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Fight Like a Girl

 

 

 

 

1937

Amelia Earhart disappeared. But what happened before she disappeared is what is much more interesting to me. Her mother came from a very wealthy family and was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Her father didn’t come from the same background. He struggled through their marriage to make enough money to afford his wife the things she was used to having. Seeing this, Amelia simply didn’t want to fully depend on a man financially and would rather control her own destiny. As a father of daughters, I simply see no problem with this.

Amelia set out to accomplish things that she wanted to accomplish, despite the constant verbal backlash she received for trying to do “Manly things”. At any point through her story, she could have stopped. She could have folded. She could have said, “maybe they’re right. Maybe I should just sit here and be their idea of a woman.” But she didn’t. She worked as a nurse’s aid and then a social worker and saved up enough of her own money to afford flying lessons, then her first plane, a yellow 2-seater she named “Canary”. She was verbally punched but she fought back.

1955

Rosa Parks is arrested. The whites-only section of the Montgomery bus had filled and the bus driver had ordered her to relinquish her seat to a white passenger. She refused. She could have just gotten up and did what everyone around her thought she should do. But she didn’t. She committed “civil disobedience” by sitting quietly in the seat that was originally vacant that she had occupied the entire ride up to that point. This led to the boycott of the Montgomery bus system which was the first campaign of action of the civil rights movement. As we know now, this led to many things that stirred the conversation up enough to make mass changes in our country’s laws, rights, and the way we all think as citizens. She was punched by society, but she punched back.

1986

My family moves to Nashville, TN from south Louisiana. After a few different jobs, my dad found himself working all hours just to make enough money to keep the lights on and food on the table. Eventually, the financial and emotional strain began to eat at their marriage. They discussed the inevitability of divorce. It just seemed to be the next natural step. But my mom wasn’t going to just sit there and let the enemy win. She has a lot of fight in her. So she brought it out and fought to save her marriage. To dad’s credit, he joined the fight. This October they will celebrate 46 years of marriage. She was punched by the new norm in society. But she punched back.

Men in today’s society are viewed as weak, useless, dumb characters that are here to make everyone laugh at how stupid they are. Almost every sit-com TV show depicts men in a useless manner. Nothing more than a laughable, mindless, irresponsible character that generally gets in the way. Men have given society many reasons to be viewed this way. A large number of men either abused their God-given authority in their marriage or was completely neglectful to their wives.

It seems like everyday I see men sitting in cars while their wives pump gas, load groceries, drive the family places. I know there are cases where the man is physically incapable for medical reasons. I get that. But that would be every so often. I see this all the time. They sit back and let their wives take on stressful and physical challenges that they should never have had to do. The women end up finding themselves in the role of mother and father.

2013

My children were forced to endure a divorce. Since then, they’ve never been the same. They don’t see life the same. They don’t see me the same. They don’t treat me the same. They view me, in regards to that subject, as a total failure. In that, they’re right. But God turns all sorrow to joy. He can’t if we don’t allow Him to. He’s a gentleman. I could have just let the situation define who I am. Who they are. I could have just sat back and let the new norm take over. But I didn’t. I took some notes from the women (and real men) in my life. I fought the norm. I chose to pursue my daughters stronger than ever before. Text them constantly. Spend as much time with them as I can. Life punched me in the face. I punched back.

I think we, as men, need to take notes from the women in our lives.

My current wife, Jennifer, went from “what do I do now, my marriage is over?” to running 3 businesses and raising 5 kids… successfully! She was punched by life. She fought back. And if that was the only uphill battle she’s fought in her life, that would definitely be enough. But it’s not. Not even the tip of the iceberg. She’s overcome many, many obstacles… one after another… most of those obstacles were things she never asked for. She KEPT getting punched… and each time, she kept fighting back.

Are there men getting it right? Of course there are. Most of the men I know are currently getting it right. Most of the men reading this are probably getting it right. So what about you? You’ve read all of this and know that this isn’t something you struggle with. Glad you asked.

To the man doing it right… I say, TEACH. Show your children how much you love them by treating your wife with the utmost respect, love and attention she deserves. Show your children that they’re THIRD in your life. Find a young man and show him that it is still cool to be a good guy. To not cheat on your wife. To lead the way when it’s time to go to church. Show a young man in your life that masculinity is not a bad thing as long as it is used correctly. Never to be used as a weapon but only as a servant and protection. Make her feel safe because of you.

This Father’s Day, I’m praying for the fathers that are way off and missing the mark. That they find someone to lean on. Very possibly the women in their lives. That they understand it’s not too late. Children NEVER stop loving their parents. I pray for the kids of these dads, that they see the intentional change and allow it to take place. Kids are more resilient than we’ll ever be.

Also on this Father’s Day, I’m celebrating fathers that are living in their God-designed role. The ones that are not giving in to the stereotype of dads in this generation. The ones that understand that children are THIRD in their lives, after God and their wife. The ones that understand you’re there to teach and launch, not to be their friend. The ones that see the benefit of their wife’s mind. Her intellect. Her passion. Her scrappiness. The ones that are slow to anger and quick to listen. The ones that serve first and eat last.

If, at the end of my life, I end up being half the father my dad was 10 years ago, I’ll consider myself a success. I’m certainly a very long way from that now. So I’ll keep on fighting. I’ll keep on getting back up after life punches me in the face. I’ll put my hands up and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Generational War

Whether we realize it or not, we are in the middle of a generational war. In the late 60’s, the parents thought the world was caving in… coming to an end. The protests, the riots, the blatant disrespect for authority. Those parents were from the greatest generation of all time. They grew up in an era when technology and music were advancing at a rapid rate. We were at war and the “Jitterbug” and “Swing dancing” were springing up everywhere. So when the kids of the 60’s were singing about making love and not war, the previous generation just didn’t grasp it. War was a part of everyday life to them. But the youth of the day were tired of it. This dilemma is nothing new. But it still needs to be addressed.

A great portion of today’s youth have been told they are special for doing nothing at all. They were given trophies for losing. They would fail miserably at a task, sport, or competition and receive priceless accolades. Quickly they would not be subject to competitions at all. No one wins. Everyone participates and receives an award regardless of the level of performance. They have learned that work ethic is for “old people”. They weren’t really into work. Maybe they show up, maybe they don’t. They only chase things that “speak to them” or give them a greater internal purpose. They have developed a need for instant gratification. Technology has shown them that they don’t have to wait for anything. As a result, the things that actually take time, like love and relationships, suffer because if it doesn’t happen quickly, well then it must not be meant to be. As a result, kids are waiting later and later to marry and instead choosing to live together for longer periods of time to reduce the level of commitment. Most of them view older people as slow, in the way, refusing to adapt, not very smart, can’t relate to today’s kids. As a result, they’re incapable and simply refuse to benefit from anything an older person has to offer.

I’ve personally seen this a lot towards me. I’m only 43 but I’m in settings where there are much younger adults involved both in music and officiating sports. I’m often viewed as “the old guy” that has lost his touch and can’t provide any real insight to anything related to youth today. I’m viewed on stage as “in the way”, can’t play “today’s music”. Anyone that knows me knows that is the furthest from the truth. I can still play/sing, I can run up and down a court with the young guys but it takes someone who holds the key to their future to point it out. “You may want to listen to that guy. He’s been there-done that.” Only then do they listen. And when they do, they find that I’m not completely useless…haha.

The older generation of adults are no better. They’ve completely written off the younger generation as worthless. They refuse to even attempt to learn today’s vernacular, today’s technology, and today’s trends. They call all young people “millennials” and that immediately is a derogatory term. They refuse to open their minds. They refuse to see the good in youth. They also sometimes struggle to get beyond their jaded bitterness towards the life they ended up with and didn’t sign up for. As a result, they can’t stop griping long enough to enjoy what’s around them… youth! They view them as incapable of change even though most youthful people are evolving and changing every day. They have less patience for mistakes even though it’s a part of everyday life. They confuse inexperience with stupidity.

There simply has to be a TRUCE! A truce called by both sides. Young people, there is so much to learn from someone who has done “Life” longer than you have. Some things you can only learn through experience, something they have and you don’t.  There is so much to gain from people older than you. Slow down and pay attention to what they’re saying. They have been there. You lost a job? They lost several. You lost a child? They have too. Divorce? Been there. Drug abuse? They can walk you right through it. There’s a saying that kids don’t come with instruction manuals. But I beg to differ. The manual is called “experienced adults.” If you’ll tap into that manual, your guide to raising children will never let you down.

The older generation has to hold up the white flag as well. Young people are our future and, quite frankly, our today. Young people are trying. They are making mistakes but they’re supposed to. They’re using what they’ve seen work and not work and improving everything around them…even church. They’re more focused on changing the world for the better than maybe any generation in history. There was a study done recently that listed the top ten things teenagers in high school struggle with during high school as compared to the 1990’s. In the 90’s, the number one struggle was drugs and alcohol. Today, drugs and alcohol are 10th! Depression and anxiety are #1. The last thing you should do is write them off as useless. One key to depression is isolation. They shouldn’t be able to isolate themselves. If you let them, they will. Step in. See the good they provide. Make every attempt to understand where they’re coming from before passing judgment. Allow them to teach you about technology. It just might improve the quality of your life.

I believe this relates directly to churches. We have youthful churches and old people churches. There really shouldn’t be a distinction. They should be able to coexist. The young leaders should welcome and invite the older generation to be an integral part of what they do, if for no other reason than they bring wisdom to the table. Older leaders need to step back and allow youthful members to be involved. Their ideas need to be heard and seriously considered. If the church wants to be relevant again, it needs to embrace this concept: End the generational war. Enough division.

This will take intentional effort on both parts. I urge you, if you find yourself on either side of this issue, do what you can to bridge this gap. If you really want to make the world a better place, Close. This. Gap. Don’t wait for someone else to do it… YOU do it!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Church… I Don’t Want It (part 2)

I wouldn’t want it either in today’s climate. Truth is, I don’t want it, but I need it. Last Blog, we talked about the benefits of a church family. Here we will continue with the benefits and also explore why fewer people are a part of a church family. We’ll talk a little about why some say, “No… I just can’t stand them” or “I seem to never be fed there”?

There are still those that are reading this thinking there’s no way. Church is a joke. So why are so many people abandoning church? I think the answer is simple. We’ve turned it into “What can God do for me today?” It’s become a total “consumer’s gospel.” You don’t like the 1st three services we offer? Ok, we have 4 more today. Don’t like the coffee we offer? We’ll make a change.  Could you imagine what Jesus would have said to someone who wouldn’t follow Him because His schedule didn’t quite match up with theirs? “Look Mr. Carpenter, do you have a sermon on the Mount that will take place at 2:15-ish? That works best for my schedule.” Think about where the world would be if Peter decided that he got offended because Jesus said something he didn’t like. I mean really… Jesus looked at Peter and said, “Satan get behind me!” It’s not every day someone gets called Satan. Peter could’ve said “I’m going to the other church where they don’t offend me. They just let me be here and don’t challenge me like that!” The church and the world as we know it would be much different. Either we challenge ourselves to be better and be prepared for what that will take, or we just stay the same old jacked up mess we’ve always been and wonder why our relationships suffer.

Thank God for real men who could take tough words and stick with commitment and not run every time something got tough. We’ve made way too many efforts to make sure church is perfect for everyone. We’ve sold everyone on the idea that church is where you come to get stuff. This sounds like a good thing on the surface… but that’s just it… it’s on the surface. There’s zero depth. The biggest problem here is that we were born innate givers… not receivers. So receiving only lasts you so long. If you’re not giving, you’re not sustained. Like it or not, that’s the way God made us. Our innermost beings require depth and growth. Constantly getting and not giving stunts that growth. If you don’t believe me, start giving your child everything they want and not requiring them to give anything and see how that works. But where does the depth that we desire come from? I’m glad you asked.

You never really know what kind of relationship you really have with someone until it’s tested with real adversity. Real adversity in church is not having 8 services to choose from but having to be there when the pastor is there. Real adversity is not liking what the pastor says because you think he’s talking about you. Real adversity is not liking the people who sat in front of you this morning in service. Real adversity is being told something you don’t like because it will require you to stop being one way and begin to be better. It will require you to be a better husband, father, wife, mother, boss, student. But it’s uncomfortable. This is where it either gets really good, or it’s just another feel good place to move on from. It no longer “feels good”. We must make our decision on where to attend church solely based on our belief that this is where God has us, not how we feel about it. Because how we feel about it will change but God’s word never does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me started on worship teams. We’ve turned that in to “Look at me!” Many worship leaders don’t sing songs to worship, they sing to show you how good they are. I don’t care. No one else does either. We’ve turned it into a rock concert that everyone can hide behind. We stopped singing TO God and started singing ABOUT God.

When I was playing clubs, I had a large “Dude” following. These guys would show up week after week. Among those that showed up every week were Eric Church and his (late) brother. They would come and request that I do something where I could “go off” and do those “vocal gymnastics”. So I did. It was a show. When I led worship, I was more than capable of doing those same vocal moves… but I didn’t. Because it wasn’t about me. No one cared how good I was. They cared how good GOD was. I kept the melody line simple in church. I also refused to put God in a timed box. The job of the worship team is to LEAD the people in to the presence of God. Not to show everyone how stupid American Idol was for passing on you. The sooner we get back to actually  worshiping the one true God, the sooner we can stop worrying about whether or not we can keep up with your “one word over 27 notes” routine. God hears your heart, not your Whitney/Stevie impression.

The moment that we shut down the consumer gospel and offer real truth… the kind of truth that is uncomfortable… the kind of truth that challenges you to be better than you are, that’s when we will begin to see people return to the place where they can actually grow. Until then, it’s only a business that produces results for bonuses and can only harvest, but never grow.

In summary, there is family, fun, encouragement, challenging, teaching, community, growing, giving, receiving and much more in a church family. It’s much like anything else- what you put in to it is what you get out of it. Will you still get into heaven? Sure. But you won’t experience all God has to offer here. Will your phone make calls? Sure. But you won’t experience all your phone has to offer. Jesus said to the man on the cross next to him, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” He went to heaven without ever attending a church service, but he never got to experience life to its fullest. He died shortly after that statement. Get plugged in. Serve. Are you going to like everything the pastor says? Nope. Are you going to like everyone there? I can guarantee you that’s a “nope”. But that doesn’t mean you run. You should commit to family. Family disagrees sometimes, but they work it out. I didn’t choose to have the three younger brothers that I have. I also didn’t choose to have the brothers and sisters in Christ that I have. God chose all of my family for me. Remember, there was ONLY ONE perfect human being to ever live… and He’s not pastoring nor attending any church, anywhere (physically).

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Church… I Don’t Need It (part 1)

True- I don’t need it to go to Heaven.

The age old question: Do I have to go to church to be a Christian? The answer is painfully obvious, according to the Bible.

The Bible was specific in many places on this subject. The most popular verse is John 3:16 where He basically said he who believes in Jesus will have eternal life. Believing He is who He says He is seems to be the key here. One thing to note about this verse, the original word used here for “believe” actually means to make mental acknowledgment AND obey. There’s that ugly word again. So it’s not enough to say, “Sure, I think He existed.” That’s not at all what it means. There is a transformation that happens in this verse. He (or she) believes Jesus is who He said He is and chooses to surrender his (or her) own life to follow this man in an act of obedience to a Father that is kind, loving and merciful. That’s what it actually means. So believing and obeying Jesus is the ticket to heaven. Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, why wouldn’t preachers or everyone carry a Bible and a gun everywhere they go? “There you go. You have fire insurance. Now end it because the rest of this sucks!” They don’t because there’s more.

French Lick, Indiana. A Young man sets out to be a great basketball player. But great basketball players don’t come from French Lick, Indiana. Great basketball players are super athletic, can run fast, jump high and naturally skillful. This young man, at first, was none of those. So he just sat by and watched as everyone else did what he wanted to do…. No… no he didn’t. He worked. He worked hard. He quickly became one of the greatest pure shooters in the history of the sport. But to make it in the NBA, you have to be more than a shooter. A lot of people can shoot. He worked to be a great passer, a great ball handler, could drive to the basket, and also developed a knack for tough defense. He made sure he got the most out of his talent. It had to be developed. It didn’t just arrive. Larry Joe Bird is a legend as a result.

How many of you use your phones…for ONLY a phone? Did you know how to use everything on it the very first time you picked it up? No. You learned how to use it. Somewhere along the way someone showed you some tips and tricks about your phone and what all it can accomplish. Next thing you know, you’re using your phone to grow business, for a calendar, computer, calculator, camera and more things that start with “C”, I’m sure. You learned how to get the most out of your phone so you could enjoy it to its fullest.

Insert the church. It’s a place to learn how to get the most out of THIS life. It’s a place to be together with other people who share similar desires. To build commitment, routine. A place to establish good habits for children. A place where you become family with people you don’t even know that well. When you’re sick, bed ridden, lost a loved one… they show up with food… just because. The people inside the church take care of each other. They also reach out… together. Men help boys become men. Women help girls become ladies. When someone falls in their walk, they don’t judge each other, they embrace each other. But who are these people? Who attends church? Let me tell you a little about them.

The people who attend church are wealthy, broke, healthy, sick, tall, short, skinny, fat, brilliant, young, old, funny, weird… you there yet? Every different type of person goes to church. There are 3 things they ALL have in common? 1- They’re imperfect. 2- They’re trying to improve on that imperfection 3- a common belief in Jesus. Yes, I’m aware the church has hypocrites. So do businesses, schools, and sports teams. Anytime you have people, you have problems. The church is no different. It’s a spiritual hospital. It’s full of people. Real people with real problems. If you’re looking for the perfect church…. If you’re looking for the perfect pastor… if you’re looking for perfect people that go to church… you WILL be looking for a long, long time. I have my own theory about hypocrites.

In my own, no-name opinion, I believe the hypocrites are the people talking about how awful someone is that goes to church but not showing up to show them how it’s done. If you are the one talking about how bad it is that Jim’s wife is an alcoholic but calls herself a Christian, then show up to church and show Jim and his wife how it is supposed to be done. Maybe reach out to Jim and his wife to offer help in some way. But sitting around calling them a hypocrite only makes YOU the hypocrite. (Steps off soapbox)

Maybe you’ve been burned by these “so-called” churches. I’m sorry that happened. You’ve been let down. If you were a server at a restaurant, chances are you hate those “church people”. They don’t tip well and are very demanding. The only thing I can say to that is this: not everyone in church is like that. Some tip well and are very gracious. Not everyone is like the people you can’t stand that have invited you to church. There are churches on every corner of every town. My encouragement to you is to find one where you can be challenged, where you can become family. Don’t let these idiots who yell because their steak isn’t as cooked as they want it and leave you a tip on a napkin that says “John 3:16 there’s your tip” (Yes, unfortunately this happens) stop you from getting the most out of life. If you only use your phone to make calls, then never mind. But if you use your phone to do many different tasks, you wouldn’t let one bad customer service experience with a cell phone company stop you from experiencing all your phone has to offer. Don’t let some bad apples stop you from sitting at the table and feasting on all God has to offer.

It’s also not all about what you can get. Sometimes you have something that someone needs that day. The right word of encouragement. A Sunday school teacher led D.L. Moody to follow Jesus. Eventually this led to a tent meeting by Mordecai Ham in which 2 boys walked in with a mocking attitude towards the event. Just killing time. But there weren’t any seats. As they were turning to leave, an usher put his arms around them and said, “Let’s find you a seat.” One usher…after one Sunday school teacher. One of the boys was Billy Graham. Sometimes it’s you that needs to be there so that someone else may benefit from what you have. I’ve seen times where someone relatively new to a church quickly finds themselves helping someone through addiction because they themselves suffered and are now recovering. That family needed this guy. He didn’t realize he would be the one helping. He thought he was going to get helped. Jesus said “The Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve…”

You don’t need church to get to heaven… but you do need church to get the most out of THIS life. Oh I’m not done… just getting started. Hang on for more. Part 2 will involve issues in the church and why fewer people attend.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Turn “Have To” into “Get To”

There were a lot of words we simply weren’t allowed to say when I was a kid. You know the ones… chances are they are the same ones you weren’t allowed to say. Over time they eased up on certain words- crap, dang it, the usual “replacement” words. One word we were always allowed to say but never wanted to was “Obey”. Let’s face it, it’s just not fun. It’s not cool. It’s definitely not sexy.

But only as I got older did I see a pattern connected to obedience. Every. Single. Time… it was followed by a blessing. There was never a moment this didn’t occur. Sometimes you had to look for the blessing. It wasn’t always something huge or significant. But there was always something that could easily be viewed as a blessing on the other side of obedience.

Such was the case recently at home. I have a couple of young men in my home and one tested this with great force. He was met with greater force. I’m certainly not one to back down from confrontation. The short version of the story goes like this: When I married my wife, I put a few rules in place for the children that were designed to teach and protect. Sometimes, as we all know, kids need to be protected from themselves. Their maturity, and sometimes lack thereof, isn’t always able to withstand the things they are faced with. One particular rule was forgotten and subsequently broken. Here comes the “force” part- to which I had to issue an apology for later. Once we were composed, I reminded him of the rule that he forgot. He replied that he hated the stupid rule but that he would follow it. My wife’s statement to me at the time was, “what do you think about that?!” My reply was, “I think it’s great!” My immediate impression was that it was great that he would follow it, regardless if he liked or not because it reminded me of someone. Someone I knew very well. No, not me.

Not once, not twice, (yes, I love Lionel Richie too) but THREE TIMES Jesus told God he didn’t want to go through with the execution. He asked His Father… in today’s vernacular, “If you have a different plan, let’s do that! I have a couple of ideas… you want to hear them? No? umm… ok. Whatever you want.” Jesus simply DID NOT like his Dad’s idea. God didn’t ask Him to like it though. He just asked Him to obey it. There’s that awful word again. As we now know, Jesus went ahead and obeyed. The rest changed history, our calendar and our lives.

Following my instruction to obey the rule and following his disapproval, I checked in with him to see how things were going. He stated to me that the coolest thing happened. He was asked to do some labor work for a relative in exchange for money. He showed up, fulfilled his commitment to do the work asked. But when he showed up, the relative said that he no longer needed him. The cool part was that he paid him anyway. He said “it’s not a big thing, but it’s pretty cool.” I told him that it actually is a big thing because this means God is still batting 1000. A blessing followed obedience.

The key here is that Father knows best. He protects us from ourselves. He asks us for obedience. What happens often is we find ourselves not wanting to, so we simply don’t. Thinking that it’s either all or none. Either I like it and do it or I don’t like it and don’t do it. God is perfectly fine with you not liking it… as long as you obey it. We, as parents, also have to be that way. We have to be ok with them not liking our rules and demands. They are individuals. They have their own desires. All of this is ok as long as they still obey. Eventually, their desires become much more aligned with your desires and also God’s desires. This takes time, repetition, and consistency. But in time, the “have to” leads to “get to” and it all starts with obedience.

One example of this is when we first decide to give our lives to God. We don’t really know what to do. So someone says, read this and show up here and we’ll talk about it. It’s pretty uncomfortable. You don’t really know that many people, if anyone. Eventually, doing what you are instructed becomes something you do on your own because you now have a relationship. Your “have to” became a “get to”.

Another example of this is before Jennifer and I were married, she made a decision to change churches. She felt strongly that God was leading her out of one and to another. Her children didn’t like this at all. They went kicking and screaming… but they went. Eventually they were craving Sundays… at this new church. The “have to” became “get to”… oh and they were blessed because of it. Big G still hitting home runs.

This is tough for both kids and adults. Wives, God has given you specific guidelines of obedience regarding your husbands. Husbands, God has given you specific guidelines regarding your wives. Parents, we’ve been given instruction that requires obedience regarding our children. And not that much of it is fun. But it’s necessary to stay in God’s order.

I get it. It’s no fun. But try it and then look to see what God does. We do have to be careful though. We don’t want to get in to a position where we are doing something for our Creator in order to get something in return. At the same time, He does always reward obedience. If you throw a ball in the air, it’s going to come down. If you obey God, you WILL be blessed.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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From Authentic to Revolutionary

This time of year, I go to the store and there’s candy, baskets, and bunnies everywhere… and I LOVE them all. I shouldn’t love all that candy, but I do. But it’s particularly easy to get in to the fun children’s stuff, the Easter egg hunts, the super cute outfits, watching kids having the time of their life, and lose sight of what this holiday represents for many.

Yes, I’m aware Jesus didn’t die in the spring. I’m aware this was originally a pagan holiday celebrating the god of fertility (hence the bunnies). At some point, the Christian church began celebrating the resurrection on this day. I’m not sure exactly when and it’s irrelevant for the sake of this article. What’s important is what happened, and more importantly, the legitimacy of it.

I’m not going to go deep in to this, but I will touch on it. The execution itself is extremely important. First, it was reserved for the vilest of criminals. Not all criminals received this treatment, only the worst. When pinned to the wood, they were completely naked. As they were dying, the guards would put a wooden plank under their feet so that they could lift themselves up and gain more air and live longer. The guards would do this so that the torture and agony would last longer. Insanely cruel but true. Then after some time, they would break their legs so they couldn’t stand up and would usually die soon after. This was the case with Jesus and the two criminals by his side. They were particularly concerned that this would go in to the Sabbath day and they couldn’t have that. They had to follow God’s law… I know, crazy! So they set out to end this execution. The guards were instructed to break their legs. The 2 guys on each side of Jesus were indeed alive when they got there. So their legs were broken by the guards. This is where it gets pretty interesting.

Jesus was already dead. As a result, they didn’t break his legs- fulfilling one prophecy (Psalm 34:20). Instead, they stuck a spear in his side to make sure he was dead- fulfilling another prophecy (Zechariah 12:10). Then it just keeps getting stranger.

Because of the nature of crucifixions and the condition the corpse was in once it was completed, and because of who was up there, no one ever asked for proper burials afterwards. The body was usually in such bad shape that you sometimes couldn’t even make out who it was. This makes the next series of events very significant.

First, Joseph of Arimathea gets the guts to approach Pilate and ask for Jesus’ body. Pilate could have, and maybe would have under normal circumstances, struck him dead just for asking for a criminal’s body. But this was no normal circumstance and Joseph was no normal guy. Joseph was a big dog in the Sanhedrin- Yeah, the group that turned Jesus over to Pilate. Joseph did not agree nor consent to this act. So this wasn’t just some unknown figure. This guy had pull and money. Pilate couldn’t believe that 1- Joseph of Arimathea was the one asking and 2- that someone of his position would care. Another interesting piece is that Nicodemus, another member of the Sanhedrin, wanted to help prepare the burial. No one asks for criminals bodies, especially not people in high places of power.

With this alone, Pilate became concerned. He was also concerned his wife was right. Listen up men, they usually are! Haha! So first, Pilate confirms with another guard that Jesus is dead. He then realizes that if Jesus’ body disappears that the conspiracy will continue and many will doubt he ever died. He’s also aware that grave robbing is a big thing in this time. Joseph assures him that he has a space that will be used and it requires many strong men to move the entrance rock. So the next day, after high priests and Pharisees request, Pilate orders guards to seal and watch the tomb.

It is worth nothing that another important piece of the legitimacy of this story is that the people who wrote eyewitness accounts of the events of Jesus were willing to die in an effort to spread the good news of this Messiah. I’ve never met anyone willing to be tortured for a lie. I’ve never even heard of this. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it’s just so incredibly rare, if true. Almost all of the disciples were murdered in torturous fashion; hung upside down on a cross, beaten to death with a club, skinned alive until death, impaled, and sawed in half. No one endures this for a lie or a rumor. One would only do this if they witnessed the existence of a miraculous change in history.

Looking at this story, here’s what becomes so important to me. There were so many moving parts making sure that Jesus was dead. Making sure that everyone knew he was dead. Making sure he stayed dead. Making sure the word got out that this “deceiver” was just that, a dead nobody, just like all the false prophets before. This means…. Yep… this means that his death was very legitimate. This really happened and there many, many witnesses to this.

This is huge… don’t miss it. This was a real guy, in a real country, suffering real pain. He suffered this for one reason and one reason only. To please and obey his Father (not necessarily in that order). Our salvation was a result of His obedience. Remember, he had recently asked if there was another way. Pleaded with God. He knew what was coming and didn’t want to do it. He had an opportunity to decline. He could have just went his own way. He didn’t, knowing what was about to happen. We have to make sure we see who Jesus really was and that he is more than the boss of the Easter bunny. He’s more than some cute picture on a wall. He’s more than a word to say when you’re mad at someone. He’s a man. A real man that changed our calendar. Our lives.

But what happens next is where Jesus becomes separate from all other gods and religions. Every other “god” is still in their grave. You can dig them up today. He still holds the record for greatest disappearing act of all time. His dad is still the author of the #1 best-selling book of ALL TIME! This was made possible by the adversaries that sought to extinguish a fire- yet they only drenched it in fuel. So this Easter, remember: Because His death is authentic, His Resurrection is Revolutionary.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Dad in the Midst of the Fall

Adam and Eve. We’ve all heard the story in Genesis chapter 3 a thousand times. Eve eats the fruit she isn’t supposed to, mankind is doomed, child birth becomes painful… yada yada yada. I’ve heard that story a thousand times. But only in my 30’s did I start to see things in it that changed the way I looked at that story. It changed the way I parent. It changed the way I see people.

Let’s start with the fact that in verse 6, she took the fruit, ate it and then gave some to her husband… WHO WAS THERE! He witnessed the whole thing and never said a word…and even joined in! So many lay this on Eve but Adam was responsible for their relationship and Adam, by doing nothing, did something. He signed off on it. He endorsed it. He put his stamp of approval on this act.

Or how about in verse 7, their eyes are opened and they notice for the first time that they’re naked. Yes, the Garden of Eden was a nudist colony. So they make coverings for themselves by sewing fig leaves together… that’s huge… more about that in a minute.

Verse 8… They hid from GOD! Haha! Really? They must’ve thought they were future hide and seek champions of the world to able to hide from the Guy that created them!

But Verse 9 is a really big one. Really big. “God called to the man and said, ‘Where are you?’” A couple of things that are huge here. One, He wasn’t looking for Adam and Eve. He didn’t ask because He didn’t know where they were. He asked to make them realize for themselves where they were. Sometimes we need to be reminded where we are. Sometimes we’re so focused on outward appearance and things that don’t matter that we forget where we are… or where we’re supposed to be.

Another huge thing here is that He called to the MAN. Not the couple. Not Eve. Wait… but they both took the fruit and Eve took it first! Yes, but God created Adam to be the leader in the marriage. He was standing there when she ate it. God held ADAM accountable for the decisions of the “family”. This is important for both men and women.

For men, it’s important to note that you are responsible for the direction of the family. If you don’t already have a family, then you may want to wait until you can handle this responsibility. You’ll need to understand that you can’t be weak, you can’t be passive, and you must lead from a position of strength and love. You’re a fool if you don’t listen to your wife’s intuition. You also must learn to hear what she’s NOT saying. Yep, you read that right.

For women, it’s important to trust your husband and let him make mistakes, as long as they aren’t the same mistakes frequently. That’s a different conversation for a different day. But unfortunately, in Ephesians 5:22, the Bible never says “Follow your husbands as long as they make you happy” or “Follow your husbands unless they make a mistake”.  Paul wrote this knowing he was talking about a very flawed group of guys. It’s sometimes hard to follow someone that doesn’t appear worthy of following, but just understand that when a major family decision is made, God looks to the man as being responsible for the decision and direction of the family and God will always bless the man for stepping up and the woman for following. If he fails to step up, God will deal with him accordingly. If the woman fails to follow or attempts to lead, God will deal with her accordingly. God is a God of order and if we get in line with His order and stop being overly concerned with our own order, we’ll find that life goes so much more smoothly. There are certain things that God designed a certain way. It’s our job to follow that order.

Next, God lists all the things in their lives that are about to change. All of the consequences of their disobedience. And it’s important to note that they had consequences for their behavior. Some of y’all need to place serious consequences on your children when they do not meet expectations that you’ve set. It needs to hurt. It needs to sting. They need to know you’re serious. Otherwise, your words mean nothing and they learn nothing. You do them NO favors letting them off lightly with acts that deserve strong punishment. Your job is not to be their friend. Your job is to “Train your children in the way they should go and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Prov 22:6.

Lastly, the biggest reveal of the entire story. Right after God hands down a severe punishment (literally kicked them out of their house and made them live somewhere else), He does this. Verse 21- “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” No big deal, right? Wait a minute… in verse 7 they made clothes for themselves from fig leaves. So they didn’t need clothes. So why did God make them clothes? He basically said, “You went to Goodwill but now I’m taking my kids to Nordstrom’s.” Because even in disappointment, anger, consequence, and punishment, He never stopped parenting. He never stopped caring. He never stopped loving.

There’s so much to take just from that last verse. We can see that even when we mess up, when we know we’ve made errors, errors that no one could possibly forgive, He forgives anyway. He’s still there parenting, caring. We can also take away from this that once our punishment is handed down to our children, it’s vital that we continue to parent by loving. When both are present, discipline and love, it sticks.

Parenting has never been for the weak in mind and heart. But it’s extremely rewarding. I don’t want to think about who I would be if I wasn’t a dad. Probably writing this from prison. Not kidding. Maybe…Nope. Prison. Stop trying to be perfect. Just continue to chase the best parent of all time. Also, never forget- perfect parents DO exist. They just don’t have children yet.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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A Walk Down Thankless Lane

Let’s take a walk down thankless lane…

I can remember growing up, I played a lot of sports. No matter which sports I played, there were a few constants. I wanted to win. My coach liked to yell. If I was disrespectful to anyone, I was quickly dealt with. Win or lose, I got my juice box and relaxed on the ride home. But I never remember the refs. In fact, we were always told not to say a word to the refs… that this was coach’s job, not ours. So we never got involved in the ref bashing. As I got older, that changed. My smart mouth got me in so much trouble, that I literally once called out a defense “Twelve!”, which was our 2-1-2 and was given a T. The ref said “I heard what you said!” I said “yes, my teammates heard it too… I called the defense.” He looked at the coach and said “if you don’t take him out, I’m going to throw him out!” The fact was… I had a reputation… and not a good one. I remember a lot of fun things, bad things, tough things from those days in sports. But one thing I can never remember doing back then was… well… I don’t ever remember thanking the refs. Ever. For anything.

I can remember when I was little, my dad was my coach. So he had to be at every game. He would’ve been regardless. He went to work. Took that money and put me and my brothers in sports. I can remember him coming to my brother’s defense because I couldn’t. I can remember him working late hours just so we didn’t have to ask if we were going to eat that night. I can remember him driving all the time so my mom didn’t have to bother with that…. She was too busy reaching in to the back seat smacking us around. Ha. I remember every time someone died, the family called him and he left. Every time someone was very ill, he was called, and he left. I remember the absolute tongue-lashing he gave an elementary school principal for man-handling me in the parking lot. I remember the times he would go to practice when he wasn’t the coach. I remember the time he built me and my brother bunk beds… of which my younger brother pushed me off and gave me my first broken bone. One thing during all of that I don’t remember… well… I don’t remember thanking him. For any of it. Ever.

Then there’s the time a police officer pulled a speeding teenager over who had to give a presentation for school and didn’t know how to tie a necktie so he was on his way to his friend’s house to get help. The police officer had him get out of the car and he tied the young man’s tie. Or the time the officer saw a homeless man with no shoes on and went and bought the guy new shoes and socks and put them on him. How about an officer in Pennsylvania is eating at a restaurant the day after the Dallas shootings where a man killed 5 police officers and injured 11 more just because they were the police. A couple is about to be seated next to the officer’s table. They abruptly say “no, I don’t want to sit there.” They made eye contact and it was clear why they didn’t want to sit near the officer. This officer paid for their meal in an effort to bridge the gap. These officers have a couple of things in common besides being police officers. 1-They did what they did because they care about people and had no idea their act of kindness would go public. They just did it because it was the right thing to do. 2- And the other thing they have in common is that most likely, when they went to their next call, they were not thanked… by anyone.

So here’s a big thank you. To the ref that gets underpaid and overworked. Who gets yelled at every single night on the job. Who gets ridiculed and has his character questioned every 5 minutes while attempting to do his job to the best of his ability. Who gets called everything BUT a referee by the multitudes shouting down towards him as he runs by. Who is given no credit for the countless hours he or she spends reading the rule-book and watching plays to get better. Who leaves his family night after night. To the guy who cares about his sport but cares about the kids and the relationships MORE. THANK YOU for the sacrifices you make.

Here’s a huge thank you to the dads that sacrifice tirelessly without ever receiving or even expecting a thank you. To the guy that speaks life into his daughter. To the guy that won’t let his son settle for mediocrity. To the guy that always eats last and listens first. To the guy that works but lets the kids enjoy the fruits first. To the guy who stays up late to make sure all the Christmas gifts look just right (if a kid reads this, this is before Santa comes). To the guy that teaches his boy to be a man by treating his wife with the utmost respect and serving first rather than receiving first. To the guy that works hours on his daughter’s car just in time for her to jump in it and go be with her friends. THANK YOU.

To the officer that risked his life so that we can be safe. To the guy that realizes he may be saying “have a good day” to his wife for the very last time… every time he goes to work. To the guy that does it right only to be overshadowed by the bad apples. To the officer that is ridiculed and scoffed at and chooses not to take that home. He leaves it at work. To the guy that gets called every vile name in the book and still does CPR on that person to make sure they live. To the guy that defends your right to call him a Pig. To the countless, life-changing sacrifices you make on a daily basis… THANK YOU. 

Do yourself and your community a favor and start finding the thankless and thanking them. It will go a very long way. Stop talking about how the world needs to change and BE the change you want to see. Start with Gratitude. If you’ll start each day with gratitude, the rest of the day stays in proper focus and perspective. Prove me wrong. I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Music Can’t Affect Me

Music can’t affect me

There I am, when they play Elvis clips on TV, one after another. I’m glued to the screen. I can’t move. Captivated by this guy. The most interesting part is…I’m 2 years old! So how does this music have this much of an impact on me?

I’m not sure we truly understand the affect and impact that music has on us, whether consciously or subconsciously. To most, it’s just a fun way to kill time or take our mind off of things. At least that’s what we think. It’s actually much more than that.

To cover this correctly, we must dive in to its origin. Music was in heaven before earth was created. Ezekiel 28 speaks of instruments and Isaiah 14 speaks of Lucifer’s belief that he was the most high. He quickly found out otherwise. So yes, it is widely believed Lucifer was in charge of music in heaven. He then decided he was greater and more beautiful than God Himself. He was removed and took a third of the angels with him, convincingly. This means he was very persuasive. That’s like saying “hey, Ruth’s Chris is overrated. Let’s go to Jim’s taco shack!”…and off they went. Satan has skills in sales.

So understanding that music was spiritual long before earth was created is important. It is first and foremost a supernatural existence. Now that we understand that, we can dive in to how it affects us.

I’ll never forget the morning. I was just out of high school. I was already performing shows. After one particular show, the next morning my dad says (loudly) “I don’t know what your problem is, but that was terrible. Fix it and fix it FAST!” Somehow I knew almost immediately what he was referring to. The reason I knew was because I received a lot of compliments and knew my voice was on that night. So it wasn’t the performance itself. He may not have even known it, but he was referring to the spirit behind the performance. The week leading up to that show, I was living like total hell. Doing anything and everything I’ve ever been taught NOT to do. So while my vocal performance was on point, the spirit behind it was that of lawlessness, recklessness, and rebelliousness. The opposite is just as true. I once sang the saddest, most miserable Merle Haggard song in a bar and after the set, someone came up to me and told me they literally felt Jesus in the room. My life leading up to that was in line with Godly living.

How you live your life and how you conduct yourself and where your heart truly is, determines the spirit behind your art and your life in general. There’s no way around it. This explains why sometimes you’re being led in worship and feel like you just want it to stop because it seems anything but God-like. Sometimes it’s because the leader isn’t worshiping. He’s either hiding what he’s truly thinking or putting on a show so everyone will notice how great he/she is. If it’s not worship, the congregation will know it. Side note for worship leaders: If you’re singing 247 notes over 1 word, note to self… almost all of the people you’re leading can’t do that. So it becomes a concert. Stop putting on concerts and start worshiping. I was a worship leader at our church at a young age. I’m more than capable of delivering “vocal gymnastics”, as some of my friends would call it. But when I led worship, I didn’t. I kept it in range so everyone could join in. No one really cares how good you are when they’re trying to worship their God. This isn’t about you. It’s about HIM. So please, just stop! (Steps off soapbox)

Another important thing to discuss concerning music is that because it’s supernatural first, then its words and music impact your mind. It falls in to the “Garbage in-garbage out” category. Not trying to pick on a genre, but the majority of rap has no inspirational value. It’s mostly boastful, degrading and proud of being the least moral people you know. But our society embraces it. Mainly because of the hypnotic beats and patterns that move us. You must understand that while you may not be paying attention to the lyrics, they’re entering your mind regardless. I’ll give you an example.

Someone I know very well, when he was a teenager, he began listening to “gangsta rap.” This kid was a kind, fun, humorous, laid back dude. Over time, he became quieter, angrier, and more miserable. His father entered his room and asked for all of his music (before the days of digital music). As his dad went through the music, everything that his dad didn’t approve of hit the trash can. Almost overnight, the attitude changed.

Whether we like it or not, we are directly affected by the music that is around us. What goes in our ears, whether we even realize it or not, affects how we act, react and treat others.

I’m not suggesting that we all listen to only Christian music. Not at all. I’m saying, be mindful. Be aware of the words that are being sung/spoken. Here’s what I’m saying, if I say “to the windows, to the wall” and you know exactly what I’m referring to and not only have no problem with the song but also love it, then you definitely need to reevaluate where God is in your life. That song is not ok. It’s not cute. It’s not necessary. It affects you, whether you like it or not. Didn’t mean to step on toes, but it is what it is… and it’s real!

The main thing songs like that do is desensitize you. One of the primary tools to hearing what God is telling you is being sensitive to what He’s saying. If you break down that sensitivity, you have a harder time hearing Him. Remember, if Satan was in charge of music, don’t you think he knows that it’s a tool he can use against you? And if he knows that, why don’t we acknowledge that? Never forget that the #1 tool of the enemy in warfare is to make you believe there isn’t a battle at all. Then you are overtaken by it and never saw it coming. Do not be deceived. There is a war for you. And music can play a role. Whether it’s a role FOR YOU or AGAINST YOU…is UP TO YOU.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Jim, James, and Jussie

If there’s ever been a time for a need to believe in something bigger than yourself, it’s NOW! We all know someone who has lost the battle against suicide. There’s so much there. Cancer continues to wreak havoc on society as well. It doesn’t care who you are, how much money you have, it simply takes no prisoners. It goes after you blindly. And hate. There’s simply no room for it in society. But it continues.

We’ve all lost someone to suicide. We remember the initial feelings of shock and doubt. I’ve written an entire blog dedicated to this subject alone, so I won’t rehash it all. But the key to this problem is isolation. If the enemy can get us isolated, he can convince us of the lies that we’re not needed anymore. But the newest crisis is just that, a crisis. Ministers committing suicide. The latest victim was this week, Pastor Jim Howard of Real Life Church took his own life. While I have no idea what his life was like, the first thing I thought was all the “church faces” we put on when we walk in. I thought about all the facades that we continue to project so that we’re not embarrassed by our reality. Former pastor Steve Austin once wrote, “I’m a pastor, but my faith didn’t stop me from attempting suicide… In the past 4 years, the power of vulnerability, courage and grace have made my life better. Transformation has come from connecting with other people THROUGH our brokenness, not in SPITE of it.” It’s this lack of vulnerability and willingness to just be who we are and not be above help, that’s killing ministers and Christians everywhere. In case you haven’t figured it out, there’s only been one perfect dude… and you’re not Him. So embrace your humanity and be vulnerable. We were created to be co-dependent. That was God’s design.

We’ve all lost someone to cancer. We know who they were before they found out. We know who they were after. We know what it was like watching them suffer. We know how strong they were through the entire process. Most of us also remember the feeling of how unfair this was to take someone like them. Inevitably, it’s accomplished one of two responses to faith. Either a stronger belief in the Creator, knowing that He is still in control and will make someone better because of this…OR someone who questions or even loses faith in anything that would “let this happen”. This week the music industry lost a legend. One of the greatest voices off all time, James Ingram, to cancer. I’ve lost quite a few friends to this. But one friend was quoted as saying, “why not me? If it causes people to come together in love and be closer to God, then why not me!?” That may be the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard someone say. Basically, he’ll die so we can be closer to God. Well, it worked. A large church filled up quickly to celebrate his life and before you knew it, men and women of all ages, races and cultural backgrounds were worshiping One God, with One Voice. It was amazing. For me, it changed the way I viewed friendships. He and I had grown close. Just being friends with him taught me how to be a better friend. So while I’ll never understand why God decided to welcome this incredible human being to heaven instead of someone like me, what I will understand is the unmatched power that God displays in times like these. But I’ll still simply never understand pure hate.

Here we are in 2019, and we are still raising kids to hate. To believe it’s ok to attack someone because you don’t agree with their lifestyle, political or religious choices. It’s simply not ok. This goes partially to a blog I wrote about tribalism. Our “team” is under attack or they’re on the other “team” so I need to attack. Neither is right. But there’s really more to this.

As a nation we are headed for another civil war if we don’t understand that rights without virtues are incapable of preventing violence.

There was a report that Jussie Smollett was allegedly brutally attacked for no other reason than his skin color and his choice in lifestyle. Again, I don’t know him, but no one deserves that. While we now know that this was a completely fabricated story, it’s still happening in our country. You may say, “but we all have rights and they infringed on his rights…they should pay!” And you would be correct. But someone’s rights doesn’t stop them from an attack. The attackers’ lack of virtue makes it possible. We can put as many laws in place that we want, and some are useful. But until we begin to change hearts, we will stay on this decline. That means when someone worships a different God than you, when someone chooses a different sexual lifestyle than you do, when someone gets piercings and tattoos where you never would, that you LOVE them right where they are.  You simply refuse to hate. You refuse to neglect. You refuse to make them feel bad for choices they made simply because you wouldn’t have made the same choices. That doesn’t make your choices right or better. It just makes them different. And even if someone is making bad choices, no one ever changed their mind as a result of fear, anger and judgment. Every person I know that changed their minds on bad choices, changed because someone loved them anyway. Every. Single. Time.

The running theme in all 3 stories is that God’s love and our love for each other and the outright dependency on others are literally the only things that sustain you beyond these difficulties. It’s the only thing that guides you through the loss of someone to cancer; through the whirlwind of emotions after someone takes their own life; and through the anger and hurt of someone striking with hate. It all comes back to Him. The revolutionary idea that God can fix it… it’s real. Just remember that God used people all through the Bible and continues to today. So let them see a horizontal version of God first. Then they’ll chase the Vertical God. May peace that surpasses all ability to understand it descend on the families of Jim, James, and Jussie.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger