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Objective Truth Hurt My Feelings

Here is a fair question. How is that we have both a massive rise in mental health cases like never seen before and more mental health professionals than ever before? If we have more mental health professionals than ever before, then we should have fewer cases of mental health issues. That’s the logical assumption. But that’s not what’s happening. We have both an increase in mental health cases and more mental health professionals than ever before.

So how did we get here? To answer this question, we must look at the differences in the overall value structure in societies before the mental health crisis explosion and after. Because what we value is what we will espouse, pursue, and emit into the world. Our values point us towards an end goal, whether we realize what that goal is and regardless of whether it is a positive and uplifting goal or a negative and destructive one.

The value and belief system of yesteryear is one of simplicity. Boys and girls grow up in school together, use different bathrooms, understand that their issues are different, and respect and appreciate the inequality of boys and girls. The values and beliefs of the past espouse the notion that where I lack, my neighbor will fill in the gap until I can stand again on my own. The community raises our children. If there was a problem with a teacher, we were instructed that we were the problem (if indeed we were, and we were most of the time). We all play a part and live closely by the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In the midst of this, if someone in our community was out of line, we stepped in to help right the wrong. If it hurt your feelings, so be it. You were better for it afterwards. Men could accomplish things that their wives couldn’t. And likewise, women could accomplish things their husbands couldn’t. And that was ok.

The values have shifted. Now, boys can go into girls’ bathrooms. Girls can join the “boy” scouts. Read that again. Now girls believe they can do anything a boy can do causing boys to react citing they can do anything a girl can do, neither of which is correct. Today’s values say take care of yourself because you can trust no one. Today’s belief system says that you can’t say anything to my children or there will be consequences. If there is a problem with a teacher, it has to be the teacher’s fault. Today’s golden rule is “He who has the gold makes the rules.”

Wives believe they can do absolutely everything their husband can do, allowing for no individualism, cooperation, negotiation, and contribution by both parties. As a result, this goal of “equality” emasculates their husband and leaves him feeling useless and worthless, which contributes to divorce. Men and women simply are not equal and appreciating that and utilizing one’s strengths where their partner is weak, and vice-versa, makes a relationship thrive long term. There is so much science that proves this.

Today we are so afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings that are willing to allow a total falsehood to control the narrative of human existence. We will deny thousands of years of objective science, thousands of years of learning and figuring out which way is the best way, and thousands of years of believing that we are not the highest being in the universe so that one person won’t have their feelings hurt.

How did we get here? We removed objective truth from our society. When I throw a ball in the air, it will come down. If a fetus has XY chromosomes, it will be male. Subjective versus objective can be explained this way: Merle Haggard is a great singer. That is a subjective truth. I believe that but my wife doesn’t. Merle Haggard has won multiple Grammy awards. That is objective. Regardless of how my wife feels about that, it is a verifiable, objective truth.

Some objective truths that we have let slip away include differences in sexes, appreciating the two genders, the family system is the best unit on earth for sustaining a society, the best possible environment for a child to be raised is in a low-conflict home with two biological parents, and the fact that religiosity balances, sustains, and causes any society to flourish. It promotes well-being, community, helping those in need, and unselfishness.

But we are so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings that we ignore these facts and tell outright lies. By “we”, I mostly mean mental health professionals. Although “we” as parents and societal members can also be included. And by outright lies, I mean telling society that a child being raised in a single-mother home is the same as being raised by two parents. My children don’t get to be in this category. I am divorced and remarried. That hurts my feelings. But it is a fact, regardless of how I feel about it. Or that males should be allowed to compete in female’s sports because we don’t want to hurt their feelings of being confused and qualifying for a mental health disorder, according to the DSM-V manual. This is where feelings override solid facts that point you towards healthier living. Healthier living requires that we die to one belief in order to make room for another. That requires that we hear something uncomfortable and are forced to acknowledge it and evaluate it for validity.

Regarding religiosity, when you believe you are the highest order of being in your universe, you are aware of your humanity, aware of the mistakes that you can and have made, and this frightens you. Therefore, you are either frozen in fear and refuse to take risks, or you are completely nihilistic about it and take far too many risks. Neither are good. When you believe in a higher power (God), you understand that you make mistakes but follow the One who doesn’t. You are willing to take risks, but not catastrophic risks. You understand that you have an ultimate goal to reach for, thereby making you better each day than you were the day before. You acknowledge your shortcomings, but chase the perfect One, which only makes you better, which makes your family better, which makes your community better, and so on.

We MUST return to a belief in an objective truth. Facts. Facts that say that discipline reroutes a child to success from where they were otherwise headed. Gentle parenting does not work. Facts that include teaching children that they are not the most important person in the universe and the world isn’t about them. It’s about others. Children are growing up believing they are so important that when they find out that they really aren’t, it is causing a mental health breakdown. These are measurable, scientific facts. There is an argument for and against objective morality. You can read that HERE.

Once we return to facts, even if it hurts someone’s feelings, objective truth, belief in something higher (God), we will begin to see the mental health crisis start to subside. Until then, we still have more mental health cases and more mental health professionals than ever before, which makes no logical sense. Bring logical sense back.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Tattooed on Your Heart

I’ll never forget the time I was on the road with Blessid Union of souls and we had played the University of Miami. Afterwards, we were invited to a very nice restaurant. So nice, I felt very out of place. I was uncomfortable from the moment I walked in. And it must have been on my face because the guys in the band just sat me between them and started throwing appetizers at me, “Try this… and this!” Before long, I was no longer uncomfortable and was able to just enjoy the time. They went out of their way to make sure I felt like I was one of them.

In my time in the music industry, this was the case with most. Most people in that industry are kind, thoughtful people. When their brothers and sisters are hurting, they run to each other’s need and comfort them in whatever way they can. Such was my experience.

This is NOT the case with the church, unfortunately. The church is the only army that kicks its wounded while they’re down. It’s one of the few groups out there that gloat in how great they are… “in the name of Jesus.” Church people have a tendency to struggle less with major things (or at least hide them better), and therefore view that as a license to attack anyone who does struggle; “I don’t struggle with adultery or porn addiction, so I’m going to drive that home, showing everyone how righteous I am! I will conveniently leave out the sins I struggle with… let’s not talk about those.”

Kat Von D

Such is the case with Kat Von D. The celebrity tattoo artist was immersed in witchcraft and occult culture. She stated that there was a heaviness, a darkness, and a negativity that she no longer wanted to be a part of. She returned to her early roots of Christianity. She chose to publicly get baptized, expressing the belief that baptism is an outward expression of an internal change.

Of course, this brought out the morally superior. She stated that her atheist friends and fans came out with a huge show of support and love about her personal decision. It was not they who attacked her. It was Christians. They claimed she was faking the whole thing as a PR stunt. They accused her of not being a real Christian with all of the tattoos and the clothes she wears… the CLOTHES she wears! Christians came out and attacked her for now being married to an apparent non-Christian. They attacked her for her choice in music. They even came after her because her hands didn’t go completely under water. WHAT?!?

Basically, every narrow-minded, nonsensical statement you could think of shot out of their vitriol-filled mouths. She finally said, “do you only hang out with people that think and look like you? If so, that is a very sad and narrow-minded way to live. I didn’t get baptized to be saved. I was already saved. It’s not about me.” Good for her. Because it’s true. At the end of her response to this vile retort from these “peculiar people”, she said, “I love you anyway. That’s being Christ-like.”

Kat Von D getting baptized and attending church

The audacity of some people to believe that because they don’t live a dark life, they have the right to look down on those that have, is amazing to me. These are the same people that would have bet on never seeing that thief on the cross in heaven. The thief said (paraphrased), “I believe you are who you say you are, please remember me when you get where you’re going.” To which Jesus responded, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” His hands never went fully under water. In fact, water never touched them. He never signed a membership document. He never learned the sinner’s prayer. It’s like a minister once said, “on what authority did he get into heaven? The man on the middle cross, that’s all the authority he needed!”

For those that believe tattoos are ungodly, you missed the point and, once again, took a scripture out of context. Not that I’m surprised. In Leviticus 19:28, when it says to not put tattoo marks on your body, the passage is specifically referring to false idols. The verse before said not to cut your hair. We going with that too, or just sticking with what you believe to be someone ELSE’S sin? These were things the people of that time and area were doing to worship false idols and gods. God said to stop those things and worship Him. Those were the things they were doing that were in the way of worshipping Him.

It’s not about the visible, it never was. In Numbers 21, the people of Israel had grown weary and frustrated with their circumstances. They spoke out against God. The response was a swarm of snakes. When they were bitten, they would die. The people asked Moses to speak with God on their behalf, asking for forgiveness. God’s response? Build a bronze statue of a snake on a pole (which, coincidentally, is currently used as a symbol for medicine). God told them to build a statue! It’s not about the statue. It’s about the heart. God didn’t remove the snakes. He gave them a way to deal with the problem. When we find ourselves in a predicament that we got ourselves into, God doesn’t just get us out, but rather He gives a way to survive and work through it. He doesn’t just rearrange who you are, He gives you the grace to work through who you are and who He is in you. It’s like the old saying, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

God didn’t save you out of your mess so that you could belittle those that don’t look like you. He saved you from your mess so that you could love those who don’t look like you. This is how they will know… by the LOVE that you show. Currently the church is more known for what it is against than who it is for. It is time we, as ambassadors for Christ, start giving the world a reason to find what we found and stop being the reason they never will. Thank you, Kat Von D, for showing us the error of our ways, and at the same time, not giving up on us, but showing us love when we didn’t deserve it, just like Jesus does. I hope God’s love is forever tattooed on your heart.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Only Shape That Fits

Most of us have enjoyed the beauty of a painting. Artists spend their time crafting what they believe to be a good painting. When they are done, they sign the painting somewhere on the canvas. The creator makes a mark on the painting that only he can make signifying it is his. Our Creator did the same thing. I’ll explain.

I was in the doctor’s office waiting room with my daughter watching a few kids play. One kid concerned me a little. She kept trying to put the square piece in the round hole. Over and over she tried. She finally threw the square piece. Then she picked up the triangle piece and put it in the round hole. Again, didn’t fit. She threw that one too. It seemed no matter which block she picked up, if it wasn’t the round one, it wasn’t going to fit.

Then it hit me. This is exactly what we do in life. We go through life trying to find something that will fill the hole in our inner most beings, but it never seems to fit perfectly. We look up and wonder why we are still miserable.

I recently watched the Johnny Football documentary. He had achieved everything he had ever dreamed of and more. He was a D1 star. He made more money than he knew what to do with. He beat Alabama. Ha. He won the Heisman as a freshman. He was drafted in the first round of the NFL. Then, sitting on his couch in Cleveland, he was miserable. All of that still didn’t equate to fulfillment. He tried taking his own life. The only reason he’s alive is because the gun malfunctioned.

Then there’s the time Deion Sanders attempted to take his own life after winning the super bowl 3 times. Or how about the time Dennis Rodman contemplated taking his own life. He had won championships. But he was miserable.

Robin Williams was a living legend. Kate Spade had more money than I’ll ever see. Anthony Bourdain had his own show traveling the world doing what he loved. It wasn’t enough. There’s a reason.

There’s a hole or void in our souls in a certain shape. It’s the shape of God. We have all tried to put things there that don’t fit. Money, substances, fame, cars, friends, careers, our spouses, our kids. They don’t fit. But we try to make them fit. Then we look around and wonder why we are miserable. We are miserable because we are trying to make a square block fit in to a round hole.

When it comes to the creation, the Creator was clever. He made you almost whole. But he left one piece out. And made sure that it was only in the shape of Him. After all, He did say He made us in His image.

So if you are in a place where you can’t figure out why you are miserable, apathetic, sad, frustrated, lonely, full of anxiety… it may be that you still need to fill that void with the right shape. If you will just give up trying the other things, that don’t seem to be working, and fill your void with the shape of God, you will find that there’s peace and relaxation in this. Try it. What do you have to lose?    

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Does God Send Good People to Hell?

I can’t imagine God sending good people to hell!

From an emotional, and even logical standpoint, this makes sense. When one thinks of God, they think of who He is and what He embodies. God is goodness. God is love. God is kindness. You get the point. But to truly understand this concept, you have to know God’s nature. There is more to God than just sweet whispers in your ear during a crisis. God is also jealous (Exodus 25:5 & 34:14), vengeful (Romans 12:19), and a God of wrath (Deuteronomy 32:35).

We have all heard this phrase spoken. We’ve heard it said primarily in reference to people that live lives believing that there are certain sins God didn’t mean to put in there. He meant to say that “those” sins are actually ok. That the writers of the Bible just made a mistake. We’ve heard it said in reference to those that don’t really know what they believe, or if they believe in God at all but live a good, decent life. So that brings the question, would God send perfectly good people to hell? To answer this question and address that phrase above, you have to look at two things: what does “good people” mean, and does God send people to hell? We’ll start with the latter.

Imagine you’re on a train and this train is headed for a brick wall. You are certainly headed for death- no doubt. You didn’t do anything to really cause this. You’re just on the train. And you really can’t do anything to stop it. It’s going too fast to try to do anything about it. Suddenly, someone comes along and says, “I have a way out. It’s not easy, but it’s the way out. You’ll avoid death and live a long fruitful life.” What’s your next move? “Nah, I’m good. I think I’ll just sit back and hope for the best.” No. You wouldn’t do that. You would jump at the opportunity to be rescued from inevitable death.

This is the life we live, summed up. We were born destined for death. We didn’t get ourselves into this, Adam did that. We can’t get ourselves out either. So God comes along and comes up with a plan; Adam got them in, so he’ll send Jesus to get them out. So there we were, on that train headed for a brick wall. Jesus comes in and says, “I’m the way out of here.” What you and I do with that information is up to us. We can either choose to follow this guy out or hit that brick wall and perish being a perfectly good person. But in the end, God never sent anyone anywhere. He made a way out, and we choose to take that way or not. Up to us.   

But wait, they’re really good people! Ok. Well, let’s see what the guy that gave us a way out says. The next place we have to look is to standards. Standards are used in every facet of life in the entire universe. Standards tell us true value. If I say that a pizza is good, that’s one standard, my standard. I love pizza. I feel like I know a good pizza when I taste one. But then again, I like frozen pizza. But if an owner of an authentic Italian pizzeria in Chicago says a pizza is good, well that’s a different standard. Now that pizza just raised in value. It’s now worth more that he said it was good than when I said it was good. Unfortunately, our standards vary as well as ebb and flow. They are not steady. Sometimes they are raised and sometimes they are lowered, based on our current circumstances. God’s standards never change. If there’s one thing I learned in my boring philosophy of religion class, it’s that if God could change, we would be doomed. The fact that He cannot and will not change gives us a steady standard by which to live and a hope that we serve a truly just and almighty God.

So what are His standards? Isaiah 64:6 says that our righteousness, our best, is still like filthy rags, meaning that our best is still not worthy of God’s presence. Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Basically, summed up, we can be as good as we can possibly be, like Billy Graham and Mother Teresa good, and will still not be worthy of God and being in His presence. So there has to be another way. Yep. Jesus. Being good does not qualify you for heaven. You don’t get holy brownie points.

But there’s good news, you didn’t get yourself in this mess so you can’t get yourself out. Yep. Jesus. Seeing a pattern yet? When Jesus said He was the only way, He really meant it. Goodness isn’t another way. Jesus is the ONLY way. He’s the only way off of that train. Our goodness still has us buckled into the seats on the train. If you believe your goodness outweighs your sin, or that what God calls sin really isn’t a sin, and you don’t believe you’re doing anything wrong, you’re in a very dangerous place. You’ve been blind-sided by deception. But there’s hope.

So what do we do when we wrestle with the truth of God’s word? When we really don’t like God’s laws? I’ll leave you with this tough truth. I once had a rule in my house that one of my bonus sons didn’t want to adhere to. I basically told him he had two choices, adhere or leave. He said he would follow the rule but made sure he told me what he thought about it. My wife says, “What are we going to do about this?” I said, “Nothing. That’s a win! I don’t need him to like the rule, I just need him to obey it. Out of his obedience, I can reward him and bless him.” See, blessings always flow from obedience. The sins that God has defined as such in the Bible are there for our protection. But the hard truth is, God doesn’t need us to like them, he just needs us to obey them.

It’s much like when I was going to church growing up. There were many, many times that I didn’t want to go. My parents never asked me if I wanted to go. They didn’t care if I wanted to go. They KNEW that if I would just obey, blessings would flow. They knew this, even when I didn’t. And eventually, once I was “grown”, I ended up seeing the benefit of church and began attending on my own. I would’ve never gotten to that place if I hadn’t obeyed them and God.

The qualification? Believe Jesus is who He says He is. Follow Him. Turn away from sin daily. The man on the cross next to Jesus basically asked Jesus to just remember him and maybe let him join. That was about it. No baptism. No special worded prayer. No song with a 14-minute bridge to catch your emotions. Just “Hey Mister, I believe you are who you say you are, can I go too?” And Jesus said yes.

So, does God send good people to hell? Nope. We were already headed there. He gave us a way out. We choose what to do with that. But if we want to be right with God, it starts with recognizing our shortcomings. Without that, we’re still really good people sitting on that train.