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Hope in the Tunnel- Part 2: Your Story

In the first part, I told you my story. It’s an ugly story. But It’s a victorious and hopeful story too. Now let’s talk about your story… or someone you know.

Anxiety- “Intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations.” That’s the definition from the Mayo clinic.

First, if you want to hear an amazing message about worry, click HERE! It will change your life.

There are two different sides to this conversation telling two very different stories. One says, “It’s all in your head. You’re making this stuff up. Get up, get over it and move on!” The other side says, “It’s who I am! Nothing can change me. I just need to learn to deal with the new me.” I’m here to tell you that neither is true.

It’s not all in their heads. They didn’t consciously choose this. And in most cases, they don’t want this. They can’t just get over it and move on. It’s not that simple. For the time being, it owns them. But there’s hope in the tunnel.

The problem here though, is that some don’t seem to want out of the tunnel bad enough to make hard short-term decisions that have long term affects. In many cases, to remove the propensity for anxiety, you must remove that which is leading you there. And often times the very thing that is causing you anxiety is the thing or person that you love the most. That’s where this whole thing gets very tough. For some, it may take making the toughest decision of your life NOW in order to live a peaceful life LATER. Fear not, someone will be there to hold your hand all the way out of the tunnel.

For some, it has become a new identity. They see how people come to their rescue and defense. So this “can’t be a bad thing.” This comes from either 1- not enough attention growing up or 2- having your parents’ life revolve around you, then getting out in to the real world and realizing it’s nothing like that at all. No one cares as much as they did… until you had anxiety. Now they care! The glamorization of this is sickening. There’s nothing glamorous about it. Stop wearing it like a badge. Don’t be ashamed of it, but don’t be proud of it either. I’m telling you that you DON’T HAVE TO STAY IN THE TUNNEL.

The anxiety itself, is a symptom. Never the problem. Address the problem and the symptom is cured. I know it’s not that easy, but it is possible! If it’s not possible, then we don’t serve a very mighty God. If it’s not possible, then why did Paul say in 2nd Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind”…? Which one sounds like anxiety… power, love, sound mind… or fear? And if God doesn’t give it, then who does? The enemy. SO IT. MUST. GO. Remember, fear and worry are at the core of anxiety. So if God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, then He hasn’t given us anxiety either… He want’s you to be free of it! Maybe not right this second, but eventually.

I firmly believe that NO ONE is called to have anxiety. That you’re just stuck with it. That you’ll have it forever. I firmly believe that it’s not “who you are”. It may be where you are… but THERE IS HOPE IN THE TUNNEL.

Depression- “A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” That is the definition given by the Mayo Clinic.

Something that I firmly believe is that depression is more rampant today than maybe in any society in the history of our nation. There was a study done among high school students listing the top ten things students struggled with during high school. During the 1990’s, the #1 thing listed was drugs and alcohol. In today’s schools, drugs and alcohol are #10. The number one thing they struggle with today is anxiety and depression. That’s #1!

Many people in general, and especially students, have lost their sense of hope and belonging. They have lost, or never known, their place on earth. Identity is huge. My dad once dealt with this first hand as he was concluding one era of his ministry. He felt lost if he wasn’t pastoring. God spoke to him very clearly and said, “Who you are is a child of God. You are my son. Pastoring is what you DO.” This perspective has to permeate in your heart and mind. The quicker someone understands that who they are is completely wrapped up in who God is, the quicker they find their place, purpose, and calling.

I’ve been drafting this over the course of a week and in the middle of it, after I had written 75% of it, a young lady, a 14 year old freshman at my daughter’s school, decided to take her life. Her particular situation was bullying. But loss of hope was the key. The bullies took that hope. This thing is real. I’m a girl-dad so this crushes me. In the midst of this, I have been proud of both of my daughters in that school system. They told me they have been actively pursuing kids who are eating by themselves in order to help them feel included and combat depression. They hadn’t seen this particular girl and stated that had she been alone in any setting where they were, they would’ve pursued her. I love their hearts. I also feel terrible for this girl that she felt this was the only way out of her tunnel.

Community and service. That is how we get out of the tunnel. These truths are really the only thing that allowed me to get out of the tunnel as fast as I did. It isn’t always that fast. But knowing that if I am still breathing… God’s not done… this kept me going. That and my daughters. 

Getting out of that tunnel took real people, with real problems of their own reaching out to me and not letting me go backwards in the tunnel. It took community. I read about an experiment where they put a rat in a cage and gave it two options of water. One was regular water and the other was drug laced water. Each rat they experimented on, without exception, always chose the drug laced water and almost always overdosed quickly and died. Then they noticed something. They were putting the rat in there alone. What if they create a rat heaven community? Would they still want the drug water? So they put multiple rats in there of both genders, loads of cheese and tunnels. Then comes the amazing part, they all…100% of them chose the normal water and NONE chose the drug water. The solution was community. Whether we like it or not, we were called to be co-dependent.

Again, I’ll say, Community and service are clearly the keys out of the tunnel. Serve someone. Do something for someone else. You will quickly find yourself noticing a light at the end of that tunnel. And the more you are in your community and serving others, the brighter that light gets. Next thing you know, you’re out of the tunnel and you’re helping someone else out of their tunnel. You simply can NOT let yourself, or someone else, be isolated!

Isolation is the #1 tool of the enemy.

So please, keep your eyes and ears open. When you see someone in a tunnel, be the voice that guides them out. If you’re reading this and you’re the one in the tunnel, hold on, there’s HOPE IN THE TUNNEL!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Hope in the Tunnel- Part 1: My Story

I’m in a tunnel… and I don’t see an end to the tunnel. It’s so dark that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. Can’t see directions. Can’t tell if life is going on around me. Or if I’m just stuck in some chasm of hopelessness.

That pretty much summed where I was a few years back. But the story didn’t end there. While I was in the tunnel, a few things happened. First, I prayed the same prayer every single night for at least a year. “Lord, please take me in my sleep. I don’t want to wake up.” I really prayed this. Over and over. And began to get mad at God that He wasn’t listening. I was already mad at God for what had happened to get me here. More about that in a moment.

Though I couldn’t see around me, those around me knew I was there. They decided to guide me from place to place in this tunnel. I still couldn’t see but I could hear them. “No, don’t walk that way, walk this way.” Over time, I began to rely on those voices. I began to enjoy those voices. I began to believe those voices were around me for a reason. So little by little, God used those people to guide me further and further until I began to see a light. It was very dim, but it was there. And the more I headed in a forward direction, the brighter the light became. Until eventually, I was out of the tunnel.

How did I get there? In 2011, I got the call that I had received many times before, but this time it was crippling… it was final. Warner Brothers had officially passed on me and my band after we had verbally discussed and agreed on terms. Something happened within the label that made them bail on me at the last second and refused to sign any new acts for a while. The problem was, I was 36 years old. No one is looking for the next big 36 year old. I knew right then I had to hang it up. Grow up and get a real job.

Why was I so angry? Because I wasn’t trying to get a record deal to get famous or rich. I was doing exactly what I truly believed God had called me to. My talents, my desires, my surroundings. I received confirmation from many Godly people, including 3 pastors, that I was called to be light in a dark place. And that country music was to be my outlet. I’d given all of my “college” years, my “working up the corporate ladder” years, my “building my business” years… doing music. Now I was 15 years behind everyone my age in every aspect of life… all for doing what I thought God wanted! So after 15 years of sacrifice and heartache and disappointment, to have nothing to show for it was more than devastating. I felt like I was having a funeral. Like I was burying someone close to me. What happened next was worse.

I became very numb. Very cynical. Very bitter. And worse, very apathetic. Nothing phased me. I was grieving. I poured myself into officiating basketball. Anything to get away from my constant reminder that I was a total failure. But if that wasn’t bad enough, this funk I’d found myself in, greatly contributed to the end of a 14 year marriage. Which resulted in once seeing my daughters every day, to seeing them every other weekend. Well now I’ve done it… I’ve gone and made sure I’m a TOTAL failure. This is where I fully enter the tunnel.

So how did I get out? Jesus… in friends. A certain group of friends took me in and welcomed me in their “clique”. That was the beginning. A couple of old friends came in to my rescue as well. These people wouldn’t let me stay in the tunnel. They wouldn’t settle for “I’m tired, I think I’ll stay home.” They pulled and tugged until I was hanging out and laughing with them. In the midst of all of this, I found myself helping these people. I found myself helping other people with these people. I found myself less worried about my problems and more concerned about… OTHERS.

What I’ve learned about this topic is… the way out of this tunnel had a few characteristics.

*People. Jesus didn’t send a fancy angel flying down from the clouds. He sent people. People that didn’t even know they were being sent.

*Serving. Getting out of my own way and helping others.

*Lack of judging. No one cared that I wasn’t as successful as most people my age. No one shunned me, kept me out. It was open arms. And I had to be ok with them knowing everything wasn’t ok. And hoping they didn’t judge me, which they didn’t.

*Decisions. I had to consciously choose to make better decisions going forward. Starting with owning my contribution to my divorce. What can I do better? What can I learn from?

*Renewed love for God and His people. I still don’t have a clear answer as to why I believed for so long that God wanted me to do something, only to find out I was wrong the entire 15 years. Why God didn’t stop me at some point and say, “Hey, this isn’t going to work. Go do something else.” But because of how I was taught and how I believe, I remembered that God never changes. He’s still God. And while I still don’t know why my life went the way it did, it doesn’t change who He is and what He wants for us and from us. That’s the short version of my story.

I learned some valuable lessons about that tunnel. I’ve been hearing many people talk about their tunnel. I’ll address that in the next part.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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To Family or Not To Family… Part 2- The Pastor

Remember that school teacher you had that was one of your favorite teachers? Remember hearing that they either retired or passed away and how you felt? Sure, we all do. That person dedicated their entire life to help kids advance in life. If I asked for each of you to send me the name of that teacher, this would go on forever. The numbers are high! These days, there are more and more stories of teachers having sexual encounters with their students. Would it be fair to lump all those great teachers we just talked about in the same group with these knuckleheads that didn’t do their job correctly? Of course not. But for some reason, we do it to pastors.

We have all heard news of a pastor mishandling funds, having affairs with secretaries, abusing staff members, and other atrocities. And those victims are just that, victims. Those things should have never happened. God called those men to a high calling and everyday temptation got the best of them. And on behalf of Christians that are not that way, we’re truly sorry. These individuals don’t represent the true heart of God’s goodness. So what about those doing it right? Is it fair to lump those guys in with the entire group of church pastors in America?

In 2017, I saw a report where there were 12 cases where a teacher had a sexual relationship with a student. And that’s 12 too many. Now think about how many teachers there are in America… yep, around 3.6 Million! One doesn’t represent the other. Also in 2017, there were 10 “notable” preacher scandals. Maybe another 4 or 5 that they don’t consider notable. In 2017, there were approximately 400,000 head pastors in America. Again, one DOES NOT represent the other. You simply cannot, in good conscience, blame the 399,985 pastors who are doing it right because 15 decided they couldn’t handle the pressure of being a pastor. There’s nothing right about that.

By pressure, I mean intense scrutiny. I know of a pastor that has all glass walls in the church office. This guy understood that he’s a target. Pastors are unnecessarily targeted and scrutinized almost like a political figure. They are held, by society, to a perfect standard that no one can achieve. They’re human. But they’re not allowed to be.

They have a job. That job really isn’t to make you feel good. It’s to deliver truth. Usually, in delivering truth, it does make you feel good. Because you learn the truth that you serve a God who will never leave you, forsake you and cared enough for you that he was ok with His only son being murdered to take on and wear every single thing you and I do wrong. That selflessness alone, makes us grateful and feel better about our future.  Another truth is that we’ve all fallen short of God’s standard. Our righteousness is like filthy rags. The truth is some of us spend more time with our phones than our kids. The truth is God said we’re robbing Him by not paying tithes. Truth doesn’t always feel good.

The problem is some pastors have lost sight of that truth. They just gloss over truth so that they don’t offend. After all, it would hurt their income. And somewhere in there, they forget that God is their provider, not church members.

(click on the picture to visit the church website)

But for the ones that are delivering truth, the only way they can is if they are willing to possibly offend you. They have to know that they are just delivering what God already said and in doing so, the Holy Spirit may offend or convict you in the process. But you have to be prepared for WHEN, not if, that happens. It’s only a matter of time. Pastor Kody Woodard, of Renovation Church says, “God sees you where you are, saves you where you are, but loves you too much to leave you where you are.”

Bank on it, the pastor is going to say something you don’t like, and most of the time, he’s right. But at times, he’s dead wrong. Sometimes, he makes mistakes. We have to allow him to make mistakes. We have to allow him to be human. We have to give grace where we’ve received grace. The calling of a pastor doesn’t mean he just instantly got a “Perfection Upgrade”. He’s still a work in progress. But he has been given a job, a calling, a duty that you don’t want.

Are you ready to get phone calls at 1am that someone is very ill or had an accident and they want their pastor there? Are you cut out to conduct a funeral with a casket that is about 2 feet long? Are you ready to be constantly ridiculed for every move and every word that comes out of your mouth? Are you prepared to be the target of every attack from our society? Are you prepared to lose friends over what you know is right?  Be ready to have your motives questioned every time you make a decision. Get ready for people in your congregation to verbally assault you over speaking on a certain subject or a certain scripture because it was too “convicting”. What… you don’t want that job? Well that’s the job your pastor signed up for and knew that’s what he was getting into… and he did it anyway. Because he loves God and God’s people more than himself! No, I don’t understand it either, but the next time you are quick to attack a pastor, look at his heart before you jump to conclusions. Chances are, he’s really trying his best. Remember, there’s ONLY ONE perfect person to ever live… and he’s not pastoring any church.

I know that growing up, my dad said many things that I didn’t like. He often made decisions that were right- though I didn’t know it at the time. He, sometimes, made decisions that were wrong. But at the end of the day, me and my brothers knew we were loved, protected and cared for. Even when we were mad. Because that’s what family does. They butt heads – then forgive each other. If you want church to be a family, be ready for what family really is. The benefits are immeasurable. So, to family or not to family… it’s up to you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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To Family or Not To Family… Part 1- The Church

Remember those pesky brothers and sisters you had growing up? Remember when they did things that got on your nerves? Remember when your parents said something that made you so angry you could bite a nail in half? Now… remember when you got to leave all of that and get new brothers, new sisters, and new parents? Yeah… me neither.

“Dad, I unfriend you!” … “That’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works!”

We all remember the first few things I mentioned. The times when we hated our siblings. When they purposely got on our nerves when we had friends over. When they had to stick their nose in everything you were doing. But we also remember the times when someone else was mean to them. My little brother Adam could tell you stories of how we fought but can also tell you the time a kid older than me punched him in the face. And what happened to said kid’s face (I’m not condoning violence).  I’m just saying that we say we don’t like them, then when they’re under attack we immediately go to their defense. How in the world can this happen?

As much as I’ve studied this topic, I still don’t truly understand it. What I do know is this: God designed it this way. It’s a natural reaction to take care of those close to us, whether we like them or not. It is innate.

Here’s where this conversation gets tough. The church. Oh boy, I said it. Just hear me out. We want to call the church a “family”, but in reality, we don’t really view it as family at all. We view it as a bunch of things, but family isn’t one of them- when really, family should be the primary one.

We view church as a social event. “take a pic for Instagram honey so people see how cool we are!” We view it as a place to GET something. A place to meet people. Nothing wrong with meeting people and getting things needed while at church. But when we really view it as family, church hopping will slow down to a crawl. As of now, it’s a super highway moving at Autobahn speeds. Don’t like what the pastor said about seeking God daily? We just leave. Go somewhere else. Don’t like the guy next to you because he wore a Bama jersey to church? We leave. While these seem like extreme examples, and they may be, they’re really not that far off.

As with any relationship, you don’t really know what kind of relationship you have or how strong it is until you are faced with real adversity. That’s when you get to see where your relationship really is. In a family, when your “dad” says something you don’t like, you learn to deal with it because eventually, you get to a place where you know he loves you and wants the best for you. When your brother gets on your nerves, you just go to a different room of the same house. Oh but church, no… you find a completely different house. You go to the next church with some delusional belief that your jacked up problems somehow won’t find you at the next place. News flash…They do!

Imagine, if you will, a place where you hear the Pastor say something you don’t like and just chew on it and ask God what it is that’s bothering you. Only to find out that it’s something YOU need to change and not the pastor or the church. Imagine a place where you don’t have to be everyone’s best friend but when someone attacks your brother, the one that gets on your nerves, you are quick to defend and can’t really explain why. Imagine a place where things aren’t always perfect and squeaky clean. We’re all kind of weird. We all have issues and problems. But we have these issues together. We walk through them together. We don’t bail out when the Pastor says something we don’t like or agree with. A place where you realize that he’s human. Just like your imperfect dad or mom you had growing up. Imperfect but doing their best.

Now imagine a God, a COVENANT God, getting the opportunity to shower you with rewards, gifts, blessings because you stuck through the hard times to get to the good times. Your obedience to His direction in your life leads to blessings that you can’t measure.

The same goes for the people in the church. Those people that are called hypocrites because they are church goers but also… wait for it… make mistakes. Well that just can’t happen. You go to church. You’re not allowed to make mistakes! It. Is. Family. We all make mistakes. We all say and do things someone else doesn’t like. But at the end of the day, we’re still family.

Church faces is an epidemic that usually doesn’t exist in a real family. We put on these Instagram faces like everything is ok and refuse to let anyone think we don’t have it all together. Afraid of what they may think and afraid of being judged. You get NOWHERE with church faces. The junk is still there. We’re just pretending it’s not. We MUST take those off. We have to be vulnerable. You CANNOT love until you’re vulnerable enough to be hurt. Family doesn’t keep church faces on. Family doesn’t think less of someone going through something tough because they remember going through something tough as well. Family also does so much more.

Family cooks meals for mothers who just gave birth. Or for people who were injured in accidents. Family rallies together to take care of another family member’s yard. Family holds you when your child is in the hospital after overdosing on drugs. Family doesn’t leave your side when you get sick, they run to your side. And it’s important to note that sometimes, you are on the receiving end. But more often, you are on the GIVING end. But if you’re not there, someone missed out on a blessing you had to give. You are needed by your family.

So the next time you and your spouse are pulling out of the church parking lot and they say, “I don’t think I liked church today”, back up, remember you are family and seek God before you just hop on the next family train. Real family doesn’t bail in time of need. Real family sticks it out even when it’s uncomfortable.

Part of family is a “Father” that is leading the family. We dive head first in to that in part 2 of this blog.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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My Truth

What does My Truth and the Easter Bunny have in common?

Welcome to the church of God of Christ of apostolic visionary missionary Lutheran Catholic Baptist with a side order of Pentecostal Holiness. How cool would that be if that were a place? We all come from different backgrounds. We all grow up hearing people teach us things about life. When we grow up, we learn that some of it was true and some of it wasn’t. There’s no question that we are all a walking expression of our personal conditioning. That’s important to know because not everyone likes grits on top of their eggs. But I do. They were fixed that way for me as early as I can remember. That’s true. Whether you choose to believe that or not is up to you, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is the truth. Albeit subjective truth, it’s still the truth.

Subjective truth is based on personal opinion or experience. I like Merle Haggard’s music. For me, that’s the truth. For my wife, that’s not true at all. That’s subjective truth. Objective truth is something that is true regardless of opinion. Merle Haggard is a Grammy award winning artist. That can’t be argued. The problem is we, in the church, have begun to blur those concepts. But I think I know why…

I can remember hearing the word “rapture” a lot. I remember wondering why we only sang the 1st, 2nd and 4th stanzas of “Just as I am”. That 3rd stanza was awfully lonely. I remember hearing it wasn’t acceptable to dance in God’s presence. I remember hearing that our loved ones became angels when they died and arrived in Heaven. I remember hearing that if you didn’t get baptized, you weren’t saved. I heard “once saved, always saved” and “get saved every week”. It took a while to unpack all of this, but I learned some things.

I never found the word “rapture” in the Bible. I learned that there’s nothing wrong with the 3rd stanza of hymns. I read where David danced before the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14). I read that angels were created before humans and we are given tasks that the angels aren’t allowed to do (1 Corinthians 6:2-3). Angels are purely servants and we have been given much authority. Our loved ones are simply having the best time at the most lit party creation has ever seen. Remember the man on the cross next to Jesus? He was invited to Paradise by Jesus Himself… but he didn’t get baptized. Salvation is based on one thing, to believe, understand and obey the one true God that He indeed sent Jesus as His son and became the eternal sacrifice for us. When truly understood, it leads us to a place of gratitude and service.

So where did all that nonsense come from? Not sure, but it simply doesn’t appear in the Bible. But these days, we have a new problem. In the past, people would claim things that weren’t anywhere in the Bible. But today, our new dilemma is there are things that ARE in the Bible that society is choosing to ignore. The problem with either is that it simply doesn’t line up with what God says and has clearly laid out. My Granny is not an angel. She’s hanging out with her friends and family and Jesus Himself. Also, it is a sin to live together prior to being in a marriage covenant. I didn’t write either of those, but they exist completely autonomous of my approval or acceptance. That’s the thing about truth, it doesn’t require your approval. It just exists. It’s like facts, they don’t care about your feelings. They just ARE.

A growing trend is people in the church saying, “I don’t feel like everything the Bible says lines up with My truth.” There are a few problems with that phrase. First, and I realize I say this a lot, but God doesn’t always care about how you feel when it comes to obedience. He never said, “Do what I say, unless you don’t feel like it… in that case, just do whatever you want.” Nope. That never happened. Remember, if you make a decision based on a feeling, when that feeling changes, the decision changes with it. We cannot base truth or reality on how we feel. Because one day we feel one way and the next moment we feel the exact opposite. The other problem with this phrase is “My Truth”.

The new “in-phrase” is “My truth”. This implies that it is an unarguable entity. Its implication is fact… except it’s not. The phrase “My truth” should be more correctly translated “My opinion” or “my experiences”. This phrase stems from that subjective truth and the belief that our feelings hold a higher value than facts. The feeling that a loving God could never send someone to hell. The feeling that a loving and forgiving God would accept everyone regardless of their actions against His word. He’s supposed to be a loving God. So if you live together before marriage, well, you’re loving each other so God will understand… except there’s one problem… that’s not at all what the Bible says. It’s also false that God “sends” anyone anywhere. He doesn’t. I didn’t write it. I just read it. And it is very easy to understand on this issue and many others that society is trying to make murky. Remember, confusion is always from the enemy; never from God. The phrase “My truth” is basically used to justify what you wished the Bible said… but doesn’t really. This is a growing cancer in the church… just ask Joel Osteen. He’ll be glad to tell you all kinds of cool stories that don’t line up with scripture.

The question of, “why would a loving God send anyone to hell” or “why doesn’t a forgiving God just let everyone into Heaven?” is another topic for another day. But there simply is NO SUCH THING as “My Truth”. It’s either THE truth or it’s NOT THE truth. The only way you will know what THE truth is, is to dig in to God’s word and find out for yourself. Don’t take my word for it. Don’t take anyone’s word for it. Read it. If you have questions about it, ask someone that you know will give you a real and true answer, regardless of how it will make you feel. Ask someone smarter than you. If you don’t know anyone smarter than you, then there’s another problem at hand. Haha.

Blurring the lines of subjective and objective truth is dangerous and irresponsible, at best. God was very clear that “all scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). God’s word on marriage, sex, treatment of others, forgiveness, and many other topics is the objective truth. They stand strong outside of our opinion, approval, or acceptance. There’s nothing subjective about what God has instructed. So what does “My Truth” and the Easter Bunny have in common… you guessed it. They don’t exist.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Church… I Don’t Want It (part 2)

I wouldn’t want it either in today’s climate. Truth is, I don’t want it, but I need it. Last Blog, we talked about the benefits of a church family. Here we will continue with the benefits and also explore why fewer people are a part of a church family. We’ll talk a little about why some say, “No… I just can’t stand them” or “I seem to never be fed there”?

There are still those that are reading this thinking there’s no way. Church is a joke. So why are so many people abandoning church? I think the answer is simple. We’ve turned it into “What can God do for me today?” It’s become a total “consumer’s gospel.” You don’t like the 1st three services we offer? Ok, we have 4 more today. Don’t like the coffee we offer? We’ll make a change.  Could you imagine what Jesus would have said to someone who wouldn’t follow Him because His schedule didn’t quite match up with theirs? “Look Mr. Carpenter, do you have a sermon on the Mount that will take place at 2:15-ish? That works best for my schedule.” Think about where the world would be if Peter decided that he got offended because Jesus said something he didn’t like. I mean really… Jesus looked at Peter and said, “Satan get behind me!” It’s not every day someone gets called Satan. Peter could’ve said “I’m going to the other church where they don’t offend me. They just let me be here and don’t challenge me like that!” The church and the world as we know it would be much different. Either we challenge ourselves to be better and be prepared for what that will take, or we just stay the same old jacked up mess we’ve always been and wonder why our relationships suffer.

Thank God for real men who could take tough words and stick with commitment and not run every time something got tough. We’ve made way too many efforts to make sure church is perfect for everyone. We’ve sold everyone on the idea that church is where you come to get stuff. This sounds like a good thing on the surface… but that’s just it… it’s on the surface. There’s zero depth. The biggest problem here is that we were born innate givers… not receivers. So receiving only lasts you so long. If you’re not giving, you’re not sustained. Like it or not, that’s the way God made us. Our innermost beings require depth and growth. Constantly getting and not giving stunts that growth. If you don’t believe me, start giving your child everything they want and not requiring them to give anything and see how that works. But where does the depth that we desire come from? I’m glad you asked.

You never really know what kind of relationship you really have with someone until it’s tested with real adversity. Real adversity in church is not having 8 services to choose from but having to be there when the pastor is there. Real adversity is not liking what the pastor says because you think he’s talking about you. Real adversity is not liking the people who sat in front of you this morning in service. Real adversity is being told something you don’t like because it will require you to stop being one way and begin to be better. It will require you to be a better husband, father, wife, mother, boss, student. But it’s uncomfortable. This is where it either gets really good, or it’s just another feel good place to move on from. It no longer “feels good”. We must make our decision on where to attend church solely based on our belief that this is where God has us, not how we feel about it. Because how we feel about it will change but God’s word never does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me started on worship teams. We’ve turned that in to “Look at me!” Many worship leaders don’t sing songs to worship, they sing to show you how good they are. I don’t care. No one else does either. We’ve turned it into a rock concert that everyone can hide behind. We stopped singing TO God and started singing ABOUT God.

When I was playing clubs, I had a large “Dude” following. These guys would show up week after week. Among those that showed up every week were Eric Church and his (late) brother. They would come and request that I do something where I could “go off” and do those “vocal gymnastics”. So I did. It was a show. When I led worship, I was more than capable of doing those same vocal moves… but I didn’t. Because it wasn’t about me. No one cared how good I was. They cared how good GOD was. I kept the melody line simple in church. I also refused to put God in a timed box. The job of the worship team is to LEAD the people in to the presence of God. Not to show everyone how stupid American Idol was for passing on you. The sooner we get back to actually  worshiping the one true God, the sooner we can stop worrying about whether or not we can keep up with your “one word over 27 notes” routine. God hears your heart, not your Whitney/Stevie impression.

The moment that we shut down the consumer gospel and offer real truth… the kind of truth that is uncomfortable… the kind of truth that challenges you to be better than you are, that’s when we will begin to see people return to the place where they can actually grow. Until then, it’s only a business that produces results for bonuses and can only harvest, but never grow.

In summary, there is family, fun, encouragement, challenging, teaching, community, growing, giving, receiving and much more in a church family. It’s much like anything else- what you put in to it is what you get out of it. Will you still get into heaven? Sure. But you won’t experience all God has to offer here. Will your phone make calls? Sure. But you won’t experience all your phone has to offer. Jesus said to the man on the cross next to him, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” He went to heaven without ever attending a church service, but he never got to experience life to its fullest. He died shortly after that statement. Get plugged in. Serve. Are you going to like everything the pastor says? Nope. Are you going to like everyone there? I can guarantee you that’s a “nope”. But that doesn’t mean you run. You should commit to family. Family disagrees sometimes, but they work it out. I didn’t choose to have the three younger brothers that I have. I also didn’t choose to have the brothers and sisters in Christ that I have. God chose all of my family for me. Remember, there was ONLY ONE perfect human being to ever live… and He’s not pastoring nor attending any church, anywhere (physically).

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Church… I Don’t Need It (part 1)

True- I don’t need it to go to Heaven.

The age old question: Do I have to go to church to be a Christian? The answer is painfully obvious, according to the Bible.

The Bible was specific in many places on this subject. The most popular verse is John 3:16 where He basically said he who believes in Jesus will have eternal life. Believing He is who He says He is seems to be the key here. One thing to note about this verse, the original word used here for “believe” actually means to make mental acknowledgment AND obey. There’s that ugly word again. So it’s not enough to say, “Sure, I think He existed.” That’s not at all what it means. There is a transformation that happens in this verse. He (or she) believes Jesus is who He said He is and chooses to surrender his (or her) own life to follow this man in an act of obedience to a Father that is kind, loving and merciful. That’s what it actually means. So believing and obeying Jesus is the ticket to heaven. Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, why wouldn’t preachers or everyone carry a Bible and a gun everywhere they go? “There you go. You have fire insurance. Now end it because the rest of this sucks!” They don’t because there’s more.

French Lick, Indiana. A Young man sets out to be a great basketball player. But great basketball players don’t come from French Lick, Indiana. Great basketball players are super athletic, can run fast, jump high and naturally skillful. This young man, at first, was none of those. So he just sat by and watched as everyone else did what he wanted to do…. No… no he didn’t. He worked. He worked hard. He quickly became one of the greatest pure shooters in the history of the sport. But to make it in the NBA, you have to be more than a shooter. A lot of people can shoot. He worked to be a great passer, a great ball handler, could drive to the basket, and also developed a knack for tough defense. He made sure he got the most out of his talent. It had to be developed. It didn’t just arrive. Larry Joe Bird is a legend as a result.

How many of you use your phones…for ONLY a phone? Did you know how to use everything on it the very first time you picked it up? No. You learned how to use it. Somewhere along the way someone showed you some tips and tricks about your phone and what all it can accomplish. Next thing you know, you’re using your phone to grow business, for a calendar, computer, calculator, camera and more things that start with “C”, I’m sure. You learned how to get the most out of your phone so you could enjoy it to its fullest.

Insert the church. It’s a place to learn how to get the most out of THIS life. It’s a place to be together with other people who share similar desires. To build commitment, routine. A place to establish good habits for children. A place where you become family with people you don’t even know that well. When you’re sick, bed ridden, lost a loved one… they show up with food… just because. The people inside the church take care of each other. They also reach out… together. Men help boys become men. Women help girls become ladies. When someone falls in their walk, they don’t judge each other, they embrace each other. But who are these people? Who attends church? Let me tell you a little about them.

The people who attend church are wealthy, broke, healthy, sick, tall, short, skinny, fat, brilliant, young, old, funny, weird… you there yet? Every different type of person goes to church. There are 3 things they ALL have in common? 1- They’re imperfect. 2- They’re trying to improve on that imperfection 3- a common belief in Jesus. Yes, I’m aware the church has hypocrites. So do businesses, schools, and sports teams. Anytime you have people, you have problems. The church is no different. It’s a spiritual hospital. It’s full of people. Real people with real problems. If you’re looking for the perfect church…. If you’re looking for the perfect pastor… if you’re looking for perfect people that go to church… you WILL be looking for a long, long time. I have my own theory about hypocrites.

In my own, no-name opinion, I believe the hypocrites are the people talking about how awful someone is that goes to church but not showing up to show them how it’s done. If you are the one talking about how bad it is that Jim’s wife is an alcoholic but calls herself a Christian, then show up to church and show Jim and his wife how it is supposed to be done. Maybe reach out to Jim and his wife to offer help in some way. But sitting around calling them a hypocrite only makes YOU the hypocrite. (Steps off soapbox)

Maybe you’ve been burned by these “so-called” churches. I’m sorry that happened. You’ve been let down. If you were a server at a restaurant, chances are you hate those “church people”. They don’t tip well and are very demanding. The only thing I can say to that is this: not everyone in church is like that. Some tip well and are very gracious. Not everyone is like the people you can’t stand that have invited you to church. There are churches on every corner of every town. My encouragement to you is to find one where you can be challenged, where you can become family. Don’t let these idiots who yell because their steak isn’t as cooked as they want it and leave you a tip on a napkin that says “John 3:16 there’s your tip” (Yes, unfortunately this happens) stop you from getting the most out of life. If you only use your phone to make calls, then never mind. But if you use your phone to do many different tasks, you wouldn’t let one bad customer service experience with a cell phone company stop you from experiencing all your phone has to offer. Don’t let some bad apples stop you from sitting at the table and feasting on all God has to offer.

It’s also not all about what you can get. Sometimes you have something that someone needs that day. The right word of encouragement. A Sunday school teacher led D.L. Moody to follow Jesus. Eventually this led to a tent meeting by Mordecai Ham in which 2 boys walked in with a mocking attitude towards the event. Just killing time. But there weren’t any seats. As they were turning to leave, an usher put his arms around them and said, “Let’s find you a seat.” One usher…after one Sunday school teacher. One of the boys was Billy Graham. Sometimes it’s you that needs to be there so that someone else may benefit from what you have. I’ve seen times where someone relatively new to a church quickly finds themselves helping someone through addiction because they themselves suffered and are now recovering. That family needed this guy. He didn’t realize he would be the one helping. He thought he was going to get helped. Jesus said “The Son of man did not come to be served, but to serve…”

You don’t need church to get to heaven… but you do need church to get the most out of THIS life. Oh I’m not done… just getting started. Hang on for more. Part 2 will involve issues in the church and why fewer people attend.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Turn “Have To” into “Get To”

There were a lot of words we simply weren’t allowed to say when I was a kid. You know the ones… chances are they are the same ones you weren’t allowed to say. Over time they eased up on certain words- crap, dang it, the usual “replacement” words. One word we were always allowed to say but never wanted to was “Obey”. Let’s face it, it’s just not fun. It’s not cool. It’s definitely not sexy.

But only as I got older did I see a pattern connected to obedience. Every. Single. Time… it was followed by a blessing. There was never a moment this didn’t occur. Sometimes you had to look for the blessing. It wasn’t always something huge or significant. But there was always something that could easily be viewed as a blessing on the other side of obedience.

Such was the case recently at home. I have a couple of young men in my home and one tested this with great force. He was met with greater force. I’m certainly not one to back down from confrontation. The short version of the story goes like this: When I married my wife, I put a few rules in place for the children that were designed to teach and protect. Sometimes, as we all know, kids need to be protected from themselves. Their maturity, and sometimes lack thereof, isn’t always able to withstand the things they are faced with. One particular rule was forgotten and subsequently broken. Here comes the “force” part- to which I had to issue an apology for later. Once we were composed, I reminded him of the rule that he forgot. He replied that he hated the stupid rule but that he would follow it. My wife’s statement to me at the time was, “what do you think about that?!” My reply was, “I think it’s great!” My immediate impression was that it was great that he would follow it, regardless if he liked or not because it reminded me of someone. Someone I knew very well. No, not me.

Not once, not twice, (yes, I love Lionel Richie too) but THREE TIMES Jesus told God he didn’t want to go through with the execution. He asked His Father… in today’s vernacular, “If you have a different plan, let’s do that! I have a couple of ideas… you want to hear them? No? umm… ok. Whatever you want.” Jesus simply DID NOT like his Dad’s idea. God didn’t ask Him to like it though. He just asked Him to obey it. There’s that awful word again. As we now know, Jesus went ahead and obeyed. The rest changed history, our calendar and our lives.

Following my instruction to obey the rule and following his disapproval, I checked in with him to see how things were going. He stated to me that the coolest thing happened. He was asked to do some labor work for a relative in exchange for money. He showed up, fulfilled his commitment to do the work asked. But when he showed up, the relative said that he no longer needed him. The cool part was that he paid him anyway. He said “it’s not a big thing, but it’s pretty cool.” I told him that it actually is a big thing because this means God is still batting 1000. A blessing followed obedience.

The key here is that Father knows best. He protects us from ourselves. He asks us for obedience. What happens often is we find ourselves not wanting to, so we simply don’t. Thinking that it’s either all or none. Either I like it and do it or I don’t like it and don’t do it. God is perfectly fine with you not liking it… as long as you obey it. We, as parents, also have to be that way. We have to be ok with them not liking our rules and demands. They are individuals. They have their own desires. All of this is ok as long as they still obey. Eventually, their desires become much more aligned with your desires and also God’s desires. This takes time, repetition, and consistency. But in time, the “have to” leads to “get to” and it all starts with obedience.

One example of this is when we first decide to give our lives to God. We don’t really know what to do. So someone says, read this and show up here and we’ll talk about it. It’s pretty uncomfortable. You don’t really know that many people, if anyone. Eventually, doing what you are instructed becomes something you do on your own because you now have a relationship. Your “have to” became a “get to”.

Another example of this is before Jennifer and I were married, she made a decision to change churches. She felt strongly that God was leading her out of one and to another. Her children didn’t like this at all. They went kicking and screaming… but they went. Eventually they were craving Sundays… at this new church. The “have to” became “get to”… oh and they were blessed because of it. Big G still hitting home runs.

This is tough for both kids and adults. Wives, God has given you specific guidelines of obedience regarding your husbands. Husbands, God has given you specific guidelines regarding your wives. Parents, we’ve been given instruction that requires obedience regarding our children. And not that much of it is fun. But it’s necessary to stay in God’s order.

I get it. It’s no fun. But try it and then look to see what God does. We do have to be careful though. We don’t want to get in to a position where we are doing something for our Creator in order to get something in return. At the same time, He does always reward obedience. If you throw a ball in the air, it’s going to come down. If you obey God, you WILL be blessed.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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From Authentic to Revolutionary

This time of year, I go to the store and there’s candy, baskets, and bunnies everywhere… and I LOVE them all. I shouldn’t love all that candy, but I do. But it’s particularly easy to get in to the fun children’s stuff, the Easter egg hunts, the super cute outfits, watching kids having the time of their life, and lose sight of what this holiday represents for many.

Yes, I’m aware Jesus didn’t die in the spring. I’m aware this was originally a pagan holiday celebrating the god of fertility (hence the bunnies). At some point, the Christian church began celebrating the resurrection on this day. I’m not sure exactly when and it’s irrelevant for the sake of this article. What’s important is what happened, and more importantly, the legitimacy of it.

I’m not going to go deep in to this, but I will touch on it. The execution itself is extremely important. First, it was reserved for the vilest of criminals. Not all criminals received this treatment, only the worst. When pinned to the wood, they were completely naked. As they were dying, the guards would put a wooden plank under their feet so that they could lift themselves up and gain more air and live longer. The guards would do this so that the torture and agony would last longer. Insanely cruel but true. Then after some time, they would break their legs so they couldn’t stand up and would usually die soon after. This was the case with Jesus and the two criminals by his side. They were particularly concerned that this would go in to the Sabbath day and they couldn’t have that. They had to follow God’s law… I know, crazy! So they set out to end this execution. The guards were instructed to break their legs. The 2 guys on each side of Jesus were indeed alive when they got there. So their legs were broken by the guards. This is where it gets pretty interesting.

Jesus was already dead. As a result, they didn’t break his legs- fulfilling one prophecy (Psalm 34:20). Instead, they stuck a spear in his side to make sure he was dead- fulfilling another prophecy (Zechariah 12:10). Then it just keeps getting stranger.

Because of the nature of crucifixions and the condition the corpse was in once it was completed, and because of who was up there, no one ever asked for proper burials afterwards. The body was usually in such bad shape that you sometimes couldn’t even make out who it was. This makes the next series of events very significant.

First, Joseph of Arimathea gets the guts to approach Pilate and ask for Jesus’ body. Pilate could have, and maybe would have under normal circumstances, struck him dead just for asking for a criminal’s body. But this was no normal circumstance and Joseph was no normal guy. Joseph was a big dog in the Sanhedrin- Yeah, the group that turned Jesus over to Pilate. Joseph did not agree nor consent to this act. So this wasn’t just some unknown figure. This guy had pull and money. Pilate couldn’t believe that 1- Joseph of Arimathea was the one asking and 2- that someone of his position would care. Another interesting piece is that Nicodemus, another member of the Sanhedrin, wanted to help prepare the burial. No one asks for criminals bodies, especially not people in high places of power.

With this alone, Pilate became concerned. He was also concerned his wife was right. Listen up men, they usually are! Haha! So first, Pilate confirms with another guard that Jesus is dead. He then realizes that if Jesus’ body disappears that the conspiracy will continue and many will doubt he ever died. He’s also aware that grave robbing is a big thing in this time. Joseph assures him that he has a space that will be used and it requires many strong men to move the entrance rock. So the next day, after high priests and Pharisees request, Pilate orders guards to seal and watch the tomb.

It is worth nothing that another important piece of the legitimacy of this story is that the people who wrote eyewitness accounts of the events of Jesus were willing to die in an effort to spread the good news of this Messiah. I’ve never met anyone willing to be tortured for a lie. I’ve never even heard of this. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it’s just so incredibly rare, if true. Almost all of the disciples were murdered in torturous fashion; hung upside down on a cross, beaten to death with a club, skinned alive until death, impaled, and sawed in half. No one endures this for a lie or a rumor. One would only do this if they witnessed the existence of a miraculous change in history.

Looking at this story, here’s what becomes so important to me. There were so many moving parts making sure that Jesus was dead. Making sure that everyone knew he was dead. Making sure he stayed dead. Making sure the word got out that this “deceiver” was just that, a dead nobody, just like all the false prophets before. This means…. Yep… this means that his death was very legitimate. This really happened and there many, many witnesses to this.

This is huge… don’t miss it. This was a real guy, in a real country, suffering real pain. He suffered this for one reason and one reason only. To please and obey his Father (not necessarily in that order). Our salvation was a result of His obedience. Remember, he had recently asked if there was another way. Pleaded with God. He knew what was coming and didn’t want to do it. He had an opportunity to decline. He could have just went his own way. He didn’t, knowing what was about to happen. We have to make sure we see who Jesus really was and that he is more than the boss of the Easter bunny. He’s more than some cute picture on a wall. He’s more than a word to say when you’re mad at someone. He’s a man. A real man that changed our calendar. Our lives.

But what happens next is where Jesus becomes separate from all other gods and religions. Every other “god” is still in their grave. You can dig them up today. He still holds the record for greatest disappearing act of all time. His dad is still the author of the #1 best-selling book of ALL TIME! This was made possible by the adversaries that sought to extinguish a fire- yet they only drenched it in fuel. So this Easter, remember: Because His death is authentic, His Resurrection is Revolutionary.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Giving is ALWAYS for the Giver

Giving is ALWAYS for the giver. Receiving is ALWAYS a burden. Once we understand this basic principal, we can proceed with caution. We are all quick to receive. Gimme gimme gimme. We are usually reluctant to give, unless someone is watching. But here’s the problem…

I’ll never forget the time we rescued an Australian Shepherd puppy. He was too young to have done anything that he was born to do. We put in an ad to place him and a farmer calls. We take him to the farm to meet the farmer. The puppy sees the herd of cattle and starts panting and wagging his tail. Keep in mind that there’s a very slim chance he’s ever seen a cow in his young life. We disclaim to the farmer that he may take some time to be trained because he’s never been out of a suburban neighborhood that we know of. The farmer then looks to him and says, “Go ahead boy!” he looks up at us as if to ask permission. We say “Go!” He takes off like lightening and immediately successfully herds the cattle where the farmer wanted them. He was born to do this. He never had to be taught. It was purely innate in him. We don’t have to be taught to give. It’s innate in us. It causes all types of things to happen. Science tells us that giving, no matter how big or small, releases endorphins in our brain. There’s a reason. The Creator made us that way. This explains a parents’ delight in watching their children open Christmas presents. Parents benefit more than the child. The Bible actually says “Give and it will be given back, pressed down, shaken together and running over”…in Red letters, btw. So the measure in which we give will be given back. But what about receiving?

This is where the whole conversation gets tough. We like to receive things. I know I do. But what we have to understand is that if we’re receiving something, it’s usually because we lack it. Once we receive what we lack, it instantly becomes a burden until it is used correctly. One example of this that is familiar to me is when someone in a visible position receives compliments. They are showered with, “you’re the best singer in the world!” or “you are so awesome!” So far there’s nothing wrong. What they do with those compliments is the key. If they choose to wear them, thereby believing that they are the reason for the compliments, then the problem begins. But if they collect it to the side and later, in the quiet place, offer them to God saying, “Hey, look what they said about you”, then the compliment is no longer a burden.

See, we weren’t meant for that much praise. We weren’t designed to receive. We were designed to give. I personally believe this is what killed Elvis. He didn’t know what to do with all the accolades and began believing that he was the reason for the success, instead of believing that God was the reason for it all. There were times in his life that he gave God credit. He even recorded true Gospel records later in life. But he was never consistent in offering the praise in the proper direction. So next time someone is offering something, make sure you’re able to use it, or distribute it correctly before agreeing. Remember though, sometimes it’s necessary to receive what someone is giving just to
make sure you’re not robbing them of a blessing. But again, making sure that you use the gift properly or it will become and remain a burden.

Something that was previously mentioned is the fact that we only give if someone is watching. Why is that? What is it that makes us need to be recognized for our giving? The answer is quite simple, yet very complex. The simple answer is that we don’t fully understand who we are in Christ. If we knew exactly who God says we are and bought into that, we wouldn’t need anyone else to pat us on the back for doing what God calls us to do on a daily basis. After healing the man with leprosy, Jesus told him not to tell anyone who did this. Why would He do that? Because he understood this principal and as a result, his genuine concern was for the welfare of this man and not His self-promotion.

So knowing all of this, why is it so tough to just give? I’m as guilty, if not more guilty than anyone reading this. We could talk all day about the various answers to this question but it comes down to one primary thing. We simply don’t trust God. We believe that we must hang on to what we have for fear that we’ll never have it again. But God said “give and it will be given back to you”… so why don’t we just give? Trust. Lack of trust also stems from a need for control. If you’ve lived a chaotic life, full of dysfunction, having never been in control of anything that happened to you, you feel the need to be in total control of your life from here on. Sometimes, trusting God means not being in total control. (Lord have mercy! Now I know what mt father means when he says that he often preaches to an audience of one-himself). I didn’t grow up in dysfunction. But I still struggle with trusting immensely. The fact remains, once we trust, giving follows. And what follows that… is the coolest chapter of your life.

Lastly as a side note, I’ve, all too often, heard ministers referring to Tithes as generosity. The two are not related. Proper perspective is everything. Tithe is obedience. Malachi 3:8. What you give above that is generosity. So when reviewing this, don’t consider tithe as giving. It’s relinquishing what wasn’t yours in the first place. Giving is above and beyond that. Well, this was going great until I said that. HA! Truth is truth. I didn’t make it up. I just scribed it down.
Giving is ALWAYS for the giver.