9/12/01… The day Tribalism didn’t exist
I grew up an LSU fan and a N.O. Saints fan. They were my teams. Even when the Saints were bad, they were my team. I pulled for them when they were bad, terrible, when players got in trouble. It didn’t matter. I pulled for them every Sunday. When they were wearing bags on their heads, I was pulling for them. Unfortunately, we’ve decided as a nation to join a fan club of one of two teams, Donkey or Elephant, and love them no matter what…except they don’t really care about you, just your vote. And it’s not a football game, it’s life.
Let’s play our own game. I’ll give you four quotes. Then I’ll give you four political leaders. You match them up without using any help, such as google. Then see if you’re correct. The answers will be at the bottom of this article so don’t cheat. Give it your best shot. Think about what you think each leader has said and guess accordingly.
A. “Freedom is secured every day by our men and women in uniform. We must build a future worthy of their sacrifice.”
B. “No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach.”
C. “Facts are stupid things.”
D. “I’ve now been in 57 states, one left to go.”
- President Obama
- President Reagan
- Nancy Pelosi
- President Trump
Read on to see how you did.
Over time, our society has grown in to this dark, blinded place where we accept anything and everything that is delivered by our “team”, no matter if it’s factual or not. We just accept it. We gravitate towards the emotion of anger and betrayal long before the emotion of love and understanding. We, somehow, completely forget that we’re Americans first. We forget about that inherent good nature of our fellow Americans. This is partly due to the media only showing us the extreme situations… because it’s news. Good people acting normal and having civil discussions are simply not news stories. So we’re never going to see that in the news.
The recent story of the catholic school boys and the Native American is a perfect example. The first story that hits is that the boys are taunting and antagonizing the Indian gentleman, Nathan Stanard-also known as Phillips (I choose to call him by the name he used to enlist in to the military). Everyone on the elephant team says, “he did nothing wrong!” Everyone on the donkey team says “punch the smirk off his face!” One story, from one camera and one very unreliable news source comes out. No one knows the facts yet, but their team is under attack. Then the facts come out. Turns out, Mr. Stanard was first attempting to get between the Black Hebrew Israelites and the boys. He then began walking towards the kids and began beating the drum in the face of one of the boys. When that particular boy wouldn’t move out of the way of Mr. Stanard, the incident took form. We now know that there were no ill words spoken by any of the boys. None spoken by Mr. Stanard either. Only the foul language and hate-filled words by the BHI, who appeared nowhere in the first version of the story. We also now know that Mr. Stanard was NOT a Vietnam War veteran as was originally claimed. So now with all the facts, we should be able to properly assess what went right and what went wrong. But there’s two huge problems.
The first problem is that we ran to judgment in the first place without researching facts. That’s the biggest problem we face as a nation. Delivering opinions soaked in vitriol without even knowing what the facts are. Someone attacked our team so we must defend. Our team leader said our bunker and even our name was under attack. So let’s attack back before they get too loud. We’ve subscribed to the notion that our team is right, regardless of the facts. That’s a GINORMOUS problem!
The second problem could be viewed as worse. After the facts come out, we either ignore them or we’re so angry from what we first believed that we continue to spew hate towards “the other team” anyway. Facts are just that. Facts. They don’t have emotions tied to them. Ben Shapiro says “facts don’t care about your feelings.” And he’s right. We cannot simply ignore the facts in order to justify our feelings about something. This is a problem on BOTH sides. Neither is better than the other.
As a self-proclaimed Republicratitarian (yes that’s a combination of 3 political parties), I’m urging you towards a revolution. One that requires you to be honest with the facts. If you are typically conservative, then don’t give Trump a pass when he says stupid things just because he represents your team. Don’t give conservative leaders and commentaries a free pass when they are wrong. If they are wrong, then they should be called wrong. If you are typically liberal, then call the liberal leaders out when they are wrong. Don’t give Maxine Waters a free pass when she’s clearly inciting violence. My request is that we stop blindly following a “team” and start looking at our fellow Americans as Americans and not just on a “team”. Start calling foolish rhetoric foolish, regardless of which team it came from.
One thing I’ve learned about all of this over time is that, if we really step back and look, we all want the same thing. We simply have different fundamental ideas of how to get there. Some think the government is the answer, some don’t. Some think all religions should be allowed. Some think none should be allowed. Some believe more laws are the answer to certain problems, some don’t. But what we all want is usually fundamentally the same. A thriving, peaceful country where people take care of each other and flourish in a healthy economy. No one would argue that. But we seem to argue how to get there as if someone slapped our child in the face. It’s just policies. Some work. Some don’t. It’s ok to disagree. Recently a coach told me what he saw in a play and I told him I disagreed. He said, “Then you and I can agree to disagree.” I responded, “That’s why I have so much respect for you. Because of that statement.” It’s possible to get back to that, but it’s going to take work… starting with the man in the mirror. What would that look like…?
Remember the day after 9/11? Remember how there were no Republicans, Democrats, LGBTQ, Pretty people, ugly people, rich people, poor people…NONE of that existed on 911. We were defined by one thing that day. We were ALL AMERICANS. Nothing more and definitely nothing less. On 9/12/01, the entire country came together. People were hugging strangers at random. There were virtually no fights on subways. Random acts of kindness were rampant that day. Churches that Sunday were overfilled everywhere. No one cared who won in football. The only thing that mattered was that we were Americans and that we were not going to let this tear us down as a nation. We were going to stand together no matter which “team” you were on. We were Americans and Americans don’t back down.
I’m fully convinced that if you knew how little your “team leaders” thought about your actual well-being, you’d be less inclined to just follow what they say and defend them without facts. Leave your current team and go home, look at your family and choose to protect and love the only team that matters.
A. 3
B. 4
C. 2
D. 1
How did your “team” do? Two of those leaders are known as eloquent speakers (Obama and Reagan) and two are known for bizarre rhetoric (Pelosi and Trump). You just never know.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger
As you go about your day, think about all the things that upset you; the things that cause your whole day to be off. Now look at how much of it you have control over. If you have no control over something, stop worrying about it…TODAY! Traffic. You’re stuck. You can’t do anything about it. Find a way to enjoy it. Notice all the people around you while in traffic. Check out the cool cars. Turn the music up. But freaking out about the traffic…brace yourself… won’t change the traffic. The decisions of a boss/parent/teacher/referee. You can yell and get angry, but it’s still not changing the decision. So find a way to stop giving one extra thought to something you can’t control. And get to a place where you master what you can control.
God didn’t create us to be passive. He didn’t create us to be the fools on sitcoms. He created us to be strong, masculine, men who know when to say sorry, stop, enough, yes ma’am and thank you. We were created to know when to stand up to improper conduct and be the leader in the moment. To be the one that women and children lean on in times of fear and worry. Please eliminate the notion that we must raise boys to be weak, passive, spineless kids that grow up to be the subject of prime-time comedy shows. But there’s a balance. To whom much is given, much is required. It’s strong to stand up to mean people. But it’s also strong to stop and pray. It’s strong to treat your wife like a queen. It’s strong to say I’m sorry. The weakest thing you can do is pick on someone that can’t defend themselves. If you feel the need to pick on someone that can’t defend themselves, I beg you to please come pick on me instead.
No, I didn’t need someone to sit me down and teach me that I shouldn’t rape or bully. But I also had a father that was a good example of everyday living. All boys aren’t that fortunate. Men must step in and be role models when you see there’s a need there. And women must let men be men and hold them accountable when they act like boys. Then, and only then, we will be…..
Today’s culture seems to consistently say “it’s not your fault. The blame belongs to someone else.” When something happens to us, our response to it is based primarily on our history with the person or event. So we respond based on what we know and how we were taught. We have a small, but loud group of people in American culture that believe it is their duty to stand up for others who never asked for their help.
When you’re the victim, everyone else is to blame for every problem, even if it’s your fault. It justifies irresponsibility and makes you co-dependent on others to repair your victimization. Living with a Victorious mentality is when you realize it’s possible that something is your fault, owning it and not needing anyone to get you out of the mess you find yourself in, regardless if it’s your fault or not. YOU (or God in you) can get you out. Now you’re victorious over your circumstance. The sooner we shift our minds (be transformed by the renewing of our minds) from victim to victorious- even (and especially) in the face of adversity, the better our quality of life becomes. This applies to every area of life. I’ve somewhat struggled with this in the past, myself. But not anymore. Get there…I dare you.
I’ve said before that all I was ever around growing up was boys. All my friends were boys with the exception of 2 amazing young ladies. And they were tomboys. So I quickly bought some books on how to be a father to a girl. I was literally thinking, “What do girls eat? Do they really cry about everything? I wonder what my jail cell will look like when she’s 16.” I had no clue! After reading some books on it, I gained a new understanding and appreciation for girls.
Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.
The Good- the Davidson/Crenshaw exchange was refreshing. One guy makes a mistake. Then apologizes. The other guy accepts. They bro-hug it out and move forward. I would encourage everyone to view how this was handled. The apology was accepted and they moved forward. When someone genuinely apologizes, most of the time, that’s really all they can do. Say sorry and hope to do better. But for some reason, we as a society hold them in “you offended me” jail. We don’t let them out. We continue to bash, accuse, and belligerently harp on whatever they did that they have apologized for. We have to understand that humans make mistakes. It’s what we do. So the next time someone apologizes, accept it and move on.
My brother and I once were asked to obey by cleaning the living room. I was slower to get up than my brother. He quickly became anxious and said “what about Jason? why isn’t he helping?” My dad then immediately instructed me to sit down in the living room and watch my brother clean the entire room by himself. He told my brother, “I told you to do something. What he does is not your concern. You worry about you.” My dad was looking for obedience and this was a chance to teach that. Does it sound harsh to make a kid clean a room while everyone else watches? Maybe to some. But I never forgot it. So it worked. It taught me about obedience.
I grew up around all boys. I understood boys. How they thought, felt, acted. I knew what a boy across the room was thinking without him ever saying a word. And it was usually about sports or boobs. I mean, what else was there? I never understood the difficulties and types of hard challenges that girls faced every day just being a girl. The way their mind worked. What was important to them. How fragile and soft they were. “That time of the month!” I never understood any of this until I had daughters. My daughters changed my entire life, starting with my thinking. I chose to be the best dad I could possibly be. By doing so, I had to begin to understand how a little girl worked. But the only way I was going to achieve this was to forget what I knew and genuinely listen to what they said. I teach my children and bonus children all the time that the key to life summed up in one word is “Others.” I had to, as a dad, put “others” before me. In doing so, I saw a brand new perspective on life. A totally different way of operating life. It was mind blowing…. for the better. Be transformed by the renewing of your gym membership. Wait… no… it’s the renewing of your mind.