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Control What You Can Control

Control what you can control

We’ve all seen and heard the “no-call heard ‘round the world!” I’m referring to the Saints/Rams game. Saints fans weren’t happy. Sports fans weren’t happy. Even Rams fans were surprised by the no-call. But leave it to a college basketball coach to set the proper perspective.

Will Wade, Head coach of LSU basketball, stepped up and shared with the media that in a team meeting he told his team that the Saints lost the game long before that call. They lost it when they had to settle for a field goal instead of a touchdown. I’ll take it another level and say that they lost it with penalties that cost them. With poor decisions that led to open receivers. The list could go on. Coach Wade said that every little thing you do means something to the bigger picture. Every decision that seems small could mean something huge. Just ask the KC Chiefs. That’s true in sports. That’s true in life.

We, as a society, give less value to the small decisions that we CAN control and more value to the actions of others that we CAN’T control.

I’m as guilty as anyone of this. I’ll never forget having a conversation with a good buddy of mine who now officiates in the NBA. I was very down on myself. Very down on my chances to get hired to officiate in a certain league. I’m venting to him and he’s just listening. I was not in my 20’s and very overweight and knew that played a role. Then he said it. “Control what you can, your weight, and don’t worry about what you can’t control, your age.” As simple as that sounds, I needed to hear that from someone else. It had to hit my ears before I would let it hit my mind. I listened, controlled my weight and got hired. I still work in that league to this day.

As a Saints fan, I vented about the call. As a referee, I had to be reminded that we all miss calls. Even big ones. In fact, I was watching film on one of my games just a few days after the big game and saw a play where I should’ve called a foul. Instead, my partner picked it up. It was bad. And fairly obvious. But the fact remains, if that team had lost, it wouldn’t have been because of that call. The coach would look back at all the missed free throws and how many turnovers they had. The small things that led to the big thing, the loss.

As you go about your day, think about all the things that upset you; the things that cause your whole day to be off. Now look at how much of it you have control over. If you have no control over something, stop worrying about it…TODAY! Traffic. You’re stuck. You can’t do anything about it. Find a way to enjoy it. Notice all the people around you while in traffic. Check out the cool cars. Turn the music up. But freaking out about the traffic…brace yourself… won’t change the traffic. The decisions of a boss/parent/teacher/referee. You can yell and get angry, but it’s still not changing the decision. So find a way to stop giving one extra thought to something you can’t control. And get to a place where you master what you can control.

From a Christian perspective, I’ve heard it said many times that worrying is the tangible evidence that you don’t trust God. Obviously, that’s true. It’s just easier said than done. We are conditioned to think a certain way. And that, my friend, is exactly why Paul said be transformed by the renewing of your IG status…no, gym membership…no, your MIND. Transform your mind. But sometimes, it has to hit your ears before it reaches your mind. So find someone you trust that can help you change the way you think about something…particularly something you have no control over. It’s then that you will begin to discover peace in situations that used to rob you of peace.

Stay Classy, GP!

Grainger

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The Best a Man can Be

The Best a Man Can Be

The new Gillette ad sparked something in me…and I liked it. I understand why some men don’t want to be lectured on masculinity. A large number of us have been doing it right for some time. But I understand the need and the push for men to hold each other accountable and embrace their roles in society as well. The problem is, society has attempted to redefine what our role is. If you really want us to embrace our roles, then let us be who God created us to be.

God didn’t create us to be passive. He didn’t create us to be the fools on sitcoms. He created us to be strong, masculine, men who know when to say sorry, stop, enough, yes ma’am and thank you. We were created to know when to stand up to improper conduct and be the leader in the moment. To be the one that women and children lean on in times of fear and worry. Please eliminate the notion that we must raise boys to be weak, passive, spineless kids that grow up to be the subject of prime-time comedy shows. But there’s a balance. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s strong to stand up to mean people. But it’s also strong to stop and pray. It’s strong to treat your wife like a queen. It’s strong to say I’m sorry. The weakest thing you can do is pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you feel the need to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves, I beg you to please come pick on me instead.

To the best of my memory, I was never bullied nor did I bully. The only reason I was never bullied was because I was taller than everyone my age and I was pretty mean when I needed to be. But even in “my day”, bullying was not acceptable. It was never acceptable. I found myself, at times, stepping in when I saw something that I could tell was damaging someone. Because of who I was and my size, the incident ended. That’s about the extent of my knowledge of bullying. But there was this one time…

I had just transferred to a new middle school. Some girl decided to say what she thought of me out loud in front of her very popular boyfriend. He didn’t care too much for his girlfriend talking about some new kid. I’m walking my “girl” home and I look behind me and there’s approximately 20 boys being led by the “boyfriend” to find me and beat me up. My girl’s parents let me in the house until the mob subsided. I agreed to fight one but everyone else had to leave. They all left. So there was no fight. I remember what that felt like. It was the closest I can imagine a bullied person feeling like. It was awful. (Side note: the boyfriend and I became friends later in high school, never fought).

Bullying is definitely something that is easier to hide these days because of the digital world we live in. But news flash, it hasn’t gotten worse, it’s just recorded more often now. We didn’t have cell phones that recorded video when I was a kid. It’s basically the same but not much better either. It’s still rampant. There is a solution, but it’s not easy and requires help from many moving parts.

Then there’s men’s view of women. I’ve found over the years that boys who grew up with sisters treated girls much better than those who didn’t. This is primarily because they were forced to live in the same house with them and began to see them as humans capable of feelings, an intellectual equal and someone who had the potential to make the world a better place. In our society, if a boy isn’t forced to view a girl that way, she becomes an object of his overdrive of hormones. A means for sexual release. One of the reasons this is even a possibility is because they manage to find girls who have a poor self-image and are simply looking for that reassurance that they are smart, pretty, and worthy. They don’t value themselves at all. Thus the connection between a boy that only views her as an object and a girl that doesn’t have a father who’s instilled in her who she is and what she’s worth. So really, all parts are to blame for the existing crisis of bullying and sexual misconduct. There’s no one person or one group. We all play a part. Just look at the R. Kelly situation. Money and power bought him the opportunity to continue abusing women…to this day. So everyone plays a role in some way. I love talking about solutions more so than the problems. But that’s just it, the solution poses another problem.

In today’s climate, men are told that chivalry is sexist. They are taught by society that doing their God-given job of providing, leading, and protecting is also sexist. I submit to you that you can’t have it both ways. EITHER we let men hold doors open for women and protect them OR we do as they ask and get out of the way. I think the real solution is obvious. But it starts with fathers….”oh boy… here he goes again”. Yes, I may keep going until we have a crisis of men stepping up to lead their families and children.

Fathers: If you want to see young men grow up to treat women with the utmost respect, treat your wife with the utmost respect. If you want them to grow up not being a bully, let them see you feel. Let them see your compassion. Let them see you defend the honor of someone.

Mothers: If you want to see the same results, let the father do his job. Sometimes the mother stops the father from being the best father he can be because they are no longer together and she despises him. Sometimes they’re together and she despises him. But he’s still their father. It’s difficult, but you must LOVE your children MORE than you hate your ex. This may be difficult to grasp, but there are things that ALL children need that ONLY a father can provide.

Parents: One of the best things you can do for your children is treat your spouse or ex-spouse with the utmost respect, honor, and dignity regardless of how you feel about them at times. These are the things that lead to less bullying and less misconduct toward women. It’s a heart issue. You can’t legislate the heart.

No, I didn’t need someone to sit me down and teach me that I shouldn’t rape or bully. But I also had a father that was a good example of everyday living. All boys aren’t that fortunate. Men must step in and be role models when you see there’s a need there. And women must let men be men and hold them accountable when they act like boys. Then, and only then, we will be…..

The Best a Man can be.

Stay Classy GP!

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From Victim to Victorious

Victim mentality or Victorious mentality?

Today’s culture seems to consistently say “it’s not your fault. The blame belongs to someone else.” When something happens to us, our response to it is based primarily on our history with the person or event. So we respond based on what we know and how we were taught. We have a small, but loud group of people in American culture that believe it is their duty to stand up for others who never asked for their help.

Let’s take the “Redskins” controversy, for example. The NFL team has been in existence for about 86 years and until about 2 years ago, no one, including the vast majority of American Indians, were bothered by the name. How about Anadarko, OK? The Redskins Theatre has been there since 1947 and the city has boasted of half Indian population and calls itself the “Indian capital of the nation.” So why isn’t the theater being talked about? It’s because, while we can’t deny the atrocities done to the Native American community in our nation’s past, they, as a group of people, have chosen to be victorious. Visit a few casinos to find out what I’m talking about. It’s worth noting that the name hasn’t offended the Native American community. The Washington Post conducted a poll of Native Americans across the entire country in 2004 about the name and found 9 out of 10 Indians say it’s just a name, nothing offensive about it. In 2016, another poll was conducted and yielded the exact same results. So sometimes, the idea that you are a victim is fabricated by people who don’t even understand it. But society in general says “Be offended!” You may say, “well, what happened to me really wasn’t my fault.” And to that I say, I’m sorry. Now what?

Your adversity CAN’T define you…but your response to it WILL!

If you have decided that you can’t accomplish something because you were wronged, you were a victim, then you have given 100% power over to that individual or group that wronged you. If you really want to get back at the person or people that wronged you, accomplish everything you set out to IN SPITE of their efforts to hold you back. Overcome!

When you’re the victim, everyone else is to blame for every problem, even if it’s your fault. It justifies irresponsibility and makes you co-dependent on others to repair your victimization. Living with a Victorious mentality is when you realize it’s possible that something is your fault, owning it and not needing anyone to get you out of the mess you find yourself in, regardless if it’s your fault or not. YOU (or God in you) can get you out. Now you’re victorious over your circumstance. The sooner we shift our minds (be transformed by the renewing of our minds) from victim to victorious- even (and especially) in the face of adversity, the better our quality of life becomes. This applies to every area of life. I’ve somewhat struggled with this in the past, myself. But not anymore. Get there…I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

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Why Did We Get Married?

Why did we get married?

Great question. Most people will answer that they love their spouse. So because they’ve fallen in love, they get married. On the surface, that sounds normal and reasonable. There’s a large problem with this motive, though.

I mentioned in a previous blog that Jesus didn’t die for you and I. I said that he gave his life because he was being obedient to his Father and as a result, you and I are eternally joined to the creator of the universe. Perspective. It’s important to keep proper perspective. If our perspective is that he did it for us, then the conversation before the betrayal means nothing. He wouldn’t really care what his dad thought. He would just do what he thought was best and say “Dad will understand.” But he didn’t. The perspective here is to do what your Father has instructed and everything else will flow from there.

Let’s look at something that most of us can relate to. When we came into covenant with God, we didn’t know how to love Him. It was only after we chose to surrender our will and choose to get to know Him that we began to see all of the benefits and began to love Him for who He is. The covenant and obedience came first and the love was born out of that obedience. This quote by Jackie Hill Perry says it well:

“Choose to love even when you don’t feel like it. Obedience often precedes affection.” -Jackie Hill Perry

We must do what God instructs us to do because of our obedience, respect, reverence and honor. We do it because He said do it. Not because we like it or want to. If we happen to want to, then good. But our “want to” is not required for our obedience. What does this have to do with marriage? Another great question.

I remember looking my wife in the eye and telling her that I didn’t ask her to marry me because I loved her. That it’s the wrong reason. She looked a little perplexed. But I explained that I asked her because through all of my searching, praying and seeking God, she kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I explained that I believed this was what God wanted and it wasn’t up to me to decide against it. I married her because I believed God had designed this and put us together.

“If you do something God told you to do because you want to, you will stop doing it because you don’t want to.” –Charles Simpson

If you get married to someone because you feel love for someone, you will divorce them because you no longer feel that love for them. I hear celebrities say all the time, “We fell out of love so we got divorced.” The reasoning simply cannot be for the love of that person. It has to be for the love of God and that you believe God has put this together. Because you will, inevitably, come to a place where you don’t feel love. When he eats loudly… when she throws your good stuff away… when he won’t put the toilet paper roll on correctly… when her cosmetics are all over the sink… you will need more than the feeling of love to get past these things. You will need the conscience understanding that God put it together and it’s not up to you to end that covenant. With that understanding, it becomes much more difficult to walk away. There will be a time when it will ALL be tested. You will need an outside opinion and outside instruction to get you two on a path of unity. You will need to do things to “spice up” the relationship of the person you’ve been with for many years. If these are things you are unwilling to do for the sake of a God-given unity, then don’t get in. Don’t waste anyone’s time. Because Jesus said, “in this world you WILL have trouble…” Not might, or could… but WILL.

Pastor Michael Todd once said that the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13 requires sacrifice and a willingness to die to ourselves that most of us aren’t willing to do outside of a full commitment. He’s gone so far as to say that marriage comes before love. I agree. You don’t really know what kind of relationship you really have until it’s tested. Until you find yourself in a fire, you don’t know what you’re made of. Adversity is the ONLY way to know where you stand as a couple and where you’re headed.

So prepare yourself. Prepare to wake up to their snoring and know you’re committed. Prepare to be surprised by that awful fart and know you’re still committed. Brace yourself for the fruit of the forbidden tree to start looking appealing and know ahead of time that this is the enemy.

One last note about the marriage covenant itself. Why is it so important? Yet another great question. God holds His relationship with us of the utmost importance. The relationship between husband and wife is held just under that. Every other relationship, including with your children, come after those two. So if God sees it that important, so should we. I once heard Ravi Zacharias teach that the Greek text of the Bible speaks of four types of love. They had four different words for what we universally call “Love”. Agape- Unconditional love; Phileo- brotherly love; Storge- protective or parental love; Eros- romantic love. The marriage covenant is the only relationship that encompasses all four types. Therefore, it is a sacred union to God. It’s not a feeling. It’s a covenant. The decision isn’t about how you feel. The decision is about WHO put this together and who you vowed to stay committed to. It’s not easy. No one ever promised that. But nothing worth having is. It’s work. It’s dying to yourself. Remember, the key to life summed up in one word is “others”.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, STAND.” Ephesians 6:13

Stay Classy GP!

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She Will Marry YOU

She’s Going to Marry You

I’d give anything to go back to the day when my daughter, Rainey, was 3 years old. She dressed up in a wedding dress and made me walk down the aisle with her. Fast forward 13 years and she introduces me to her boyfriend…and he looks like a mini-me. Not that I didn’t already know it, but it really hit me at that moment… She’s dating…me.

I’ve said before that all I was ever around growing up was boys. All my friends were boys with the exception of 2 amazing young ladies. And they were tomboys. So I quickly bought some books on how to be a father to a girl. I was literally thinking, “What do girls eat? Do they really cry about everything? I wonder what my jail cell will look like when she’s 16.” I had no clue! After reading some books on it, I gained a new understanding and appreciation for girls.

I learned that if you break them, if you’re too loud when getting on to them, if you show any amount of anger, it breaks them. They don’t recover as quickly as boys. They hold on to that grudge (some things never change no matter how old they get). You have to be gentle and win them over. But the biggest thing I learned had nothing to do with discipline.

I learned that their entire view of themselves comes directly from ME. Great. I definitely didn’t feel adequate for this. Her self-esteem, self-image, self-worth, comes from me… good or bad. If I treat them with respect, they will respect themselves. If I love them, they’ll love themselves. If I talk down to them, they’ll think down of themselves. It’s all related. Mothers are great teachers but it’s scientifically proven that absent fathers leave a huge void in their daughters that they look for in every man they encounter. Fathers possess something that mothers don’t.

God created mankind with relationships in mind. The most important relationship being between God and us. Fathers are the representation of God to his children. If we’re mean and absent, they’ll grow up thinking God is mean and absent. If we are gentle and positive, they’ll grow up thinking God is gentle and positive. 

Obviously, there is grace (and an extra special spa in heaven) for single mothers. But at the end of the day, it’s simply not God’s design for children to be fatherless. Children, especially girls, need fathers. I remember the story of Bob Mumford being on a plane sitting next to a high priest in the satanic church. This priest told him that their number one objective is to remove fathers from the family and Christian church. Even Satan recognizes the need for fathers. The easiest way for an enemy to win a battle is to make you think there isn’t one to begin with. So let’s all agree now…that there is a battle. A battle for fathers. We can also agree that we’ll help each other out in those dark times where the battle/opposition seems too strong. BE THERE FOR HER.

Because she will marry… YOU.

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Watch Your Mouth

Watch your mouth:

I can remember in high school, I was the guy walking down the hall always complimenting someone. I figured they get enough criticism from teachers, parents, and coaches. They can get encouragement from me. That was then.

Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.

So it’s one thing to hear this from your wife and your brothers. But it’s yet another to hear it from your children. In this morning’s sermon, that’s what he dealt with. Having a critical mouth. At the end, he had a prayer time and said “if you’d say ‘that’s me, I don’t want to be this way but I am’ then raise your hand.” I had my eyes closed, I shook my head in acknowledgment that, obviously, that’s me. But my 10 yr old daughter, who loves me immensely, grabs my hand and raises it. I look at her, she sweetly smiles and softly says, “just saying”. Wow. She can be a typical preteen girl sometimes. But this wasn’t one of those moments. She was being gentle. Kind. Sweet. On one hand she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But she felt the truth had to be spoken. If that doesn’t wake you up, nothing will.

I’m reminded that I’ve had many people tell me how my words of encouragement to them changed the course of their life and, in some cases, my music has helped them in life as well. This means I have a natural tendency to encourage and lift up but here I am, known for having cut words. So I clearly have to lean on the side of encouragement and eliminate the “cut words” side of my vocabulary.

So what can you do? I dare you to sit down with your kids and ask them how they perceive your words. Ask them if they feel like you spend more time building them up or tearing them down. If they’re teenagers, expect an over-dramatic response, but somewhere in there you’ll hear the truth about how they feel. And whatever you uncover in this conversation, you can pretty much bet your spouse probably feels the same way. So begin changing your vocabulary with him/her. Then it will be easier to stay in open communication with your children. Ok. I’ll shut up… for now. I’ve clearly been saying too much anyway.

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The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

The Good- the Davidson/Crenshaw exchange was refreshing. One guy makes a mistake. Then apologizes. The other guy accepts. They bro-hug it out and move forward. I would encourage everyone to view how this was handled. The apology was accepted and they moved forward. When someone genuinely apologizes, most of the time, that’s really all they can do. Say sorry and hope to do better. But for some reason, we as a society hold them in “you offended me” jail. We don’t let them out. We continue to bash, accuse, and belligerently harp on whatever they did that they have apologized for. We have to understand that humans make mistakes. It’s what we do. So the next time someone apologizes, accept it and move on.

The Bad- The Tucker situation. Really? You verbally attack and humiliate then cause a scene to a 19yr old girl who happens to be Tucker Carlson’s daughter? Then you stand outside his home? At what point is this ok? I can only hope that those that vehemently disagree with his politics and maybe even loathe the way he conducts his show would still stand and say that this action is reprehensible and cannot be tolerated in a civilized society. I disagree with every single thing that comes out of Michael Moore’s mouth. But I’ll never attack him, even if no one will find out. Because it’s not ok. It’s not the right thing to do. The ONLY way to a somewhat unified country is for those on the left to call out these thugs for what they are and denounce these actions, those on the right to call out behavior like this against a liberal/democrat and for BOTH sides to watch the Davidson/Crenshaw clip.

The Ugly- Me. I’m ugly. Deuces.

#davidsoncrenshaw

The Davidson/Crenshaw exchange can be seen here:  Davidson/Crenshaw

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Obedience Before Sacrifice

What if I told you that Jesus didn’t die for you and I. You would think…”well, this concludes my reading of this crazy blog.” But, in fact, He didn’t. He died because he knew it was God’s design…God’s order… God’s plan and it was his duty to be obedient.

My brother and I once were asked to obey by cleaning the living room. I was slower to get up than my brother. He quickly became anxious and said “what about Jason? why isn’t he helping?” My dad then immediately instructed me to sit down in the living room and watch my brother clean the entire room by himself. He told my brother, “I told you to do something. What he does is not your concern. You worry about you.” My dad was looking for obedience and this was a chance to teach that. Does it sound harsh to make a kid clean a room while everyone else watches? Maybe to some. But I never forgot it. So it worked. It taught me about obedience.

Most of us have heard the story of Jesus praying before the betrayal of Judas. He knows what’s coming. So he decides to sit down and have a little chat with God. He basically gets so stressed he can’t stand up. He asks God 3 different times to remove this burden from him. He didn’t want to do this. The only thing that drove him to the cross was his obedience and love for his father. I’m fully convinced Jesus could’ve taken many different routes. He could have just wiped out an entire army with one command. But he chose to be obedient.

We often find ourselves trying to negotiate with God. We have a better idea. We have a plan that works. “I gave my tithe to the homeless man. I think God would understand.” Actually, no, He doesn’t. He understands obedience. Jesus could have said, “I’ll still sacrifice, just in a different way…surely you’ll understand, Dad…right?” This is tough for all of us. But for God it’s very simple. OBEDIENCE BEFORE SACRIFICE. Sacrifice is good. Sacrifice is necessary. But obedience is imperative. It’s imperative to validate the sacrifice. Without the obedience, the sacrifice falls on dead ground. The moment we decide we know better, we immediately walk away from the best God has to offer. The moment we choose to put our tithe where we think it will be better served, it then serves as a burden to us, instead of a blessing. I use tithe because this happens more often than anything else. But it’s certainly not limited to that.

Jesus knew he could give his life. He was hoping to just do it in a way that maybe God hadn’t thought of yet. (feels funny to even type that). Notice that after he prays, he checks on his guys who are sleeping. He scolds them, telling them he needs their help. Yeah, Jesus said he needed their help. Chew on that a second. Jesus wasn’t afraid to ask for help from his friends. Then he returns a second time. Same result. Then a third. This means that he asked God 3 times… “you sure about this one? There has to be another way!”  All three times God had the same answer. The ball was in Jesus’ court. Obey or doom all of mankind. He chose to obey. Learning to simply obey will enrich your life. Teaching your children to obey will save theirs. Teaching them to obey requires consistency, firmness, compassion and a willingness to not let your feelings get in the way of a lesson learned. Had my dad worried about our feelings on the matter(that also felt funny to type), I would not have learned that lesson.

Throughout the Bible, obedience always came before love, sacrifice, generosity, encouragement… anything and everything. Obedience came first. Obedience opens the door for everything else to be validated and supported by God. I’m thankful that Jesus decided to be obedient. As a result, we all have an open door to the very Guy that carved out the oceans and painted the sky. Stay classy GP!

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To Think or Not to Think

I remember being told to be quiet in church. Told how to be polite. How not to be rude. Steered in certain directions. Then as I got older, I was told to make my own decisions. Be an individual. Have my own opinions. Then as an adult, it was like it went back to childhood. Next thing you know, you’re being told how to think again.

I grew up around all boys. I understood boys. How they thought, felt, acted. I knew what a boy across the room was thinking without him ever saying a word. And it was usually about sports or boobs. I mean, what else was there? I never understood the difficulties and types of hard challenges that girls faced every day just being a girl. The way their mind worked. What was important to them. How fragile and soft they were. “That time of the month!” I never understood any of this until I had daughters. My daughters changed my entire life, starting with my thinking. I chose to be the best dad I could possibly be. By doing so, I had to begin to understand how a little girl worked. But the only way I was going to achieve this was to forget what I knew and genuinely listen to what they said. I teach my children and bonus children all the time that the key to life summed up in one word is “Others.” I had to, as a dad, put “others” before me. In doing so, I saw a brand new perspective on life. A totally different way of operating life. It was mind blowing…. for the better. Be transformed by the renewing of your gym membership. Wait… no… it’s the renewing of your mind.

This is not at all about the details of the Kavanaugh case but rather how we as Americans handled the news. This Kavanaugh situation is a direct combination of the first two paragraphs. We, as an American society, have somehow gotten to a place where we’ve stopped thinking for ourselves and allowed a group, club, team, (that could easily be translated “people that give me purpose”) to decide how we feel about something. We have completely flipped to “guilty until proven innocent.” All because we can’t think for ourselves. We’ve bought in to this “pack mentality” that says if someone smarter than me says it, then it must be true. So I believe it too.

WE MUST FIND A WAY TO GET BEYOND HOW LITTLE WE DIFFER IN ORDER TO SEE HOW MUCH WE ARE ALIKE.

There isn’t a single republican, Democrat, tea party, Whig party, independent or libertarian in the world that was going to make me decide on Kavanaugh’s innocence or guilt prior to hearing facts. I simply refused in the face of a missing solidarity that our country once had.

So maybe you’re reading this and thinking, maybe I’ve been unwilling to hear another point of view and be willing to accept it as an intelligent idea and genuinely try to see things from their perspective. Well there’s hope. But it will require you to get beyond yourself and serve others. To make every attempt to look through their eyes. Then, and only then, will we stop spewing hate rhetoric about a man, or a woman and their families without hearing FACTS. Think for yourself. Don’t be a puppet for any political party. It’s not worth it. It tears families apart and ruins lifelong friendships. It’s completely up to you to think….or not to think.

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Relationship Priorities

Relationship Priorities:


This gets quite sticky and murky for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. God created things in life to be in a certain order. If we stay in that order, we find peace that passes all understanding. If we don’t, we find constant strife and can’t figure out why. Well, let me explain why…
Our relationships should be in this order:

1- God
2- Spouse
3- Children
4- Church family
5- Everyone else

The problem is simple. We get these out of order based on something someone did or didn’t do. Most of us find ourselves putting #3 ahead of the first 2. “But I have to be here for the kids first. Hubby don’t like it, he’s got to go!” That’s a problem. Huge problem. But it’s very common. There is an epidemic of kids growing up thinking they are much more amazing than they are. That merely being born entitles them to rights above anyone else. They are living with the belief that the world has short changed them because it’s nothing like what mom and dad said it would be. We see a growing number of kids that are questioning and disrespecting authority with no reason. They have no regard for any authority figure. Sometimes it’s because their authority figure is really their friend…oops, I said it. What I’ve found is that often times, the parents don’t realize they are in error until it’s too late. They don’t want to raise an irreverent kid, but it’s happening. They don’t want to raise a kid that can’t take care of themselves, but a 30 year old had to be kicked out of his parents’ house… by a judge. So for those that are wondering if you’re getting it right as a parent, God gives us many ways to tell.

My mom always said she never wanted to raise a child that no one wanted to be around. She succeeded in trying with all 4 boys but unfortunately, I’m not a highly sought after guy. Haha. But what I was taught will stick around forever. My dad once grabbed me and literally threw me out the front door and said, “Don’t come back until you learn how to talk to my wife!” What stuck out was that he didn’t called her mom, or by her name. He called her “my wife.” That sent the message that she was more important than I was. She came before me. I apparently needed to hear that.

When a child knows he or she is first, they live in a place of (false) authority that was never granted by God. This improper placement of authority causes them to say and do things that are not in line with God’s design for children. But when they know they are 3rd after God and mom/dad, they begin to know their place. Their place is NOT the center of our universe. Their place is to learn to obey, love, and honor…in that order. Notice I said obey first. If they’re taught to obey, they will know how to love and honor. As adults, God requires obedience from us that seems impossible at times. How can they be prepared for that if we don’t teach it to them as kids?

This one’s tough, but has to be said again- You are NOT called to be your children’s friend. You were called by God to be a good steward over what is God’s. To teach, instill, and prepare them to “leave mother and father and cleave to each other”. Regardless of how backwards this sounds, if children are given boundaries (discipline), they feel safe, even though they are crying because they didn’t get their way. If they see that mom and dad are together on issues, there is large place of protection that they are aware of but don’t know how to communicate that. Not only do they not know how to communicate it, they test it to make sure it’s strong. If they see that they really aren’t that important…that mommy and daddy come before them, they will learn obedience, God’s order, true love, and it will prepare them to know the heart of God and be successful in their relationships in the future. He created everything to bring us closer to Him. This can’t happen if we’re shifting relationship priorities around.

Now I understand the things that happen. “My husband is abusive.” Or “my wife is an alcoholic…so I put all my effort in to someone who loves me unconditionally. Makes sense to me.” But it doesn’t make sense to God. Paul said “I die to myself daily”. What makes sense to God is to put all your effort in mending the marriage relationship FIRST. Out of that restoration, the children will flourish. But not until then. If you shift your focus that belongs on your marriage over to your children, you have placed a burden on them that they can’t handle…that they shouldn’t handle. Worse yet, if you place God second to anyone, you have walked right out of God’s order and the blessings cease. Please understand that by blessings, I don’t mean money. God’s not limited to money. I mean that when you need peace under pressure, when you need something to lift you up over a storm that you can’t handle, you have no idea where to turn…because you walked out of God’s favor, blessing, and order. But, when God is first, your spouse is second and your children are 3rd, and when those times come, you will know how to handle them because “the steps of the righteous are ordered.” This is a lot easier to say than it is to do, but it needs to happen.

We (starting with me) have to understand our proper roles in raising children and always remember that YOU ARE TEACHING THEM IN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND DON’T DO. They are always learning from you. Whether you realize it or not. If my daughters cried for something as a small child, they immediately forfeited their right to it solely based on the fact that they cried for it. If they asked politely, they got it almost every time. The times that they didn’t receive it, most of the time, they were explained why and they understood, most of the time. They were learning early on that crying for something was the wrong way to go about it. As a result, I feel as though I have well-adjusted girls that understand that everything I do or don’t do is out of love and God’s order. If this spoke to you, feel free to share. It’s meant to encourage, not condemn.

Stay Classy, GP (God’s People).

Grainger