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She Will Marry YOU

She’s Going to Marry You

I’d give anything to go back to the day when my daughter, Rainey, was 3 years old. She dressed up in a wedding dress and made me walk down the aisle with her. Fast forward 13 years and she introduces me to her boyfriend…and he looks like a mini-me. Not that I didn’t already know it, but it really hit me at that moment… She’s dating…me.

I’ve said before that all I was ever around growing up was boys. All my friends were boys with the exception of 2 amazing young ladies. And they were tomboys. So I quickly bought some books on how to be a father to a girl. I was literally thinking, “What do girls eat? Do they really cry about everything? I wonder what my jail cell will look like when she’s 16.” I had no clue! After reading some books on it, I gained a new understanding and appreciation for girls.

I learned that if you break them, if you’re too loud when getting on to them, if you show any amount of anger, it breaks them. They don’t recover as quickly as boys. They hold on to that grudge (some things never change no matter how old they get). You have to be gentle and win them over. But the biggest thing I learned had nothing to do with discipline.

I learned that their entire view of themselves comes directly from ME. Great. I definitely didn’t feel adequate for this. Her self-esteem, self-image, self-worth, comes from me… good or bad. If I treat them with respect, they will respect themselves. If I love them, they’ll love themselves. If I talk down to them, they’ll think down of themselves. It’s all related. Mothers are great teachers but it’s scientifically proven that absent fathers leave a huge void in their daughters that they look for in every man they encounter. Fathers possess something that mothers don’t.

God created mankind with relationships in mind. The most important relationship being between God and us. Fathers are the representation of God to his children. If we’re mean and absent, they’ll grow up thinking God is mean and absent. If we are gentle and positive, they’ll grow up thinking God is gentle and positive. 

Obviously, there is grace (and an extra special spa in heaven) for single mothers. But at the end of the day, it’s simply not God’s design for children to be fatherless. Children, especially girls, need fathers. I remember the story of Bob Mumford being on a plane sitting next to a high priest in the satanic church. This priest told him that their number one objective is to remove fathers from the family and Christian church. Even Satan recognizes the need for fathers. The easiest way for an enemy to win a battle is to make you think there isn’t one to begin with. So let’s all agree now…that there is a battle. A battle for fathers. We can also agree that we’ll help each other out in those dark times where the battle/opposition seems too strong. BE THERE FOR HER.

Because she will marry… YOU.

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Relationship Priorities

Relationship Priorities:


This gets quite sticky and murky for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. God created things in life to be in a certain order. If we stay in that order, we find peace that passes all understanding. If we don’t, we find constant strife and can’t figure out why. Well, let me explain why…
Our relationships should be in this order:

1- God
2- Spouse
3- Children
4- Church family
5- Everyone else

The problem is simple. We get these out of order based on something someone did or didn’t do. Most of us find ourselves putting #3 ahead of the first 2. “But I have to be here for the kids first. Hubby don’t like it, he’s got to go!” That’s a problem. Huge problem. But it’s very common. There is an epidemic of kids growing up thinking they are much more amazing than they are. That merely being born entitles them to rights above anyone else. They are living with the belief that the world has short changed them because it’s nothing like what mom and dad said it would be. We see a growing number of kids that are questioning and disrespecting authority with no reason. They have no regard for any authority figure. Sometimes it’s because their authority figure is really their friend…oops, I said it. What I’ve found is that often times, the parents don’t realize they are in error until it’s too late. They don’t want to raise an irreverent kid, but it’s happening. They don’t want to raise a kid that can’t take care of themselves, but a 30 year old had to be kicked out of his parents’ house… by a judge. So for those that are wondering if you’re getting it right as a parent, God gives us many ways to tell.

My mom always said she never wanted to raise a child that no one wanted to be around. She succeeded in trying with all 4 boys but unfortunately, I’m not a highly sought after guy. Haha. But what I was taught will stick around forever. My dad once grabbed me and literally threw me out the front door and said, “Don’t come back until you learn how to talk to my wife!” What stuck out was that he didn’t called her mom, or by her name. He called her “my wife.” That sent the message that she was more important than I was. She came before me. I apparently needed to hear that.

When a child knows he or she is first, they live in a place of (false) authority that was never granted by God. This improper placement of authority causes them to say and do things that are not in line with God’s design for children. But when they know they are 3rd after God and mom/dad, they begin to know their place. Their place is NOT the center of our universe. Their place is to learn to obey, love, and honor…in that order. Notice I said obey first. If they’re taught to obey, they will know how to love and honor. As adults, God requires obedience from us that seems impossible at times. How can they be prepared for that if we don’t teach it to them as kids?

This one’s tough, but has to be said again- You are NOT called to be your children’s friend. You were called by God to be a good steward over what is God’s. To teach, instill, and prepare them to “leave mother and father and cleave to each other”. Regardless of how backwards this sounds, if children are given boundaries (discipline), they feel safe, even though they are crying because they didn’t get their way. If they see that mom and dad are together on issues, there is large place of protection that they are aware of but don’t know how to communicate that. Not only do they not know how to communicate it, they test it to make sure it’s strong. If they see that they really aren’t that important…that mommy and daddy come before them, they will learn obedience, God’s order, true love, and it will prepare them to know the heart of God and be successful in their relationships in the future. He created everything to bring us closer to Him. This can’t happen if we’re shifting relationship priorities around.

Now I understand the things that happen. “My husband is abusive.” Or “my wife is an alcoholic…so I put all my effort in to someone who loves me unconditionally. Makes sense to me.” But it doesn’t make sense to God. Paul said “I die to myself daily”. What makes sense to God is to put all your effort in mending the marriage relationship FIRST. Out of that restoration, the children will flourish. But not until then. If you shift your focus that belongs on your marriage over to your children, you have placed a burden on them that they can’t handle…that they shouldn’t handle. Worse yet, if you place God second to anyone, you have walked right out of God’s order and the blessings cease. Please understand that by blessings, I don’t mean money. God’s not limited to money. I mean that when you need peace under pressure, when you need something to lift you up over a storm that you can’t handle, you have no idea where to turn…because you walked out of God’s favor, blessing, and order. But, when God is first, your spouse is second and your children are 3rd, and when those times come, you will know how to handle them because “the steps of the righteous are ordered.” This is a lot easier to say than it is to do, but it needs to happen.

We (starting with me) have to understand our proper roles in raising children and always remember that YOU ARE TEACHING THEM IN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND DON’T DO. They are always learning from you. Whether you realize it or not. If my daughters cried for something as a small child, they immediately forfeited their right to it solely based on the fact that they cried for it. If they asked politely, they got it almost every time. The times that they didn’t receive it, most of the time, they were explained why and they understood, most of the time. They were learning early on that crying for something was the wrong way to go about it. As a result, I feel as though I have well-adjusted girls that understand that everything I do or don’t do is out of love and God’s order. If this spoke to you, feel free to share. It’s meant to encourage, not condemn.

Stay Classy, GP (God’s People).

Grainger

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Giving is ALWAYS for the Giver

Giving is ALWAYS for the giver. Receiving is ALWAYS a burden. Once we understand this basic principal, we can proceed with caution. We are all quick to receive. Gimme gimme gimme. We are usually reluctant to give, unless someone is watching. But here’s the problem…

I’ll never forget the time we rescued an Australian Shepherd puppy. He was too young to have done anything that he was born to do. We put in an ad to place him and a farmer calls. We take him to the farm to meet the farmer. The puppy sees the herd of cattle and starts panting and wagging his tail. Keep in mind that there’s a very slim chance he’s ever seen a cow in his young life. We disclaim to the farmer that he may take some time to be trained because he’s never been out of a suburban neighborhood that we know of. The farmer then looks to him and says, “Go ahead boy!” he looks up at us as if to ask permission. We say “Go!” He takes off like lightening and immediately successfully herds the cattle where the farmer wanted them. He was born to do this. He never had to be taught. It was purely innate in him. We don’t have to be taught to give. It’s innate in us. It causes all types of things to happen. Science tells us that giving, no matter how big or small, releases endorphins in our brain. There’s a reason. The Creator made us that way. This explains a parents’ delight in watching their children open Christmas presents. Parents benefit more than the child. The Bible actually says “Give and it will be given back, pressed down, shaken together and running over”…in Red letters, btw. So the measure in which we give will be given back. But what about receiving?

This is where the whole conversation gets tough. We like to receive things. I know I do. But what we have to understand is that if we’re receiving something, it’s usually because we lack it. Once we receive what we lack, it instantly becomes a burden until it is used correctly. One example of this that is familiar to me is when someone in a visible position receives compliments. They are showered with, “you’re the best singer in the world!” or “you are so awesome!” So far there’s nothing wrong. What they do with those compliments is the key. If they choose to wear them, thereby believing that they are the reason for the compliments, then the problem begins. But if they collect it to the side and later, in the quiet place, offer them to God saying, “Hey, look what they said about you”, then the compliment is no longer a burden.

See, we weren’t meant for that much praise. We weren’t designed to receive. We were designed to give. I personally believe this is what killed Elvis. He didn’t know what to do with all the accolades and began believing that he was the reason for the success, instead of believing that God was the reason for it all. There were times in his life that he gave God credit. He even recorded true Gospel records later in life. But he was never consistent in offering the praise in the proper direction. So next time someone is offering something, make sure you’re able to use it, or distribute it correctly before agreeing. Remember though, sometimes it’s necessary to receive what someone is giving just to
make sure you’re not robbing them of a blessing. But again, making sure that you use the gift properly or it will become and remain a burden.

Something that was previously mentioned is the fact that we only give if someone is watching. Why is that? What is it that makes us need to be recognized for our giving? The answer is quite simple, yet very complex. The simple answer is that we don’t fully understand who we are in Christ. If we knew exactly who God says we are and bought into that, we wouldn’t need anyone else to pat us on the back for doing what God calls us to do on a daily basis. After healing the man with leprosy, Jesus told him not to tell anyone who did this. Why would He do that? Because he understood this principal and as a result, his genuine concern was for the welfare of this man and not His self-promotion.

So knowing all of this, why is it so tough to just give? I’m as guilty, if not more guilty than anyone reading this. We could talk all day about the various answers to this question but it comes down to one primary thing. We simply don’t trust God. We believe that we must hang on to what we have for fear that we’ll never have it again. But God said “give and it will be given back to you”… so why don’t we just give? Trust. Lack of trust also stems from a need for control. If you’ve lived a chaotic life, full of dysfunction, having never been in control of anything that happened to you, you feel the need to be in total control of your life from here on. Sometimes, trusting God means not being in total control. (Lord have mercy! Now I know what mt father means when he says that he often preaches to an audience of one-himself). I didn’t grow up in dysfunction. But I still struggle with trusting immensely. The fact remains, once we trust, giving follows. And what follows that… is the coolest chapter of your life.

Lastly as a side note, I’ve, all too often, heard ministers referring to Tithes as generosity. The two are not related. Proper perspective is everything. Tithe is obedience. Malachi 3:8. What you give above that is generosity. So when reviewing this, don’t consider tithe as giving. It’s relinquishing what wasn’t yours in the first place. Giving is above and beyond that. Well, this was going great until I said that. HA! Truth is truth. I didn’t make it up. I just scribed it down.
Giving is ALWAYS for the giver.