only were mothers incentivized to raise their children without fathers, they were also incentivized to have many more children to maximize their income. This is what led to the jump in fatherless homes. In the 1940’s and 1950’s, approximately 8% of white children and approximately 25% of black children were born to fatherless homes. Both of these numbers tripled by 2015. 25% of white children and 75% of black children were being born to fatherless homes. This plan obviously did not work and those negative effects were irrespective of race.

Now we’re left with the statistical nightmare of fatherless homes. Here are some of those stats:

*90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (32 times the average).

*85% of all children who show behavior disorders are from fatherless homes (20 times the average).

*71% of all high school dropout come from fatherless homes (9 times the average).

*85% of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes (20 times the average).

*Daughters of single parents without a father involved are 711% more likely to have children as teenagers AND 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

*90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live only with their mother.

President Obama stated in a speech that children from fatherless homes are 5 times more likely to grow up in poverty and commit a crime, 9 times more likely to drop out of school and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. Tupac Shakur recognized that he joined gangs because he searched for the things that fathers provide. He stated, “I know for a fact that had I had a father, I’d have some discipline and more confidence.”   

Studies have shown that children living with both biological parents are 20% to 35% more physically healthy than children from broken homes. Following divorce, children are 50% more likely to develop health problems. A child raised in a married family can reduce the child’s probability of living in poverty by 82%. Studies have also shown that growing up in a two-parent household is influential on reducing out of wedlock births. Studies show that kids who grow up in two parent homes have higher high school and college graduation rates as well as a higher likelihood of sustaining long term employment.

You want to fix the abortion issue for good? You want to do away with almost all school shootings? Fix those stats. Men were originally told to get out but then settled in this new life of laziness. I’m looking for an all-out revival of men stepping up and being the man God designed them to be. It takes a few things to accomplish this.

First, it takes the man willing to admit he could be better tomorrow than he is today. That’s a huge step for most men. We think we have all this figured out. Then we’re forced to admit that maybe we don’t. Once we can admit that, then we can work on it. The next thing that has to happen is men have to find someone they trust to point them in the right direction. Then they have to apply what they’re learning.

Next, their wife/girlfriend has to allow them to be who God designed them to be. She is capable of stopping that by not allowing him to lead his family. If she takes care of everything and he has no real responsibilities, he will never operate in the gifts God has given him. The wife/gf has to allow him the room to lead and make mistakes. Ouch. That’s where it gets ugly. Make mistakes? I once had someone ask me, “Well, what if you just know he’s going to make a mistake? You just let him?” My response was, “Unless you are 100% certain that you know exactly what he’s going to do and exactly what the repercussions are, then you don’t know if it’s a mistake yet or not. And even if you do, if he loves his family, then he won’t make that mistake again.”

“Men Step Up to Help Foster Families in Need Amid Pandemic“

Men have to stand up and be men. Love your spouse in front of your kids. Get them up and help get them ready for church, be the initiator. Pray over your children. Don’t know how? Ask someone to help. Serve your family by listening and caring. Caring about them more than yourself.

I’m fully convinced that the solution to the mass school shootings AND the heated abortion debate resides in the outbreak of men taking their roles and responsibilities seriously and choosing to do the right thing, even when it’s not easy. If the decision to overturn Roe v Wade did anything, it called men to step up. And if men will step up, society needs to let them.

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)!

Grainger

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What We Say

NyQuil… It’s the Nighttime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffy Head, Fever, so you can rest, medicine. These are symptoms we are all familiar with. Each year, there are periods when this “goes around.” Reminds me of the time I heard someone ask my dad if he heard the flu was going around. He said, “yeah, right around me!” In this moment, he refused to give in to the societal norm of just getting sick when everyone else got sick. He also didn’t give in to the norm of just agreeing that you will get sick, whether you know you will or not. Why is this vital?

I firmly believe that our words create action. I’ve said this before, but God said, “Let there be light”, and then there was light. His words created action. Then He went and made a bunch of people in His own image. This means OUR words create action. Consider the story of Nick Sitzman.

Nick was a hard worker, married man, had kids, a good job, and overall, a good life. The only problem was that Nick was known by all to be a bit of a worrier. He worried about most everything. So on the day he was working on a railroad car and accidentally got locked inside a car, it was no different.

The story was published in Reader’s Digest many years ago. As it goes, Nick was stuck in a freezer car. He realizes, at some point, that his coworkers had all left the worksite. Nick begins to panic because he’s in a freezer car with no way to get out unless someone gets him out. He finds a knife and begins to carve out sentences in the wood floor.

“If I can’t get out, I’ll freeze to death in here” … “It’s so cold, my body is getting numb” … “If I could just go to sleep” … “These may be my last words.”

Nick was doing what we all do in times of despair, makes observations. Only this time, he wrote them down for his wife to find. The next day, he was found dead inside that car. The cause of death was listed as freezing to death. His body showed all signs of someone’s body shutting down due to freezing.

This doesn’t sound like a remarkable story, does it? That’s because there’s one more important part of the story. The freezer car was inoperable and had been turned off (some reports say it was unplugged altogether). As a result, the temperature in the car was 55 degrees. This wouldn’t kill anyone. But wait, he died of freezing to death in a 55 degree railroad car? How?

To this day, no one can scientifically explain it. It makes zero sense to the science community. But to many psychologists, it’s quite simple. Nick Sitzman spoke into existence the desperation of freezing to death to the point that his body followed what his brain told it to. He literally spoke his death into existence.

Understand, I’m not referring to “mind over matter.” What I am referring to is that if you speak of something enough, you will begin to believe it, no matter what it is. And as you believe it, your body serves your brain. Part of the reason for this is for every thing you say once, you’ve heard it twice. You hear it in your mind before you say it, then you say it and hear yourself saying it out loud. Everything you say once, you hear twice.

An example of this is many reports that came out of the Vietnam War. Stories had been fabricated by people too ashamed to admit they didn’t take part in any actual conflict. So someone in the soup line would make up a story about how they climbed over their partner’s dead body to get a gun and kill the opposition and how horrific it was. Here’s the problem, they told these stories so much, they began to believe them and the next thing we know, the hospitals were flooded with people who are telling horrific stories from Vietnam and their minds and bodies are reacting to these stories, displaying genuine signs of PTSD. The issue here is that it was proven that these things didn’t happen. But their body and their mind were reacting as if it did happen. They said it once, they heard it twice and their body followed their brain.

With so much going around about whether we should wear a mask, masks are useless, should get a vaccine, vaccines do nothing, we find ourselves in a position to make choices about our health daily, which is new to most of us. We normally think seriously about our health about once a year. But now it’s daily. Are we saying that we are healthy and that if we get sick, are we saying we will get well? If you don’t know the future, and you have no certainty that you will or will not get well, then exactly what would it hurt to say you will get well?

I know what it would hurt, our ego. It would hurt our hope. We are afraid to say something hopeful because we have been let down so many times believing something hopeful about a situation, only to see it go the other way.

So what do we have to lose, besides a shot to our ego? Nothing. Begin to speak positively of things to come. If it doesn’t work out, there was a reason and God uses every success and every failure to move us in a forward direction. The Bible says, “The steps of the righteous are ordered.” It doesn’t say that the steps of the perfect are ordered. We’d all be doomed. But the righteous, or those in right standing, have ordered steps. Watch what you say. Your words have ENORMOUS power. If you say something horrific enough that you begin to believe it, this means you can also say something good enough that you will believe that too. So the next time someone says there’s a sickness going around, look at them and say, “right around me!”

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)!

Grainger

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More Madness

“Three seconds!” “Call it both ways!” “That’s a terrible call!”

These are sounds we hear night in and night out. People that didn’t pay money to watch a game and cheer their team on. They paid to yell at us. It appears to be the only thing that brings them pleasure. If their team does well, we hear, “We are gonna beat them even if the refs are terrible!” There’s no way to be good enough.

Sometimes, some of these comments are warranted here and there. Never to the amount they are spoken. And definitely NEVER to the level of angst and vitriol that is spewed. No one is that bad. No one. Not to that level of fury. It’s a game. We’re not hiding in a bunker hoping a Russian missile doesn’t strike us. We are watching a GAME.

This time of year, the entire country is putting refs under a microscope. Everything they are doing is on a national scale. You must be robotically perfect to keep yourself off of ESPN highlights. Seven or eight camera angles. Every single step they make to the right, to the left, is judged. Every call and no-call is scrutinized.

But who is it doing the judging? The people who are NOT wearing the striped shirts. The people scrutinizing every play are the ones that are sitting comfortably in their living room, at the sports bar, even in a comfortable TV studio set. The people yelling, making racial and homophobic slurs at refs are chilling behind a keyboard somewhere (Btw- yes, racial and homophobic slurs all the time).

Who are these guys you’re yelling at? Allow me to give some examples of people I personally know, without giving out any names. A minister with a wife and kids. Spends his life helping others for little to no money. A sheriff’s department officer with a family that already doesn’t see him a lot. A shift worker at an industrial warehouse who leaves and goes straight to the gym after work and gets home after his wife has gone to sleep. A current active member of the national guard. A doctor. A lawyer. A janitor. A schoolteacher. A funeral home director. Hopefully you’re beginning to get the idea. These are normal (except me, I’m not normal) people, living regular lives who have families. These people sacrifice their time with their families in order to do what they love and give back to a sport they love. Their entire job is to make sure both teams have an equal opportunity to compete. They pay money to go to camp in order to get training and conduct job interviews for college conferences. They organize flight schedules, rental cars, and open dates to ref. Even me, who is a mere minion in this game, very low man in the rankings of officials, I came home after midnight 4 times in one week. I refereed in 4 states in 4 days this season. My wife almost forgot what I looked like. And I’m a nobody. Think of the real refs.

So where am I going with all of this? You think I’m going to tell you to stop yelling at the refs? Nope. Being upset about a call is part of sports. Wanting your team to win and disliking a ref’s decision at the end of a game is part of sports. Yes, we should curb our anger and reduce our veracity after we have expressed our disapproval. Your yelling won’t change the call. So be upset and move on.

I pull up twitter and the entire feed was about how bad the refs handled the UNC vs. Baylor game. I didn’t open twitter until after the game. And I was shocked, but I shouldn’t have been. I watched that game and thought the crew did an AMAZING job on that game. The Flagrant 2 call was exactly right. It’s what has been preached to us all year. They want unnecessary contact like that out of the game. Ejections get their attention. The game had been chippy. They had a double foul and a dead ball contact technical foul as well. They tried to walk a tightrope of both staying out of the game, but penalizing directives from the NCAA and making sure both teams are playing by the same set of rules. But the comments on twitter were 100% negative about not only that game but also other games. All negative. One said, “We won’t have any refs left for the final four if they go home after doing bad because they’re all bad!” Chilling on the couch with those negative thumbs going 90mph pretending to know something about officiating basketball. Hiding behind their keyboard warrior persona saying things they’d NEVER say TO some of these guys. Some of them are jacked. Wouldn’t mess with them. But they’ll get real brave behind their iPhone.

The thing is you seem to know so much. You seem to be so good at knowing what the refs should call and not call. You seem to be the authority on how to referee high school and college basketball. So here’s my challenge, prove it. Join us. You heard me. Sign up and join us to referee. If we are so bad at it, please, come show us how it is done. Show us the way, Jedi Ref. If you can spew vile things about a ref that is that bad, in your eyes, then get on the court and show him how it’s done, please. We need help. We can’t do it without you! If you refuse to, then stay off twitter and shut up. Say your peace at games and move on. Cheer your team on. They need you. The refs don’t. Unless you can show us how to ref, then by all means, sign up and let’s do this. So you can know why we laugh when people say, “over the back!”

Stay Classy GP!  

Grainger

Posted on

He Won’t: (So Love Out Loud)

“You have to get over here now! He can’t breathe! We need to get him to the hospital!” Words you NEVER want to hear about a parent ever, but especially in their 60’s. Covid had grabbed both of my parents and it turned into pneumonia. The bad part is that my dad had spent a night in the hospital and was sent home with oxygen. So, here’s what happened:

I’m coming home from Memphis and on my way, my brother Adam calls and says he’s taking Dad to the hospital. So I tell him I’ll meet him there so his wife can stay with mom. Adam and I, with the help of an old friend named Wendy Sewell, help get him in and settled. They eventually get him admitted and won’t let us in because of covid. The next morning, I’m thinking about what to do. I’m scared. Then I think about the verse that says to come to God with a child-like faith. So I think of my children.

So I text 2 of my daughters with this: “I need you to make me a promise. Promise me that you will pray out loud where you can hear yourself say the words. I need you to pray for your healing (one of my daughters had covid) and for those you love.” One of my daughters forgot. Haha. My 19-year-old didn’t forget. When I asked and she replied yes, I told her that her Papu was going home from the hospital.

That was the first time he went into the hospital. The second time it was a little different. My brother and I try to get him to the car, and he didn’t have the strength to go 10 feet. We have to call an ambulance. Once he’s in, the word gets out and the prayers begin. We get word that a large group gathering will take place at someone’s home. There is a group of people that convene outside the hospital and go on Facebook live and pray for my Dad and one of his elders that was in the same hospital. There were hundreds of people everywhere praying for this man. That was Monday and Tuesday.

On Wednesday he had continued to decline. By the end of that day, I felt very hopeless and full of despair. I kept it to myself, other than my conversations with my wife. I had become one of the “strong ones” for my family. So I had to keep being strong around them and for them. But once alone, the despair and emotional wreckage unfolded. I had to pull over while driving one night because I just couldn’t see through tears. By Wednesday night, I had begun to think of how life was going to take place with our Dad gone. I thought of all the things that were going to be very different.

The next morning something hit me. I wondered why I had felt so hopeless when I knew that there were hundreds of people praying for Dad. ALMOST AUDIBLY, God made two statements to me. 1- “You asked your daughters to do something that you haven’t done yourself” (pray out loud, not just in my heart, spirit, or some other froo-froo word). 2- “You feel hopeless because you are leaning on the prayers of others.” WOW!

He was right. I felt like they had it covered, but it didn’t fix my despair. So I said “Ok!” I began to talk to God out loud. I asked for 20 more years but would be ok with 15. But I needed at least 15. I felt like God started bringing up me being in some sort of ministry again. I thought that was a strange time to bring that up. So I said, “Then I need 15 more years. He’s been my guide most of my life. I have a very good pastor, but I need Dad too.” No, I was not negotiating with God. God doesn’t do that. But I was pleading with him.

This took place between 9:30am and 10am. Talking to God out loud so that I could hear myself say the words. For some reason, this was very important to God. Sometime between 10:30am and 11:45am, the nurse at Dad’s side called my sister-in-law, who had been our medical liaison through this journey. The nurse said that his oxygen levels had increased without manually increasing the intensity for the first time since he arrived at the hospital. Then about 30 minutes later, the levels went up again. Then by the next morning, they went up again! W-W-W-WOW! It worked. He spoke. I listened. He listened. He chose to act in accordance with my, and many others’, requests. I was a bit dumbfounded. Not that prayer worked, I’ve always known prayer worked. But that this interaction seemed so specific and purposeful.

Do I think it was my prayer that did it? Nope. That would be very arrogant and very NOT God-like. Do I think God was trying to get my attention? Yep. No Doubt. Dad is still in the hospital and if God decides to fully heal him, it will be because of the hundreds of prayers, the doctors, all the nurses, Erin Grainger, Wendy Sewell, the drug Baricitinib, Dad’s willingness to fight, and an enormous love between two love birds that married when they were 18 years old. In fact, of all of my brothers, their wives, and my wife, I contributed the least. But make no mistake, God knew His timing would get my attention. And it did.

One thing that has stood out so far is the stoic steadfast approach that Dad has had through all of this. It is as if he never once questioned the fact that he was coming home to us, and that God would heal him. He was never shaken too strongly. He knew something the rest of us weren’t sure we were convinced of. He knew that when everything around him was shaken, he was glad he put his faith in Jesus. He had seen him be faithful through generations. He’d seen joy in chaos. He’d had peace, at times, that made no sense. He knew that his lack of strength only meant more strength for God. He knew that God had never let him down. So why would God fail him now?

He Won’t.

“Rain came and wind blew

But my house was built on you

And I’m safe with you

I’m going to make it through.”

For me, the lesson learned is that you can’t rely only on the prayers of others. You must join them and also pray. Pray out loud. Love out loud. Live out loud. And if God has never failed you before, why would he start now?

He Won’t.

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)… and listen to this song!

Grainger

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One Contribution to Mental Health

The bottles flew, the state became embarrassed, and the country got angry. If you didn’t see it, The University of Tennessee (UT) was playing Ole Miss in Knoxville and the crowd didn’t like a crucial call the refs made late in the game. As a result, they began to throw bottles, beer cans, golf balls, mustard, and all sorts of debris onto the field. The items struck people on the field area. UT had to evacuate the cheerleaders, the band, and the dance team for their safety. It was quickly recognized that most of these items were flying in from the student section. So they evacuated the student section.

Having said that, the first response for everyone that wasn’t a UT fan was to point the finger at how classless the university is. The truth is, UT was playing Ole Miss in basketball in Oxford, MS and Ole Miss fans (students) threw similar items onto the court. I’m an LSU fan and there are plenty of stories of those fans (students) throwing eggs at the opposing team bus as it was either arriving or leaving. So the university isn’t to blame. The SEC isn’t to blame. The stadium isn’t to blame. And I submit to you that the kids are only partially to blame.

What does that have to do with mental health issues? First, let me say that for this issue, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all fix. This subject is just ONE piece of the overall issue of mental health. I say the kids are only partially to blame because they claim to have mental health struggles, and many do. Mental health struggles are real. They are not to be taken lightly. In 1990, a survey was taken of high school students asking what their biggest struggles in school were. The top answer was drugs and alcohol. Down around 10th was depression and anxiety. The same survey was conducted in 2018. The results were the opposite. Depression and anxiety were #1 and drugs and alcohol were #10. What changed? Parenting.

When I was growing up, I wasn’t that important. My parents made sure I knew I wasn’t that important. I was cared for, loved, taught, celebrated at times, but was never more important than the teacher, coach, police, or trusted adult. When I had problems at school, the approach was, “What can we do at home to make this better?” OR “Don’t worry, he’s in so much trouble, you won’t have this problem again!” Much of today’s approach is, “What can you do to make my kid pass?” OR “This is your fault. My kid is a great kid!”

Parents, for too long, have protected their kid from any and every dart flying their way. There is no physical nor emotional immunity built up as a result. They got a trophy for spending the entire soccer season picking flowers out of the ground when they were supposed to be contributing. These kids grew up feeling VERY important. The importance grew to entitlement. The entitlement grew to a lack of respect for any form of leadership or authority. I mean, who needs leadership or authority when you are already perfect?

Right about here is where the mental health struggles kick in. They’ve gone through life being told they’re great for doing absolutely nothing. When they are really bad at something, they’re told they’re great. When they screw up in school or sports, it’s the coach’s or teacher’s fault. Not theirs. Then they enter life, look around, and quickly realize that the world doesn’t think they’re nearly as important as mom and dad thought they were. This is where they begin internalizing this. They are thinking about what they are doing wrong… “How can I fix what I am doing wrong?” Or “What is it about me that is now so bad that I can’t seem to please them or anybody else?” Well… the answer is- you didn’t change; you are just finding out that the world isn’t about you. Something you were never taught before but should have learned a long time ago.

All of my kids can answer this as quickly as I ask it. “What is the key to life summed up in one word?” OTHERS! I teach them that their life isn’t about them. I teach them they come after my God and my wife. I teach them that the world isn’t going to hand them anything. I didn’t have this happen, but I know someone well that it did happen to. His son got a trophy at the end of the season and they were both aware that they were the last place team. He took the trophy and told him he didn’t deserve it. That kid will grow up with a psychological condition known as work ethic.

Here’s the problem, once a kid realizes that throughout his/her entire life, he was being fed a half truth and that the world isn’t that impressed with him and that he actually has to work for things because they won’t just hand it to you, this is where the mental health struggles begin. They were able to please their parents pretty easily. But now, it’s not that easy. This leads them to a place of severe depression. They can’t help but internalize all of this.

What’s the solution? Begin teaching your kids that they are only as important as their work ethic. Teach them that respect for authority is mandatory to thrive in society. Teach them that others are more important than they are. This causes them to be outward focused, which is exactly what Jesus taught. Make them accountable for their actions. Set an expectation and demand they meet the expectation. If they don’t, set the consequence and MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THROUGH. If you don’t follow through, they don’t believe anything you say, which leads to more mental health struggles. I’m not suggesting this is the whole reason for mental health struggles. I am suggesting this plays a huge role. The AAP and AACAP just declared a national emergency for children’s mental health. One major cause was covid lockdowns. Children struggling with everyday issues is also a major cause. That struggle comes from unmet expectations. Let’s work on teaching our children what to expect and let them know you’re here for them, but you can’t “adult” for them. Give them the tools to succeed on their own. Their mental health will thank you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger