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A Walk Down Thankless Lane

Let’s take a walk down thankless lane…

I can remember growing up, I played a lot of sports. No matter which sports I played, there were a few constants. I wanted to win. My coach liked to yell. If I was disrespectful to anyone, I was quickly dealt with. Win or lose, I got my juice box and relaxed on the ride home. But I never remember the refs. In fact, we were always told not to say a word to the refs… that this was coach’s job, not ours. So we never got involved in the ref bashing. As I got older, that changed. My smart mouth got me in so much trouble, that I literally once called out a defense “Twelve!”, which was our 2-1-2 and was given a T. The ref said “I heard what you said!” I said “yes, my teammates heard it too… I called the defense.” He looked at the coach and said “if you don’t take him out, I’m going to throw him out!” The fact was… I had a reputation… and not a good one. I remember a lot of fun things, bad things, tough things from those days in sports. But one thing I can never remember doing back then was… well… I don’t ever remember thanking the refs. Ever. For anything.

I can remember when I was little, my dad was my coach. So he had to be at every game. He would’ve been regardless. He went to work. Took that money and put me and my brothers in sports. I can remember him coming to my brother’s defense because I couldn’t. I can remember him working late hours just so we didn’t have to ask if we were going to eat that night. I can remember him driving all the time so my mom didn’t have to bother with that…. She was too busy reaching in to the back seat smacking us around. Ha. I remember every time someone died, the family called him and he left. Every time someone was very ill, he was called, and he left. I remember the absolute tongue-lashing he gave an elementary school principal for man-handling me in the parking lot. I remember the times he would go to practice when he wasn’t the coach. I remember the time he built me and my brother bunk beds… of which my younger brother pushed me off and gave me my first broken bone. One thing during all of that I don’t remember… well… I don’t remember thanking him. For any of it. Ever.

Then there’s the time a police officer pulled a speeding teenager over who had to give a presentation for school and didn’t know how to tie a necktie so he was on his way to his friend’s house to get help. The police officer had him get out of the car and he tied the young man’s tie. Or the time the officer saw a homeless man with no shoes on and went and bought the guy new shoes and socks and put them on him. How about an officer in Pennsylvania is eating at a restaurant the day after the Dallas shootings where a man killed 5 police officers and injured 11 more just because they were the police. A couple is about to be seated next to the officer’s table. They abruptly say “no, I don’t want to sit there.” They made eye contact and it was clear why they didn’t want to sit near the officer. This officer paid for their meal in an effort to bridge the gap. These officers have a couple of things in common besides being police officers. 1-They did what they did because they care about people and had no idea their act of kindness would go public. They just did it because it was the right thing to do. 2- And the other thing they have in common is that most likely, when they went to their next call, they were not thanked… by anyone.

So here’s a big thank you. To the ref that gets underpaid and overworked. Who gets yelled at every single night on the job. Who gets ridiculed and has his character questioned every 5 minutes while attempting to do his job to the best of his ability. Who gets called everything BUT a referee by the multitudes shouting down towards him as he runs by. Who is given no credit for the countless hours he or she spends reading the rule-book and watching plays to get better. Who leaves his family night after night. To the guy who cares about his sport but cares about the kids and the relationships MORE. THANK YOU for the sacrifices you make.

Here’s a huge thank you to the dads that sacrifice tirelessly without ever receiving or even expecting a thank you. To the guy that speaks life into his daughter. To the guy that won’t let his son settle for mediocrity. To the guy that always eats last and listens first. To the guy that works but lets the kids enjoy the fruits first. To the guy who stays up late to make sure all the Christmas gifts look just right (if a kid reads this, this is before Santa comes). To the guy that teaches his boy to be a man by treating his wife with the utmost respect and serving first rather than receiving first. To the guy that works hours on his daughter’s car just in time for her to jump in it and go be with her friends. THANK YOU.

To the officer that risked his life so that we can be safe. To the guy that realizes he may be saying “have a good day” to his wife for the very last time… every time he goes to work. To the guy that does it right only to be overshadowed by the bad apples. To the officer that is ridiculed and scoffed at and chooses not to take that home. He leaves it at work. To the guy that gets called every vile name in the book and still does CPR on that person to make sure they live. To the guy that defends your right to call him a Pig. To the countless, life-changing sacrifices you make on a daily basis… THANK YOU. 

Do yourself and your community a favor and start finding the thankless and thanking them. It will go a very long way. Stop talking about how the world needs to change and BE the change you want to see. Start with Gratitude. If you’ll start each day with gratitude, the rest of the day stays in proper focus and perspective. Prove me wrong. I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Music Can’t Affect Me

Music can’t affect me

There I am, when they play Elvis clips on TV, one after another. I’m glued to the screen. I can’t move. Captivated by this guy. The most interesting part is…I’m 2 years old! So how does this music have this much of an impact on me?

I’m not sure we truly understand the affect and impact that music has on us, whether consciously or subconsciously. To most, it’s just a fun way to kill time or take our mind off of things. At least that’s what we think. It’s actually much more than that.

To cover this correctly, we must dive in to its origin. Music was in heaven before earth was created. Ezekiel 28 speaks of instruments and Isaiah 14 speaks of Lucifer’s belief that he was the most high. He quickly found out otherwise. So yes, it is widely believed Lucifer was in charge of music in heaven. He then decided he was greater and more beautiful than God Himself. He was removed and took a third of the angels with him, convincingly. This means he was very persuasive. That’s like saying “hey, Ruth’s Chris is overrated. Let’s go to Jim’s taco shack!”…and off they went. Satan has skills in sales.

So understanding that music was spiritual long before earth was created is important. It is first and foremost a supernatural existence. Now that we understand that, we can dive in to how it affects us.

I’ll never forget the morning. I was just out of high school. I was already performing shows. After one particular show, the next morning my dad says (loudly) “I don’t know what your problem is, but that was terrible. Fix it and fix it FAST!” Somehow I knew almost immediately what he was referring to. The reason I knew was because I received a lot of compliments and knew my voice was on that night. So it wasn’t the performance itself. He may not have even known it, but he was referring to the spirit behind the performance. The week leading up to that show, I was living like total hell. Doing anything and everything I’ve ever been taught NOT to do. So while my vocal performance was on point, the spirit behind it was that of lawlessness, recklessness, and rebelliousness. The opposite is just as true. I once sang the saddest, most miserable Merle Haggard song in a bar and after the set, someone came up to me and told me they literally felt Jesus in the room. My life leading up to that was in line with Godly living.

How you live your life and how you conduct yourself and where your heart truly is, determines the spirit behind your art and your life in general. There’s no way around it. This explains why sometimes you’re being led in worship and feel like you just want it to stop because it seems anything but God-like. Sometimes it’s because the leader isn’t worshiping. He’s either hiding what he’s truly thinking or putting on a show so everyone will notice how great he/she is. If it’s not worship, the congregation will know it. Side note for worship leaders: If you’re singing 247 notes over 1 word, note to self… almost all of the people you’re leading can’t do that. So it becomes a concert. Stop putting on concerts and start worshiping. I was a worship leader at our church at a young age. I’m more than capable of delivering “vocal gymnastics”, as some of my friends would call it. But when I led worship, I didn’t. I kept it in range so everyone could join in. No one really cares how good you are when they’re trying to worship their God. This isn’t about you. It’s about HIM. So please, just stop! (Steps off soapbox)

Another important thing to discuss concerning music is that because it’s supernatural first, then its words and music impact your mind. It falls in to the “Garbage in-garbage out” category. Not trying to pick on a genre, but the majority of rap has no inspirational value. It’s mostly boastful, degrading and proud of being the least moral people you know. But our society embraces it. Mainly because of the hypnotic beats and patterns that move us. You must understand that while you may not be paying attention to the lyrics, they’re entering your mind regardless. I’ll give you an example.

Someone I know very well, when he was a teenager, he began listening to “gangsta rap.” This kid was a kind, fun, humorous, laid back dude. Over time, he became quieter, angrier, and more miserable. His father entered his room and asked for all of his music (before the days of digital music). As his dad went through the music, everything that his dad didn’t approve of hit the trash can. Almost overnight, the attitude changed.

Whether we like it or not, we are directly affected by the music that is around us. What goes in our ears, whether we even realize it or not, affects how we act, react and treat others.

I’m not suggesting that we all listen to only Christian music. Not at all. I’m saying, be mindful. Be aware of the words that are being sung/spoken. Here’s what I’m saying, if I say “to the windows, to the wall” and you know exactly what I’m referring to and not only have no problem with the song but also love it, then you definitely need to reevaluate where God is in your life. That song is not ok. It’s not cute. It’s not necessary. It affects you, whether you like it or not. Didn’t mean to step on toes, but it is what it is… and it’s real!

The main thing songs like that do is desensitize you. One of the primary tools to hearing what God is telling you is being sensitive to what He’s saying. If you break down that sensitivity, you have a harder time hearing Him. Remember, if Satan was in charge of music, don’t you think he knows that it’s a tool he can use against you? And if he knows that, why don’t we acknowledge that? Never forget that the #1 tool of the enemy in warfare is to make you believe there isn’t a battle at all. Then you are overtaken by it and never saw it coming. Do not be deceived. There is a war for you. And music can play a role. Whether it’s a role FOR YOU or AGAINST YOU…is UP TO YOU.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Jim, James, and Jussie

If there’s ever been a time for a need to believe in something bigger than yourself, it’s NOW! We all know someone who has lost the battle against suicide. There’s so much there. Cancer continues to wreak havoc on society as well. It doesn’t care who you are, how much money you have, it simply takes no prisoners. It goes after you blindly. And hate. There’s simply no room for it in society. But it continues.

We’ve all lost someone to suicide. We remember the initial feelings of shock and doubt. I’ve written an entire blog dedicated to this subject alone, so I won’t rehash it all. But the key to this problem is isolation. If the enemy can get us isolated, he can convince us of the lies that we’re not needed anymore. But the newest crisis is just that, a crisis. Ministers committing suicide. The latest victim was this week, Pastor Jim Howard of Real Life Church took his own life. While I have no idea what his life was like, the first thing I thought was all the “church faces” we put on when we walk in. I thought about all the facades that we continue to project so that we’re not embarrassed by our reality. Former pastor Steve Austin once wrote, “I’m a pastor, but my faith didn’t stop me from attempting suicide… In the past 4 years, the power of vulnerability, courage and grace have made my life better. Transformation has come from connecting with other people THROUGH our brokenness, not in SPITE of it.” It’s this lack of vulnerability and willingness to just be who we are and not be above help, that’s killing ministers and Christians everywhere. In case you haven’t figured it out, there’s only been one perfect dude… and you’re not Him. So embrace your humanity and be vulnerable. We were created to be co-dependent. That was God’s design.

We’ve all lost someone to cancer. We know who they were before they found out. We know who they were after. We know what it was like watching them suffer. We know how strong they were through the entire process. Most of us also remember the feeling of how unfair this was to take someone like them. Inevitably, it’s accomplished one of two responses to faith. Either a stronger belief in the Creator, knowing that He is still in control and will make someone better because of this…OR someone who questions or even loses faith in anything that would “let this happen”. This week the music industry lost a legend. One of the greatest voices off all time, James Ingram, to cancer. I’ve lost quite a few friends to this. But one friend was quoted as saying, “why not me? If it causes people to come together in love and be closer to God, then why not me!?” That may be the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard someone say. Basically, he’ll die so we can be closer to God. Well, it worked. A large church filled up quickly to celebrate his life and before you knew it, men and women of all ages, races and cultural backgrounds were worshiping One God, with One Voice. It was amazing. For me, it changed the way I viewed friendships. He and I had grown close. Just being friends with him taught me how to be a better friend. So while I’ll never understand why God decided to welcome this incredible human being to heaven instead of someone like me, what I will understand is the unmatched power that God displays in times like these. But I’ll still simply never understand pure hate.

Here we are in 2019, and we are still raising kids to hate. To believe it’s ok to attack someone because you don’t agree with their lifestyle, political or religious choices. It’s simply not ok. This goes partially to a blog I wrote about tribalism. Our “team” is under attack or they’re on the other “team” so I need to attack. Neither is right. But there’s really more to this.

As a nation we are headed for another civil war if we don’t understand that rights without virtues are incapable of preventing violence.

There was a report that Jussie Smollett was allegedly brutally attacked for no other reason than his skin color and his choice in lifestyle. Again, I don’t know him, but no one deserves that. While we now know that this was a completely fabricated story, it’s still happening in our country. You may say, “but we all have rights and they infringed on his rights…they should pay!” And you would be correct. But someone’s rights doesn’t stop them from an attack. The attackers’ lack of virtue makes it possible. We can put as many laws in place that we want, and some are useful. But until we begin to change hearts, we will stay on this decline. That means when someone worships a different God than you, when someone chooses a different sexual lifestyle than you do, when someone gets piercings and tattoos where you never would, that you LOVE them right where they are.  You simply refuse to hate. You refuse to neglect. You refuse to make them feel bad for choices they made simply because you wouldn’t have made the same choices. That doesn’t make your choices right or better. It just makes them different. And even if someone is making bad choices, no one ever changed their mind as a result of fear, anger and judgment. Every person I know that changed their minds on bad choices, changed because someone loved them anyway. Every. Single. Time.

The running theme in all 3 stories is that God’s love and our love for each other and the outright dependency on others are literally the only things that sustain you beyond these difficulties. It’s the only thing that guides you through the loss of someone to cancer; through the whirlwind of emotions after someone takes their own life; and through the anger and hurt of someone striking with hate. It all comes back to Him. The revolutionary idea that God can fix it… it’s real. Just remember that God used people all through the Bible and continues to today. So let them see a horizontal version of God first. Then they’ll chase the Vertical God. May peace that surpasses all ability to understand it descend on the families of Jim, James, and Jussie.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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9/12/01… The Day Tribalism Didn’t Exist

9/12/01… The day Tribalism didn’t exist

I grew up an LSU fan and a N.O. Saints fan. They were my teams. Even when the Saints were bad, they were my team. I pulled for them when they were bad, terrible, when players got in trouble. It didn’t matter. I pulled for them every Sunday. When they were wearing bags on their heads, I was pulling for them. Unfortunately, we’ve decided as a nation to join a fan club of one of two teams, Donkey or Elephant, and love them no matter what…except they don’t really care about you, just your vote. And it’s not a football game, it’s life.

Let’s play our own game. I’ll give you four quotes. Then I’ll give you four political leaders. You match them up without using any help, such as google. Then see if you’re correct. The answers will be at the bottom of this article so don’t cheat. Give it your best shot. Think about what you think each leader has said and guess accordingly.

A. “Freedom is secured every day by our men and women in uniform. We must build a future worthy of their sacrifice.”

B. “No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach.”

C. “Facts are stupid things.”

D. “I’ve now been in 57 states, one left to go.”

  1. President Obama
  2. President Reagan
  3. Nancy Pelosi
  4. President Trump

Read on to see how you did.

Over time, our society has grown in to this dark, blinded place where we accept anything and everything that is delivered by our “team”, no matter if it’s factual or not. We just accept it. We gravitate towards the emotion of anger and betrayal long before the emotion of love and understanding. We, somehow, completely forget that we’re Americans first. We forget about that inherent good nature of our fellow Americans. This is partly due to the media only showing us the extreme situations… because it’s news. Good people acting normal and having civil discussions are simply not news stories. So we’re never going to see that in the news.

The recent story of the catholic school boys and the Native American is a perfect example. The first story that hits is that the boys are taunting and antagonizing the Indian gentleman, Nathan Stanard-also known as Phillips (I choose to call him by the name he used to enlist in to the military). Everyone on the elephant team says, “he did nothing wrong!” Everyone on the donkey team says “punch the smirk off his face!” One story, from one camera and one very unreliable news source comes out. No one knows the facts yet, but their team is under attack. Then the facts come out. Turns out, Mr. Stanard was first attempting to get between the Black Hebrew Israelites and the boys. He then began walking towards the kids and began beating the drum in the face of one of the boys. When that particular boy wouldn’t move out of the way of Mr. Stanard, the incident took form. We now know that there were no ill words spoken by any of the boys. None spoken by Mr. Stanard either. Only the foul language and hate-filled words by the BHI, who appeared nowhere in the first version of the story. We also now know that Mr. Stanard was NOT a Vietnam War veteran as was originally claimed. So now with all the facts, we should be able to properly assess what went right and what went wrong. But there’s two huge problems.

The first problem is that we ran to judgment in the first place without researching facts. That’s the biggest problem we face as a nation. Delivering opinions soaked in vitriol without even knowing what the facts are. Someone attacked our team so we must defend. Our team leader said our bunker and even our name was under attack. So let’s attack back before they get too loud. We’ve subscribed to the notion that our team is right, regardless of the facts. That’s a GINORMOUS problem!

The second problem could be viewed as worse. After the facts come out, we either ignore them or we’re so angry from what we first believed that we continue to spew hate towards “the other team” anyway. Facts are just that. Facts. They don’t have emotions tied to them. Ben Shapiro says “facts don’t care about your feelings.” And he’s right. We cannot simply ignore the facts in order to justify our feelings about something. This is a problem on BOTH sides. Neither is better than the other.

As a self-proclaimed Republicratitarian (yes that’s a combination of 3 political parties), I’m urging you towards a revolution. One that requires you to be honest with the facts. If you are typically conservative, then don’t give Trump a pass when he says stupid things just because he represents your team. Don’t give conservative leaders and commentaries a free pass when they are wrong. If they are wrong, then they should be called wrong. If you are typically liberal, then call the liberal leaders out when they are wrong. Don’t give Maxine Waters a free pass when she’s clearly inciting violence. My request is that we stop blindly following a “team” and start looking at our fellow Americans as Americans and not just on a “team”. Start calling foolish rhetoric foolish, regardless of which team it came from.

One thing I’ve learned about all of this over time is that, if we really step back and look, we all want the same thing. We simply have different fundamental ideas of how to get there. Some think the government is the answer, some don’t. Some think all religions should be allowed. Some think none should be allowed. Some believe more laws are the answer to certain problems, some don’t. But what we all want is usually fundamentally the same. A thriving, peaceful country where people take care of each other and flourish in a healthy economy. No one would argue that. But we seem to argue how to get there as if someone slapped our child in the face. It’s just policies. Some work. Some don’t. It’s ok to disagree. Recently a coach told me what he saw in a play and I told him I disagreed. He said, “Then you and I can agree to disagree.” I responded, “That’s why I have so much respect for you. Because of that statement.” It’s possible to get back to that, but it’s going to take work… starting with the man in the mirror. What would that look like…?

Remember the day after 9/11? Remember how there were no Republicans, Democrats, LGBTQ, Pretty people, ugly people, rich people, poor people…NONE of that existed on 911. We were defined by one thing that day. We were ALL AMERICANS. Nothing more and definitely nothing less. On 9/12/01, the entire country came together. People were hugging strangers at random. There were virtually no fights on subways. Random acts of kindness were rampant that day. Churches that Sunday were overfilled everywhere. No one cared who won in football. The only thing that mattered was that we were Americans and that we were not going to let this tear us down as a nation. We were going to stand together no matter which “team” you were on. We were Americans and Americans don’t back down.

I’m fully convinced that if you knew how little your “team leaders” thought about your actual well-being, you’d be less inclined to just follow what they say and defend them without facts. Leave your current team and go home, look at your family and choose to protect and love the only team that matters.

A. 3

B. 4

C. 2

D. 1

How did your “team” do? Two of those leaders are known as eloquent speakers (Obama and Reagan) and two are known for bizarre rhetoric (Pelosi and Trump). You just never know.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Control What You Can Control

Control what you can control

We’ve all seen and heard the “no-call heard ‘round the world!” I’m referring to the Saints/Rams game. Saints fans weren’t happy. Sports fans weren’t happy. Even Rams fans were surprised by the no-call. But leave it to a college basketball coach to set the proper perspective.

Will Wade, Head coach of LSU basketball, stepped up and shared with the media that in a team meeting he told his team that the Saints lost the game long before that call. They lost it when they had to settle for a field goal instead of a touchdown. I’ll take it another level and say that they lost it with penalties that cost them. With poor decisions that led to open receivers. The list could go on. Coach Wade said that every little thing you do means something to the bigger picture. Every decision that seems small could mean something huge. Just ask the KC Chiefs. That’s true in sports. That’s true in life.

We, as a society, give less value to the small decisions that we CAN control and more value to the actions of others that we CAN’T control.

I’m as guilty as anyone of this. I’ll never forget having a conversation with a good buddy of mine who now officiates in the NBA. I was very down on myself. Very down on my chances to get hired to officiate in a certain league. I’m venting to him and he’s just listening. I was not in my 20’s and very overweight and knew that played a role. Then he said it. “Control what you can, your weight, and don’t worry about what you can’t control, your age.” As simple as that sounds, I needed to hear that from someone else. It had to hit my ears before I would let it hit my mind. I listened, controlled my weight and got hired. I still work in that league to this day.

As a Saints fan, I vented about the call. As a referee, I had to be reminded that we all miss calls. Even big ones. In fact, I was watching film on one of my games just a few days after the big game and saw a play where I should’ve called a foul. Instead, my partner picked it up. It was bad. And fairly obvious. But the fact remains, if that team had lost, it wouldn’t have been because of that call. The coach would look back at all the missed free throws and how many turnovers they had. The small things that led to the big thing, the loss.

As you go about your day, think about all the things that upset you; the things that cause your whole day to be off. Now look at how much of it you have control over. If you have no control over something, stop worrying about it…TODAY! Traffic. You’re stuck. You can’t do anything about it. Find a way to enjoy it. Notice all the people around you while in traffic. Check out the cool cars. Turn the music up. But freaking out about the traffic…brace yourself… won’t change the traffic. The decisions of a boss/parent/teacher/referee. You can yell and get angry, but it’s still not changing the decision. So find a way to stop giving one extra thought to something you can’t control. And get to a place where you master what you can control.

From a Christian perspective, I’ve heard it said many times that worrying is the tangible evidence that you don’t trust God. Obviously, that’s true. It’s just easier said than done. We are conditioned to think a certain way. And that, my friend, is exactly why Paul said be transformed by the renewing of your IG status…no, gym membership…no, your MIND. Transform your mind. But sometimes, it has to hit your ears before it reaches your mind. So find someone you trust that can help you change the way you think about something…particularly something you have no control over. It’s then that you will begin to discover peace in situations that used to rob you of peace.

Stay Classy, GP!

Grainger

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The Best a Man can Be

The Best a Man Can Be

The new Gillette ad sparked something in me…and I liked it. I understand why some men don’t want to be lectured on masculinity. A large number of us have been doing it right for some time. But I understand the need and the push for men to hold each other accountable and embrace their roles in society as well. The problem is, society has attempted to redefine what our role is. If you really want us to embrace our roles, then let us be who God created us to be.

God didn’t create us to be passive. He didn’t create us to be the fools on sitcoms. He created us to be strong, masculine, men who know when to say sorry, stop, enough, yes ma’am and thank you. We were created to know when to stand up to improper conduct and be the leader in the moment. To be the one that women and children lean on in times of fear and worry. Please eliminate the notion that we must raise boys to be weak, passive, spineless kids that grow up to be the subject of prime-time comedy shows. But there’s a balance. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s strong to stand up to mean people. But it’s also strong to stop and pray. It’s strong to treat your wife like a queen. It’s strong to say I’m sorry. The weakest thing you can do is pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you feel the need to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves, I beg you to please come pick on me instead.

To the best of my memory, I was never bullied nor did I bully. The only reason I was never bullied was because I was taller than everyone my age and I was pretty mean when I needed to be. But even in “my day”, bullying was not acceptable. It was never acceptable. I found myself, at times, stepping in when I saw something that I could tell was damaging someone. Because of who I was and my size, the incident ended. That’s about the extent of my knowledge of bullying. But there was this one time…

I had just transferred to a new middle school. Some girl decided to say what she thought of me out loud in front of her very popular boyfriend. He didn’t care too much for his girlfriend talking about some new kid. I’m walking my “girl” home and I look behind me and there’s approximately 20 boys being led by the “boyfriend” to find me and beat me up. My girl’s parents let me in the house until the mob subsided. I agreed to fight one but everyone else had to leave. They all left. So there was no fight. I remember what that felt like. It was the closest I can imagine a bullied person feeling like. It was awful. (Side note: the boyfriend and I became friends later in high school, never fought).

Bullying is definitely something that is easier to hide these days because of the digital world we live in. But news flash, it hasn’t gotten worse, it’s just recorded more often now. We didn’t have cell phones that recorded video when I was a kid. It’s basically the same but not much better either. It’s still rampant. There is a solution, but it’s not easy and requires help from many moving parts.

Then there’s men’s view of women. I’ve found over the years that boys who grew up with sisters treated girls much better than those who didn’t. This is primarily because they were forced to live in the same house with them and began to see them as humans capable of feelings, an intellectual equal and someone who had the potential to make the world a better place. In our society, if a boy isn’t forced to view a girl that way, she becomes an object of his overdrive of hormones. A means for sexual release. One of the reasons this is even a possibility is because they manage to find girls who have a poor self-image and are simply looking for that reassurance that they are smart, pretty, and worthy. They don’t value themselves at all. Thus the connection between a boy that only views her as an object and a girl that doesn’t have a father who’s instilled in her who she is and what she’s worth. So really, all parts are to blame for the existing crisis of bullying and sexual misconduct. There’s no one person or one group. We all play a part. Just look at the R. Kelly situation. Money and power bought him the opportunity to continue abusing women…to this day. So everyone plays a role in some way. I love talking about solutions more so than the problems. But that’s just it, the solution poses another problem.

In today’s climate, men are told that chivalry is sexist. They are taught by society that doing their God-given job of providing, leading, and protecting is also sexist. I submit to you that you can’t have it both ways. EITHER we let men hold doors open for women and protect them OR we do as they ask and get out of the way. I think the real solution is obvious. But it starts with fathers….”oh boy… here he goes again”. Yes, I may keep going until we have a crisis of men stepping up to lead their families and children.

Fathers: If you want to see young men grow up to treat women with the utmost respect, treat your wife with the utmost respect. If you want them to grow up not being a bully, let them see you feel. Let them see your compassion. Let them see you defend the honor of someone.

Mothers: If you want to see the same results, let the father do his job. Sometimes the mother stops the father from being the best father he can be because they are no longer together and she despises him. Sometimes they’re together and she despises him. But he’s still their father. It’s difficult, but you must LOVE your children MORE than you hate your ex. This may be difficult to grasp, but there are things that ALL children need that ONLY a father can provide.

Parents: One of the best things you can do for your children is treat your spouse or ex-spouse with the utmost respect, honor, and dignity regardless of how you feel about them at times. These are the things that lead to less bullying and less misconduct toward women. It’s a heart issue. You can’t legislate the heart.

No, I didn’t need someone to sit me down and teach me that I shouldn’t rape or bully. But I also had a father that was a good example of everyday living. All boys aren’t that fortunate. Men must step in and be role models when you see there’s a need there. And women must let men be men and hold them accountable when they act like boys. Then, and only then, we will be…..

The Best a Man can be.

Stay Classy GP!

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From Victim to Victorious

Victim mentality or Victorious mentality?

Today’s culture seems to consistently say “it’s not your fault. The blame belongs to someone else.” When something happens to us, our response to it is based primarily on our history with the person or event. So we respond based on what we know and how we were taught. We have a small, but loud group of people in American culture that believe it is their duty to stand up for others who never asked for their help.

Let’s take the “Redskins” controversy, for example. The NFL team has been in existence for about 86 years and until about 2 years ago, no one, including the vast majority of American Indians, were bothered by the name. How about Anadarko, OK? The Redskins Theatre has been there since 1947 and the city has boasted of half Indian population and calls itself the “Indian capital of the nation.” So why isn’t the theater being talked about? It’s because, while we can’t deny the atrocities done to the Native American community in our nation’s past, they, as a group of people, have chosen to be victorious. Visit a few casinos to find out what I’m talking about. It’s worth noting that the name hasn’t offended the Native American community. The Washington Post conducted a poll of Native Americans across the entire country in 2004 about the name and found 9 out of 10 Indians say it’s just a name, nothing offensive about it. In 2016, another poll was conducted and yielded the exact same results. So sometimes, the idea that you are a victim is fabricated by people who don’t even understand it. But society in general says “Be offended!” You may say, “well, what happened to me really wasn’t my fault.” And to that I say, I’m sorry. Now what?

Your adversity CAN’T define you…but your response to it WILL!

If you have decided that you can’t accomplish something because you were wronged, you were a victim, then you have given 100% power over to that individual or group that wronged you. If you really want to get back at the person or people that wronged you, accomplish everything you set out to IN SPITE of their efforts to hold you back. Overcome!

When you’re the victim, everyone else is to blame for every problem, even if it’s your fault. It justifies irresponsibility and makes you co-dependent on others to repair your victimization. Living with a Victorious mentality is when you realize it’s possible that something is your fault, owning it and not needing anyone to get you out of the mess you find yourself in, regardless if it’s your fault or not. YOU (or God in you) can get you out. Now you’re victorious over your circumstance. The sooner we shift our minds (be transformed by the renewing of our minds) from victim to victorious- even (and especially) in the face of adversity, the better our quality of life becomes. This applies to every area of life. I’ve somewhat struggled with this in the past, myself. But not anymore. Get there…I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

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Why Did We Get Married?

Why did we get married?

Great question. Most people will answer that they love their spouse. So because they’ve fallen in love, they get married. On the surface, that sounds normal and reasonable. There’s a large problem with this motive, though.

I mentioned in a previous blog that Jesus didn’t die for you and I. I said that he gave his life because he was being obedient to his Father and as a result, you and I are eternally joined to the creator of the universe. Perspective. It’s important to keep proper perspective. If our perspective is that he did it for us, then the conversation before the betrayal means nothing. He wouldn’t really care what his dad thought. He would just do what he thought was best and say “Dad will understand.” But he didn’t. The perspective here is to do what your Father has instructed and everything else will flow from there.

Let’s look at something that most of us can relate to. When we came into covenant with God, we didn’t know how to love Him. It was only after we chose to surrender our will and choose to get to know Him that we began to see all of the benefits and began to love Him for who He is. The covenant and obedience came first and the love was born out of that obedience. This quote by Jackie Hill Perry says it well:

“Choose to love even when you don’t feel like it. Obedience often precedes affection.” -Jackie Hill Perry

We must do what God instructs us to do because of our obedience, respect, reverence and honor. We do it because He said do it. Not because we like it or want to. If we happen to want to, then good. But our “want to” is not required for our obedience. What does this have to do with marriage? Another great question.

I remember looking my wife in the eye and telling her that I didn’t ask her to marry me because I loved her. That it’s the wrong reason. She looked a little perplexed. But I explained that I asked her because through all of my searching, praying and seeking God, she kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I explained that I believed this was what God wanted and it wasn’t up to me to decide against it. I married her because I believed God had designed this and put us together.

“If you do something God told you to do because you want to, you will stop doing it because you don’t want to.” –Charles Simpson

If you get married to someone because you feel love for someone, you will divorce them because you no longer feel that love for them. I hear celebrities say all the time, “We fell out of love so we got divorced.” The reasoning simply cannot be for the love of that person. It has to be for the love of God and that you believe God has put this together. Because you will, inevitably, come to a place where you don’t feel love. When he eats loudly… when she throws your good stuff away… when he won’t put the toilet paper roll on correctly… when her cosmetics are all over the sink… you will need more than the feeling of love to get past these things. You will need the conscience understanding that God put it together and it’s not up to you to end that covenant. With that understanding, it becomes much more difficult to walk away. There will be a time when it will ALL be tested. You will need an outside opinion and outside instruction to get you two on a path of unity. You will need to do things to “spice up” the relationship of the person you’ve been with for many years. If these are things you are unwilling to do for the sake of a God-given unity, then don’t get in. Don’t waste anyone’s time. Because Jesus said, “in this world you WILL have trouble…” Not might, or could… but WILL.

Pastor Michael Todd once said that the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13 requires sacrifice and a willingness to die to ourselves that most of us aren’t willing to do outside of a full commitment. He’s gone so far as to say that marriage comes before love. I agree. You don’t really know what kind of relationship you really have until it’s tested. Until you find yourself in a fire, you don’t know what you’re made of. Adversity is the ONLY way to know where you stand as a couple and where you’re headed.

So prepare yourself. Prepare to wake up to their snoring and know you’re committed. Prepare to be surprised by that awful fart and know you’re still committed. Brace yourself for the fruit of the forbidden tree to start looking appealing and know ahead of time that this is the enemy.

One last note about the marriage covenant itself. Why is it so important? Yet another great question. God holds His relationship with us of the utmost importance. The relationship between husband and wife is held just under that. Every other relationship, including with your children, come after those two. So if God sees it that important, so should we. I once heard Ravi Zacharias teach that the Greek text of the Bible speaks of four types of love. They had four different words for what we universally call “Love”. Agape- Unconditional love; Phileo- brotherly love; Storge- protective or parental love; Eros- romantic love. The marriage covenant is the only relationship that encompasses all four types. Therefore, it is a sacred union to God. It’s not a feeling. It’s a covenant. The decision isn’t about how you feel. The decision is about WHO put this together and who you vowed to stay committed to. It’s not easy. No one ever promised that. But nothing worth having is. It’s work. It’s dying to yourself. Remember, the key to life summed up in one word is “others”.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, STAND.” Ephesians 6:13

Stay Classy GP!

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She Will Marry YOU

She’s Going to Marry You

I’d give anything to go back to the day when my daughter, Rainey, was 3 years old. She dressed up in a wedding dress and made me walk down the aisle with her. Fast forward 13 years and she introduces me to her boyfriend…and he looks like a mini-me. Not that I didn’t already know it, but it really hit me at that moment… She’s dating…me.

I’ve said before that all I was ever around growing up was boys. All my friends were boys with the exception of 2 amazing young ladies. And they were tomboys. So I quickly bought some books on how to be a father to a girl. I was literally thinking, “What do girls eat? Do they really cry about everything? I wonder what my jail cell will look like when she’s 16.” I had no clue! After reading some books on it, I gained a new understanding and appreciation for girls.

I learned that if you break them, if you’re too loud when getting on to them, if you show any amount of anger, it breaks them. They don’t recover as quickly as boys. They hold on to that grudge (some things never change no matter how old they get). You have to be gentle and win them over. But the biggest thing I learned had nothing to do with discipline.

I learned that their entire view of themselves comes directly from ME. Great. I definitely didn’t feel adequate for this. Her self-esteem, self-image, self-worth, comes from me… good or bad. If I treat them with respect, they will respect themselves. If I love them, they’ll love themselves. If I talk down to them, they’ll think down of themselves. It’s all related. Mothers are great teachers but it’s scientifically proven that absent fathers leave a huge void in their daughters that they look for in every man they encounter. Fathers possess something that mothers don’t.

God created mankind with relationships in mind. The most important relationship being between God and us. Fathers are the representation of God to his children. If we’re mean and absent, they’ll grow up thinking God is mean and absent. If we are gentle and positive, they’ll grow up thinking God is gentle and positive. 

Obviously, there is grace (and an extra special spa in heaven) for single mothers. But at the end of the day, it’s simply not God’s design for children to be fatherless. Children, especially girls, need fathers. I remember the story of Bob Mumford being on a plane sitting next to a high priest in the satanic church. This priest told him that their number one objective is to remove fathers from the family and Christian church. Even Satan recognizes the need for fathers. The easiest way for an enemy to win a battle is to make you think there isn’t one to begin with. So let’s all agree now…that there is a battle. A battle for fathers. We can also agree that we’ll help each other out in those dark times where the battle/opposition seems too strong. BE THERE FOR HER.

Because she will marry… YOU.

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Watch Your Mouth

Watch your mouth:

I can remember in high school, I was the guy walking down the hall always complimenting someone. I figured they get enough criticism from teachers, parents, and coaches. They can get encouragement from me. That was then.

Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.

So it’s one thing to hear this from your wife and your brothers. But it’s yet another to hear it from your children. In this morning’s sermon, that’s what he dealt with. Having a critical mouth. At the end, he had a prayer time and said “if you’d say ‘that’s me, I don’t want to be this way but I am’ then raise your hand.” I had my eyes closed, I shook my head in acknowledgment that, obviously, that’s me. But my 10 yr old daughter, who loves me immensely, grabs my hand and raises it. I look at her, she sweetly smiles and softly says, “just saying”. Wow. She can be a typical preteen girl sometimes. But this wasn’t one of those moments. She was being gentle. Kind. Sweet. On one hand she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But she felt the truth had to be spoken. If that doesn’t wake you up, nothing will.

I’m reminded that I’ve had many people tell me how my words of encouragement to them changed the course of their life and, in some cases, my music has helped them in life as well. This means I have a natural tendency to encourage and lift up but here I am, known for having cut words. So I clearly have to lean on the side of encouragement and eliminate the “cut words” side of my vocabulary.

So what can you do? I dare you to sit down with your kids and ask them how they perceive your words. Ask them if they feel like you spend more time building them up or tearing them down. If they’re teenagers, expect an over-dramatic response, but somewhere in there you’ll hear the truth about how they feel. And whatever you uncover in this conversation, you can pretty much bet your spouse probably feels the same way. So begin changing your vocabulary with him/her. Then it will be easier to stay in open communication with your children. Ok. I’ll shut up… for now. I’ve clearly been saying too much anyway.