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Hope in the Tunnel- Part 1: My Story

I’m in a tunnel… and I don’t see an end to the tunnel. It’s so dark that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. Can’t see directions. Can’t tell if life is going on around me. Or if I’m just stuck in some chasm of hopelessness.

That pretty much summed where I was a few years back. But the story didn’t end there. While I was in the tunnel, a few things happened. First, I prayed the same prayer every single night for at least a year. “Lord, please take me in my sleep. I don’t want to wake up.” I really prayed this. Over and over. And began to get mad at God that He wasn’t listening. I was already mad at God for what had happened to get me here. More about that in a moment.

Though I couldn’t see around me, those around me knew I was there. They decided to guide me from place to place in this tunnel. I still couldn’t see but I could hear them. “No, don’t walk that way, walk this way.” Over time, I began to rely on those voices. I began to enjoy those voices. I began to believe those voices were around me for a reason. So little by little, God used those people to guide me further and further until I began to see a light. It was very dim, but it was there. And the more I headed in a forward direction, the brighter the light became. Until eventually, I was out of the tunnel.

How did I get there? In 2011, I got the call that I had received many times before, but this time it was crippling… it was final. Warner Brothers had officially passed on me and my band after we had verbally discussed and agreed on terms. Something happened within the label that made them bail on me at the last second and refused to sign any new acts for a while. The problem was, I was 36 years old. No one is looking for the next big 36 year old. I knew right then I had to hang it up. Grow up and get a real job.

Why was I so angry? Because I wasn’t trying to get a record deal to get famous or rich. I was doing exactly what I truly believed God had called me to. My talents, my desires, my surroundings. I received confirmation from many Godly people, including 3 pastors, that I was called to be light in a dark place. And that country music was to be my outlet. I’d given all of my “college” years, my “working up the corporate ladder” years, my “building my business” years… doing music. Now I was 15 years behind everyone my age in every aspect of life… all for doing what I thought God wanted! So after 15 years of sacrifice and heartache and disappointment, to have nothing to show for it was more than devastating. I felt like I was having a funeral. Like I was burying someone close to me. What happened next was worse.

I became very numb. Very cynical. Very bitter. And worse, very apathetic. Nothing phased me. I was grieving. I poured myself into officiating basketball. Anything to get away from my constant reminder that I was a total failure. But if that wasn’t bad enough, this funk I’d found myself in, greatly contributed to the end of a 14 year marriage. Which resulted in once seeing my daughters every day, to seeing them every other weekend. Well now I’ve done it… I’ve gone and made sure I’m a TOTAL failure. This is where I fully enter the tunnel.

So how did I get out? Jesus… in friends. A certain group of friends took me in and welcomed me in their “clique”. That was the beginning. A couple of old friends came in to my rescue as well. These people wouldn’t let me stay in the tunnel. They wouldn’t settle for “I’m tired, I think I’ll stay home.” They pulled and tugged until I was hanging out and laughing with them. In the midst of all of this, I found myself helping these people. I found myself helping other people with these people. I found myself less worried about my problems and more concerned about… OTHERS.

What I’ve learned about this topic is… the way out of this tunnel had a few characteristics.

*People. Jesus didn’t send a fancy angel flying down from the clouds. He sent people. People that didn’t even know they were being sent.

*Serving. Getting out of my own way and helping others.

*Lack of judging. No one cared that I wasn’t as successful as most people my age. No one shunned me, kept me out. It was open arms. And I had to be ok with them knowing everything wasn’t ok. And hoping they didn’t judge me, which they didn’t.

*Decisions. I had to consciously choose to make better decisions going forward. Starting with owning my contribution to my divorce. What can I do better? What can I learn from?

*Renewed love for God and His people. I still don’t have a clear answer as to why I believed for so long that God wanted me to do something, only to find out I was wrong the entire 15 years. Why God didn’t stop me at some point and say, “Hey, this isn’t going to work. Go do something else.” But because of how I was taught and how I believe, I remembered that God never changes. He’s still God. And while I still don’t know why my life went the way it did, it doesn’t change who He is and what He wants for us and from us. That’s the short version of my story.

I learned some valuable lessons about that tunnel. I’ve been hearing many people talk about their tunnel. I’ll address that in the next part.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Is It Live or Is It Memorex?

During the late 70’s and early 80’s, there was a commercial campaign for a video tape that was so clear, you couldn’t tell the difference. During that time, this was revolutionary. For the first time, a recording didn’t have all kinds of visual blemishes.

In 2019, this is definitely not an issue. But what is an issue is what we are being told is real. We’re being told that our society is going down the drain. That our future is in the hands of people that eat tide pods. That everyone believes there are 497 genders… except you. That all white people are racists. All black people cause problems. All cops are crooked. All pastors want their secretaries more than their wives. All teachers sleep with their students. All music stars are jerks. All men talk down to women. Here’s the reality… that’s not even close to the truth. Not even in the zip code.

As I live my life with the people I do life with, I find a few things. First, they are various races, one of two genders, different ages, and don’t eat tide pods. In general, they’re good people. You, those that are reading this, are good people. I encounter cops that are changing tires on the side of the road. Pastors that show up to a hospital at 2am to be there as comfort for the family. Teachers that buy supplies for children that can’t afford them- when they, themselves, don’t make much money at all. Music stars being extremely generous. Men that open doors for women and protect them on a daily basis. Dads that go out of their way to be good dads in the face of a fatherless society. That’s what I see!

So why do we hear so much about the extreme minority? Well, you already know the answer. Media. It’s their job to present news that isn’t everyday, ordinary news. So the mass majority of the country that believes there are two genders, just isn’t news. We all know that actual, literal journalism is almost completely dead in our country. Everything has an angle. The money that supports these media outlets have agendas, opinions that they want to pass off as facts.

One of the reasons this is possible is because of our need for drama. If I post a positive story on a “Hip” page on FB, I’ll get 10 likes. If say something negative, controversial, trolling,  I’ll get 10,000 likes. It’s just where we are. We are all drawn to problem solving. So here’s some REAL news for you. Just in recent past, the following happened:

*My 17 yr old daughter, who never wanted to be at my house, said she wasn’t ever comfortable there until recently. She asked if she could spend the night. That is a YUGE development. She is now extremely comfortable here. I had missed my daughter and was hurting because of the proverbial distance. This small thing felt amazing. It renewed my faith in my parenting. I really wasn’t sure if what I was doing was right. Apparently it worked.

*My 18 yr old bonus son called me to make sure I hadn’t left to take care of something for him. Then told me he was headed home to take care of it himself. Again, doesn’t sound like a big deal, but thinking of others first hasn’t been his strong suit. This was a very good, grown up move for him. I can’t take any credit for that. I didn’t raise him. His mother and father can look at this and say, “It paid off”.

*Same 17 yr old daughter and bonus 16 yr old daughter attend a Shawn Mendes concert. They get to their nose-bleed seats. My 17 yr old says “I’m afraid of heights.” A gentleman says, “I tell you what, here are two tickets for front row. I work with Shawn and my job is to find good people like you who were headed to the back row to be in the front row.” Shawn Mendes will never get public credit for that. It won’t be in the news because it’s GOOD news. I don’t know him personally, but the fact is, that’s very generous and kind.

*I saw a police officer pull over in the rain, get out and change a tire of a mother’s car with her kids inside.

*I saw a woman pay for the coffee of a woman behind her.

*I saw someone pay for the fast food of the car behind them in the drive-thru.

*Also saw someone pay for a stranger’s gas.

*I paid for a meal at a restaurant for a dad that made me smile. A young man with a wife, daughter and a newborn. This very young man chose to take his proper role as father and husband. I left him a message, “we need more dads like you in this world.”

*After some storms in our neighborhood, our neighbor came over at 10pm, in the rain and cut some trees that had fallen in our driveway so our driveway wouldn’t be blocked the next morning.

*Two young black men, maybe teens, saw an elderly white woman struggling to get across the street, so they stopped traffic and helped.

*In the recent hurricanes that wreaked havoc on Panama City, FL, my grandmother was one of the more notable victims. The community came together, particularly the young people, and repaired her home and yard. It made the news in PC, FL (Click on “Panama City” to see the story).

THIS! … This is what our society REALLY is. This is what the majority of the people in our country are like. This is what our future really looks like. This is what young people are really like. Not the loud, whiny, extreme minority that just keeps shouting until someone gives them a pacifier. Not what you see on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Not what the so-called news outlets report. Yes,  there are exceptions. But those exceptions don’t represent the majority. Our country, our society is made up of MOSTLY people that are kind, generous, sweet, funny, and overall good people. Don’t be overwhelmed by the extreme news. Most of those stories are isolated incidents. We’re going to leave a pretty good country to our children and Keith Richards.

Craig Groeschel once said, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”  Fix what you have to fix. Stop wasting energy on the negative information and negative people in your life. Make your life look like those stories above. Sometimes we look at the fabricated as if it’s the genuine. We get stuck staring at the “Memorex”- the image that isn’t what’s really going on. Stick to the “Live”- the image of what is really happening around you. If your world doesn’t look like this, change the direction. The first thing you can do is start every single day with GRATITUDE. From there, you’ll see an immediate difference. So when you look at your life, is it Live… or is it Memorex?

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Cover

“I thought you were a real jerk, a punk, a know-it-all who gets on my nerves!” Every single friend I had growing up eventually said that to me. Not kidding. Every. Single. One. This statement implicated quite a few things.

First, it implicated that I came across as all of those things. I didn’t give off an impression that I was a good guy. At all. It also implicated that I really wasn’t any of those things. It also implicates that we were close enough friends that they knew they could tell me that without me getting offended. So where was the problem? Why was this always the case? Was it something I was doing or saying or was it their quickness to prejudge? I later figured out that the answer to that last question was YES. It was a combination of both.

On one hand, I was not presenting myself in a good light. Apparently, dudes have RBF too. I carried myself in a way that was immature, irreverent, and sometimes mean. I didn’t appear to care about anyone other than myself. This was the first impression of everyone that met me. Hopefully, I’ve fixed that.

Example: There’s a book by author Anne Lamott called “Bird By Bird”. The cover has birds and eggs on it. So naturally, your first impression is this will be about birds. Maybe watching them, taking care of them, learning about the various species. That’s the first impression it gives off. It turns out that this book has absolutely no mention of birds in it at all. It’s an instructional guide to writing that lists the instructions piece by piece or “bird by bird”. Not exactly what you thought it was going to be about.

On the other hand, these friends of mine went with what they saw and heard before they ever even said a word to me. The ones that gave me a chance found that I wasn’t anything like what they thought. They would say things like, “You’re actually cool, funny and just normal.” Well anyone that knows me knows I’m anything but normal. But I’m of the belief that the only thing in life that’s normal is a cycle on a washing machine.

Example: I’m not a Trump apologist. I AM NOT. We all know he doesn’t have a very good “cover” on his book. But I was struck by a speech Steve Harvey gave in which he was pushed in to meeting with Trump as part of a request from the Obama transition team. So he went. Harvey told Trump all about how he didn’t vote for him. How he campaigned for Clinton. He said he’d been asked to help Trump, so he was there. Trump asked how he could help. Harvey said that Ben Carson was in charge of Urban Development and that schools were closing. Harvey could help revive cities and that those local leaders would listen to him and would get Carson in the door easier. Harvey asked for HUD money to open the schools for STEM, to also teach computers and coding in inner cities. What happened next changed everything Steve Harvey originally thought. While they were still sitting there, Trump said, “I like it! Let’s get Ben on the phone right now!” The next thing you know, they’re meeting to discuss launching this concept.

Following this meeting, Harvey received a flurry of comments laced in vitriol. He was called everything BUT Steve. The hate was spewed so hard and heavy that Harvey said that even he was surprised by it- implying that at age 60, he doesn’t get surprised much. When asked why he would agree to meet with Trump, he answered, “I had an obligation to take a seat at the table when invited.”

Harvey, when invited, felt two things. One, he felt it an honor to be in the White House in the best country on the planet, regardless of who was president. And two, he knew that if he was going to get the chance to speak to Trump, this was his chance to discuss with him what he thinks needs major improvement. In other words, he knew that if he never spoke with someone he disagrees with, nothing would ever get done. There’s a great deal of awesome sauce in this concept.

Now insert Rapinoe. Megan Rapinoe publicly stated that she would not visit the White House, if invited. My first thought was “how unpatriotic”. But my next thought was, “if she’s this passionate about certain societal issues, this would be her chance to voice them and see if there’s room for discussion.” But that would require listening to someone you don’t agree with and attempting to see their side. Something I’m not sure Rapinoe’s capable of, but I hope she is. Trump did just that for Harvey. Again, I’m not an apologist for Trump. But these are facts you can’t ignore. And those of you that consider Rapinoe to be mean and irreverent, that’s the cover… you don’t know the contents of the book. You may also be surprised by her if you were to get to know her.

Our society is so quick to judgment on almost everything. Who cares what the facts are?! Facebook said it, so it’s true! We all get caught up there. We should never judge a book by its cover, but we should all work on making our cover pleasant and accurate- depicting who we really are. And if we’ll be slow to view the cover and actually look inside the book, we just might be pleasantly surprised. But it will require us to be prepared to listen to someone that we don’t agree with. At least to hear them out. To find common ground. But if you never open the book… you’re left with only the cover. And here we sit: still thinking the book is about birds. Open the book. But first, open your mind.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Hit The Woah

When I was in high school, I never was deep in to current trends. But I remember them. Tight rolled jeans. MC Hammer pants. Carpenter jeans. White washed jeans. Sebagos. The running man dance. When I was even younger, it was neon fat-rat shoe laces. Michael Jackson jacket. Parachute pants. I’ve seen a great deal of trends come and go. Fashion trends. Dance trends. Food trends. Vocabulary trends. But lately, I’m seeing trends that I’ve never seen nor heard of before.

I expect that when someone is unhappy with a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, they attempt to resolve the conflict by any means necessary. If it still cannot be resolved, they exit the relationship. That seems to be the way that is handled. Obviously, I think people bail way too quickly on relationships. They’re never easy. You’re taking two sets of opinions, habits, and desires and crashing them together and expecting everything to be rainbows and glitter farts. What could possibly go wrong with a head-on collision of opinions and ideas?

So then I ask, if you hate where you live, why don’t you leave that area? Let’s use an example. Joe is from Mt Juliet, TN. He has been born and raised there. Joe has risen to public prominence. He’s locally famous. He then begins to disagree with the way Mt. Juliet is handling their city finances, their city laws, and their public policy. After attempting to address these concerns, he realizes he is in the extreme minority on these issues. That the vast majority of the city loves the way it is being managed. The local high school football team happens to be very good. They love their city as well. So they put the city seal on their football cleats. By now, you know where I’m headed. Joe says that he is offended by the city seal of Mt. Juliet. The city that he was born in. The city that he was raised in. The city that afforded him to rise to the position of public prominence. And because he got upset at the city, he’s decided that the city offends him to the point of protest. Any symbol of it offends him. After winning a prestigious award, the Mayor of Mt. Juliet invites him to city hall to help celebrate his award . He declines in protest. But he doesn’t move. He continues to live there. That’s the part that baffles me. I’m thinking, find a city that does things the way you like and move there. Problem solved.

If I hated my country so bad that anything that resembled my country; the anthem, the flag, was so offensive, I think I would find a country I do like and move there. But that would make too much sense. We have to complicate it. Joe just stays in Mt. Juliet. Realizes his public prominence has run its course, so he stirs up controversy to keep himself in the spotlight. But this may not be the worst part.

The worst part is that this has become a trend. Instead of just fashion, dance, food, and slang words, we’re now inserting a trend of despising where you live, but not leaving. Add to that, this trend of athletes deciding not to go to the White House after being invited for accomplishing something great. Three things strike me about that. 1- Since when did it become cool to be rude? I’ll just have to not be cool. 2- I’m guessing these athletes think so highly of themselves that they think anyone cares whether or not they go to the White House. Like it’s some cool, public statement to disrespect the leader of the free world. Yay to you. We still don’t care. And 3- If the worst president of all time were to invite me to the White House, I would gladly accept. For a few reasons. Regardless of what I think about who is in presidency, the privilege I’ve had to grow up in this country makes me love and appreciate the country itself. It would be an honor, regardless of who is in that office. But why the allegiance to my country, or any area?

When football was started in America, It was a combination of rugby and “association football”; later shortened to “assoc”, then shortened to “soc”, then referred to as soccer. People in America loved both sports but wanted their own game. A game that represented what happened in the Revolutionary war. Their territory was to be defended, as it was against England. There was a pride in their geographical area. Thus began the game of football and the rivals between geographical areas. There was a sense of belonging. A sense of pride in your area. When I hear someone say Louisiana, Florida, Tennessee, Hermitage, Saints, Tigers, Titans, Gallatin, these are all words that represent an area to me. A territory I identify with. Unfortunately, those of you band wagon Patriots, Warriors, Yankees and Bama fans that aren’t from there and have never stepped foot in those areas before don’t have a clue as to what i’m talking about. But it’s real, there are actually people in this country that pull for the team that represents the area they are from, regardless if they’re any good. I know, weird.

When the attacks on 9/11/01 took place, all of the sudden, we were all Americans. When helping someone, no one stopped to make sure their politics lined up. No one stopped to ask if they were Christian, gay, republican, democrat, pro-life…nope! They just helped… because they were Americans! Yet now, we find ourselves witnessing trends where it’s not cool to be proud of where you’re from. It’s looked down on if you are patriotic. Maybe we should start some new trends.

How about we try this trend. How about it becomes trendy to secretly buy someone’s gas when you stop to get yours. How about if it becomes trendy to refuse to only listen to people who agree with you and pay close attention to those who have a conflicting opinion and explore the possibility that there are some valid points in there. What if we make it a trend to have coffee regularly with someone you don’t agree with. Maybe it can be a trend to search and find the GOOD in people, instead of the opposite.

The only way these actions become trendy is if we do them. “Faith by itself, if it does not have works (actions), is dead.” James 2:17. Can we agree to meet and talk with people who see life differently than us? Can we attempt to see the humanity in those who believe a different way works? I’m not saying we agree. I’m only say we listen with the goal of trying to see their point of view. For me, I’m trying to understand kids theses days. I don’t want to be so stuck in being right or proper that I fail to see life from their perspective. I won’t be doing the running man, or sporting a mullet, but I will see someone Hit The Woah and say “BET!”

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Fight Like a Girl

 

 

 

 

1937

Amelia Earhart disappeared. But what happened before she disappeared is what is much more interesting to me. Her mother came from a very wealthy family and was accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Her father didn’t come from the same background. He struggled through their marriage to make enough money to afford his wife the things she was used to having. Seeing this, Amelia simply didn’t want to fully depend on a man financially and would rather control her own destiny. As a father of daughters, I simply see no problem with this.

Amelia set out to accomplish things that she wanted to accomplish, despite the constant verbal backlash she received for trying to do “Manly things”. At any point through her story, she could have stopped. She could have folded. She could have said, “maybe they’re right. Maybe I should just sit here and be their idea of a woman.” But she didn’t. She worked as a nurse’s aid and then a social worker and saved up enough of her own money to afford flying lessons, then her first plane, a yellow 2-seater she named “Canary”. She was verbally punched but she fought back.

1955

Rosa Parks is arrested. The whites-only section of the Montgomery bus had filled and the bus driver had ordered her to relinquish her seat to a white passenger. She refused. She could have just gotten up and did what everyone around her thought she should do. But she didn’t. She committed “civil disobedience” by sitting quietly in the seat that was originally vacant that she had occupied the entire ride up to that point. This led to the boycott of the Montgomery bus system which was the first campaign of action of the civil rights movement. As we know now, this led to many things that stirred the conversation up enough to make mass changes in our country’s laws, rights, and the way we all think as citizens. She was punched by society, but she punched back.

1986

My family moves to Nashville, TN from south Louisiana. After a few different jobs, my dad found himself working all hours just to make enough money to keep the lights on and food on the table. Eventually, the financial and emotional strain began to eat at their marriage. They discussed the inevitability of divorce. It just seemed to be the next natural step. But my mom wasn’t going to just sit there and let the enemy win. She has a lot of fight in her. So she brought it out and fought to save her marriage. To dad’s credit, he joined the fight. This October they will celebrate 46 years of marriage. She was punched by the new norm in society. But she punched back.

Men in today’s society are viewed as weak, useless, dumb characters that are here to make everyone laugh at how stupid they are. Almost every sit-com TV show depicts men in a useless manner. Nothing more than a laughable, mindless, irresponsible character that generally gets in the way. Men have given society many reasons to be viewed this way. A large number of men either abused their God-given authority in their marriage or was completely neglectful to their wives.

It seems like everyday I see men sitting in cars while their wives pump gas, load groceries, drive the family places. I know there are cases where the man is physically incapable for medical reasons. I get that. But that would be every so often. I see this all the time. They sit back and let their wives take on stressful and physical challenges that they should never have had to do. The women end up finding themselves in the role of mother and father.

2013

My children were forced to endure a divorce. Since then, they’ve never been the same. They don’t see life the same. They don’t see me the same. They don’t treat me the same. They view me, in regards to that subject, as a total failure. In that, they’re right. But God turns all sorrow to joy. He can’t if we don’t allow Him to. He’s a gentleman. I could have just let the situation define who I am. Who they are. I could have just sat back and let the new norm take over. But I didn’t. I took some notes from the women (and real men) in my life. I fought the norm. I chose to pursue my daughters stronger than ever before. Text them constantly. Spend as much time with them as I can. Life punched me in the face. I punched back.

I think we, as men, need to take notes from the women in our lives.

My current wife, Jennifer, went from “what do I do now, my marriage is over?” to running 3 businesses and raising 5 kids… successfully! She was punched by life. She fought back. And if that was the only uphill battle she’s fought in her life, that would definitely be enough. But it’s not. Not even the tip of the iceberg. She’s overcome many, many obstacles… one after another… most of those obstacles were things she never asked for. She KEPT getting punched… and each time, she kept fighting back.

Are there men getting it right? Of course there are. Most of the men I know are currently getting it right. Most of the men reading this are probably getting it right. So what about you? You’ve read all of this and know that this isn’t something you struggle with. Glad you asked.

To the man doing it right… I say, TEACH. Show your children how much you love them by treating your wife with the utmost respect, love and attention she deserves. Show your children that they’re THIRD in your life. Find a young man and show him that it is still cool to be a good guy. To not cheat on your wife. To lead the way when it’s time to go to church. Show a young man in your life that masculinity is not a bad thing as long as it is used correctly. Never to be used as a weapon but only as a servant and protection. Make her feel safe because of you.

This Father’s Day, I’m praying for the fathers that are way off and missing the mark. That they find someone to lean on. Very possibly the women in their lives. That they understand it’s not too late. Children NEVER stop loving their parents. I pray for the kids of these dads, that they see the intentional change and allow it to take place. Kids are more resilient than we’ll ever be.

Also on this Father’s Day, I’m celebrating fathers that are living in their God-designed role. The ones that are not giving in to the stereotype of dads in this generation. The ones that understand that children are THIRD in their lives, after God and their wife. The ones that understand you’re there to teach and launch, not to be their friend. The ones that see the benefit of their wife’s mind. Her intellect. Her passion. Her scrappiness. The ones that are slow to anger and quick to listen. The ones that serve first and eat last.

If, at the end of my life, I end up being half the father my dad was 10 years ago, I’ll consider myself a success. I’m certainly a very long way from that now. So I’ll keep on fighting. I’ll keep on getting back up after life punches me in the face. I’ll put my hands up and FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Generational War

Whether we realize it or not, we are in the middle of a generational war. In the late 60’s, the parents thought the world was caving in… coming to an end. The protests, the riots, the blatant disrespect for authority. Those parents were from the greatest generation of all time. They grew up in an era when technology and music were advancing at a rapid rate. We were at war and the “Jitterbug” and “Swing dancing” were springing up everywhere. So when the kids of the 60’s were singing about making love and not war, the previous generation just didn’t grasp it. War was a part of everyday life to them. But the youth of the day were tired of it. This dilemma is nothing new. But it still needs to be addressed.

A great portion of today’s youth have been told they are special for doing nothing at all. They were given trophies for losing. They would fail miserably at a task, sport, or competition and receive priceless accolades. Quickly they would not be subject to competitions at all. No one wins. Everyone participates and receives an award regardless of the level of performance. They have learned that work ethic is for “old people”. They weren’t really into work. Maybe they show up, maybe they don’t. They only chase things that “speak to them” or give them a greater internal purpose. They have developed a need for instant gratification. Technology has shown them that they don’t have to wait for anything. As a result, the things that actually take time, like love and relationships, suffer because if it doesn’t happen quickly, well then it must not be meant to be. As a result, kids are waiting later and later to marry and instead choosing to live together for longer periods of time to reduce the level of commitment. Most of them view older people as slow, in the way, refusing to adapt, not very smart, can’t relate to today’s kids. As a result, they’re incapable and simply refuse to benefit from anything an older person has to offer.

I’ve personally seen this a lot towards me. I’m only 43 but I’m in settings where there are much younger adults involved both in music and officiating sports. I’m often viewed as “the old guy” that has lost his touch and can’t provide any real insight to anything related to youth today. I’m viewed on stage as “in the way”, can’t play “today’s music”. Anyone that knows me knows that is the furthest from the truth. I can still play/sing, I can run up and down a court with the young guys but it takes someone who holds the key to their future to point it out. “You may want to listen to that guy. He’s been there-done that.” Only then do they listen. And when they do, they find that I’m not completely useless…haha.

The older generation of adults are no better. They’ve completely written off the younger generation as worthless. They refuse to even attempt to learn today’s vernacular, today’s technology, and today’s trends. They call all young people “millennials” and that immediately is a derogatory term. They refuse to open their minds. They refuse to see the good in youth. They also sometimes struggle to get beyond their jaded bitterness towards the life they ended up with and didn’t sign up for. As a result, they can’t stop griping long enough to enjoy what’s around them… youth! They view them as incapable of change even though most youthful people are evolving and changing every day. They have less patience for mistakes even though it’s a part of everyday life. They confuse inexperience with stupidity.

There simply has to be a TRUCE! A truce called by both sides. Young people, there is so much to learn from someone who has done “Life” longer than you have. Some things you can only learn through experience, something they have and you don’t.  There is so much to gain from people older than you. Slow down and pay attention to what they’re saying. They have been there. You lost a job? They lost several. You lost a child? They have too. Divorce? Been there. Drug abuse? They can walk you right through it. There’s a saying that kids don’t come with instruction manuals. But I beg to differ. The manual is called “experienced adults.” If you’ll tap into that manual, your guide to raising children will never let you down.

The older generation has to hold up the white flag as well. Young people are our future and, quite frankly, our today. Young people are trying. They are making mistakes but they’re supposed to. They’re using what they’ve seen work and not work and improving everything around them…even church. They’re more focused on changing the world for the better than maybe any generation in history. There was a study done recently that listed the top ten things teenagers in high school struggle with during high school as compared to the 1990’s. In the 90’s, the number one struggle was drugs and alcohol. Today, drugs and alcohol are 10th! Depression and anxiety are #1. The last thing you should do is write them off as useless. One key to depression is isolation. They shouldn’t be able to isolate themselves. If you let them, they will. Step in. See the good they provide. Make every attempt to understand where they’re coming from before passing judgment. Allow them to teach you about technology. It just might improve the quality of your life.

I believe this relates directly to churches. We have youthful churches and old people churches. There really shouldn’t be a distinction. They should be able to coexist. The young leaders should welcome and invite the older generation to be an integral part of what they do, if for no other reason than they bring wisdom to the table. Older leaders need to step back and allow youthful members to be involved. Their ideas need to be heard and seriously considered. If the church wants to be relevant again, it needs to embrace this concept: End the generational war. Enough division.

This will take intentional effort on both parts. I urge you, if you find yourself on either side of this issue, do what you can to bridge this gap. If you really want to make the world a better place, Close. This. Gap. Don’t wait for someone else to do it… YOU do it!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Turn “Have To” into “Get To”

There were a lot of words we simply weren’t allowed to say when I was a kid. You know the ones… chances are they are the same ones you weren’t allowed to say. Over time they eased up on certain words- crap, dang it, the usual “replacement” words. One word we were always allowed to say but never wanted to was “Obey”. Let’s face it, it’s just not fun. It’s not cool. It’s definitely not sexy.

But only as I got older did I see a pattern connected to obedience. Every. Single. Time… it was followed by a blessing. There was never a moment this didn’t occur. Sometimes you had to look for the blessing. It wasn’t always something huge or significant. But there was always something that could easily be viewed as a blessing on the other side of obedience.

Such was the case recently at home. I have a couple of young men in my home and one tested this with great force. He was met with greater force. I’m certainly not one to back down from confrontation. The short version of the story goes like this: When I married my wife, I put a few rules in place for the children that were designed to teach and protect. Sometimes, as we all know, kids need to be protected from themselves. Their maturity, and sometimes lack thereof, isn’t always able to withstand the things they are faced with. One particular rule was forgotten and subsequently broken. Here comes the “force” part- to which I had to issue an apology for later. Once we were composed, I reminded him of the rule that he forgot. He replied that he hated the stupid rule but that he would follow it. My wife’s statement to me at the time was, “what do you think about that?!” My reply was, “I think it’s great!” My immediate impression was that it was great that he would follow it, regardless if he liked or not because it reminded me of someone. Someone I knew very well. No, not me.

Not once, not twice, (yes, I love Lionel Richie too) but THREE TIMES Jesus told God he didn’t want to go through with the execution. He asked His Father… in today’s vernacular, “If you have a different plan, let’s do that! I have a couple of ideas… you want to hear them? No? umm… ok. Whatever you want.” Jesus simply DID NOT like his Dad’s idea. God didn’t ask Him to like it though. He just asked Him to obey it. There’s that awful word again. As we now know, Jesus went ahead and obeyed. The rest changed history, our calendar and our lives.

Following my instruction to obey the rule and following his disapproval, I checked in with him to see how things were going. He stated to me that the coolest thing happened. He was asked to do some labor work for a relative in exchange for money. He showed up, fulfilled his commitment to do the work asked. But when he showed up, the relative said that he no longer needed him. The cool part was that he paid him anyway. He said “it’s not a big thing, but it’s pretty cool.” I told him that it actually is a big thing because this means God is still batting 1000. A blessing followed obedience.

The key here is that Father knows best. He protects us from ourselves. He asks us for obedience. What happens often is we find ourselves not wanting to, so we simply don’t. Thinking that it’s either all or none. Either I like it and do it or I don’t like it and don’t do it. God is perfectly fine with you not liking it… as long as you obey it. We, as parents, also have to be that way. We have to be ok with them not liking our rules and demands. They are individuals. They have their own desires. All of this is ok as long as they still obey. Eventually, their desires become much more aligned with your desires and also God’s desires. This takes time, repetition, and consistency. But in time, the “have to” leads to “get to” and it all starts with obedience.

One example of this is when we first decide to give our lives to God. We don’t really know what to do. So someone says, read this and show up here and we’ll talk about it. It’s pretty uncomfortable. You don’t really know that many people, if anyone. Eventually, doing what you are instructed becomes something you do on your own because you now have a relationship. Your “have to” became a “get to”.

Another example of this is before Jennifer and I were married, she made a decision to change churches. She felt strongly that God was leading her out of one and to another. Her children didn’t like this at all. They went kicking and screaming… but they went. Eventually they were craving Sundays… at this new church. The “have to” became “get to”… oh and they were blessed because of it. Big G still hitting home runs.

This is tough for both kids and adults. Wives, God has given you specific guidelines of obedience regarding your husbands. Husbands, God has given you specific guidelines regarding your wives. Parents, we’ve been given instruction that requires obedience regarding our children. And not that much of it is fun. But it’s necessary to stay in God’s order.

I get it. It’s no fun. But try it and then look to see what God does. We do have to be careful though. We don’t want to get in to a position where we are doing something for our Creator in order to get something in return. At the same time, He does always reward obedience. If you throw a ball in the air, it’s going to come down. If you obey God, you WILL be blessed.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Dad in the Midst of the Fall

Adam and Eve. We’ve all heard the story in Genesis chapter 3 a thousand times. Eve eats the fruit she isn’t supposed to, mankind is doomed, child birth becomes painful… yada yada yada. I’ve heard that story a thousand times. But only in my 30’s did I start to see things in it that changed the way I looked at that story. It changed the way I parent. It changed the way I see people.

Let’s start with the fact that in verse 6, she took the fruit, ate it and then gave some to her husband… WHO WAS THERE! He witnessed the whole thing and never said a word…and even joined in! So many lay this on Eve but Adam was responsible for their relationship and Adam, by doing nothing, did something. He signed off on it. He endorsed it. He put his stamp of approval on this act.

Or how about in verse 7, their eyes are opened and they notice for the first time that they’re naked. Yes, the Garden of Eden was a nudist colony. So they make coverings for themselves by sewing fig leaves together… that’s huge… more about that in a minute.

Verse 8… They hid from GOD! Haha! Really? They must’ve thought they were future hide and seek champions of the world to able to hide from the Guy that created them!

But Verse 9 is a really big one. Really big. “God called to the man and said, ‘Where are you?’” A couple of things that are huge here. One, He wasn’t looking for Adam and Eve. He didn’t ask because He didn’t know where they were. He asked to make them realize for themselves where they were. Sometimes we need to be reminded where we are. Sometimes we’re so focused on outward appearance and things that don’t matter that we forget where we are… or where we’re supposed to be.

Another huge thing here is that He called to the MAN. Not the couple. Not Eve. Wait… but they both took the fruit and Eve took it first! Yes, but God created Adam to be the leader in the marriage. He was standing there when she ate it. God held ADAM accountable for the decisions of the “family”. This is important for both men and women.

For men, it’s important to note that you are responsible for the direction of the family. If you don’t already have a family, then you may want to wait until you can handle this responsibility. You’ll need to understand that you can’t be weak, you can’t be passive, and you must lead from a position of strength and love. You’re a fool if you don’t listen to your wife’s intuition. You also must learn to hear what she’s NOT saying. Yep, you read that right.

For women, it’s important to trust your husband and let him make mistakes, as long as they aren’t the same mistakes frequently. That’s a different conversation for a different day. But unfortunately, in Ephesians 5:22, the Bible never says “Follow your husbands as long as they make you happy” or “Follow your husbands unless they make a mistake”.  Paul wrote this knowing he was talking about a very flawed group of guys. It’s sometimes hard to follow someone that doesn’t appear worthy of following, but just understand that when a major family decision is made, God looks to the man as being responsible for the decision and direction of the family and God will always bless the man for stepping up and the woman for following. If he fails to step up, God will deal with him accordingly. If the woman fails to follow or attempts to lead, God will deal with her accordingly. God is a God of order and if we get in line with His order and stop being overly concerned with our own order, we’ll find that life goes so much more smoothly. There are certain things that God designed a certain way. It’s our job to follow that order.

Next, God lists all the things in their lives that are about to change. All of the consequences of their disobedience. And it’s important to note that they had consequences for their behavior. Some of y’all need to place serious consequences on your children when they do not meet expectations that you’ve set. It needs to hurt. It needs to sting. They need to know you’re serious. Otherwise, your words mean nothing and they learn nothing. You do them NO favors letting them off lightly with acts that deserve strong punishment. Your job is not to be their friend. Your job is to “Train your children in the way they should go and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Prov 22:6.

Lastly, the biggest reveal of the entire story. Right after God hands down a severe punishment (literally kicked them out of their house and made them live somewhere else), He does this. Verse 21- “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” No big deal, right? Wait a minute… in verse 7 they made clothes for themselves from fig leaves. So they didn’t need clothes. So why did God make them clothes? He basically said, “You went to Goodwill but now I’m taking my kids to Nordstrom’s.” Because even in disappointment, anger, consequence, and punishment, He never stopped parenting. He never stopped caring. He never stopped loving.

There’s so much to take just from that last verse. We can see that even when we mess up, when we know we’ve made errors, errors that no one could possibly forgive, He forgives anyway. He’s still there parenting, caring. We can also take away from this that once our punishment is handed down to our children, it’s vital that we continue to parent by loving. When both are present, discipline and love, it sticks.

Parenting has never been for the weak in mind and heart. But it’s extremely rewarding. I don’t want to think about who I would be if I wasn’t a dad. Probably writing this from prison. Not kidding. Maybe…Nope. Prison. Stop trying to be perfect. Just continue to chase the best parent of all time. Also, never forget- perfect parents DO exist. They just don’t have children yet.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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A Walk Down Thankless Lane

Let’s take a walk down thankless lane…

I can remember growing up, I played a lot of sports. No matter which sports I played, there were a few constants. I wanted to win. My coach liked to yell. If I was disrespectful to anyone, I was quickly dealt with. Win or lose, I got my juice box and relaxed on the ride home. But I never remember the refs. In fact, we were always told not to say a word to the refs… that this was coach’s job, not ours. So we never got involved in the ref bashing. As I got older, that changed. My smart mouth got me in so much trouble, that I literally once called out a defense “Twelve!”, which was our 2-1-2 and was given a T. The ref said “I heard what you said!” I said “yes, my teammates heard it too… I called the defense.” He looked at the coach and said “if you don’t take him out, I’m going to throw him out!” The fact was… I had a reputation… and not a good one. I remember a lot of fun things, bad things, tough things from those days in sports. But one thing I can never remember doing back then was… well… I don’t ever remember thanking the refs. Ever. For anything.

I can remember when I was little, my dad was my coach. So he had to be at every game. He would’ve been regardless. He went to work. Took that money and put me and my brothers in sports. I can remember him coming to my brother’s defense because I couldn’t. I can remember him working late hours just so we didn’t have to ask if we were going to eat that night. I can remember him driving all the time so my mom didn’t have to bother with that…. She was too busy reaching in to the back seat smacking us around. Ha. I remember every time someone died, the family called him and he left. Every time someone was very ill, he was called, and he left. I remember the absolute tongue-lashing he gave an elementary school principal for man-handling me in the parking lot. I remember the times he would go to practice when he wasn’t the coach. I remember the time he built me and my brother bunk beds… of which my younger brother pushed me off and gave me my first broken bone. One thing during all of that I don’t remember… well… I don’t remember thanking him. For any of it. Ever.

Then there’s the time a police officer pulled a speeding teenager over who had to give a presentation for school and didn’t know how to tie a necktie so he was on his way to his friend’s house to get help. The police officer had him get out of the car and he tied the young man’s tie. Or the time the officer saw a homeless man with no shoes on and went and bought the guy new shoes and socks and put them on him. How about an officer in Pennsylvania is eating at a restaurant the day after the Dallas shootings where a man killed 5 police officers and injured 11 more just because they were the police. A couple is about to be seated next to the officer’s table. They abruptly say “no, I don’t want to sit there.” They made eye contact and it was clear why they didn’t want to sit near the officer. This officer paid for their meal in an effort to bridge the gap. These officers have a couple of things in common besides being police officers. 1-They did what they did because they care about people and had no idea their act of kindness would go public. They just did it because it was the right thing to do. 2- And the other thing they have in common is that most likely, when they went to their next call, they were not thanked… by anyone.

So here’s a big thank you. To the ref that gets underpaid and overworked. Who gets yelled at every single night on the job. Who gets ridiculed and has his character questioned every 5 minutes while attempting to do his job to the best of his ability. Who gets called everything BUT a referee by the multitudes shouting down towards him as he runs by. Who is given no credit for the countless hours he or she spends reading the rule-book and watching plays to get better. Who leaves his family night after night. To the guy who cares about his sport but cares about the kids and the relationships MORE. THANK YOU for the sacrifices you make.

Here’s a huge thank you to the dads that sacrifice tirelessly without ever receiving or even expecting a thank you. To the guy that speaks life into his daughter. To the guy that won’t let his son settle for mediocrity. To the guy that always eats last and listens first. To the guy that works but lets the kids enjoy the fruits first. To the guy who stays up late to make sure all the Christmas gifts look just right (if a kid reads this, this is before Santa comes). To the guy that teaches his boy to be a man by treating his wife with the utmost respect and serving first rather than receiving first. To the guy that works hours on his daughter’s car just in time for her to jump in it and go be with her friends. THANK YOU.

To the officer that risked his life so that we can be safe. To the guy that realizes he may be saying “have a good day” to his wife for the very last time… every time he goes to work. To the guy that does it right only to be overshadowed by the bad apples. To the officer that is ridiculed and scoffed at and chooses not to take that home. He leaves it at work. To the guy that gets called every vile name in the book and still does CPR on that person to make sure they live. To the guy that defends your right to call him a Pig. To the countless, life-changing sacrifices you make on a daily basis… THANK YOU. 

Do yourself and your community a favor and start finding the thankless and thanking them. It will go a very long way. Stop talking about how the world needs to change and BE the change you want to see. Start with Gratitude. If you’ll start each day with gratitude, the rest of the day stays in proper focus and perspective. Prove me wrong. I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Music Can’t Affect Me

Music can’t affect me

There I am, when they play Elvis clips on TV, one after another. I’m glued to the screen. I can’t move. Captivated by this guy. The most interesting part is…I’m 2 years old! So how does this music have this much of an impact on me?

I’m not sure we truly understand the affect and impact that music has on us, whether consciously or subconsciously. To most, it’s just a fun way to kill time or take our mind off of things. At least that’s what we think. It’s actually much more than that.

To cover this correctly, we must dive in to its origin. Music was in heaven before earth was created. Ezekiel 28 speaks of instruments and Isaiah 14 speaks of Lucifer’s belief that he was the most high. He quickly found out otherwise. So yes, it is widely believed Lucifer was in charge of music in heaven. He then decided he was greater and more beautiful than God Himself. He was removed and took a third of the angels with him, convincingly. This means he was very persuasive. That’s like saying “hey, Ruth’s Chris is overrated. Let’s go to Jim’s taco shack!”…and off they went. Satan has skills in sales.

So understanding that music was spiritual long before earth was created is important. It is first and foremost a supernatural existence. Now that we understand that, we can dive in to how it affects us.

I’ll never forget the morning. I was just out of high school. I was already performing shows. After one particular show, the next morning my dad says (loudly) “I don’t know what your problem is, but that was terrible. Fix it and fix it FAST!” Somehow I knew almost immediately what he was referring to. The reason I knew was because I received a lot of compliments and knew my voice was on that night. So it wasn’t the performance itself. He may not have even known it, but he was referring to the spirit behind the performance. The week leading up to that show, I was living like total hell. Doing anything and everything I’ve ever been taught NOT to do. So while my vocal performance was on point, the spirit behind it was that of lawlessness, recklessness, and rebelliousness. The opposite is just as true. I once sang the saddest, most miserable Merle Haggard song in a bar and after the set, someone came up to me and told me they literally felt Jesus in the room. My life leading up to that was in line with Godly living.

How you live your life and how you conduct yourself and where your heart truly is, determines the spirit behind your art and your life in general. There’s no way around it. This explains why sometimes you’re being led in worship and feel like you just want it to stop because it seems anything but God-like. Sometimes it’s because the leader isn’t worshiping. He’s either hiding what he’s truly thinking or putting on a show so everyone will notice how great he/she is. If it’s not worship, the congregation will know it. Side note for worship leaders: If you’re singing 247 notes over 1 word, note to self… almost all of the people you’re leading can’t do that. So it becomes a concert. Stop putting on concerts and start worshiping. I was a worship leader at our church at a young age. I’m more than capable of delivering “vocal gymnastics”, as some of my friends would call it. But when I led worship, I didn’t. I kept it in range so everyone could join in. No one really cares how good you are when they’re trying to worship their God. This isn’t about you. It’s about HIM. So please, just stop! (Steps off soapbox)

Another important thing to discuss concerning music is that because it’s supernatural first, then its words and music impact your mind. It falls in to the “Garbage in-garbage out” category. Not trying to pick on a genre, but the majority of rap has no inspirational value. It’s mostly boastful, degrading and proud of being the least moral people you know. But our society embraces it. Mainly because of the hypnotic beats and patterns that move us. You must understand that while you may not be paying attention to the lyrics, they’re entering your mind regardless. I’ll give you an example.

Someone I know very well, when he was a teenager, he began listening to “gangsta rap.” This kid was a kind, fun, humorous, laid back dude. Over time, he became quieter, angrier, and more miserable. His father entered his room and asked for all of his music (before the days of digital music). As his dad went through the music, everything that his dad didn’t approve of hit the trash can. Almost overnight, the attitude changed.

Whether we like it or not, we are directly affected by the music that is around us. What goes in our ears, whether we even realize it or not, affects how we act, react and treat others.

I’m not suggesting that we all listen to only Christian music. Not at all. I’m saying, be mindful. Be aware of the words that are being sung/spoken. Here’s what I’m saying, if I say “to the windows, to the wall” and you know exactly what I’m referring to and not only have no problem with the song but also love it, then you definitely need to reevaluate where God is in your life. That song is not ok. It’s not cute. It’s not necessary. It affects you, whether you like it or not. Didn’t mean to step on toes, but it is what it is… and it’s real!

The main thing songs like that do is desensitize you. One of the primary tools to hearing what God is telling you is being sensitive to what He’s saying. If you break down that sensitivity, you have a harder time hearing Him. Remember, if Satan was in charge of music, don’t you think he knows that it’s a tool he can use against you? And if he knows that, why don’t we acknowledge that? Never forget that the #1 tool of the enemy in warfare is to make you believe there isn’t a battle at all. Then you are overtaken by it and never saw it coming. Do not be deceived. There is a war for you. And music can play a role. Whether it’s a role FOR YOU or AGAINST YOU…is UP TO YOU.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger