During my time in the music industry, I ran into so many people who looked as though someone had taken them out back and whipped them repeatedly. They looked dejected, worn down, and defeated. For some, it took over. They lost their record deals, their families, and in some cases, their lives. I had a couple of good mentors in the industry that pointed this out and told me to be careful of this happening to me. As a result, I learned from some of the best and managed to figure out how to manage the stress of the industry.
At the time, I was learning how to survive the music industry, but the principles that I was learning from others and what God was showing me was more universal than just the music industry. What I learned in that time was how to cope with being in a visible position. This applies to any visible position. Music artist, TV personality, pastor, professional athlete, CEO, any visible position where people tend to view you in a higher social status and tend to “brown nose” to get close to you in hopes that they too will be viewed in this higher social status.
One thing I learned is that everyone will compliment you. Constantly. “You’re the best singer ever!”, “You’re amazing!”, or “If you don’t make it, I’m moving back home!” These were some of the things I heard through the years. A couple of things I learned from this. First, we were never meant to take on that much praise. Verbal encouragement is a necessary dichotomy. In the right doses, it’s needed. Too much, and it’s costly.
The reason for this is that compliments were designed to benefit the giver. As we know, God is a giving God. So God made us in His image. Therefore, when we give, we benefit. It’s His design. From a physiological angle, God designed it so that we release a neurochemical called oxytocin whenever we either do something generous for someone or even when we witness it. It’s a feel-good chemical. And it only gets released by kind, generous acts and touch, like when you shake a hand, pat on the back, or hugs. So again, God made us to give. Therefore, the compliment benefits the giver. The compliment is a burden to the recipient. We weren’t meant to take on large amounts of praise. As you see, this is why it’s a necessary dichotomy.
This is what kills most people in visible positions. It is incredibly easy to begin to wear the accolades thrown in your direction. Everyone wants to be near you. They want to throw compliments at you hoping you will return the favor and invite them into your circle. It feels good when they say kind things about you. And what many do is they put those compliments on like a coat and wear them around. Not realizing that this coat is poisonous. It begins to erode your sensitivity to what’s right and true. You begin to think you are the reason for your success, not God.
The only way to properly handle all of this is to A.C.T. First, we must Acknowledge. We must acknowledge that the compliment is for the giver and a burden to the recipient. We just discussed that. The next thing is to Collect. When we are given compliments, we should collect them and proverbially set them to the side. Don’t display false humility, “It’s not me, it’s only God.” No one wants to hear that. Just say thank you and set it to the side for later. Collect all of the kind things that people are saying about you.
And lastly, Transfer. When the dust settles on the event, and you are finally able to get away and get alone for a few minutes, take all of those compliments you set to the side earlier, get alone with God, and offer them up to Him saying, “Look at what they said about YOU.” See, those compliments were meant for God, not you. If you keep that perspective, you prevent yourself from ever believing the lie that they are about you. Then you remove the burden of the compliment. Jesus said to cast all of our cares and burdens onto Him. Here’s your chance.
I’m firmly convinced that this is what killed Elvis. He was getting it from every direction. And I don’t believe it was intentional. But I believe that no one ever taught him how to manage this and he just went on instincts. And left to our instincts, we will believe what people say about us. He believed it to the point where he became almost untouchable. He fired a bodyguard who was his close friend before he ever became famous. This guy had been with him from the very beginning and in 1976, one year before Elvis’ death, Elvis fired him for caring about Elvis and suggesting that he was taking too many pills. He had become “too big.” Elvis did not know how to handle the pressure. He never turned it over to God. In defense, Elvis did make an attempt. He would get the band together before every show and sing hymns. This was his way of refocusing before a show. But it wasn’t enough. He died… from those pills.
If you or someone you know is in a place of visibility, pass this on to them. If the place of visibility and power isn’t handled correctly, it will get to you and destroy you. We must maintain that the gifts are from God. Therefore, the compliments are for God. If you’ve never tried to A.C.T., then give it a try. I dare you.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger