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Remember

The country is at a stand still over the corona virus. We all see it. It’s not hard not to be worried or anxious. Some in the middle Tennessee area have been ransacked by the tornadoes and are still in the middle of finding a new normal. How do we move forward? By looking back. By remembering.

I remember… I was still fairly new to our community of Hermitage, TN in the early 90’s. We had just moved there. My best childhood friend and his mom (and brother) moved to Tennessee from Louisiana at the same time we did, which was also right after his dad passed away. They followed my dad here, who was their pastor. Then came the call. This friend decided to play Russian roulette and the gun fired. I rushed to the hospital. They were working to keep him alive. The doctor came out at one point to say he was responding and may pull through. Soon after, he returned with news that I didn’t want to hear about my 14-year-old friend. He was gone.

I remember… at the funeral, a large number of people from our school showed up in support. Then all of the sudden, something very unexpected happened. I was surrounded by these people that I didn’t know very well because they knew I had grown up with him. I remember all of the outpouring of community definitely surprised me and allowed me to cope much better. I still wasn’t sure how I’d keep going… but I did.

I remember… developing a friendship with a guy soon after My childhood friend’s death who had just moved here from Indiana. We were instant best friends. Stayed close all through high school and after school. He married and moved to Arkansas. We were on the phone one Saturday talking about his plans to move back to Tennessee. We talked about how we both had small children who hadn’t met each other yet and we were going to raise them like cousins. He was starting a business and wanted me to work for him. The following Tuesday, all of those plans ended on interstate 40 in Arkansas. Again, I wasn’t sure how I’d keep going… but I did. I remember all of the calls I received.

Now I’ve survived various flu pandemics, Y2k, being a sports referee and being a girl dad. Pretty tough things. And now I’m staring at, yet again, another obstacle that scares the masses. But one thing I’ve learned about obstacles, no matter the situation… every. Single. Time. God uses it to bring people closer to Him, to each other and we are all stronger on the other side. Every Time.

This situation is no different. When the dust settles on the mass threat of the corona virus, people will be closer to each other. Already, people are publicly praying that wouldn’t normally be praying. People are turning to God in a very similar fashion as that of 9-11-01. But what if you’ve done all you can and something else hits? I feel like I’d be prepared. But I’m really not sure.

You’ve managed to miss being hit by the tornadoes in Tennessee. Then comes the corona virus. You take precautions and manage to miss being hit by that too. Chances are, you’ve also missed catching the various flu pandemics throughout our nation’s history. You’re in the shape of your life… only to find out you have Lymphoma cancer. How do you fight? I don’t know, but my close friend will fight… and I’m going to learn from him. I’m going to learn how to face all of these seemingly insurmountable odds and overcome. I’m going to learn about the “quality of life” many have spoken about. I’m also going to learn more about community. About how your community wraps its arms around you and gives you hope and a reason to push through. And one day, I’m going to look back and remember these moments and see what he came through… and subsequently, what I’m capable of.

Here’s the thing, with each trial, there’s always a new normal. A new normal that brings a stronger community unit. A new normal that brings a new sense of hope. Every time there’s a trial, God shows up. In each of my difficult times in life, He showed up in some way, every single time. It wasn’t some angel flying down from a cloud playing a harp in a toga outfit. It was JESUS IN PEOPLE.

I can’t convince you to not worry about this. But I can remind you that you’ve faced tougher things before and you’re still here. I can remind you that on 9-12-01, there were no republicans or democrats. There were no black or white people, just Americans. People were quick to extend a hand to a fellow American. We are in similar times. Remember what you’ve come through. Remember how you were stronger afterwards. Remember what you’ve accomplished. REMEMBER, you have overcome before…don’t stop now. Don’t lose sight of community. Don’t let fear own you. Don’t let what you see dictate what you do. But let who you know dictate what you do… and REMEMBER.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Parenting: Persistence and Practical Application (Part 2)

We discussed perspectives and pitfalls in part 1. Now let’s look at some persistence and practical applications. Here are ten (10) things we can do as parents to truly prepare our child to be ready for the world and for you to have a peaceful home along the way:

1-Currency. I didn’t really spank my kids much. Obviously, I firmly believe in it, but they’re girls and I knew my anger/temper and didn’t want to hurt them physically. What I did was make sure that the consequence hurt. Whatever they were being punished for was going to hurt so they wouldn’t forget it. I found their “currency” at the time and removed it. Whatever is important to them, it’s gone when they don’t listen the first time. I made my daughter sit by me as a punishment because she loves to be active and moving. So I made her sit still. I also didn’t let her complain about what she didn’t like. I let her know there’s a consequence for that too. As a result, she sat still and quiet. She did so for 20 minutes solid without a peep one day as a 4-year-old. Then she didn’t repeat the mistake. She learned. I did that without ever raising my voice once.

2- Don’t let your children work you against each other. Always come with a united front, even if you’re arguing about something or don’t even like the spouse. They will smell a weak union and attack. It’s in a child’s nature. If a child asks for something and one parent says no, if that child asks the other parent, the answer should automatically be no, regardless of what they’re asking for and an additional punishment should be handed down. That will stop and there will be peace in your home. Otherwise, you’re asking for chaos.

3- Obedience should come before love. Know that you’re in control. He/She is a child. He needs to obey first and then his life will be more fun. He can love on you AFTER he has obeyed you. That’s something all kids do. They start loving and hugging to get out of obeying. “but mom, I love you!” your response should be “if you love me, then obey me.” Remember that a child is learning from every single thing you do, don’t do, say and don’t say. They learn from EVERYTHING.

4- Teach them to fear you. The Bible talks about something called “Righteous fear” or “Holy fear”. It’s real and it needs to be in every child. They need to have a healthy/righteous fear of the adults in their life. The way you know if he fears you is if you tell him to do something- pick something up- and he does it the first time, he fears you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t believe you’re going to follow through with your threats. Therefore, he doesn’t fear you. That has to change. Because one day he’s going to try that on a teacher or law enforcement and it won’t go well.

5- Never give a toddler what he/she cries for. Make them stop crying then ask politely with a smile on their face. The moment you give a child something because they cried for it, they learn that this is how you get what you want.

6- Restore peace by limiting the number of responses to a “No”. Also teach the child that if the answer is no, there are certain responses that are unacceptable. I tell my kids, “Your adversity can’t define you. But your response to it WILL!” I also limit the number of “But…”. I tell them if they ask one more time, there will be consequence. Guess what happens, peace is restored.

7- Always have 2 sets of punishments ready for a teenager. One for if they tell truth and the other if they lie. They should always be positively reinforced for telling the truth and the punishment should be lighter. This will encourage them to bring you the truth every time. Also, the only way to keep an open door of communication with a teenager is to assure them that no matter what they bring you, that you won’t get angry and blow up. But rather that you’ll sit down and talk it through. If they know they can talk to you and tell you they drank alcohol at a party the other night without you getting angry and just talking to them about it, they will bring it to you. If you blow up and get angry, they’ll never bring another thing to you. There has to be a level of trust both ways.

8- Everything belongs to you. With teenagers, the sooner you establish the expectation that everything in the house belongs to you, whether they bought it or not, the more peaceful your time will be. Teenagers have to be saved from themselves and reminded daily that they are not grown. If you want their phone, it’s yours. If you want their room, it’s yours. That expectation will make your life as a parent much easier.

9- Don’t sugar coat life for them. Let them see the good and not so good. Keep an open dialogue about these things. If everything is always taboo, they’re going to go and try to find out why it’s so taboo. If you’ve already discussed it and gave them examples of the consequences, they are much less likely to fall in the same trap.

10- Make a point to teach him/her how to act in public. Let him know that there are different standards for home and public places like church and restaurants. Your job is to teach. Prepare him for life after high school. I’m sure your kid is a good kid, but he won’t be for long if he is allowed to do anything he wants without consistent consequence. My mom always said she didn’t want to raise a kid no one wants to be around. If we implement obedience habits now, the rest of their life, their relationships with teachers, law enforcement, professors, spouses, children, bosses and God, will be much smoother and healthier.

I know- it’s a lot. And it’s much easier said than done. But, unfortunately, at the end of the day, when it comes to parenting, a lot more is said than done. Begin to view your children as God’s treasure that is in your care to prepare for the world we live in. That perspective will make this journey more fulfilling. Don’t lose heart. Don’t give up. Surround yourself with parents that you want to be like and other parents that are in a similar stage of life as you. And remember, there are perfect parents out there… they just don’t have kids yet.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Parenting: Perspectives and Pitfalls (Part 1)

All of us believe we are good parents. And to a degree, we are all right about that. We are doing the best we can. We’re doing the best with what we know. But what if we could know more? What if we admitted we weren’t the perfect parent? Is there room to learn? If so, then let’s see what we can learn here…

One thing I see a lot of, these days, is many parents have a few troubling characteristics:

  • They are afraid to let their child get hurt by anything, ever.
  • They give them enormous amounts of decision-making way too early.
  • They don’t instruct with love AND discipline. It’s usually either love OR discipline. Kids need both, together.
  • They also try too hard to be their kids’ friends.
  • I also see parents make their child their WHOLE WORLD. As a result, we have kids that grow up thinking the world revolves around them. Then they’re forced to enter the real world and find out that it’s nothing like what mom and dad said it was going to be.          

First, we have to work on perspective. Recently, I saw a post on Facebook of this cartoon picture of a kid asking the meaning of life and the mother saying “you”. While I get the idea that the child is so precious and awesome, and it was a cute picture, the reality is that isn’t even close to the truth. The meaning of life has nothing to do with children. It’s simple. To have an ongoing relationship with God through Jesus. Nothing more, nothing less. But how do children fit in to that? That’s where proper perspective comes in. They. Are. Not. Ours. Our children DO NOT belong to us. They are God’s. We are just to be good stewards of them and prepare them to launch into the world to have their own relationship with God through Jesus. Not to be their friend. Ever. Here’s why that’s important.

One of the best things you can ever do for a child is make him/her 3rd in your life. (God, spouse, children, in that order- refer to a previous blog called “Relationship Priorities” for details on that). He needs to know that he’s not that important. ALL children need to know that.

Another reason this perspective is important is that if you understand that the child is not yours, then you don’t feel the need to elevate him higher in priority than he should be. That this is temporary. That he’s going to be out in the world and you’re going to hope you did enough to prepare him for the crazy world we live in. That he shouldn’t feel the pressure of being #1 in your life. He/She should be allowed to be 3rd.

Another reason this perspective is important: if you come to an understanding that your child belongs to God and that you are merely being a good steward of God’s child, preparing him to launch in to a world where he has his own relationship with God through Jesus, then it causes you to want to have the best relationship with God that you can. Because his relationship with God is going to look exactly like yours, whatever that means. Good, bad or absent. Also, side note, his view of God will be his view of his dad (or father figure). If his dad (or father figure) is loving, the child’s view of God will be loving. If he’s negligent, his view will be that God is absent and negligent.

Decision making should increase with age and maturity. Letting a 4-year-old determine where you go to church or eat is sending a terrible signal. Letting a child not eat dinner then eat whatever they want from the fridge, another terrible signal. My options were, eat what mom cooked or starve. If you’ve seen me, you know I didn’t starve. Haha. By the way, kids can go to bed hungry. It won’t kill them. They can also fall down and scrape their knees. It’s ok. It builds their immune system. We have too many parents putting their kids in bubble wrap so they don’t get hurt by anything. Let them get hurt. It makes them stronger. More about decision making…

At age 14, you can’t drive a car at all. At age 15, you can but not alone. At age 16, you can drive alone but you can’t vote. At age 18, you can vote but you can’t buy a glass of wine. At age 21, you can buy a glass of wine, but you can’t rent a car. At age 25 you can rent a car. Even the federal and state governments, who rarely get things right, understand that with age comes more decision making, freedom and responsibility. With each birthday, let your child make decisions on something new. But remember, your job is to make decisions for them when they clearly can’t make good ones on their own.

A child needs to know that what he wants isn’t that important. Not nearly as important as his obedience. He needs to know that. The only thing that is important is obedience to you and the adults with authority in his life. You speak, he listens. If he doesn’t listen the first time, there’s an immediate consequence. Every time. Quick story about that.

Someone I knew of years ago had a kid that never listened until she got in his face and yelled for the 10th time. One day, he goes after a ball that went into the street. She yelled from the front porch to come back. Naturally, because he never listened before, he didn’t listen this time either. The boy ran in to the street and got hit by a car. He was 9. It wrecked her because she knew it was because she never made him listen the first time. Every child needs to be taught to listen the very first time. It’s hard and requires intense consistency, but it’s imperative.

Unfortunately, the single mother epidemic is another struggle in parenting and the struggle is real. From a single mother’s perspective, this is tough. Because the dad is supposed to teach him to listen and correct him when he doesn’t, and the mom is supposed to console him while reiterating and reinforcing what the dad just taught. But a single mom sometimes has to be both. Believe me, I’m fully convinced that single moms have a special place in heaven and will jump to the front of the line in the awesome stuff heaven will have to offer.  One thing about all children is, they want instructions and boundaries. But they’ll never be able to tell you that. But the core of who they are loves the safety in boundaries. We have to set those. That’s what we’ll discuss in part 2 of this blog.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Lenses

What kind of lens are you looking at the world through? Chances are you’re looking through the lens of your experience. Through the lens of your personal preferences. Maybe even through the lens someone told you to look through. But what if we looked through an objective lens… rather than a subjective lens… what would happen?

Each day, I’m a bit more troubled by the level of blind passion that we treat our fellow brothers and sisters with. “I’m on a team- my team is right, even when it’s wrong. If you’re not on my team, I hate you.” I’ll never forget walking into a Burger King in central Kentucky. It’s a Sunday night. There are only 4 people there, well into their 50’s, maybe 60’s. They are all talking, almost over each other in the excitement of their conversation. They’re all smiling. Until they see me. I happened to be wearing an LSU sweatshirt that night. The conversation came to an abrupt halt and they all just stared at me like I’d just ran over their dog. I remember thinking, this must be what black people felt like in the 60’s. I remember being appalled that they would show such disdain for a fellow human just because of a sweatshirt with a college from a different state.

They were looking at life through a blue lens (Kentucky blue). All they saw was that I wasn’t wearing their color blue. Never mind that I could wear red, white, and blue and all of the sudden we’d all be on the same team.

The 2020 Super Bowl produced its same level of predictable controversy. Someone is going to get upset at something and blow it way out of proportion. The exact same women that were grabbing napkins off of the snack table to wipe their mouths at Adam Levine shirtless just one year before, were now, all of the sudden, offended. They’re looking at the world through a few types of lenses. The lens of jealousy may be one. They know they don’t measure up so they attack. Another lens may be the good ole double standard. “It’s ok for me to drool over Adam Levine but my husband better not even glance at J-Lo!”

Then there were the men that pretended to be offended by it so they didn’t have to sleep on the couch that night. For those that say, “it was not a family friendly event”, I can’t disagree. But if that’s going to be the stance, then we need to redefine the dress code of every water park and every concert. Because I’ve seen more at those events than I did on the super bowl. I’m not defending pole dancing. I’m just saying that we are looking through clouded lenses.

The State of The Union speech. Here we have the most powerful man in the world speaking on behalf of the most powerful country in the world. This is one place we should be unified. But no. The minute it was over, the country suited up and took their sides, ready to battle for their team. The first team struck…

“What a classless witch Pelosi is for ripping the speech up!” This team decided that for this one moment, Pelosi has to be civil. The rumor is that President Trump handed her a speech with the pages in the wrong order. I’m not sure if that’s true, but if it is… that’s Hilarious! But the same people that are tearing into Pelosi are the same people that were completely silent when Trump mocked a dead congressman, US Rep Dingell. The same people that are silent when Trump tweets the dumbest things on earth. When he brags senselessly and sounds like a ruthless, coarse, businessman… these people are silent. But let’s go crazy on some papers that get ripped. I personally found it funny.

Another lens is “Never Trump!” If Trump announced he found the cure to cancer, they’d scream “How dare you take away the jobs of the Sarah Cannon Cancer center!” The man simply can do no right. These same people were silent as Maxine Waters called for violence against Trump’s cabinet members. Deafening silent when the House clearly made sure there was no chance of a fair hearing. Created walls to block the chance of hearing the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help them God. Then they wondered why the other side didn’t play fair in the Senate trial. Where were the people that despised Trump for an alleged interference in Ukraine… when all this unfairness was taking place? Looking through a lens that is fogged with blind allegiance.

Here’s what I’m getting to: If we can SOMEHOW get to a place where we are looking at life, the world, our country and our fellow Americans through an OBJECTIVE lens, we may just see that there is more to agree on than fight about.

If we decide that mocking a dead congressman AND ripping a speech up is classless, we may just get somewhere. If we decide that dancing in little clothing AND wearing bikinis to water parks are ok OR NEITHER is ok… then we get somewhere. I’m not saying one is more right than the other. I’m saying decide what is right and wrong for you and stick with that, regardless of who does or says it.

It’s when we keep seeing life through these clouded lenses that we don’t really see the world for what it is. We don’t see that the person that votes for the other team is actually a pretty good person. That the person that loved the halftime show may have just loved the art.  Personally, I didn’t care for the halftime show, but not because of what they were wearing. To me, it didn’t matter what they were wearing- it wasn’t going to make that music sound any better. I just didn’t care for the music. But that’s just my humble opinion.

Objective lenses help focus light to produce a real image. They don’t block the image, they show what the REAL image is. So let’s see if we can take the glasses off that have foggy lenses and put some on that have clear, objective lenses that allow us to see the beauty in the world. Give it a shot… I dare you!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Who Do You Know?

I’m standing there with a group of friends and one says to another, “do you know Jim Smith?” Chris answered yes. Mike then asked, “where is he from?” Chris didn’t know. “Is he married?” Chris still didn’t know. “Does he have kids?” Again, Chris had no idea. Mike said, “I guess you don’t know him really well, do you? Haha!” (I changed all the names to protect the innocent). But this is exactly what WE do. Let me explain.

When I met Jennifer, there was a time shortly after when I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know her better. So we became friends. I called her on the phone and we talked for hours. Sometimes 3 or 4 hours at a time. She’d call me and we’d talk for hours again. I began wanting to know what she was like. What type of things she liked. I began reading her social media posts. I began asking people who knew her to tell me more about her. All of this and we were just friends. We had no romantic feelings at all towards each other. Just friends. But I had to know her. Not just know about her. And I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone I was her friend if I couldn’t tell them some things about her. Where she was from. Where she worked… something.

Right now, if someone said, “Do you know Jason Grainger?”, if you said yes, how much information would you be able to give them? Where is he from? Where did he go to school? What does he do now? Does he have children? And the only way you find that information is by either asking people who know him and trusting they’ll give you a truthful answer or reading about him or asking him yourself.

This is precisely where most Americans get it wrong. We say, “I’m a Christian” or “I believe in Jesus.” But do we really? Or are we saying that because we kind of believe in something greater and don’t want people to judge us for not really knowing much about God or any of that spiritual nonsense?

See, if you claim, AT ALL, that you are either Christian or “believe in Jesus”, then this means you have, at least, a basic knowledge of who He says He is. And if that’s the case, this would lead you to want to know more about this man. I mean, who are you casually professing to know? Supposedly this guy allowed Himself to be murdered so you and I could live. Kind of a big deal.

I’m firmly of the belief that you CANNOT possibly claim, in any context, that you believe in Jesus, but you don’t pursue Him. Anyone that you want to know, you pursue. You read about them. Ask others about them. I tell my kids all the time that who they are is completely wrapped up in who God says they are. But the only way they find out what He says is to read about Him and what He said about us.

“But I don’t need anyone to tell me who Jesus is. I have my own belief in who He is to me!” This is said quite often. The problem is, it couldn’t be further from the truth. The reason? He was a LIVING MAN. Not a fairy tale creature in a children’s book. He lived, walked among us, and left people around Him in awe at the things He did and said. That’s like saying, “I have my own belief about who Michael Jordan is to me.” But knowing absolutely nothing about basketball or the Chicago Bulls. If I can’t tell you that he played for the Chicago Bulls or that he played for North Carolina, then my “belief system” is empty, useless and thereby wrong! I have to read about Jordan. Watch his old games. Ask people that knew about him. We don’t get to have an interpretation about facts. They’re just facts. But we do get to learn about those facts.

So here’s my challenge to us. Learn who Jesus is and was. Read everything you can get your hands on. Find out what types of things he liked and disliked. Where did He like to go? Who did He like to hang out with? What kind of promises did He make? Who was His mother? What was she like?

The only way that’s going to happen is to get around other people who are in pursuit of the greatest speaker, doctor, leader of all time. It’s going to require us to go to places where other people are talking about this man. Its going to require that we read books, articles, listen to podcasts, watch video clips. So we can learn everything we can about Him.

I’m not saying for one minute to turn yourself into a religious nut. Quite the opposite. I’m a huge sports fan. Huge fan of good music. I’m simply saying that if I’m going to say He’s someone I know, I better have done my homework.

At this point, there are times when Jennifer gives me a look and I know what she’s thinking. Just the other night she gave this look and I said, “you don’t want to fix anything for dinner and would rather go somewhere, wouldn’t you?” She just smiled. I know what she’s going to say, sometimes, before she says it. That’s because I’ve learned her nature. I’ve learned what she likes and dislikes. I know Jennifer Grainger!

If someone asks you about Jesus, what will be your response? Could you imagine someone calling you their friend but every time you call, they never answer or reply to a text? You’d probably think they weren’t a very good friend. And maybe they need to stop calling you their friend. They’re not a good friend at all. This is what I’d think if I was Jesus. He’s tried to reach out to us and we refuse to pursue a friendship with Him. We pretend to know Him in front of other people because it’s socially acceptable, but we really know nothing about Him.  

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. But it’s a good place to start learning about this man you claim to believe in. Just start. Move in a forward direction. Start now. Learn everything you can. It will literally change your life.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Least Likely Source

You’re looking for a sign. You’ve asked for a sign. But the entire time, it was flashing right in front of you, but you didn’t see it because you had predetermined how it should look and what it was going to be like. We’ve all been there.

It reminds me of the story of a town that was flooding. One man’s house was flooding and another man came by with a small boat and said “get in the boat or you will drown.” The man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” Then when the water was higher, a man came by with a large boat and said, “get in the boat or you will drown.” The man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” The water got so high that the man was standing on his roof. A man came by in a helicopter and said, “Get in or you will drown!” But the man said, “My God is mighty to save and He will save me!” Then the man drowned. When he got to heaven, he said to God, “I told them you would save me but you didn’t! Why didn’t you save me?!” God said, “I tried to… three times.”

It happens all too often. We expect things to look a certain way and miss out on what God wanted for us because He tried it His way instead of ours. See, He has this silly notion that He’s… well… GOD. Weird, I know. We ask for something, then decide ahead of time how this prayer will be answered. Except, God knows a better way. Here’s the problem, if we’re not open to ideas that are not our own, we miss the blessing entirely. Let me tell you a story about a little girl that had the opportunity to miss out on what God had, but instead, chose to let God be God. 

This little girl grows up with a father that was verbally abusive and an angry alcoholic. She learns to resent him and only lean on him for very practical things, but never for emotional support or love of any kind. She grows up and makes a series of bad decisions. Finds herself in front of a judge. At 16, she finds herself single and pregnant. Finds herself feeling very alone and in desperation. She turns to the least likely source as a last-resort option for help getting out of the mess she’s found herself in. She turns to the very man she resents. Her father. Given this chance, he says these words to her, “When you don’t know what else to do, turn to God and pray. He always comes through.” She did NOT expect those words to come out of his mouth. She never thought about God using her dad to point her in the right direction, but He did.

She had an opportunity to write him off as some self-promoting, insane, babbling idiot. But she didn’t. She listened. That night, she turned it all over to God. She let go of trying to figure it all out. She began living her life as if God was the only father she ever had or needed.

Today, she is a successful young lady with 5 children, one grandchild, 3 businesses, a home and a caring husband (I happen to know her quite well). All because she listened to the least likely source. It’s just another story among many. There are so many like this. But if we find ourselves having decided ahead of time what it should look like, we will miss it altogether.

I’ll leave you with this story to illustrate what I’m talking about. I met a young lady on the road during my days as a traveling musician who came to the autograph line crying. I asked why she was crying. She said because it was a miracle she was there. See… every morning before work she’d say a very quick prayer for safety then jump in the car and head to work. But one day, a Wednesday to be exact, her car wouldn’t start. She tried over and over but it wouldn’t start. She went inside, called her work and informed them she couldn’t get her car to start. She then walked outside and figured she’d give it one more shot. It started like nothing was wrong. So she headed toward work, but was late. See, she lived in Oklahoma City and her route to work takes her right by the Murrah Federal building. And had she been on time that morning of April 19th, 1995, she would’ve been right next to the truck that exploded.

Her answer didn’t come in the way she thought it would. She asked for safety and God kept her car from starting… for just a few minutes. What she originally thought was turning out to be a frustrating morning (for many others, it was a horrible day), turned out to be a life saver. A car not starting was the least likely source of an answered prayer.

What’s the prayer you’ve been asking for? The way you think that prayer should be answered… drop it and open your eyes. Chances are, it’s been answered, but in a way you didn’t expect. Begin to expect the unexpected and be open to blessings. See, if you’re looking for the wrong in everyday life, you’ll find it. But if you’re looking for the blessings in everyday life, you’ll also find them. Especially if you’re looking at the Least Likely Source.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Pelosi Effect

I’m not a Trump apologist. There are many things to dislike about this man. The recent statements about Rep. Dingell were just plain gross, unnecessary, uncalled for, and in extremely poor taste. I would expct a statement like that to come from a drunk DJ. Not the POTUS! But no one questions his intellect. He’s very smart. Extremely intelligent. But recently the American people saw the beginnings of a plan and are about to see the rest of the plan. And this plan will make Trump look not nearly as smart as he once looked. Her name is Nancy. And she just said “checkmate!”  

We really aren’t giving this beautiful young woman enough credit for being the genius that she is. Think about it. She could start all of these impeachment hearings any time. But she waits until September 2019. Why? Well, she figured the vote would come right before the holiday break for the government. She was right. Then she figured once the vote took place in the House, obviously in favor of Democrats who hold the majority, that there’s no way to beat the republican senate majority. And she’s right again. So Ms. Genius knew she could just hold on to the articles of impeachment until after the election because 23 republican senator seats are up for election. Once they gain the majority of the senate, she comes forward with the articles to the democrat controlled senate for trial and subsequently removes the newly elected 2nd term president. It. Is. Genius! Brilliant! I’m personally in awe of her brains. Not kidding. Obviously, i’m merely guessing at all of this, but this makes the most sense.

Upside: Impeachment is a process, not a vote. In order for impeachment to be reached, there has to be a vote. Then they have to have managers deliver and declare the articles of impeachment before the senate. At that point, he is then “impeached” … or “accused”. The senate then holds a trial and eventually settles the debate on whether the accused is guilty of the charges against him. We’re a long way from all of this.  

Downside: with this plan, she has made it perfectly obvious that people don’t matter. American people don’t matter. Nothing matters more than winning in Politics. That’s it. Regardless of who it steps on in the process. The American people, the constitution, doesn’t matter. If you’re in her way, you will be eliminated. And everyone gets to see this unfold.

Another downside: the American people aren’t going to take this lying down. They’re going to resist. This will get ugly before it gets better.

Another downside: her colleagues aren’t nearly as smart as she is. They cheered when impeachment was announced. She didn’t. She pretended much better than they did. She waited until later to celebrate with her not-so-brilliant colleagues. Her colleagues also kept saying the reason they weren’t giving the republicans their fair say at the hearing was because speed was of utmost importance. Pelosi didn’t say that. Because she’s smart. She already knew her plan that was devised in 2016. They weren’t smart enough to figure all this out. So they kept saying “speed!” And “got to get this done quickly!” Then once they got the vote, the need for speed vanished. Amazing how that works. (Double standards usually preclude an unethical agenda/motive). Now she’s doing something that has never been done and certainly was never done during Clinton’s impeachment. Something that is grossly unconstitutional. She’s withholding the articles of impeachment. She knows that there’s really no designated time frame to release them. So she’ll say that she’s waiting until the republicans do exactly what she says. Which won’t happen.  And she knew that! The elephants are playing right into her pretty little brilliant hands.


One day there’s going to be a section of political science classes called “The Pelosi Effect” where students have to devise a fool proof plan to win at ALL COST! And if they consider the American people during this, at all, they fail!

For now, we’re left to admire the wit, brilliance, and utter intellectual superiority known as Nancy Pelosi. She may be the only person in the country to outsmart Trump at his own game. My hat’s off to you Madame Mumbler… I mean speaker.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Equality or Superiority?

Imagine if it was taboo to eat banana pudding. Then one day, it becomes widely accepted and quite normal to enjoy banana pudding. So much that if you are caught saying you don’t like the taste of banana pudding, you’re inciting violence and using hate speech. It’s not enough that everyone is now allowed to eat banana pudding. You have to be chastised, sued and prosecuted if you DON’T like banana pudding because that goes against my personal preference and I’ve been a banana pudding fan for many years and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. That sounds ridiculous, but that’s exactly where we are.

We’ve seen groups of people in our country through the years, treated very poorly. Native Americans, Irish Americans, Women… and so on. This country certainly has a dark history of spotlighting groups of people and oppressing them. I don’t take lightly, for a moment, the barbaric fabric of the civil atrocities that took place in our nation’s history. I believe it hurt many people. I believe the cuts are still healing. For women, for Irish-Americans, homosexuals, and so on. It isn’t as easy to just say, “We’re good. Move on!” It’s just not that easy. But this country also has a long history of righting those mistakes and moving forward. We have native American women that occupy public office positions in government now. We are moving in the right direction.

As someone who didn’t have to endure any of that, I tread lightly on this subject. But it needs to be addressed nonetheless. These various groups of people had different responses to their oppression. The emotional toll it takes on its victims is staggering. The anger, feeling of rejection, bitterness, depression that comes with being treated so poorly is very real. The problem comes when the wrong has been corrected, but the anger and resentment are still there. Then what do we do?

That’s where this conversation gets difficult. When a group of people are being done wrong, the ones that overcame that, did so by mob rule. I don’t mean that bad, at all. I mean that as a necessity because no one would listen until an entire group of people just rose up and said they’d had enough! It took that level of fight to get everyone’s attention to the civil atrocities taking place in our country.

Eventually, those wrongs were fixed. They were corrected. There is statistical evidence to show that those civil atrocities no longer exist on a wide-scale, or institutional basis. We are now, statistically, more equal and more fair than ever before in the history of our country. But what happens when we’ve reached this level of equality, but it doesn’t FEEL like it?

It is precisely at this moment when we leave the arena of legislation and enter the realm of personal responsibility. If we have been given equal access to civility, but we still feel disenfranchised, angry, resentful, bitter, frustrated, then we sometimes go with our feelings instead of the facts. We leave the feelings unchecked. And if the feeling is still there, then surely, we are NOT EQUAL, right?! Again, you can’t legislate overcoming emotional damage. The damage is real. And as I’ve said before, it’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to willingly stay there. Personal responsibility leads us to a place where we understand that, yes, we were done wrong. But that has been rectified. I’m still angry about what happened but I want to heal and move in a forward direction.

The problem is, not everyone can do that. And when they don’t, society pays the price. When equality has been reached, but you don’t feel like it has, you are forced to continue to press on to what you believe is actual equality- which is, in reality, superiority. You begin to buy in to the notion that everyone owes you because you were done wrong for so long. Those that you believe did you wrong should pay and pay and continue to pay… then pay some more. They should lose rights while you gain more. Which is a tangible example of inequality through superiority. “I get to have my own type of business that’s only for my people. You can’t have one!” That, in itself, is NOT equal, but superior. “I get to be over you. I get to partake in certain things in life that you can’t.” Again, superior, not equal.

Unfortunately, American society has reached a place where the feelings are taking total precedent over the facts and statistical data. And we have entirely lost our ability to engage in civil discourse. If you don’t agree with me, then you are spewing hate speech, some would lead you to believe.  

Why did Chik-fil-A make the proclamation that they did? I have no idea. They are allowed to distribute their donation funds wherever they want. But, unfortunately, it appears that the purpose is to avoid having to stand up for personal and religious rights, which include the right to free speech and right to religious expression. 

Hear me clearly: to be pro-God DOES NOT mean you are anti-LGBT. God is pro everyone. That includes LGBT. Every human being. The only disagreement is whether or not it is acceptable or wrong to be homosexual in the eyes of God. But this has nothing to do with how I’m going to treat you, or anyone else for that matter. I can disagree with you and not hate you. I’ve been instructed by my God to love my neighbor as myself. He didn’t say, love him as long as he is just like you. He simply said to love him.

Where does this leave us? Back to the conversation of personal responsibility. We should be tired of being the victim and begin to live victoriously. We should never wait for the government to determine our destiny or direction in life. We should never rely on government for anything. We should decide that although there are times when we are done wrong, the entire group of people that person represents isn’t responsible. Just that person. We should get to a place where we stop blaming groups for the immoral and unethical acts of individuals. If we can get there, we stop looking for superiority and can rest in the equality of our nation. Great… now I’m hungry for waffle fries and banana pudding!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Image vs Reality

We see it on Instagram and Facebook every day. The image is surreal. Utopia. But the reality is damage control and brokenness. We, as a society, spend so much time creating an image that doesn’t represent who we are at all. We do this for various reasons. But, unfortunately, the church is the world’s worst!

I’ll never forget a friend of mine in the 5th grade. His image was that of perfection. The best clothes. The nicest backpack. Everyone wanted to be like him. Then came the day I was invited to his house after a soccer game. He didn’t seem wild about that. But his mom was being nice, so I went. When I get there, I get the real picture. His dad was verbally abusive. The house was rather dirty- like “dirt” dirty. Filth. Not what you’d expect from the golden boy of 5th grade. He seemed miserable and embarrassed the entire time I was there. The next day at school, he was avoiding me but managing to keep up the pretty boy, “got it all together” image. Even as a 10 yr old, I knew that he wasn’t going to be any less miserable until he sought help. That pretending to be someone he wasn’t was only going to prolong the inevitable. No, I didn’t know what “inevitable” meant when I was 10. You know what I mean! HA.

The various reasons: The primary reason is the need to feel accepted. That need to be a part of something. We can’t let anyone know we don’t have it all together or they may not want to hang out with us. They may talk bad about me. I’ve always said that if we knew how little they actually thought or cared about us, we wouldn’t spend so much time worrying about what they think of us. But that need to be accepted is real. And it’s not going away. Also, this need to feel accepted is connected to what we put our hope in. Unfortunately, if our hope is in something that only lasts for a while, our need to be accepted by that which lasts a little while will damage us.

The solution here is to seek that which lasts forever. Seek people with that common bond. I know many reading this hate church. But this is exactly where you find this common bond. You’re there joined by an eternal purpose. It supersedes everything else. These people aren’t exactly your best friends, but they are there no matter what, when you’re dealing with a tough issue. That’s because of that eternal connection. The need to feel accepted begins and ends with an attachment to your maker. But this, in itself, creates another problem. Church Faces.

This is another reason people create images that aren’t true. Fear of someone knowing what they’re really going through. We all tend to put on faces to pretend everything is okay, especially those in church. People in churches put on church faces to pretend everything is just fine when, in reality, it’s not at all. The sooner the church people take off their “church faces”, the sooner people outside the church will want to come in. The image you need to create there, is one of acceptance. Yet another difficulty for church people. “I know for a fact that he’s gay. I’m not hugging him.” Or “I saw him doing cocaine in the bathroom at a restaurant last week. I can’t be seen with him.” This has to end. It has to stop. They need to see nothing but love and acceptance and let God do the convicting. But no one will come in if they think you have it all together. They can’t compete or be a part of that. They seek people who have problems like the ones they have. If you take your “church face” off, they’ll see that you have issues like them, and they’ll come in and together you’ll work through them.

The solution here is to be vulnerable. You can only experience the level of love that matches the level of vulnerability you have. The more vulnerable you are, the more love you experience. In that vulnerability, you find 3 things: 1- there are others dealing with what you’re dealing with. 2- it’s ok to be dealing with this problem. You don’t have to keep it a secret. 3- It’s not ok to stay there like it’s some private club you’re a part of. Right there, you’ll able to identify the problem, share it with others dealing with the same problem and begin to work on a way out. This can only come if you stop worrying about who knows what you’re really going through. Taking off the church face.

I personally believe that church faces have contributed to the rise in suicides among Christian pastors. The enemy has accomplished a few things. He managed to convince the pastor that he needs to pretend everything is ok. He’s also convinced him that his ministry will be much better off if he’s not in it, especially if someone finds out what he’s dealing with. The enemy has also convinced him that in putting on the church face, in order for no one to find out what he’s really dealing with, he must isolate himself. And once the enemy has you isolated, it’s open season. He simply takes aim and fires bullets relentlessly. But it started with church faces.

For this reason, I hate church faces. I hope after reading this, you do too. If you’re in a place where you can’t be you and still be accepted, find a new place. There are plenty around. God can only be a part of something if 2 things exist, Obedience and Love… in that order. You want to see people’s lives changed? Let them know they’re not alone in their every day struggles. That being a Jesus follower doesn’t mean you rid yourself of issues. It means that you have a new hope that is bigger than the issues you face.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Mac vs Moore

I’m not really sure why I’m’ weighing in on this but here it goes.

The mere fact that I had to title it “Mac vs Moore” instead of “Mac WITH Moore” is a sad thing. Two people that are supposed to be going the same direction, serving the same God, but one is throwing darts at the other. Where to begin….

First, I do believe that our society has spent way too much time trying to make everyone equal and alike that we have lost the ability to celebrate our differences as a positive thing. Regardless of our opinions, men have inherent qualities that women don’t usually possess. Likewise, women have innate qualities that men don’t usually possess. Women have a very keen sense of discernment. Their intuition is unmatched and real. Men have an ability to make a decision based solely on facts and completely irrespective of feelings. That’s just the beginning of the mass difference between men and women. They are different. Very different.

All the more reason to embrace men doing things to help other men and women doing things to help other women. Because we’re so different, we need someone who has walked our walk. Someone who knows what it’s like to have the weight of the family on their shoulders and be afraid to make a mistake. The single mother with a deadbeat-dad ex-husband isn’t going to ask for a man’s advice on this situation. She’s going to ask a woman who has dealt with this or knows someone who has.

That’s why Mac’s stance confuses me somewhat. I understand that biblically, there’s no evidence that women ever led a flock, nation, church. But Beth isn’t pastoring. She’s ministering. There’s a huge difference. And she’s ministering quite well. People like Beth Moore and Christine Caine are exactly what women need. Someone who understands the complex and intricate things that women deal with; things that men just don’t understand. Starting with their whacked-out emotions. Haha. I can be emotional, but a female’s emotions are on an entirely different level. How to navigate a difficult marriage; single motherhood; abusive relationships; difficulties in the workplace. These are only a very small portion of the things these female ministers address that is needed by women, for women. Just because Beth Moore may not be your cup of tea, doesn’t mean tea is bad. It just means you need to find a different drink.

So maybe we figure out a way to celebrate the individuality of everyone. Maybe we figure out a way to celebrate our differences. Maybe we realize we have strengths and weaknesses and help each other when we have strength where they have a weakness, and vice versa.

I’m a firm believer that there is no greater testimony than that of someone who has known, loved and followed God their entire life. No one can convince me otherwise. Someone who has known God their entire life has a VERY valid wealth of experience and can effectively communicate God’s nature to someone who doesn’t know God. They can offer sound advice based on their knowledge of God’s word and their own life experiences. Having said that, there’s also something to be said for recovering drug addicts helping struggling addicts. There something to be said for those who have walked the broken path, to help those still on that path get off. Alcoholics are going to listen very closely to someone who has been down that dark road. Domestic abuse victims are going to follow someone who still has the scars from their own abusive relationship. It’s just the nature of human beings and there’s nothing wrong with it and it should be celebrated.

Men have spiritual insight for men. Women have spiritual insight for women. Former addicts have spiritual insight for current addicts… and so on. Let God use whoever He will use to reach His children. Because I’m fully convinced that there’s simply no way you can look at the life of Beth Moore and Christine Caine and say, “God’s not using them.” That’s just not possible. God’s using them in powerful ways. And will continue to, now that Big Mac decided to pick on a girl. “Hell hath no fury…”

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger