Posted on

What We Say

NyQuil… It’s the Nighttime, Sniffling, Sneezing, Coughing, Aching, Stuffy Head, Fever, so you can rest, medicine. These are symptoms we are all familiar with. Each year, there are periods when this “goes around.” Reminds me of the time I heard someone ask my dad if he heard the flu was going around. He said, “yeah, right around me!” In this moment, he refused to give in to the societal norm of just getting sick when everyone else got sick. He also didn’t give in to the norm of just agreeing that you will get sick, whether you know you will or not. Why is this vital?

I firmly believe that our words create action. I’ve said this before, but God said, “Let there be light”, and then there was light. His words created action. Then He went and made a bunch of people in His own image. This means OUR words create action. Consider the story of Nick Sitzman.

Nick was a hard worker, married man, had kids, a good job, and overall, a good life. The only problem was that Nick was known by all to be a bit of a worrier. He worried about most everything. So on the day he was working on a railroad car and accidentally got locked inside a car, it was no different.

The story was published in Reader’s Digest many years ago. As it goes, Nick was stuck in a freezer car. He realizes, at some point, that his coworkers had all left the worksite. Nick begins to panic because he’s in a freezer car with no way to get out unless someone gets him out. He finds a knife and begins to carve out sentences in the wood floor.

“If I can’t get out, I’ll freeze to death in here” … “It’s so cold, my body is getting numb” … “If I could just go to sleep” … “These may be my last words.”

Nick was doing what we all do in times of despair, makes observations. Only this time, he wrote them down for his wife to find. The next day, he was found dead inside that car. The cause of death was listed as freezing to death. His body showed all signs of someone’s body shutting down due to freezing.

This doesn’t sound like a remarkable story, does it? That’s because there’s one more important part of the story. The freezer car was inoperable and had been turned off (some reports say it was unplugged altogether). As a result, the temperature in the car was 55 degrees. This wouldn’t kill anyone. But wait, he died of freezing to death in a 55 degree railroad car? How?

To this day, no one can scientifically explain it. It makes zero sense to the science community. But to many psychologists, it’s quite simple. Nick Sitzman spoke into existence the desperation of freezing to death to the point that his body followed what his brain told it to. He literally spoke his death into existence.

Understand, I’m not referring to “mind over matter.” What I am referring to is that if you speak of something enough, you will begin to believe it, no matter what it is. And as you believe it, your body serves your brain. Part of the reason for this is for every thing you say once, you’ve heard it twice. You hear it in your mind before you say it, then you say it and hear yourself saying it out loud. Everything you say once, you hear twice.

An example of this is many reports that came out of the Vietnam War. Stories had been fabricated by people too ashamed to admit they didn’t take part in any actual conflict. So someone in the soup line would make up a story about how they climbed over their partner’s dead body to get a gun and kill the opposition and how horrific it was. Here’s the problem, they told these stories so much, they began to believe them and the next thing we know, the hospitals were flooded with people who are telling horrific stories from Vietnam and their minds and bodies are reacting to these stories, displaying genuine signs of PTSD. The issue here is that it was proven that these things didn’t happen. But their body and their mind were reacting as if it did happen. They said it once, they heard it twice and their body followed their brain.

With so much going around about whether we should wear a mask, masks are useless, should get a vaccine, vaccines do nothing, we find ourselves in a position to make choices about our health daily, which is new to most of us. We normally think seriously about our health about once a year. But now it’s daily. Are we saying that we are healthy and that if we get sick, are we saying we will get well? If you don’t know the future, and you have no certainty that you will or will not get well, then exactly what would it hurt to say you will get well?

I know what it would hurt, our ego. It would hurt our hope. We are afraid to say something hopeful because we have been let down so many times believing something hopeful about a situation, only to see it go the other way.

So what do we have to lose, besides a shot to our ego? Nothing. Begin to speak positively of things to come. If it doesn’t work out, there was a reason and God uses every success and every failure to move us in a forward direction. The Bible says, “The steps of the righteous are ordered.” It doesn’t say that the steps of the perfect are ordered. We’d all be doomed. But the righteous, or those in right standing, have ordered steps. Watch what you say. Your words have ENORMOUS power. If you say something horrific enough that you begin to believe it, this means you can also say something good enough that you will believe that too. So the next time someone says there’s a sickness going around, look at them and say, “right around me!”

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)!

Grainger

Posted on

He Won’t: (So Love Out Loud)

“You have to get over here now! He can’t breathe! We need to get him to the hospital!” Words you NEVER want to hear about a parent ever, but especially in their 60’s. Covid had grabbed both of my parents and it turned into pneumonia. The bad part is that my dad had spent a night in the hospital and was sent home with oxygen. So, here’s what happened:

I’m coming home from Memphis and on my way, my brother Adam calls and says he’s taking Dad to the hospital. So I tell him I’ll meet him there so his wife can stay with mom. Adam and I, with the help of an old friend named Wendy Sewell, help get him in and settled. They eventually get him admitted and won’t let us in because of covid. The next morning, I’m thinking about what to do. I’m scared. Then I think about the verse that says to come to God with a child-like faith. So I think of my children.

So I text 2 of my daughters with this: “I need you to make me a promise. Promise me that you will pray out loud where you can hear yourself say the words. I need you to pray for your healing (one of my daughters had covid) and for those you love.” One of my daughters forgot. Haha. My 19-year-old didn’t forget. When I asked and she replied yes, I told her that her Papu was going home from the hospital.

That was the first time he went into the hospital. The second time it was a little different. My brother and I try to get him to the car, and he didn’t have the strength to go 10 feet. We have to call an ambulance. Once he’s in, the word gets out and the prayers begin. We get word that a large group gathering will take place at someone’s home. There is a group of people that convene outside the hospital and go on Facebook live and pray for my Dad and one of his elders that was in the same hospital. There were hundreds of people everywhere praying for this man. That was Monday and Tuesday.

On Wednesday he had continued to decline. By the end of that day, I felt very hopeless and full of despair. I kept it to myself, other than my conversations with my wife. I had become one of the “strong ones” for my family. So I had to keep being strong around them and for them. But once alone, the despair and emotional wreckage unfolded. I had to pull over while driving one night because I just couldn’t see through tears. By Wednesday night, I had begun to think of how life was going to take place with our Dad gone. I thought of all the things that were going to be very different.

The next morning something hit me. I wondered why I had felt so hopeless when I knew that there were hundreds of people praying for Dad. ALMOST AUDIBLY, God made two statements to me. 1- “You asked your daughters to do something that you haven’t done yourself” (pray out loud, not just in my heart, spirit, or some other froo-froo word). 2- “You feel hopeless because you are leaning on the prayers of others.” WOW!

He was right. I felt like they had it covered, but it didn’t fix my despair. So I said “Ok!” I began to talk to God out loud. I asked for 20 more years but would be ok with 15. But I needed at least 15. I felt like God started bringing up me being in some sort of ministry again. I thought that was a strange time to bring that up. So I said, “Then I need 15 more years. He’s been my guide most of my life. I have a very good pastor, but I need Dad too.” No, I was not negotiating with God. God doesn’t do that. But I was pleading with him.

This took place between 9:30am and 10am. Talking to God out loud so that I could hear myself say the words. For some reason, this was very important to God. Sometime between 10:30am and 11:45am, the nurse at Dad’s side called my sister-in-law, who had been our medical liaison through this journey. The nurse said that his oxygen levels had increased without manually increasing the intensity for the first time since he arrived at the hospital. Then about 30 minutes later, the levels went up again. Then by the next morning, they went up again! W-W-W-WOW! It worked. He spoke. I listened. He listened. He chose to act in accordance with my, and many others’, requests. I was a bit dumbfounded. Not that prayer worked, I’ve always known prayer worked. But that this interaction seemed so specific and purposeful.

Do I think it was my prayer that did it? Nope. That would be very arrogant and very NOT God-like. Do I think God was trying to get my attention? Yep. No Doubt. Dad is still in the hospital and if God decides to fully heal him, it will be because of the hundreds of prayers, the doctors, all the nurses, Erin Grainger, Wendy Sewell, the drug Baricitinib, Dad’s willingness to fight, and an enormous love between two love birds that married when they were 18 years old. In fact, of all of my brothers, their wives, and my wife, I contributed the least. But make no mistake, God knew His timing would get my attention. And it did.

One thing that has stood out so far is the stoic steadfast approach that Dad has had through all of this. It is as if he never once questioned the fact that he was coming home to us, and that God would heal him. He was never shaken too strongly. He knew something the rest of us weren’t sure we were convinced of. He knew that when everything around him was shaken, he was glad he put his faith in Jesus. He had seen him be faithful through generations. He’d seen joy in chaos. He’d had peace, at times, that made no sense. He knew that his lack of strength only meant more strength for God. He knew that God had never let him down. So why would God fail him now?

He Won’t.

“Rain came and wind blew

But my house was built on you

And I’m safe with you

I’m going to make it through.”

For me, the lesson learned is that you can’t rely only on the prayers of others. You must join them and also pray. Pray out loud. Love out loud. Live out loud. And if God has never failed you before, why would he start now?

He Won’t.

Stay Classy GP (God’s People)… and listen to this song!

Grainger

Posted on

Eliminate the E.N.D.

The last kid is moved into college and the parents are back at home. The very next thing that happens is the husband and wife look at each other as if they’re looking at a stranger. The husband says, “who are you and how did you get into my house?” The wife says, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Slowly they begin to realize they’ve been married for 25 years and end up divorced because they don’t know their spouse anymore. I call these “Empty Nest Divorces” (E.N.D.).

I get these calls all the time in the insurance business. The wife calls to tell me that we need to split her and her husband into separate policies because they are going through a divorce. The situation is almost predictable. They are in their mid to late 40’s to mid 50’s and their youngest kid went off to college. I’m telling you that I get that call more than once a month. How can this be? How can that many people be divorcing after that many years?

Unfortunately the answer is quite simple. They put so much time, effort, and importance on their children that they never took time to cultivate their own relationship. As a result, they look up at each other and don’t even recognize the person they’re married to. They forgot that all relationships require time and effort, even their marital relationship. It’s not something you can just take for granted. Because if you do, you’ll be calling your insurance agent asking to separate the policies. You’ll be trying to explain to your grown children why thanksgivings will never be like they were. And they will begin thinking that they were the cause. If they wouldn’t have gone to college, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Believe me, just because they’re older and wiser doesn’t exclude them from the internal belief that a divorce is their fault. It happens to all children, no matter the age.  

So how do we eliminate Empty Nest Divorces? It’s not easy, but here are some steps. First, date nights must be priority. Once every 2 weeks is ideal. Once a week is too hard to accomplish and once a month may not be enough. This is top level priority. You don’t cancel, you don’t “come back to it.” You go. Go somewhere. Don’t spend money if you don’t want to. But go. Get out of the house and spend quality time together, with NO children around.

Having said that, the most important thing you can do to avoid an empty nest divorce is to keep your children Third in your life. Your life must reflect God’s design for living. In God’s design, you should have no gods before Him. Also in His design, what He put together, let NO man (mankind) separate. This includes your children. So based on that, your first relationship priority is your relationship with God. Your second relationship priority is your relationship with your spouse. That means that your relationship with your children comes after that. For more on priorities in relationships, click HERE.

Your children simply were not designed to be that important in your life. They were designed to learn from you and you being there for them to prepare them to “Leave mother and father and cling to one another.” Your children weren’t meant to be placed in a position where they are more important than your spouse. But if they become more important than your spouse, your spouse becomes a stranger to you. You grow separately and because you grow separately, you are in different areas of life. You have to grow together.

But is it really that serious? Is it really that rampant? How many people is this actually happening to? Glad you asked (ok, I know you didn’t ask, work with me here). In 2015, for every 1,000 married persons ages 50+, 10 divorced, which is up from 5 in 1990, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau. Among those ages 65+, the divorce rate has nearly tripled since 1990, reaching 6 people per 1,000 married persons in 2015. With the surge in divorces for those 50+, the empty nest puts couples at higher risk for divorce than ever before. So yes, it’s kind of a big deal.

So for those that have a chance to reverse this trend, please work on it. Your children will thank you; your spouse will thank you. Date your spouse. Don’t neglect that. Keep your children third. Then, when that last kid gets moved into college, you can look at each other and say, “now we can REALLY have some fun!” Life only gets better as you grow closer to your spouse.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

Does God Send Good People to Hell?

I can’t imagine God sending good people to hell!

From an emotional, and even logical standpoint, this makes sense. When one thinks of God, they think of who He is and what He embodies. God is goodness. God is love. God is kindness. You get the point. But to truly understand this concept, you have to know God’s nature. There is more to God than just sweet whispers in your ear during a crisis. God is also jealous (Exodus 25:5 & 34:14), vengeful (Romans 12:19), and a God of wrath (Deuteronomy 32:35).

We have all heard this phrase spoken. We’ve heard it said primarily in reference to people that live lives believing that there are certain sins God didn’t mean to put in there. He meant to say that “those” sins are actually ok. That the writers of the Bible just made a mistake. We’ve heard it said in reference to those that don’t really know what they believe, or if they believe in God at all but live a good, decent life. So that brings the question, would God send perfectly good people to hell? To answer this question and address that phrase above, you have to look at two things: what does “good people” mean, and does God send people to hell? We’ll start with the latter.

Imagine you’re on a train and this train is headed for a brick wall. You are certainly headed for death- no doubt. You didn’t do anything to really cause this. You’re just on the train. And you really can’t do anything to stop it. It’s going too fast to try to do anything about it. Suddenly, someone comes along and says, “I have a way out. It’s not easy, but it’s the way out. You’ll avoid death and live a long fruitful life.” What’s your next move? “Nah, I’m good. I think I’ll just sit back and hope for the best.” No. You wouldn’t do that. You would jump at the opportunity to be rescued from inevitable death.

This is the life we live, summed up. We were born destined for death. We didn’t get ourselves into this, Adam did that. We can’t get ourselves out either. So God comes along and comes up with a plan; Adam got them in, so he’ll send Jesus to get them out. So there we were, on that train headed for a brick wall. Jesus comes in and says, “I’m the way out of here.” What you and I do with that information is up to us. We can either choose to follow this guy out or hit that brick wall and perish being a perfectly good person. But in the end, God never sent anyone anywhere. He made a way out, and we choose to take that way or not. Up to us.   

But wait, they’re really good people! Ok. Well, let’s see what the guy that gave us a way out says. The next place we have to look is to standards. Standards are used in every facet of life in the entire universe. Standards tell us true value. If I say that a pizza is good, that’s one standard, my standard. I love pizza. I feel like I know a good pizza when I taste one. But then again, I like frozen pizza. But if an owner of an authentic Italian pizzeria in Chicago says a pizza is good, well that’s a different standard. Now that pizza just raised in value. It’s now worth more that he said it was good than when I said it was good. Unfortunately, our standards vary as well as ebb and flow. They are not steady. Sometimes they are raised and sometimes they are lowered, based on our current circumstances. God’s standards never change. If there’s one thing I learned in my boring philosophy of religion class, it’s that if God could change, we would be doomed. The fact that He cannot and will not change gives us a steady standard by which to live and a hope that we serve a truly just and almighty God.

So what are His standards? Isaiah 64:6 says that our righteousness, our best, is still like filthy rags, meaning that our best is still not worthy of God’s presence. Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Basically, summed up, we can be as good as we can possibly be, like Billy Graham and Mother Teresa good, and will still not be worthy of God and being in His presence. So there has to be another way. Yep. Jesus. Being good does not qualify you for heaven. You don’t get holy brownie points.

But there’s good news, you didn’t get yourself in this mess so you can’t get yourself out. Yep. Jesus. Seeing a pattern yet? When Jesus said He was the only way, He really meant it. Goodness isn’t another way. Jesus is the ONLY way. He’s the only way off of that train. Our goodness still has us buckled into the seats on the train. If you believe your goodness outweighs your sin, or that what God calls sin really isn’t a sin, and you don’t believe you’re doing anything wrong, you’re in a very dangerous place. You’ve been blind-sided by deception. But there’s hope.

So what do we do when we wrestle with the truth of God’s word? When we really don’t like God’s laws? I’ll leave you with this tough truth. I once had a rule in my house that one of my bonus sons didn’t want to adhere to. I basically told him he had two choices, adhere or leave. He said he would follow the rule but made sure he told me what he thought about it. My wife says, “What are we going to do about this?” I said, “Nothing. That’s a win! I don’t need him to like the rule, I just need him to obey it. Out of his obedience, I can reward him and bless him.” See, blessings always flow from obedience. The sins that God has defined as such in the Bible are there for our protection. But the hard truth is, God doesn’t need us to like them, he just needs us to obey them.

It’s much like when I was going to church growing up. There were many, many times that I didn’t want to go. My parents never asked me if I wanted to go. They didn’t care if I wanted to go. They KNEW that if I would just obey, blessings would flow. They knew this, even when I didn’t. And eventually, once I was “grown”, I ended up seeing the benefit of church and began attending on my own. I would’ve never gotten to that place if I hadn’t obeyed them and God.

The qualification? Believe Jesus is who He says He is. Follow Him. Turn away from sin daily. The man on the cross next to Jesus basically asked Jesus to just remember him and maybe let him join. That was about it. No baptism. No special worded prayer. No song with a 14-minute bridge to catch your emotions. Just “Hey Mister, I believe you are who you say you are, can I go too?” And Jesus said yes.

So, does God send good people to hell? Nope. We were already headed there. He gave us a way out. We choose what to do with that. But if we want to be right with God, it starts with recognizing our shortcomings. Without that, we’re still really good people sitting on that train.

Posted on

What Leaders Do for Christmas

I recall the time when my dad was out late for work. It happened a lot when we first moved to Tennessee. He had left a good job in lumber sales in Louisiana to help start a new church in Nashville, Tennessee. So when we got here, he was looking for work. He found odd jobs here and there and jobs that had him working from morning to late at night.

Every Christmas, mom would prepare us for the idea that Santa didn’t make a lot of stuff this year and so we wouldn’t be getting very much. This conversation happened every year. And every year, we had so much stuff, it took forever to go through it all. But even if they hadn’t been able to get us stuff, would we have been provided for? Yes. Because they gave us gifts that lasts for eternity.

See, dad’s time spent at work was to provide. It was to make sure his wife and his kids (in that order) were taken care of. He always attempted to show us how God would act. What God would say. What God would think. He taught us to see through God’s eyes and not our own.

Many many times we would say things like, “but his dad lets him!” Dad’s response would always be, “I’m not his dad, I’m yours and I don’t care what they think or what you think, I only care what God thinks.” Both of my parents were always making sure we knew what was most important. What we thought, what we wanted, simply wasn’t very important. Only what God wanted. I was talking with a young relative, around age 4 at the time, and he kept saying “but I want… but I want.” I looked at him and said “what you want isn’t important at all right now. The only thing that is important is that you do what I’m telling you to do.” He looked at me like I had three heads. It was clear he had never been told that.

This principal seems to be lost on the current generation. Things are always about what WE want. Instead of: what does God want. Pastor Charles Simpson expressed my sentiments on this exactly when he said, “I was born before they invented self-esteem. My parents just weren’t that impressed with me.” Exactly! Sometimes they were pleased. But mostly, they were providing for us and instructing us. I’m here to tell you that kept me out of jail. There’s truly no telling where I’d be if I hadn’t received the instruction of pleasing God before our own wants and desires.  

This is what leaders do. Leaders give you something that will last a lifetime. My parents always gave us more than enough during Christmas, but there was a reason. They didn’t get themselves ANYTHING. Was it because they didn’t have enough money to get all four of their boys something and get something for themselves? Perhaps. But, based on my knowledge of them, I’m inclined to think it was because of the principal of being a real leader.

Leaders serve first and eat last. Leaders wait until everyone has eaten at least once before they even pick up a plate. It doesn’t matter if the food is cold now. As long as everyone else has eaten, a leader is happy. Leaders let company use their toys first. Leaders let friends be the first to play a certain game. Leaders get up and give the last seat to someone else.

This leadership was instilled in us at a very early age. I’ll never forget when I saw a very clear, tangible expression of this. My little brother Jonathan was about 6 or 7 years old. He went with me to get a copy of my driver’s license. The waiting room had about 15 or 20 chairs and they were all full. He and I had taken the last two. A man walks in and looks around for a seat. Jonathan immediately, without hesitation, gets up and kneels down next to me to give up his seat. He had been taught that his comfort didn’t matter that much. He had been taught to respect his elders. Subsequently, he entered the military with almost no problems. He already knew what real leadership looked like.   

You know what else leaders don’t do? Leaders don’t buy for themselves at Christmas. They shop solely for others. I’ve seen many things I’ve wanted during this season. But I simply cannot bring myself to buy myself something. It’s just not in me. Why? Because that’s not what a leader does. I have the money to buy more than enough gifts for everyone in my family, and that’s a lot of people. I also have enough money to get what I want for me. But I won’t. Because I intend on sending a clear message to my children that leaders provide and put others first.

This Christmas, whether you have the means to provide everything your children want or not, make sure you provide the most important gift, pleasing God. Make sure your children know that what God wants is more important than any switch game or TikTok trend. Make sure they know that, at times, they aren’t that important. They need to know that. When we learn that what God wants supersedes what we want, we will then live in unity with Him and His children. Because then our lives become about others first. My kids can answer this quickly when I ask: what’s the key to life summed up in one word? Others.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

Compassion Fixed My Car

No it didn’t.

I remember taking my car, years ago, to a company that proudly displayed their Christian faith and the owners were very kind and genuine. They would tell me they were praying for me. They were the nicest people. There’s a problem, though; my car always had the same or a similar problem after I got it back from them. They never fixed my car correctly. After speaking with many in the area I was in, I heard the same stories. They just were not very good at fixing cars. But they were GREAT people.

Well, when I needed my car fixed, I was more concerned about my car being fixed than if they were praying for me. As coarse as that may sound, I need my car to work properly so I can do what God called ME to do.

In contrast, I also used to take my car, many years ago, to a guy that was incredibly rude. Not friendly at all. The first two signs you saw when you walked in were, “No Refunds!” and “I shoot every third salesman and the second one just left.” But my car was in perfect shape when I got it back. I hated that he retired. It IS possible to separate business from personal convictions. If the business is good at what they do, they’ll get my business.

Our country is now at the point where it is being run like a business. As it should be. And in this business, citizens get to vote on who runs the company. I’ve been told I can’t vote for Biden because he wants to take my guns. I’ve been told I can’t vote for Trump because he has no compassion. I’ve been told I can’t vote for Jo because she has no shot of winning. I’ve been told I can’t vote for Kanye or it will take votes away from Trump… or it will take votes away from Biden. I’ve been told Trump is a liar. I’ve been told Biden is a liar.

So what do I do? How can I make sense of all this? Well, I have to use process of elimination. First, let’s look only at what we KNOW. I know that politicians lie. All of them. I can’t recall the last time a politician told the truth consistently. I know that occasionally, they pander to the religious right to gain a vote but would never normally show up and contribute on a weekly basis to an actual church. As a Christian, if I’m looking for someone that will represent that part of my ideals, I’ll be looking a very long time. Politicians don’t represent Christians. They represent people that they want to vote for them. And that’s where their allegiance ends. They’re looking for the vote, and once they get it, they move on to do exactly what they wanted to do in the first place, regardless of what you think.

So if I know that they all lie and I know that they don’t represent my Christian values, then how can I possibly choose who to vote for? Well, first, let consider what we CAN’T do. We can’t choose someone based on what they say. We just established that they all lie. Pretending to have compassion, or even having actual compassion doesn’t make them good at a job either. It’s makes them a good person. And my car still won’t work. I can’t listen to words of compassion and empathy and decide that’s good enough, because when I try to start my car, it won’t start. At that point, empathy and compassion aren’t getting the job done. 

The real answer if painfully simple, yet seemingly unattainable by mainstream society. I must look ONLY at what they DO. Then I can decide if I agree with what they do or don’t do and see if it’s working… when I get my car back, does it now work? Because what they say is all hot air anyway. Biden thinks he’s running against George Bush for Senate and denied saying he won’t ban fracking. Trump boasts that his handling of Covid has gone perfectly. We all know those things aren’t true. So what have they done?

One thing that keeps coming up for Biden is the 1994 crime bill. So when Biden went to fix the car, the result of his work as a “United States mechanic” caused a large number of black people to no longer be able to “drive their car”, per se.

In contrast, Trump gave those same people a new car. He put in place the FIRST STEP act. This act did a few key things. It made smaller crimes have lesser sentences; Minimum sentences for first time criminals were lowered, money was saved from the prisoners being released and that money was allocated to transition programs and even more money was added to transition programs. On top of that, he made the plan retroactive.

Immediately, two things happened: non-violent, non-threatening, and first-time offenders were released from prison. The next thing that happened was prison recidivism changed dramatically. In 2019, incarceration dropped in 33 states. Basically, the car that left Biden’s shop still broken, was moved to Trump’s shop and not only got fixed but was improved to a better condition than it was in before.

He still doesn’t represent Christians. He still boasts too much, to the point of lying. He still says and tweets very insensitive and crass things. But if you need your car fixed, are you taking it to the guy that feels bad for you and prays for you and hands you back a broken car, or are taking it to the guy that isn’t super friendly but gets your car in brand new shape? 

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

The Divided States of America

“I pledge no allegiance to a flag in the divided states of America, and to the republic, which is destroyed, one nation, under control where individual liberties and freedoms are gone.”

I’ve been searching for the root of what we’re seeing. I’ve seen a myriad of symptoms. The anger turned to violence. The violence turned on those who represent hate. But then the violence turned on those who were instrumental in making sure we no longer have slavery, to ensure we don’t have two separate countries… people who fought FOR justice and equality. The statues of U.S. Grant and Frederick Douglas came down… this made no sense.

We are obviously witnessing a cultural, non-violent, civil war. The country is at least as divided as it was under Obama or any other administration, for that matter. And the symptoms are in front of us. But the root isn’t. I truly think the civil unrest that hovers over our nation is due to 2 things: 1- A lack of Identity and 2- Unforgiveness.

Identity: Go back and look. In the 1960’s when LBJ responded to the Moynihan report by incentivizing single mothers to remain single, the welfare state as we know it began to take root. And along with the spike in fatherless homes came their end of the bargain- votes. And with those votes came more free housing and food. Which placed many people in a position to depend on the government and never lay claim to a land of their own. This is NOT relegated to a certain race, by the way. White and black people suffered from this.

One of the ways to tell that this is true is to listen to conversations between people who were raised by people who lived in that system. They always refer to their home as “where they STAY”. “I stay on the north side. Where do you stay?” A buddy of mine wrote a blog on it once and I almost fell out of my chair because finally someone besides me noticed it and mentioned it. The word live isn’t used. Because it would refer to ownership or heritage. And there is neither with those that grew up dependent on the government.

The more ownership you have in something, the less likely you are to want to destroy it. You feel a certain connection to that town or area. You remember the history of that area… good and bad. You revel in the good and learn from the bad. But it’s your town. Your people. I submit that those of us who have a hard time understanding how someone could burn a town down, truly try to understand those that feel displaced. With no American roots. The cultural identity is a huge step in ending the misguided anger that we’re seeing unfold. And it’s up to us to include those who feel displaced to help give them a sense of ownership and pride.

Unforgiveness: When you think of people that have done great things, you remember the greatness of who they were and often overlook the wrong they did. Take a biblical character, for example. Saul/Paul. Paul wrote most of the new testament. Very possibly the largest contributor to the longest running best-selling book in the history of the world. We benefit from the teachings on marriage. On sins. On church. On friendships. We accept all of this knowing that he massacred many Christians prior to becoming a believer himself. Why? Because we know that who he WAS is not who he IS.

Historical figures that paved the way for our country to be the greatest country in the world are a bit messy. Lincoln, Grant, Jefferson, Madison, Washington… the list goes on… ALL owned slaves. Hamilton bought and sold them for his father-in-law. But all of these men accomplished incredible things that paved the way for us to have a free market system surrounded by individual protections that make us, by far, the best country in the world.

So when one mistake is made or discovered, does that discredit any good thing they ever did? I hope not. I RARELY agree with this guy, but truly, Bill Mahar said it best when it comes to cancel culture, “Who are these perfect people that have never made any mistakes?!”

What we’re seeing is an attempt to completely discredit any good thing done by someone who has ever failed in their past. Unfortunately, that would include every single person in the history of the world… except one. And that One taught us to forgive. To look past the transgression itself and into the heart of the person and forgive. This coming from a man that knew He would be betrayed by His own people.

What was the basis of America? The very reason for creating a new country and being willing to fight for this country to the death? Freedom. Freedom from a king’s rule. Freedom from being ruled by the church. Freedom to exist and partake in individual liberties without the fear of an oppressive government dictating and mandating your every move.  

And we got there. Did they make mistakes getting there? Yes. Did America make some mistakes getting to the place we are now? Of course. But we got here. We got to a place where we are more free and more equal than ever before in our nation’s history and more than any other society anywhere in the world. On the backs of humans… who made mistakes. In order to enjoy the benefits, we must forgive the mistakes, learn from the mistakes, and then we can enjoy the successes. If we keep erasing the mistakes, we’ll forget the mistakes… and repeat them. We must figure out a way to return to the UNITED states of America- through identity and forgiveness…. you know what? Forget everything I just said. I actually think it’s sports. That’s why we’ve all gone nuts. We need sports back!!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

What Is Your Why?

This isn’t a new concept. I didn’t coin the phrase. But the conversation still needs to be had. We still need to be transparent about our why. This is particularly difficult for men. Men “don’t need nobody’s help!” Expressing why we do what we do or why we are who we are means expressing how we feel… and, well, we just can’t be doing that. We may have to turn in our man card. But what if it wasn’t all mushy and sensitive? What if it was real, meat-and-taters kind of stuff? Would we be good with it then?

I referee high school and college basketball. Years ago, I began to strike up a friendship with someone I had known, but up until now, not this closely. We’ll call him “Jeff”. He was very successful. He knew I looked up to him in the officiating community. He agreed to mentor me and invest in me to be a better referee. One day I call him up, very frustrated. I told him I needed to meet with him. He agreed to meet. I began telling him how frustrated I would get when I went to my high school assignments. I was mainly frustrated with the fact that many refs didn’t seem to want to get better. Quite a few were not very good and it didn’t seem to matter. No one seemed to care.

Jeff could sense that I had poured myself in to this profession and did everything I could to be better than the game before. But those around me at the high school level didn’t seem to have the same desire. He began to ask me questions about these refs. “When was the last time you asked these refs about their lives. Where they work. Are they married? Any kids?” I did not see his point at first. To those that know me, this isn’t coming as a shock. He told me to start asking these questions when I was in the locker room before a game. He then told me to get the first name of the bookkeeper and the first name of the clock keeper of every game I officiated. He assured me these things would help my games go smoother and my frustration would decrease significantly.

I could not, for the life of me, figure out why it mattered whether they were married or not and what it had to do with being a good ref. Not knowing why, and thinking he sounded a little crazy, I did what he suggested anyway. And when I did, everything changed. EVERYTHING.

Each game, as I sat down in the locker room with the other refs, I began to ask these questions. And each time, I began to learn more about them. I began to become closer friends with them. I began to like them more. Understand them more. Then when they made a bad call, it wasn’t a big deal anymore. Because I understood who they were. And it superseded what they were doing on the court. I also started getting the names of the bookkeeper and clock keeper and my games started getting smoother and smoother. Why would it matter that I call them by first name? Because when I needed them and called them by their first name, there was an immediate friendship/relationship and they quickly wanted to help me… because we were friends now. It was about the relationship.

I became friends with another ref during all of this. We’ll call him “Josh”. I told him about the paradigm shift I had. He just chuckled at me. One night, I had a game with Josh and he had a family medical emergency. He had just begun working for the assigner and called me to ask what to do. I advised him that the assigner was a good guy and would understand and to call him right away. I went to the game with the replacement ref. Afterwards, on my way home, I called Josh to ask how everything was. He told me his situation was going to be fine. He thanked me for asking then said, “You really are taking this new approach seriously!” I told him that if I’m learning anything, it’s that officiating isn’t about just the sport. In fact, it isn’t primarily about the sport. It’s about the relationships. It’s about the camaraderie. It’s about being in a battle and the only friends you have are the ones with the stripes on. He and I became better friends after that.

So my “why” began to get clearer. Why do I officiate? Why would anyone sign up to be yelled at, belittled and berated on a nightly basis? The answer is simple, the relationships. Someone asked me why I started writing blogs. I felt it was something God told me to do. My wife concurred with that belief.  She would push me to write when I didn’t want to. The last blog I wrote, I put on to social media and it got ONE… 1 like. So why would I keep writing? The relationship I have with God. It’s about his people. Not how good or bad I may write. I may write a terrible blog, and those around me know me. They understand who I am and, all of the sudden, it isn’t a big deal that I suck at writing. Okay, maybe I don’t suck all the time. Haha.

I’ll leave you with this. The story of Jesus going up to pray right before he was arrested is an interesting one. This is where we see the true story. Jesus asked God to find another way. He asked God if there was any other way, let’s do that! He quickly got His answer. So what was Jesus’ why? His relationship with His Father. The proper perceptive here is this: Jesus didn’t die for us. Jesus died because of His love and obedience for His Father and because of that, we are saved. The real “why” in this story is the relationship. What’s your “why”? Why do you do the things you do? What drives you to be who you are? Are you satisfied with that person? When you really learn your why, chances are it will be connected to a relationship. And when you do define your why, buckle up. Because everything changes… for the better.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

How Many Loaves Do You Have?

Here we are. Everything we hold in high esteem has been silenced. NBA, NHL, MLB, concerts, movies… the list goes on. There have been many theories about how we got here. Understanding that is as important as understanding where we are, where we are going, and how we’re going to get there.

After watching an interview of Dallas Jenkins, Director of The Chosen, I was struck by the story of the feeding of the 5,000. I’m not actually sure it was 5,000… seems to have been more. In one version, it was reported there were 5,000 men- not including women and children. So, no one really knows how many there were. But in this case, how they got there was as important as the rest of the story (Mark 6:30 and Matthew 14:13).

See, Jesus had been teaching and healing. He went non-stop for hours. Mark 6:31 says “Because there were so many people coming and going, they did not have a chance to eat…” Jesus CREATED the problem. He created the NEED. He put them in a place where only a miracle would solve the problem. He left them in a place where they could only look to God and nothing else. This happens to us in the 21st century when we don’t humble ourselves. He then has to bring us to a place where we’re reminded that we need Him. But He desires that we get there ourselves so He doesn’t have to. I’m a dad. I don’t want to humble my children. It’s not fun…at all. I desire that they keep themselves humble and on the right track. But it’s not always that simple.

After Jesus created the need, the disciples also noticed that the crowd needed to eat and asked Jesus to send them away. Everyone was tired. Jesus said, “how many loaves do you have?” He knew the answer. He wanted them to watch God in all of His glory.

I’m not saying that this virus was sent by God. But it wouldn’t surprise me. As in John 9:1-3, Sometimes things just happen in order for the works of God to be displayed in us. This happened all through scripture. So I ask, how many loaves do you have? What do you have to offer? You may think you can’t get through this. You may have lost your job. You may be afraid of losing your house. But God may be looking to display His glory through you. How many loaves do you have?

For some it may be finances. But for others it may be talents. It may be serving. It may be feeding. For some, God may want to deal with a part of your character. This will, in turn, help those around you. Ask me how I know. Everyone has something they can do and something they can give. Something they can do to serve. Even if it’s just an encouragement through zoom. You have a loaf…you have a few loaves. You may not realize it until you begin looking for the need in others. When you get outside your own need, you find that others have needs that you can fill. You begin to see the works of God displayed in you. So… how many loaves do you have?

You may read this and say, “But I don’t have anything” or “I don’t have enough”. God knows better. God doesn’t need you to feed 5,000. He needs you to bring the loaves you have. He’ll take what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good. But He still needs you to bring the loaves you do have. What do I mean by this? Humble yourself before God. Speak directly to Him, out loud, in humility. Ask Him what He would have you do in this time. Be prepared for the answer. It’s not going to sound the way you thought it would. All throughout the Bible, we learn that if you want something, you give it. If you want love, give love. If you want mercy, give mercy. If you’re worried about your finances, your physical health… give. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Don’t worry about what you don’t have or aren’t going to have. Bring whatever loaves you have… Then watch Him feed 5,000+!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Posted on

Remember

The country is at a stand still over the corona virus. We all see it. It’s not hard not to be worried or anxious. Some in the middle Tennessee area have been ransacked by the tornadoes and are still in the middle of finding a new normal. How do we move forward? By looking back. By remembering.

I remember… I was still fairly new to our community of Hermitage, TN in the early 90’s. We had just moved there. My best childhood friend and his mom (and brother) moved to Tennessee from Louisiana at the same time we did, which was also right after his dad passed away. They followed my dad here, who was their pastor. Then came the call. This friend decided to play Russian roulette and the gun fired. I rushed to the hospital. They were working to keep him alive. The doctor came out at one point to say he was responding and may pull through. Soon after, he returned with news that I didn’t want to hear about my 14-year-old friend. He was gone.

I remember… at the funeral, a large number of people from our school showed up in support. Then all of the sudden, something very unexpected happened. I was surrounded by these people that I didn’t know very well because they knew I had grown up with him. I remember all of the outpouring of community definitely surprised me and allowed me to cope much better. I still wasn’t sure how I’d keep going… but I did.

I remember… developing a friendship with a guy soon after My childhood friend’s death who had just moved here from Indiana. We were instant best friends. Stayed close all through high school and after school. He married and moved to Arkansas. We were on the phone one Saturday talking about his plans to move back to Tennessee. We talked about how we both had small children who hadn’t met each other yet and we were going to raise them like cousins. He was starting a business and wanted me to work for him. The following Tuesday, all of those plans ended on interstate 40 in Arkansas. Again, I wasn’t sure how I’d keep going… but I did. I remember all of the calls I received.

Now I’ve survived various flu pandemics, Y2k, being a sports referee and being a girl dad. Pretty tough things. And now I’m staring at, yet again, another obstacle that scares the masses. But one thing I’ve learned about obstacles, no matter the situation… every. Single. Time. God uses it to bring people closer to Him, to each other and we are all stronger on the other side. Every Time.

This situation is no different. When the dust settles on the mass threat of the corona virus, people will be closer to each other. Already, people are publicly praying that wouldn’t normally be praying. People are turning to God in a very similar fashion as that of 9-11-01. But what if you’ve done all you can and something else hits? I feel like I’d be prepared. But I’m really not sure.

You’ve managed to miss being hit by the tornadoes in Tennessee. Then comes the corona virus. You take precautions and manage to miss being hit by that too. Chances are, you’ve also missed catching the various flu pandemics throughout our nation’s history. You’re in the shape of your life… only to find out you have Lymphoma cancer. How do you fight? I don’t know, but my close friend will fight… and I’m going to learn from him. I’m going to learn how to face all of these seemingly insurmountable odds and overcome. I’m going to learn about the “quality of life” many have spoken about. I’m also going to learn more about community. About how your community wraps its arms around you and gives you hope and a reason to push through. And one day, I’m going to look back and remember these moments and see what he came through… and subsequently, what I’m capable of.

Here’s the thing, with each trial, there’s always a new normal. A new normal that brings a stronger community unit. A new normal that brings a new sense of hope. Every time there’s a trial, God shows up. In each of my difficult times in life, He showed up in some way, every single time. It wasn’t some angel flying down from a cloud playing a harp in a toga outfit. It was JESUS IN PEOPLE.

I can’t convince you to not worry about this. But I can remind you that you’ve faced tougher things before and you’re still here. I can remind you that on 9-12-01, there were no republicans or democrats. There were no black or white people, just Americans. People were quick to extend a hand to a fellow American. We are in similar times. Remember what you’ve come through. Remember how you were stronger afterwards. Remember what you’ve accomplished. REMEMBER, you have overcome before…don’t stop now. Don’t lose sight of community. Don’t let fear own you. Don’t let what you see dictate what you do. But let who you know dictate what you do… and REMEMBER.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger