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Adam and Eve. We’ve all heard the story in Genesis chapter 3 a thousand times. Eve eats the fruit she isn’t supposed to, mankind is doomed, child birth becomes painful… yada yada yada. I’ve heard that story a thousand times. But only in my 30’s did I start to see things in it that changed the way I looked at that story. It changed the way I parent. It changed the way I see people.

Let’s start with the fact that in verse 6, she took the fruit, ate it and then gave some to her husband… WHO WAS THERE! He witnessed the whole thing and never said a word…and even joined in! So many lay this on Eve but Adam was responsible for their relationship and Adam, by doing nothing, did something. He signed off on it. He endorsed it. He put his stamp of approval on this act.

Or how about in verse 7, their eyes are opened and they notice for the first time that they’re naked. Yes, the Garden of Eden was a nudist colony. So they make coverings for themselves by sewing fig leaves together… that’s huge… more about that in a minute.

Verse 8… They hid from GOD! Haha! Really? They must’ve thought they were future hide and seek champions of the world to able to hide from the Guy that created them!

But Verse 9 is a really big one. Really big. “God called to the man and said, ‘Where are you?’” A couple of things that are huge here. One, He wasn’t looking for Adam and Eve. He didn’t ask because He didn’t know where they were. He asked to make them realize for themselves where they were. Sometimes we need to be reminded where we are. Sometimes we’re so focused on outward appearance and things that don’t matter that we forget where we are… or where we’re supposed to be.

Another huge thing here is that He called to the MAN. Not the couple. Not Eve. Wait… but they both took the fruit and Eve took it first! Yes, but God created Adam to be the leader in the marriage. He was standing there when she ate it. God held ADAM accountable for the decisions of the “family”. This is important for both men and women.

For men, it’s important to note that you are responsible for the direction of the family. If you don’t already have a family, then you may want to wait until you can handle this responsibility. You’ll need to understand that you can’t be weak, you can’t be passive, and you must lead from a position of strength and love. You’re a fool if you don’t listen to your wife’s intuition. You also must learn to hear what she’s NOT saying. Yep, you read that right.

For women, it’s important to trust your husband and let him make mistakes, as long as they aren’t the same mistakes frequently. That’s a different conversation for a different day. But unfortunately, in Ephesians 5:22, the Bible never says “Follow your husbands as long as they make you happy” or “Follow your husbands unless they make a mistake”.  Paul wrote this knowing he was talking about a very flawed group of guys. It’s sometimes hard to follow someone that doesn’t appear worthy of following, but just understand that when a major family decision is made, God looks to the man as being responsible for the decision and direction of the family and God will always bless the man for stepping up and the woman for following. If he fails to step up, God will deal with him accordingly. If the woman fails to follow or attempts to lead, God will deal with her accordingly. God is a God of order and if we get in line with His order and stop being overly concerned with our own order, we’ll find that life goes so much more smoothly. There are certain things that God designed a certain way. It’s our job to follow that order.

Next, God lists all the things in their lives that are about to change. All of the consequences of their disobedience. And it’s important to note that they had consequences for their behavior. Some of y’all need to place serious consequences on your children when they do not meet expectations that you’ve set. It needs to hurt. It needs to sting. They need to know you’re serious. Otherwise, your words mean nothing and they learn nothing. You do them NO favors letting them off lightly with acts that deserve strong punishment. Your job is not to be their friend. Your job is to “Train your children in the way they should go and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Prov 22:6.

Lastly, the biggest reveal of the entire story. Right after God hands down a severe punishment (literally kicked them out of their house and made them live somewhere else), He does this. Verse 21- “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.” No big deal, right? Wait a minute… in verse 7 they made clothes for themselves from fig leaves. So they didn’t need clothes. So why did God make them clothes? He basically said, “You went to Goodwill but now I’m taking my kids to Nordstrom’s.” Because even in disappointment, anger, consequence, and punishment, He never stopped parenting. He never stopped caring. He never stopped loving.

There’s so much to take just from that last verse. We can see that even when we mess up, when we know we’ve made errors, errors that no one could possibly forgive, He forgives anyway. He’s still there parenting, caring. We can also take away from this that once our punishment is handed down to our children, it’s vital that we continue to parent by loving. When both are present, discipline and love, it sticks.

Parenting has never been for the weak in mind and heart. But it’s extremely rewarding. I don’t want to think about who I would be if I wasn’t a dad. Probably writing this from prison. Not kidding. Maybe…Nope. Prison. Stop trying to be perfect. Just continue to chase the best parent of all time. Also, never forget- perfect parents DO exist. They just don’t have children yet.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

9/12/01… The day Tribalism didn’t exist

I grew up an LSU fan and a N.O. Saints fan. They were my teams. Even when the Saints were bad, they were my team. I pulled for them when they were bad, terrible, when players got in trouble. It didn’t matter. I pulled for them every Sunday. When they were wearing bags on their heads, I was pulling for them. Unfortunately, we’ve decided as a nation to join a fan club of one of two teams, Donkey or Elephant, and love them no matter what…except they don’t really care about you, just your vote. And it’s not a football game, it’s life.

Let’s play our own game. I’ll give you four quotes. Then I’ll give you four political leaders. You match them up without using any help, such as google. Then see if you’re correct. The answers will be at the bottom of this article so don’t cheat. Give it your best shot. Think about what you think each leader has said and guess accordingly.

A. “Freedom is secured every day by our men and women in uniform. We must build a future worthy of their sacrifice.”

B. “No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach.”

C. “Facts are stupid things.”

D. “I’ve now been in 57 states, one left to go.”

1. President Obama
2. President Reagan
3. Nancy Pelosi
4. President Trump

Read on to see how you did.

Over time, our society has grown in to this dark, blinded place where we accept anything and everything that is delivered by our “team”, no matter if it’s factual or not. We just accept it. We gravitate towards the emotion of anger and betrayal long before the emotion of love and understanding. We, somehow, completely forget that we’re Americans first. We forget about that inherent good nature of our fellow Americans. This is partly due to the media only showing us the extreme situations… because it’s news. Good people acting normal and having civil discussions are simply not news stories. So we’re never going to see that in the news.

The recent story of the catholic school boys and the Native American is a perfect example. The first story that hits is that the boys are taunting and antagonizing the Indian gentleman, Nathan Stanard-also known as Phillips (I choose to call him by the name he used to enlist in to the military). Everyone on the elephant team says, “he did nothing wrong!” Everyone on the donkey team says “punch the smirk off his face!” One story, from one camera and one very unreliable news source comes out. No one knows the facts yet, but their team is under attack. Then the facts come out. Turns out, Mr. Stanard was first attempting to get between the Black Hebrew Israelites and the boys. He then began walking towards the kids and began beating the drum in the face of one of the boys. When that particular boy wouldn’t move out of the way of Mr. Stanard, the incident took form. We now know that there were no ill words spoken by any of the boys. None spoken by Mr. Stanard either. Only the foul language and hate-filled words by the BHI, who appeared nowhere in the first version of the story. We also now know that Mr. Stanard was NOT a Vietnam War veteran as was originally claimed. So now with all the facts, we should be able to properly assess what went right and what went wrong. But there’s two huge problems.

The first problem is that we ran to judgment in the first place without researching facts. That’s the biggest problem we face as a nation. Delivering opinions soaked in vitriol without even knowing what the facts are. Someone attacked our team so we must defend. Our team leader said our bunker and even our name was under attack. So let’s attack back before they get too loud. We’ve subscribed to the notion that our team is right, regardless of the facts. That’s a GINORMOUS problem!

The second problem could be viewed as worse. After the facts come out, we either ignore them or we’re so angry from what we first believed that we continue to spew hate towards “the other team” anyway. Facts are just that. Facts. They don’t have emotions tied to them. Ben Shapiro says “facts don’t care about your feelings.” And he’s right. We cannot simply ignore the facts in order to justify our feelings about something. This is a problem on BOTH sides. Neither is better than the other.

As a self-proclaimed Republicratitarian (yes that’s a combination of 3 political parties), I’m urging you towards a revolution. One that requires you to be honest with the facts. If you are typically conservative, then don’t give Trump a pass when he says stupid things just because he represents your team. Don’t give conservative leaders and commentaries a free pass when they are wrong. If they are wrong, then they should be called wrong. If you are typically liberal, then call the liberal leaders out when they are wrong. Don’t give Maxine Waters a free pass when she’s clearly inciting violence. My request is that we stop blindly following a “team” and start looking at our fellow Americans as Americans and not just on a “team”. Start calling foolish rhetoric foolish, regardless of which team it came from.

One thing I’ve learned about all of this over time is that, if we really step back and look, we all want the same thing. We simply have different fundamental ideas of how to get there. Some think the government is the answer, some don’t. Some think all religions should be allowed. Some think none should be allowed. Some believe more laws are the answer to certain problems, some don’t. But what we all want is usually fundamentally the same. A thriving, peaceful country where people take care of each other and flourish in a healthy economy. No one would argue that. But we seem to argue how to get there as if someone slapped our child in the face. It’s just policies. Some work. Some don’t. It’s ok to disagree. Recently a coach told me what he saw in a play and I told him I disagreed. He said, “Then you and I can agree to disagree.” I responded, “That’s why I have so much respect for you. Because of that statement.” It’s possible to get back to that, but it’s going to take work… starting with the man in the mirror. What would that look like…?

Remember the day after 9/11? Remember how there were no Republicans, Democrats, LGBTQ, Pretty people, ugly people, rich people, poor people…NONE of that existed on 911. We were defined by one thing that day. We were ALL AMERICANS. Nothing more and definitely nothing less. On 9/12/01, the entire country came together. People were hugging strangers at random. There were virtually no fights on subways. Random acts of kindness were rampant that day. Churches that Sunday were overfilled everywhere. No one cared who won in football. The only thing that mattered was that we were Americans and that we were not going to let this tear us down as a nation. We were going to stand together no matter which “team” you were on. We were Americans and Americans don’t back down.

I’m fully convinced that if you knew how little your “team leaders” thought about your actual well-being, you’d be less inclined to just follow what they say and defend them without facts. Leave your current team and go home, look at your family and choose to protect and love the only team that matters.

A. 3

B. 4

C. 2

D. 1

How did your “team” do? Two of those leaders are known as eloquent speakers (Obama and Reagan) and two are known for bizarre rhetoric (Pelosi and Trump). You just never know.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Control what you can control

We’ve all seen and heard the “no-call heard ‘round the world!” I’m referring to the Saints/Rams game. Saints fans weren’t happy. Sports fans weren’t happy. Even Rams fans were surprised by the no-call. But leave it to a college basketball coach to set the proper perspective.

Will Wade, Head coach of LSU basketball, stepped up and shared with the media that in a team meeting he told his team that the Saints lost the game long before that call. They lost it when they had to settle for a field goal instead of a touchdown. I’ll take it another level and say that they lost it with penalties that cost them. With poor decisions that led to open receivers. The list could go on. Coach Wade said that every little thing you do means something to the bigger picture. Every decision that seems small could mean something huge. Just ask the KC Chiefs. That’s true in sports. That’s true in life.

We, as a society, give less value to the small decisions that we CAN control and more value to the actions of others that we CAN’T control.

I’m as guilty as anyone of this. I’ll never forget having a conversation with a good buddy of mine who now officiates in the NBA. I was very down on myself. Very down on my chances to get hired to officiate in a certain league. I’m venting to him and he’s just listening. I was not in my 20’s and very overweight and knew that played a role. Then he said it. “Control what you can, your weight, and don’t worry about what you can’t control, your age.” As simple as that sounds, I needed to hear that from someone else. It had to hit my ears before I would let it hit my mind. I listened, controlled my weight and got hired. I still work in that league to this day.

As a Saints fan, I vented about the call. As a referee, I had to be reminded that we all miss calls. Even big ones. In fact, I was watching film on one of my games just a few days after the big game and saw a play where I should’ve called a foul. Instead, my partner picked it up. It was bad. And fairly obvious. But the fact remains, if that team had lost, it wouldn’t have been because of that call. The coach would look back at all the missed free throws and how many turnovers they had. The small things that led to the big thing, the loss.

As you go about your day, think about all the things that upset you; the things that cause your whole day to be off. Now look at how much of it you have control over. If you have no control over something, stop worrying about it…TODAY! Traffic. You’re stuck. You can’t do anything about it. Find a way to enjoy it. Notice all the people around you while in traffic. Check out the cool cars. Turn the music up. But freaking out about the traffic…brace yourself… won’t change the traffic. The decisions of a boss/parent/teacher/referee. You can yell and get angry, but it’s still not changing the decision. So find a way to stop giving one extra thought to something you can’t control. And get to a place where you master what you can control.

From a Christian perspective, I’ve heard it said many times that worrying is the tangible evidence that you don’t trust God. Obviously, that’s true. It’s just easier said than done. We are conditioned to think a certain way. And that, my friend, is exactly why Paul said be transformed by the renewing of your IG status…no, gym membership…no, your MIND. Transform your mind. But sometimes, it has to hit your ears before it reaches your mind. So find someone you trust that can help you change the way you think about something…particularly something you have no control over. It’s then that you will begin to discover peace in situations that used to rob you of peace.

Stay Classy, GP!

Grainger

The Best a Man Can Be

The new Gillette ad sparked something in me…and I liked it. I understand why some men don’t want to be lectured on masculinity. A large number of us have been doing it right for some time. But I understand the need and the push for men to hold each other accountable and embrace their roles in society as well. The problem is, society has attempted to redefine what our role is. If you really want us to embrace our roles, then let us be who God created us to be.

God didn’t create us to be passive. He didn’t create us to be the fools on sitcoms. He created us to be strong, masculine, men who know when to say sorry, stop, enough, yes ma’am and thank you. We were created to know when to stand up to improper conduct and be the leader in the moment. To be the one that women and children lean on in times of fear and worry. Please eliminate the notion that we must raise boys to be weak, passive, spineless kids that grow up to be the subject of prime-time comedy shows. But there’s a balance. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s strong to stand up to mean people. But it’s also strong to stop and pray. It’s strong to treat your wife like a queen. It’s strong to say I’m sorry. The weakest thing you can do is pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you feel the need to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves, I beg you to please come pick on me instead.

To the best of my memory, I was never bullied nor did I bully. The only reason I was never bullied was because I was taller than everyone my age and I was pretty mean when I needed to be. But even in “my day”, bullying was not acceptable. It was never acceptable. I found myself, at times, stepping in when I saw something that I could tell was damaging someone. Because of who I was and my size, the incident ended. That’s about the extent of my knowledge of bullying. But there was this one time…

I had just transferred to a new middle school. Some girl decided to say what she thought of me out loud in front of her very popular boyfriend. He didn’t care too much for his girlfriend talking about some new kid. I’m walking my “girl” home and I look behind me and there’s approximately 20 boys being led by the “boyfriend” to find me and beat me up. My girl’s parents let me in the house until the mob subsided. I agreed to fight one but everyone else had to leave. They all left. So there was no fight. I remember what that felt like. It was the closest I can imagine a bullied person feeling like. It was awful. (Side note: the boyfriend and I became friends later in high school, never fought).

Bullying is definitely something that is easier to hide these days because of the digital world we live in. But news flash, it hasn’t gotten worse, it’s just recorded more often now. We didn’t have cell phones that recorded video when I was a kid. It’s basically the same but not much better either. It’s still rampant. There is a solution, but it’s not easy and requires help from many moving parts.

Then there’s men’s view of women. I’ve found over the years that boys who grew up with sisters treated girls much better than those who didn’t. This is primarily because they were forced to live in the same house with them and began to see them as humans capable of feelings, an intellectual equal and someone who had the potential to make the world a better place. In our society, if a boy isn’t forced to view a girl that way, she becomes an object of his overdrive of hormones. A means for sexual release. One of the reasons this is even a possibility is because they manage to find girls who have a poor self-image and are simply looking for that reassurance that they are smart, pretty, and worthy. They don’t value themselves at all. Thus the connection between a boy that only views her as an object and a girl that doesn’t have a father who’s instilled in her who she is and what she’s worth. So really, all parts are to blame for the existing crisis of bullying and sexual misconduct. There’s no one person or one group. We all play a part. Just look at the R. Kelly situation. Money and power bought him the opportunity to continue abusing women…to this day. So everyone plays a role in some way. I love talking about solutions more so than the problems. But that’s just it, the solution poses another problem.

In today’s climate, men are told that chivalry is sexist. They are taught by society that doing their God-given job of providing, leading, and protecting is also sexist. I submit to you that you can’t have it both ways. EITHER we let men hold doors open for women and protect them OR we do as they ask and get out of the way. I think the real solution is obvious. But it starts with fathers….”oh boy… here he goes again”. Yes, I may keep going until we have a crisis of men stepping up to lead their families and children.

Fathers: If you want to see young men grow up to treat women with the utmost respect, treat your wife with the utmost respect. If you want them to grow up not being a bully, let them see you feel. Let them see your compassion. Let them see you defend the honor of someone.

Mothers: If you want to see the same results, let the father do his job. Sometimes the mother stops the father from being the best father he can be because they are no longer together and she despises him. Sometimes they’re together and she despises him. But he’s still their father. It’s difficult, but you must LOVE your children MORE than you hate your ex. This may be difficult to grasp, but there are things that ALL children need that ONLY a father can provide.

Parents: One of the best things you can do for your children is treat your spouse or ex-spouse with the utmost respect, honor, and dignity regardless of how you feel about them at times. These are the things that lead to less bullying and less misconduct toward women. It’s a heart issue. You can’t legislate the heart.

No, I didn’t need someone to sit me down and teach me that I shouldn’t rape or bully. But I also had a father that was a good example of everyday living. All boys aren’t that fortunate. Men must step in and be role models when you see there’s a need there. And women must let men be men and hold them accountable when they act like boys. Then, and only then, we will be…..

The Best a Man can be.

Stay Classy GP!