If there’s ever been a time for a need to believe in something bigger than yourself, it’s NOW! We all know someone who has lost the battle against suicide. There’s so much there. Cancer continues to wreak havoc on society as well. It doesn’t care who you are, how much money you have, it simply takes no prisoners. It goes after you blindly. And hate. There’s simply no room for it in society. But it continues.
We’ve all lost someone to suicide. We remember the initial feelings of shock and doubt. I’ve written an entire blog dedicated to this subject alone, so I won’t rehash it all. But the key to this problem is isolation. If the enemy can get us isolated, he can convince us of the lies that we’re not needed anymore. But the newest crisis is just that, a crisis. Ministers committing suicide. The latest victim was this week, Pastor Jim Howard of Real Life Church took his own life. While I have no idea what his life was like, the first thing I thought was all the “church faces” we put on when we walk in. I thought about all the facades that we continue to project so that we’re not embarrassed by our reality. Former pastor Steve Austin once wrote, “I’m a pastor, but my faith didn’t stop me from attempting suicide… In the past 4 years, the power of vulnerability, courage and grace have made my life better. Transformation has come from connecting with other people THROUGH our brokenness, not in SPITE of it.” It’s this lack of vulnerability and willingness to just be who we are and not be above help, that’s killing ministers and Christians everywhere. In case you haven’t figured it out, there’s only been one perfect dude… and you’re not Him. So embrace your humanity and be vulnerable. We were created to be co-dependent. That was God’s design.
We’ve all lost someone to cancer. We know who they were before they found out. We know who they were after. We know what it was like watching them suffer. We know how strong they were through the entire process. Most of us also remember the feeling of how unfair this was to take someone like them. Inevitably, it’s accomplished one of two responses to faith. Either a stronger belief in the Creator, knowing that He is still in control and will make someone better because of this…OR someone who questions or even loses faith in anything that would “let this happen”. This week the music industry lost a legend. One of the greatest voices off all time, James Ingram, to cancer. I’ve lost quite a few friends to this. But one friend was quoted as saying, “why not me? If it causes people to come together in love and be closer to God, then why not me!?” That may be the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard someone say. Basically, he’ll die so we can be closer to God. Well, it worked. A large church filled up quickly to celebrate his life and before you knew it, men and women of all ages, races and cultural backgrounds were worshiping One God, with One Voice. It was amazing. For me, it changed the way I viewed friendships. He and I had grown close. Just being friends with him taught me how to be a better friend. So while I’ll never understand why God decided to welcome this incredible human being to heaven instead of someone like me, what I will understand is the unmatched power that God displays in times like these. But I’ll still simply never understand pure hate.
Here we are in 2019, and we are still raising kids to hate. To believe it’s ok to attack someone because you don’t agree with their lifestyle, political or religious choices. It’s simply not ok. This goes partially to a blog I wrote about tribalism. Our “team” is under attack or they’re on the other “team” so I need to attack. Neither is right. But there’s really more to this.
As a nation we are headed for another civil war if we don’t understand that rights without virtues are incapable of preventing violence.
There was a report that Jussie Smollett was allegedly brutally attacked for no other reason than his skin color and his choice in lifestyle. Again, I don’t know him, but no one deserves that. While we now know that this was a completely fabricated story, it’s still happening in our country. You may say, “but we all have rights and they infringed on his rights…they should pay!” And you would be correct. But someone’s rights doesn’t stop them from an attack. The attackers’ lack of virtue makes it possible. We can put as many laws in place that we want, and some are useful. But until we begin to change hearts, we will stay on this decline. That means when someone worships a different God than you, when someone chooses a different sexual lifestyle than you do, when someone gets piercings and tattoos where you never would, that you LOVE them right where they are. You simply refuse to hate. You refuse to neglect. You refuse to make them feel bad for choices they made simply because you wouldn’t have made the same choices. That doesn’t make your choices right or better. It just makes them different. And even if someone is making bad choices, no one ever changed their mind as a result of fear, anger and judgment. Every person I know that changed their minds on bad choices, changed because someone loved them anyway. Every. Single. Time.
The running theme in all 3 stories is that God’s love and our love for each other and the outright dependency on others are literally the only things that sustain you beyond these difficulties. It’s the only thing that guides you through the loss of someone to cancer; through the whirlwind of emotions after someone takes their own life; and through the anger and hurt of someone striking with hate. It all comes back to Him. The revolutionary idea that God can fix it… it’s real. Just remember that God used people all through the Bible and continues to today. So let them see a horizontal version of God first. Then they’ll chase the Vertical God. May peace that surpasses all ability to understand it descend on the families of Jim, James, and Jussie.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger
The recent story of the catholic school boys and the Native American is a perfect example. The first story that hits is that the boys are taunting and antagonizing the Indian gentleman, Nathan Stanard-also known as Phillips (I choose to call him by the name he used to enlist in to the military). Everyone on the elephant team says, “he did nothing wrong!” Everyone on the donkey team says “punch the smirk off his face!” One story, from one camera and one very unreliable news source comes out. No one knows the facts yet, but their team is under attack. Then the facts come out. Turns out, Mr. Stanard was first attempting to get between the Black Hebrew Israelites and the boys. He then began walking towards the kids and began beating the drum in the face of one of the boys. When that particular boy wouldn’t move out of the way of Mr. Stanard, the incident took form. We now know that there were no ill words spoken by any of the boys. None spoken by Mr. Stanard either. Only the foul language and hate-filled words by the BHI, who appeared nowhere in the first version of the story. We also now know that Mr. Stanard was NOT a Vietnam War veteran as was originally claimed. So now with all the facts, we should be able to properly assess what went right and what went wrong. But there’s two huge problems.
As you go about your day, think about all the things that upset you; the things that cause your whole day to be off. Now look at how much of it you have control over. If you have no control over something, stop worrying about it…TODAY! Traffic. You’re stuck. You can’t do anything about it. Find a way to enjoy it. Notice all the people around you while in traffic. Check out the cool cars. Turn the music up. But freaking out about the traffic…brace yourself… won’t change the traffic. The decisions of a boss/parent/teacher/referee. You can yell and get angry, but it’s still not changing the decision. So find a way to stop giving one extra thought to something you can’t control. And get to a place where you master what you can control.
God didn’t create us to be passive. He didn’t create us to be the fools on sitcoms. He created us to be strong, masculine, men who know when to say sorry, stop, enough, yes ma’am and thank you. We were created to know when to stand up to improper conduct and be the leader in the moment. To be the one that women and children lean on in times of fear and worry. Please eliminate the notion that we must raise boys to be weak, passive, spineless kids that grow up to be the subject of prime-time comedy shows. But there’s a balance. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s strong to stand up to mean people. But it’s also strong to stop and pray. It’s strong to treat your wife like a queen. It’s strong to say I’m sorry. The weakest thing you can do is pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you feel the need to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves, I beg you to please come pick on me instead.
No, I didn’t need someone to sit me down and teach me that I shouldn’t rape or bully. But I also had a father that was a good example of everyday living. All boys aren’t that fortunate. Men must step in and be role models when you see there’s a need there. And women must let men be men and hold them accountable when they act like boys. Then, and only then, we will be…..
Today’s culture seems to consistently say “it’s not your fault. The blame belongs to someone else.” When something happens to us, our response to it is based primarily on our history with the person or event. So we respond based on what we know and how we were taught. We have a small, but loud group of people in American culture that believe it is their duty to stand up for others who never asked for their help.
When you’re the victim, everyone else is to blame for every problem, even if it’s your fault. It justifies irresponsibility and makes you co-dependent on others to repair your victimization. Living with a Victorious mentality is when you realize it’s possible that something is your fault, owning it and not needing anyone to get you out of the mess you find yourself in, regardless if it’s your fault or not. YOU (or God in you) can get you out. Now you’re victorious over your circumstance. The sooner we shift our minds (be transformed by the renewing of our minds) from victim to victorious- even (and especially) in the face of adversity, the better our quality of life becomes. This applies to every area of life. I’ve somewhat struggled with this in the past, myself. But not anymore. Get there…I dare you.
Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.
The Good- the Davidson/Crenshaw exchange was refreshing. One guy makes a mistake. Then apologizes. The other guy accepts. They bro-hug it out and move forward. I would encourage everyone to view how this was handled. The apology was accepted and they moved forward. When someone genuinely apologizes, most of the time, that’s really all they can do. Say sorry and hope to do better. But for some reason, we as a society hold them in “you offended me” jail. We don’t let them out. We continue to bash, accuse, and belligerently harp on whatever they did that they have apologized for. We have to understand that humans make mistakes. It’s what we do. So the next time someone apologizes, accept it and move on.
My brother and I once were asked to obey by cleaning the living room. I was slower to get up than my brother. He quickly became anxious and said “what about Jason? why isn’t he helping?” My dad then immediately instructed me to sit down in the living room and watch my brother clean the entire room by himself. He told my brother, “I told you to do something. What he does is not your concern. You worry about you.” My dad was looking for obedience and this was a chance to teach that. Does it sound harsh to make a kid clean a room while everyone else watches? Maybe to some. But I never forgot it. So it worked. It taught me about obedience.
I grew up around all boys. I understood boys. How they thought, felt, acted. I knew what a boy across the room was thinking without him ever saying a word. And it was usually about sports or boobs. I mean, what else was there? I never understood the difficulties and types of hard challenges that girls faced every day just being a girl. The way their mind worked. What was important to them. How fragile and soft they were. “That time of the month!” I never understood any of this until I had daughters. My daughters changed my entire life, starting with my thinking. I chose to be the best dad I could possibly be. By doing so, I had to begin to understand how a little girl worked. But the only way I was going to achieve this was to forget what I knew and genuinely listen to what they said. I teach my children and bonus children all the time that the key to life summed up in one word is “Others.” I had to, as a dad, put “others” before me. In doing so, I saw a brand new perspective on life. A totally different way of operating life. It was mind blowing…. for the better. Be transformed by the renewing of your gym membership. Wait… no… it’s the renewing of your mind.