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Who Do You Know?

I’m standing there with a group of friends and one says to another, “do you know Jim Smith?” Chris answered yes. Mike then asked, “where is he from?” Chris didn’t know. “Is he married?” Chris still didn’t know. “Does he have kids?” Again, Chris had no idea. Mike said, “I guess you don’t know him really well, do you? Haha!” (I changed all the names to protect the innocent). But this is exactly what WE do. Let me explain.

When I met Jennifer, there was a time shortly after when I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know her better. So we became friends. I called her on the phone and we talked for hours. Sometimes 3 or 4 hours at a time. She’d call me and we’d talk for hours again. I began wanting to know what she was like. What type of things she liked. I began reading her social media posts. I began asking people who knew her to tell me more about her. All of this and we were just friends. We had no romantic feelings at all towards each other. Just friends. But I had to know her. Not just know about her. And I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone I was her friend if I couldn’t tell them some things about her. Where she was from. Where she worked… something.

Right now, if someone said, “Do you know Jason Grainger?”, if you said yes, how much information would you be able to give them? Where is he from? Where did he go to school? What does he do now? Does he have children? And the only way you find that information is by either asking people who know him and trusting they’ll give you a truthful answer or reading about him or asking him yourself.

This is precisely where most Americans get it wrong. We say, “I’m a Christian” or “I believe in Jesus.” But do we really? Or are we saying that because we kind of believe in something greater and don’t want people to judge us for not really knowing much about God or any of that spiritual nonsense?

See, if you claim, AT ALL, that you are either Christian or “believe in Jesus”, then this means you have, at least, a basic knowledge of who He says He is. And if that’s the case, this would lead you to want to know more about this man. I mean, who are you casually professing to know? Supposedly this guy allowed Himself to be murdered so you and I could live. Kind of a big deal.

I’m firmly of the belief that you CANNOT possibly claim, in any context, that you believe in Jesus, but you don’t pursue Him. Anyone that you want to know, you pursue. You read about them. Ask others about them. I tell my kids all the time that who they are is completely wrapped up in who God says they are. But the only way they find out what He says is to read about Him and what He said about us.

“But I don’t need anyone to tell me who Jesus is. I have my own belief in who He is to me!” This is said quite often. The problem is, it couldn’t be further from the truth. The reason? He was a LIVING MAN. Not a fairy tale creature in a children’s book. He lived, walked among us, and left people around Him in awe at the things He did and said. That’s like saying, “I have my own belief about who Michael Jordan is to me.” But knowing absolutely nothing about basketball or the Chicago Bulls. If I can’t tell you that he played for the Chicago Bulls or that he played for North Carolina, then my “belief system” is empty, useless and thereby wrong! I have to read about Jordan. Watch his old games. Ask people that knew about him. We don’t get to have an interpretation about facts. They’re just facts. But we do get to learn about those facts.

So here’s my challenge to us. Learn who Jesus is and was. Read everything you can get your hands on. Find out what types of things he liked and disliked. Where did He like to go? Who did He like to hang out with? What kind of promises did He make? Who was His mother? What was she like?

The only way that’s going to happen is to get around other people who are in pursuit of the greatest speaker, doctor, leader of all time. It’s going to require us to go to places where other people are talking about this man. Its going to require that we read books, articles, listen to podcasts, watch video clips. So we can learn everything we can about Him.

I’m not saying for one minute to turn yourself into a religious nut. Quite the opposite. I’m a huge sports fan. Huge fan of good music. I’m simply saying that if I’m going to say He’s someone I know, I better have done my homework.

At this point, there are times when Jennifer gives me a look and I know what she’s thinking. Just the other night she gave this look and I said, “you don’t want to fix anything for dinner and would rather go somewhere, wouldn’t you?” She just smiled. I know what she’s going to say, sometimes, before she says it. That’s because I’ve learned her nature. I’ve learned what she likes and dislikes. I know Jennifer Grainger!

If someone asks you about Jesus, what will be your response? Could you imagine someone calling you their friend but every time you call, they never answer or reply to a text? You’d probably think they weren’t a very good friend. And maybe they need to stop calling you their friend. They’re not a good friend at all. This is what I’d think if I was Jesus. He’s tried to reach out to us and we refuse to pursue a friendship with Him. We pretend to know Him in front of other people because it’s socially acceptable, but we really know nothing about Him.  

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. But it’s a good place to start learning about this man you claim to believe in. Just start. Move in a forward direction. Start now. Learn everything you can. It will literally change your life.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Least Likely Source

You’re looking for a sign. You’ve asked for a sign. But the entire time, it was flashing right in front of you, but you didn’t see it because you had predetermined how it should look and what it was going to be like. We’ve all been there.

It reminds me of the story of a town that was flooding. One man’s house was flooding and another man came by with a small boat and said “get in the boat or you will drown.” The man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” Then when the water was higher, a man came by with a large boat and said, “get in the boat or you will drown.” The man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” The water got so high that the man was standing on his roof. A man came by in a helicopter and said, “Get in or you will drown!” But the man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” Then the man drowned. When he got to heaven, he said to God, “I told them you would save me but you didn’t! Why didn’t you save me?!” God said, “I tried to… three times.”

It happens all too often. We expect things to look a certain way and miss out on what God wanted for us because He tried it His way instead of ours. See, He has this silly notion that He’s… well… GOD. Weird, I know. We ask for something, then decide ahead of time how this prayer will be answered. Except, God knows a better way. Here’s the problem, if we’re not open to ideas that are not our own, we miss the blessing entirely. Let me tell you a story about a little girl that had the opportunity to miss out on what God had, but instead, chose to let God be God. 

This little girl grows up with a father that was verbally abusive and an angry alcoholic. She learns to resent him and only lean on him for very practical things, but never for emotional support or love of any kind. She grows up and makes a series of bad decisions. Finds herself in front of a judge. At 16, she finds herself single and pregnant. Finds herself feeling very alone and in desperation. She turns to the least likely source as a last-resort option for help getting out of the mess she’s found herself in. She turns to the very man she resents. Her father. Given this chance, he says these words to her, “When you don’t know what else to do, turn to God and pray. He always comes through.” She did NOT expect those words to come out of his mouth. She never thought about God using her dad to point her in the right direction, but He did.

She had an opportunity to write him off as some self-promoting, insane, babbling idiot. But she didn’t. She listened. That night, she turned it all over to God. She let go of trying to figure it all out. She began living her life as if God was the only father she ever had or needed.

Today, she is a successful young lady with 5 children, one grandchild, 3 businesses, a home and a caring husband (I happen to know her quite well). All because she listened to the least likely source. It’s just another story among many. There are so many like this. But if we find ourselves having decided ahead of time what it should look like, we will miss it altogether.

I’ll leave you with this story to illustrate what I’m talking about. I met a young lady on the road during my days as a traveling musician who came to the autograph line crying. I asked why she was crying. She said because it was a miracle she was there. See… every morning before work she’d say a very quick prayer for safety then jump in the car and head to work. But one day, a Wednesday to be exact, her car wouldn’t start. She tried over and over but it wouldn’t start. She went inside, called her work and informed them she couldn’t get her car to start. She then walked outside and figured she’d give it one more shot. It started like nothing was wrong. So she headed toward work, but was late. See, she lived in Oklahoma City and her route to work takes her right by the Murrah Federal building. And had she been on time that morning of April 19th, 1995, she would’ve been right next to the truck that exploded.

Her answer didn’t come in the way she thought it would. She asked for safety and God kept her car from starting… for just a few minutes. What she originally thought was turning out to be a frustrating morning (for many others, it was a horrible day), turned out to be a life saver. A car not starting was the least likely source of an answered prayer.

What’s the prayer you’ve been asking for? The way you think that prayer should be answered… drop it and open your eyes. Chances are, it’s been answered, but in a way you didn’t expect. Begin to expect the unexpected and be open to blessings. See, if you’re looking for the wrong in everyday life, you’ll find it. But if you’re looking for the blessings in everyday life, you’ll also find them. Especially if you’re looking at the Least Likely Source.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Equality or Superiority?

Imagine if it was taboo to eat banana pudding. Then one day, it becomes widely accepted and quite normal to enjoy banana pudding. So much that if you are caught saying you don’t like the taste of banana pudding, you’re inciting violence and using hate speech. It’s not enough that everyone is now allowed to eat banana pudding. You have to be chastised, sued and prosecuted if you DON’T like banana pudding because that goes against my personal preference and I’ve been a banana pudding fan for many years and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. That sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly where we are.

We’ve seen groups of people in our country through the years, treated very poorly. Native Americans, Irish Americans, Women… and so on. This country certainly has a dark history of spotlighting groups of people and oppressing them. I don’t take lightly, for a moment, the barbaric fabric of the civil atrocities that took place in our nation’s history. I believe it hurt many people. I believe the cuts are still healing. For women, for Irish-Americans, homosexuals, and so on. It isn’t as easy to just say, “We’re good. Move on!” It’s just not that easy. But this country also has a long history of righting those mistakes and moving forward. We have native American women that occupy public office positions in government now. We are moving in the right direction.

As someone who didn’t have to endure any of that, I tread lightly on this subject. But it needs to be addressed nonetheless. These various groups of people had different responses to their oppression. The emotional toll it takes on its victims is staggering. The anger, feeling of rejection, bitterness, depression that comes with being treated so poorly is very real. The problem comes when the wrong has been corrected, but the anger and resentment are still there. Then what do we do?

That’s where this conversation gets difficult. When a group of people are being done wrong, the ones that overcame that, did so by mob rule. I don’t mean that bad, at all. I mean that as a necessity because no one would listen until an entire group of people just rose up and said they’d had enough! It took that level of fight to get everyone’s attention to the civil atrocities taking place in our country.

Eventually, those wrongs were fixed. They were corrected. There is statistical evidence to show that those civil atrocities no longer exist on a wide-scale, or institutional basis. We are now, statistically, more equal and more fair than ever before in the history of our country. But what happens when we’ve reached this level of equality, but it doesn’t FEEL like it?

It is precisely at this moment when we leave the arena of legislation and enter the realm of personal responsibility. If we have been given equal access to civility, but we still feel disenfranchised, angry, resentful, bitter, frustrated, then we sometimes go with our feelings instead of the facts. We leave the feelings unchecked. And if the feeling is still there, then surely, we are NOT EQUAL, right?! Again, you can’t legislate overcoming emotional damage. The damage is real. And as I’ve said before, it’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to willingly stay there. Personal responsibility leads us to a place where we understand that, yes, we were done wrong. But that has been rectified. I’m still angry about what happened but I want to heal and move in a forward direction.

The problem is, not everyone can do that. And when they don’t, society pays the price. When equality has been reached, but you don’t feel like it has, you are forced to continue to press on to what you believe is actual equality- which is, in reality, superiority. You begin to buy in to the notion that everyone owes you because you were done wrong for so long. Those that you believe did you wrong should pay and pay and continue to pay… then pay some more. They should lose rights while you gain more. Which is a tangible example of inequality through superiority. “I get to have my own type of business that’s only for my people. You can’t have one!” That, in itself, is NOT equal, but superior. “I get to be over you. I get to partake in certain things in life that you can’t.” Again, superior, not equal.

Unfortunately, American society has reached a place where the feelings are taking total precedent over the facts and statistical data. And we have entirely lost our ability to engage in civil discourse. If you don’t agree with me, then you are spewing hate speech, some would lead you to believe.  

Why did Chik-fil-A make the proclamation that they did? I have no idea. They are allowed to distribute their donation funds wherever they want. But, unfortunately, it appears that the purpose is to avoid having to stand up for personal and religious rights, which include the right to free speech and right to religious expression. 

Hear me clearly: to be pro-God DOES NOT mean you are anti-LGBT. God is pro everyone. That includes LGBT. Every human being. The only disagreement is whether or not it is acceptable or wrong to be homosexual in the eyes of God. But this has nothing to do with how I’m going to treat you, or anyone else for that matter. I can disagree with you and not hate you. I’ve been instructed by my God to love my neighbor as myself. He didn’t say, love him as long as he is just like you. He simply said to love him.

Where does this leave us? Back to the conversation of personal responsibility. We should be tired of being the victim and begin to live victoriously. We should never wait for the government to determine our destiny or direction in life. We should never rely on government for anything. We should decide that although there are times when we are done wrong, the entire group of people that person represents isn’t responsible. Just that person. We should get to a place where we stop blaming groups for the immoral and unethical acts of individuals. If we can get there, we stop looking for superiority and can rest in the equality of our nation. Great… now I’m hungry for waffle fries and banana pudding!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Image vs Reality

We see it on Instagram and Facebook every day. The image is surreal. Utopia. But the reality is damage control and brokenness. We, as a society, spend so much time creating an image that doesn’t represent who we are at all. We do this for various reasons. But, unfortunately, the church is the world’s worst!

I’ll never forget a friend of mine in the 5th grade. His image was that of perfection. The best clothes. The nicest backpack. Everyone wanted to be like him. Then came the day I was invited to his house after a soccer game. He didn’t seem wild about that. But his mom was being nice, so I went. When I get there, I get the real picture. His dad was verbally abusive. The house was rather dirty- like “dirt” dirty. Filth. Not what you’d expect from the golden boy of 5th grade. He seemed miserable and embarrassed the entire time I was there. The next day at school, he was avoiding me but managing to keep up the pretty boy, “got it all together” image. Even as a 10 yr old, I knew that he wasn’t going to be any less miserable until he sought help. That pretending to be someone he wasn’t was only going to prolong the inevitable. No, I didn’t know what “inevitable” meant when I was 10. You know what I mean! HA.

The various reasons: The primary reason is the need to feel accepted. That need to be a part of something. We can’t let anyone know we don’t have it all together or they may not want to hang out with us. They may talk bad about me. I’ve always said that if we knew how little they actually thought or cared about us, we wouldn’t spend so much time worrying about what they think of us. But that need to be accepted is real. And it’s not going away. Also, this need to feel accepted is connected to what we put our hope in. Unfortunately, if our hope is in something that only lasts for a while, our need to be accepted by that which lasts a little while will damage us.

The solution here is to seek that which lasts forever. Seek people with that common bond. I know many reading this hate church. But this is exactly where you find this common bond. You’re there joined by an eternal purpose. It supersedes everything else. These people aren’t exactly your best friends, but they are there no matter what, when you’re dealing with a tough issue. That’s because of that eternal connection. The need to feel accepted begins and ends with an attachment to your maker. But this, in itself, creates another problem. Church Faces.

This is another reason people create images that aren’t true. Fear of someone knowing what they’re really going through. We all tend to put on faces to pretend everything is okay, especially those in church. People in churches put on church faces to pretend everything is just fine when, in reality, it’s not at all. The sooner the church people take off their “church faces”, the sooner people outside the church will want to come in. The image you need to create there, is one of acceptance. Yet another difficulty for church people. “I know for a fact that he’s gay. I’m not hugging him.” Or “I saw him doing cocaine in the bathroom at a restaurant last week. I can’t be seen with him.” This has to end. It has to stop. They need to see nothing but love and acceptance and let God do the convicting. But no one will come in if they think you have it all together. They can’t compete or be a part of that. They seek people who have problems like the ones they have. If you take your “church face” off, they’ll see that you have issues like them, and they’ll come in and together you’ll work through them.

The solution here is to be vulnerable. You can only experience the level of love that matches the level of vulnerability you have. The more vulnerable you are, the more love you experience. In that vulnerability, you find 3 things: 1- there are others dealing with what you’re dealing with. 2- it’s ok to be dealing with this problem. You don’t have to keep it a secret. 3- It’s not ok to stay there like it’s some private club you’re a part of. Right there, you’ll able to identify the problem, share it with others dealing with the same problem and begin to work on a way out. This can only come if you stop worrying about who knows what you’re really going through. Taking off the church face.

I personally believe that church faces have contributed to the rise in suicides among Christian pastors. The enemy has accomplished a few things. He managed to convince the pastor that he needs to pretend everything is ok. He’s also convinced him that his ministry will be much better off if he’s not in it, especially if someone finds out what he’s dealing with. The enemy has also convinced him that in putting on the church face, in order for no one to find out what he’s really dealing with, he must isolate himself. And once the enemy has you isolated, it’s open season. He simply takes aim and fires bullets relentlessly. But it started with church faces.

For this reason, I hate church faces. I hope after reading this, you do too. If you’re in a place where you can’t be you and still be accepted, find a new place. There are plenty around. God can only be a part of something if 2 things exist, Obedience and Love… in that order. You want to see people’s lives changed? Let them know they’re not alone in their every day struggles. That being a Jesus follower doesn’t mean you rid yourself of issues. It means that you have a new hope that is bigger than the issues you face.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Mac vs Moore

I’m not really sure why I’m’ weighing in on this but here it goes.

The mere fact that I had to title it “Mac vs Moore” instead of “Mac WITH Moore” is a sad thing. Two people that are supposed to be going the same direction, serving the same God, but one is throwing darts at the other. Where to begin….

First, I do believe that our society has spent way too much time trying to make everyone equal and alike that we have lost the ability to celebrate our differences as a positive thing. Regardless of our opinions, men have inherent qualities that women don’t usually possess. Likewise, women have innate qualities that men don’t usually possess. Women have a very keen sense of discernment. Their intuition is unmatched and real. Men have an ability to make a decision based solely on facts and completely irrespective of feelings. That’s just the beginning of the mass difference between men and women. They are different. Very different.

All the more reason to embrace men doing things to help other men and women doing things to help other women. Because we’re so different, we need someone who has walked our walk. Someone who knows what it’s like to have the weight of the family on their shoulders and be afraid to make a mistake. The single mother with a deadbeat-dad ex-husband isn’t going to ask for a man’s advice on this situation. She’s going to ask a woman who has dealt with this or knows someone who has.

That’s why Mac’s stance confuses me somewhat. I understand that biblically, there’s no evidence that women ever led a flock, nation, church. But Beth isn’t pastoring. She’s ministering. There’s a huge difference. And she’s ministering quite well. People like Beth Moore and Christine Caine are exactly what women need. Someone who understands the complex and intricate things that women deal with; things that men just don’t understand. Starting with their whacked-out emotions. Haha. I can be emotional, but a female’s emotions are on an entirely different level. How to navigate a difficult marriage; single motherhood; abusive relationships; difficulties in the workplace. These are only a very small portion of the things these female ministers address that is needed by women, for women. Just because Beth Moore may not be your cup of tea, doesn’t mean tea is bad. It just means you need to find a different drink.

So maybe we figure out a way to celebrate the individuality of everyone. Maybe we figure out a way to celebrate our differences. Maybe we realize we have strengths and weaknesses and help each other when we have strength where they have a weakness, and vice versa.

I’m a firm believer that there is no greater testimony than that of someone who has known, loved and followed God their entire life. No one can convince me otherwise. Someone who has known God their entire life has a VERY valid wealth of experience and can effectively communicate God’s nature to someone who doesn’t know God. They can offer sound advice based on their knowledge of God’s word and their own life experiences. Having said that, there’s also something to be said for recovering drug addicts helping struggling addicts. There something to be said for those who have walked the broken path, to help those still on that path get off. Alcoholics are going to listen very closely to someone who has been down that dark road. Domestic abuse victims are going to follow someone who still has the scars from their own abusive relationship. It’s just the nature of human beings and there’s nothing wrong with it and it should be celebrated.

Men have spiritual insight for men. Women have spiritual insight for women. Former addicts have spiritual insight for current addicts… and so on. Let God use whoever He will use to reach His children. Because I’m fully convinced that there’s simply no way you can look at the life of Beth Moore and Christine Caine and say, “God’s not using them.” That’s just not possible. God’s using them in powerful ways. And will continue to, now that Big Mac decided to pick on a girl. “Hell hath no fury…”

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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You Can’t Judge Me

You can’t! Or can you? This phrase gets misused…often. So I figured it’s about time I addressed it. We all hear it. Especially when someone has done something very wrong or just used very poor judgment. To be clear, I’ve done both of those many times. So in that regard, I don’t “judge” anyone either. But is that an acceptable response when we do those things?

To be clear, I’m firmly of the belief that there is forgiveness for anything. That God is bigger than your problems. That you didn’t do anything to earn God’s love, so you can’t do anything to lose it. I believe that no matter how “big” the mistake, God is bigger and ready to move forward and move on. I also believe that if there is a true change of heart, then you accept the fact that God loves you where you are but loves you too much to leave you where you are. Having said that, when confronted by someone with the realization that what you’re doing is wrong, if your go-to phrase is “you can’t judge me!”, then we’re no longer talking about someone that is looking for help. We’re now talking about someone that refuses help, thus completely stifling your growth as a person.  

Here’s the thing about that phrase. It’s usually used as an attempt to remove shame and/or attention. “You aren’t perfect, so you can’t judge me.” It’s also become a self-serving license to live how we want with zero accountability for our actions. “I can do whatever I want and you can’t judge me!” Obviously, neither is good or correct.

The first, “you aren’t perfect, so you can’t judge me”, If that’s where we live our lives, we only go backwards… at a fast pace. No one is perfect. So when you steal someone’s wallet for the 14th time in 2 months right after you got out of jail for the same offense, you still want no one to judge you? I’m not saying there isn’t help. What I’m saying is, if you have the propensity to make the same bad decision over and over, or even make a bunch of different bad decisions over and over, you need someone in your life “judging” you to help you fix the wrong path you’re on and improve the quality of your life. Claiming that no is perfect so no one can judge you allows you to just stay in same rut you’ve been in and dig it even deeper.

“I can do whatever I want and you can’t judge me.” This one is closely related. But maybe even worse. At least when you claim no one is perfect, you’re admitting what you’re doing is wrong on many levels. But doing whatever you want implies you have no intention of bettering yourself or just stopping the destructive behavior. This phrase often comes from a place of anger, resentment and on the defense. You feel attacked and are making yourself feel justified. You’re on a fast track to total destruction and You’re making every excuse why it’s ok. Well it’s not ok.

And what’s interesting is the verse people quote when they’re making this point. Luke 6:42 “How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite.” And this is where they stop.

They’ve justified their own transgressions. The problem is there’s more to the verse… “first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” He didn’t say you can’t point out the speck, He only said take your plank out first, THEN you’ll see the speck clearly.

This implies that we are, most certainly, supposed to judge each other. At least that’s what this passage says, “These are the things which you should do: speak the truth with one another; judge with truth and pronounce the judgment that brings peace in [the courts at] your gates.” ZECHARIAH 8:16 AMP

So what now? Start pointing fingers? Nope. Continue to open your arms to those that are struggling. Those that don’t know another way until you show them. Continue to remember the chains that God set you free from. Continue to celebrate with those making tough but eternal decisions. But also live your life with accountability. Surround yourself with people that will call you out (or judge you) and push you to be a better person. Stop using this phrase as a crutch and a license to stop growing as a person. Anything that comes easy, probably isn’t worth very much. It’s not easy to grow as a person. It’s not easy to be walking one direction and make a turn in the other, knowing you may lose some friends along the way. It’s tough. But it’s worth it in the long run. You can judge me… but always in love! 

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Hope in the Tunnel- Part 2: Your Story

In the first part, I told you my story. It’s an ugly story. But It’s a victorious and hopeful story too. Now let’s talk about your story… or someone you know.

Anxiety- “Intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations.” That’s the definition from the Mayo clinic.

First, if you want to hear an amazing message about worry, click HERE! It will change your life.

There are two different sides to this conversation telling two very different stories. One says, “It’s all in your head. You’re making this stuff up. Get up, get over it and move on!” The other side says, “It’s who I am! Nothing can change me. I just need to learn to deal with the new me.” I’m here to tell you that neither is true.

It’s not all in their heads. They didn’t consciously choose this. And in most cases, they don’t want this. They can’t just get over it and move on. It’s not that simple. For the time being, it owns them. But there’s hope in the tunnel.

The problem here though, is that some don’t seem to want out of the tunnel bad enough to make hard short-term decisions that have long term affects. In many cases, to remove the propensity for anxiety, you must remove that which is leading you there. And often times the very thing that is causing you anxiety is the thing or person that you love the most. That’s where this whole thing gets very tough. For some, it may take making the toughest decision of your life NOW in order to live a peaceful life LATER. Fear not, someone will be there to hold your hand all the way out of the tunnel.

For some, it has become a new identity. They see how people come to their rescue and defense. So this “can’t be a bad thing.” This comes from either 1- not enough attention growing up or 2- having your parents’ life revolve around you, then getting out in to the real world and realizing it’s nothing like that at all. No one cares as much as they did… until you had anxiety. Now they care! The glamorization of this is sickening. There’s nothing glamorous about it. Stop wearing it like a badge. Don’t be ashamed of it, but don’t be proud of it either. I’m telling you that you DON’T HAVE TO STAY IN THE TUNNEL.

The anxiety itself, is a symptom. Never the problem. Address the problem and the symptom is cured. I know it’s not that easy, but it is possible! If it’s not possible, then we don’t serve a very mighty God. If it’s not possible, then why did Paul say in 2nd Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind”…? Which one sounds like anxiety… power, love, sound mind… or fear? And if God doesn’t give it, then who does? The enemy. SO IT. MUST. GO. Remember, fear and worry are at the core of anxiety. So if God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, then He hasn’t given us anxiety either… He want’s you to be free of it! Maybe not right this second, but eventually.

I firmly believe that NO ONE is called to have anxiety. That you’re just stuck with it. That you’ll have it forever. I firmly believe that it’s not “who you are”. It may be where you are… but THERE IS HOPE IN THE TUNNEL.

Depression- “A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” That is the definition given by the Mayo Clinic.

Something that I firmly believe is that depression is more rampant today than maybe in any society in the history of our nation. There was a study done among high school students listing the top ten things students struggled with during high school. During the 1990’s, the #1 thing listed was drugs and alcohol. In today’s schools, drugs and alcohol are #10. The number one thing they struggle with today is anxiety and depression. That’s #1!

Many people in general, and especially students, have lost their sense of hope and belonging. They have lost, or never known, their place on earth. Identity is huge. My dad once dealt with this first hand as he was concluding one era of his ministry. He felt lost if he wasn’t pastoring. God spoke to him very clearly and said, “Who you are is a child of God. You are my son. Pastoring is what you DO.” This perspective has to permeate in your heart and mind. The quicker someone understands that who they are is completely wrapped up in who God is, the quicker they find their place, purpose, and calling.

I’ve been drafting this over the course of a week and in the middle of it, after I had written 75% of it, a young lady, a 14 year old freshman at my daughter’s school, decided to take her life. Her particular situation was bullying. But loss of hope was the key. The bullies took that hope. This thing is real. I’m a girl-dad so this crushes me. In the midst of this, I have been proud of both of my daughters in that school system. They told me they have been actively pursuing kids who are eating by themselves in order to help them feel included and combat depression. They hadn’t seen this particular girl and stated that had she been alone in any setting where they were, they would’ve pursued her. I love their hearts. I also feel terrible for this girl that she felt this was the only way out of her tunnel.

Community and service. That is how we get out of the tunnel. These truths are really the only thing that allowed me to get out of the tunnel as fast as I did. It isn’t always that fast. But knowing that if I am still breathing… God’s not done… this kept me going. That and my daughters. 

Getting out of that tunnel took real people, with real problems of their own reaching out to me and not letting me go backwards in the tunnel. It took community. I read about an experiment where they put a rat in a cage and gave it two options of water. One was regular water and the other was drug laced water. Each rat they experimented on, without exception, always chose the drug laced water and almost always overdosed quickly and died. Then they noticed something. They were putting the rat in there alone. What if they create a rat heaven community? Would they still want the drug water? So they put multiple rats in there of both genders, loads of cheese and tunnels. Then comes the amazing part, they all…100% of them chose the normal water and NONE chose the drug water. The solution was community. Whether we like it or not, we were called to be co-dependent.

Again, I’ll say, Community and service are clearly the keys out of the tunnel. Serve someone. Do something for someone else. You will quickly find yourself noticing a light at the end of that tunnel. And the more you are in your community and serving others, the brighter that light gets. Next thing you know, you’re out of the tunnel and you’re helping someone else out of their tunnel. You simply can NOT let yourself, or someone else, be isolated!

Isolation is the #1 tool of the enemy.

So please, keep your eyes and ears open. When you see someone in a tunnel, be the voice that guides them out. If you’re reading this and you’re the one in the tunnel, hold on, there’s HOPE IN THE TUNNEL!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Hope in the Tunnel- Part 1: My Story

I’m in a tunnel… and I don’t see an end to the tunnel. It’s so dark that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. Can’t see directions. Can’t tell if life is going on around me. Or if I’m just stuck in some chasm of hopelessness.

That pretty much summed where I was a few years back. But the story didn’t end there. While I was in the tunnel, a few things happened. First, I prayed the same prayer every single night for at least a year. “Lord, please take me in my sleep. I don’t want to wake up.” I really prayed this. Over and over. And began to get mad at God that He wasn’t listening. I was already mad at God for what had happened to get me here. More about that in a moment.

Though I couldn’t see around me, those around me knew I was there. They decided to guide me from place to place in this tunnel. I still couldn’t see but I could hear them. “No, don’t walk that way, walk this way.” Over time, I began to rely on those voices. I began to enjoy those voices. I began to believe those voices were around me for a reason. So little by little, God used those people to guide me further and further until I began to see a light. It was very dim, but it was there. And the more I headed in a forward direction, the brighter the light became. Until eventually, I was out of the tunnel.

How did I get there? In 2011, I got the call that I had received many times before, but this time it was crippling… it was final. Warner Brothers had officially passed on me and my band after we had verbally discussed and agreed on terms. Something happened within the label that made them bail on me at the last second and refused to sign any new acts for a while. The problem was, I was 36 years old. No one is looking for the next big 36 year old. I knew right then I had to hang it up. Grow up and get a real job.

Why was I so angry? Because I wasn’t trying to get a record deal to get famous or rich. I was doing exactly what I truly believed God had called me to. My talents, my desires, my surroundings. I received confirmation from many Godly people, including 3 pastors, that I was called to be light in a dark place. And that country music was to be my outlet. I’d given all of my “college” years, my “working up the corporate ladder” years, my “building my business” years… doing music. Now I was 15 years behind everyone my age in every aspect of life… all for doing what I thought God wanted! So after 15 years of sacrifice and heartache and disappointment, to have nothing to show for it was more than devastating. I felt like I was having a funeral. Like I was burying someone close to me. What happened next was worse.

I became very numb. Very cynical. Very bitter. And worse, very apathetic. Nothing phased me. I was grieving. I poured myself into officiating basketball. Anything to get away from my constant reminder that I was a total failure. But if that wasn’t bad enough, this funk I’d found myself in, greatly contributed to the end of a 14 year marriage. Which resulted in once seeing my daughters every day, to seeing them every other weekend. Well now I’ve done it… I’ve gone and made sure I’m a TOTAL failure. This is where I fully enter the tunnel.

So how did I get out? Jesus… in friends. A certain group of friends took me in and welcomed me in their “clique”. That was the beginning. A couple of old friends came in to my rescue as well. These people wouldn’t let me stay in the tunnel. They wouldn’t settle for “I’m tired, I think I’ll stay home.” They pulled and tugged until I was hanging out and laughing with them. In the midst of all of this, I found myself helping these people. I found myself helping other people with these people. I found myself less worried about my problems and more concerned about… OTHERS.

What I’ve learned about this topic is… the way out of this tunnel had a few characteristics.

*People. Jesus didn’t send a fancy angel flying down from the clouds. He sent people. People that didn’t even know they were being sent.

*Serving. Getting out of my own way and helping others.

*Lack of judging. No one cared that I wasn’t as successful as most people my age. No one shunned me, kept me out. It was open arms. And I had to be ok with them knowing everything wasn’t ok. And hoping they didn’t judge me, which they didn’t.

*Decisions. I had to consciously choose to make better decisions going forward. Starting with owning my contribution to my divorce. What can I do better? What can I learn from?

*Renewed love for God and His people. I still don’t have a clear answer as to why I believed for so long that God wanted me to do something, only to find out I was wrong the entire 15 years. Why God didn’t stop me at some point and say, “Hey, this isn’t going to work. Go do something else.” But because of how I was taught and how I believe, I remembered that God never changes. He’s still God. And while I still don’t know why my life went the way it did, it doesn’t change who He is and what He wants for us and from us. That’s the short version of my story.

I learned some valuable lessons about that tunnel. I’ve been hearing many people talk about their tunnel. I’ll address that in the next part.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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To Family or Not To Family… Part 2- The Pastor

Remember that school teacher you had that was one of your favorite teachers? Remember hearing that they either retired or passed away and how you felt? Sure, we all do. That person dedicated their entire life to help kids advance in life. If I asked for each of you to send me the name of that teacher, this would go on forever. The numbers are high! These days, there are more and more stories of teachers having sexual encounters with their students. Would it be fair to lump all those great teachers we just talked about in the same group with these knuckleheads that didn’t do their job correctly? Of course not. But for some reason, we do it to pastors.

We have all heard news of a pastor mishandling funds, having affairs with secretaries, abusing staff members, and other atrocities. And those victims are just that, victims. Those things should have never happened. God called those men to a high calling and everyday temptation got the best of them. And on behalf of Christians that are not that way, we’re truly sorry. These individuals don’t represent the true heart of God’s goodness. So what about those doing it right? Is it fair to lump those guys in with the entire group of church pastors in America?

In 2017, I saw a report where there were 12 cases where a teacher had a sexual relationship with a student. And that’s 12 too many. Now think about how many teachers there are in America… yep, around 3.6 Million! One doesn’t represent the other. Also in 2017, there were 10 “notable” preacher scandals. Maybe another 4 or 5 that they don’t consider notable. In 2017, there were approximately 400,000 head pastors in America. Again, one DOES NOT represent the other. You simply cannot, in good conscience, blame the 399,985 pastors who are doing it right because 15 decided they couldn’t handle the pressure of being a pastor. There’s nothing right about that.

By pressure, I mean intense scrutiny. I know of a pastor that has all glass walls in the church office. This guy understood that he’s a target. Pastors are unnecessarily targeted and scrutinized almost like a political figure. They are held, by society, to a perfect standard that no one can achieve. They’re human. But they’re not allowed to be.

They have a job. That job really isn’t to make you feel good. It’s to deliver truth. Usually, in delivering truth, it does make you feel good. Because you learn the truth that you serve a God who will never leave you, forsake you and cared enough for you that he was ok with His only son being murdered to take on and wear every single thing you and I do wrong. That selflessness alone, makes us grateful and feel better about our future.  Another truth is that we’ve all fallen short of God’s standard. Our righteousness is like filthy rags. The truth is some of us spend more time with our phones than our kids. The truth is God said we’re robbing Him by not paying tithes. Truth doesn’t always feel good.

The problem is some pastors have lost sight of that truth. They just gloss over truth so that they don’t offend. After all, it would hurt their income. And somewhere in there, they forget that God is their provider, not church members.

(click on the picture to visit the church website)

But for the ones that are delivering truth, the only way they can is if they are willing to possibly offend you. They have to know that they are just delivering what God already said and in doing so, the Holy Spirit may offend or convict you in the process. But you have to be prepared for WHEN, not if, that happens. It’s only a matter of time. Pastor Kody Woodard, of Renovation Church says, “God sees you where you are, saves you where you are, but loves you too much to leave you where you are.”

Bank on it, the pastor is going to say something you don’t like, and most of the time, he’s right. But at times, he’s dead wrong. Sometimes, he makes mistakes. We have to allow him to make mistakes. We have to allow him to be human. We have to give grace where we’ve received grace. The calling of a pastor doesn’t mean he just instantly got a “Perfection Upgrade”. He’s still a work in progress. But he has been given a job, a calling, a duty that you don’t want.

Are you ready to get phone calls at 1am that someone is very ill or had an accident and they want their pastor there? Are you cut out to conduct a funeral with a casket that is about 2 feet long? Are you ready to be constantly ridiculed for every move and every word that comes out of your mouth? Are you prepared to be the target of every attack from our society? Are you prepared to lose friends over what you know is right?  Be ready to have your motives questioned every time you make a decision. Get ready for people in your congregation to verbally assault you over speaking on a certain subject or a certain scripture because it was too “convicting”. What… you don’t want that job? Well that’s the job your pastor signed up for and knew that’s what he was getting into… and he did it anyway. Because he loves God and God’s people more than himself! No, I don’t understand it either, but the next time you are quick to attack a pastor, look at his heart before you jump to conclusions. Chances are, he’s really trying his best. Remember, there’s ONLY ONE perfect person to ever live… and he’s not pastoring any church.

I know that growing up, my dad said many things that I didn’t like. He often made decisions that were right- though I didn’t know it at the time. He, sometimes, made decisions that were wrong. But at the end of the day, me and my brothers knew we were loved, protected and cared for. Even when we were mad. Because that’s what family does. They butt heads – then forgive each other. If you want church to be a family, be ready for what family really is. The benefits are immeasurable. So, to family or not to family… it’s up to you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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To Family or Not To Family… Part 1- The Church

Remember those pesky brothers and sisters you had growing up? Remember when they did things that got on your nerves? Remember when your parents said something that made you so angry you could bite a nail in half? Now… remember when you got to leave all of that and get new brothers, new sisters, and new parents? Yeah… me neither.

“Dad, I unfriend you!” … “That’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works!”

We all remember the first few things I mentioned. The times when we hated our siblings. When they purposely got on our nerves when we had friends over. When they had to stick their nose in everything you were doing. But we also remember the times when someone else was mean to them. My little brother Adam could tell you stories of how we fought but can also tell you the time a kid older than me punched him in the face. And what happened to said kid’s face (I’m not condoning violence).  I’m just saying that we say we don’t like them, then when they’re under attack we immediately go to their defense. How in the world can this happen?

As much as I’ve studied this topic, I still don’t truly understand it. What I do know is this: God designed it this way. It’s a natural reaction to take care of those close to us, whether we like them or not. It is innate.

Here’s where this conversation gets tough. The church. Oh boy, I said it. Just hear me out. We want to call the church a “family”, but in reality, we don’t really view it as family at all. We view it as a bunch of things, but family isn’t one of them- when really, family should be the primary one.

We view church as a social event. “take a pic for Instagram honey so people see how cool we are!” We view it as a place to GET something. A place to meet people. Nothing wrong with meeting people and getting things needed while at church. But when we really view it as family, church hopping will slow down to a crawl. As of now, it’s a super highway moving at Autobahn speeds. Don’t like what the pastor said about seeking God daily? We just leave. Go somewhere else. Don’t like the guy next to you because he wore a Bama jersey to church? We leave. While these seem like extreme examples, and they may be, they’re really not that far off.

As with any relationship, you don’t really know what kind of relationship you have or how strong it is until you are faced with real adversity. That’s when you get to see where your relationship really is. In a family, when your “dad” says something you don’t like, you learn to deal with it because eventually, you get to a place where you know he loves you and wants the best for you. When your brother gets on your nerves, you just go to a different room of the same house. Oh but church, no… you find a completely different house. You go to the next church with some delusional belief that your jacked up problems somehow won’t find you at the next place. News flash…They do!

Imagine, if you will, a place where you hear the Pastor say something you don’t like and just chew on it and ask God what it is that’s bothering you. Only to find out that it’s something YOU need to change and not the pastor or the church. Imagine a place where you don’t have to be everyone’s best friend but when someone attacks your brother, the one that gets on your nerves, you are quick to defend and can’t really explain why. Imagine a place where things aren’t always perfect and squeaky clean. We’re all kind of weird. We all have issues and problems. But we have these issues together. We walk through them together. We don’t bail out when the Pastor says something we don’t like or agree with. A place where you realize that he’s human. Just like your imperfect dad or mom you had growing up. Imperfect but doing their best.

Now imagine a God, a COVENANT God, getting the opportunity to shower you with rewards, gifts, blessings because you stuck through the hard times to get to the good times. Your obedience to His direction in your life leads to blessings that you can’t measure.

The same goes for the people in the church. Those people that are called hypocrites because they are church goers but also… wait for it… make mistakes. Well that just can’t happen. You go to church. You’re not allowed to make mistakes! It. Is. Family. We all make mistakes. We all say and do things someone else doesn’t like. But at the end of the day, we’re still family.

Church faces is an epidemic that usually doesn’t exist in a real family. We put on these Instagram faces like everything is ok and refuse to let anyone think we don’t have it all together. Afraid of what they may think and afraid of being judged. You get NOWHERE with church faces. The junk is still there. We’re just pretending it’s not. We MUST take those off. We have to be vulnerable. You CANNOT love until you’re vulnerable enough to be hurt. Family doesn’t keep church faces on. Family doesn’t think less of someone going through something tough because they remember going through something tough as well. Family also does so much more.

Family cooks meals for mothers who just gave birth. Or for people who were injured in accidents. Family rallies together to take care of another family member’s yard. Family holds you when your child is in the hospital after overdosing on drugs. Family doesn’t leave your side when you get sick, they run to your side. And it’s important to note that sometimes, you are on the receiving end. But more often, you are on the GIVING end. But if you’re not there, someone missed out on a blessing you had to give. You are needed by your family.

So the next time you and your spouse are pulling out of the church parking lot and they say, “I don’t think I liked church today”, back up, remember you are family and seek God before you just hop on the next family train. Real family doesn’t bail in time of need. Real family sticks it out even when it’s uncomfortable.

Part of family is a “Father” that is leading the family. We dive head first in to that in part 2 of this blog.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger