It seems here lately I’m seeing an unusual amount of people asking about churches in my area. And with these requests are some disturbing patterns. Every post asking for recommendations has a laundry list of demands for what they need in a church. Only from the King James Bible. Soft music only. Only reading, no opinions. Once saved, always saved. One said, “mostly traditional, but some contemporary.”
Are we ordering from Burger King now? We get to have it our way? I feel like we are making a list of demands on God, and if He doesn’t meet them, we aren’t going to serve Him. “I need a 2:15-ish service. With a coffee bar that has pumpkin spice lattes with half and half and a sprinkle of nutmeg fixed to the perfect temperature. This will lead me closer to God.”
Here is a fair series of questions, what happens when God doesn’t accommodate all that? Is that God’s fault? What happens when God makes us uncomfortable? Do we immediately assume it’s not God?
If you are truly wanting to serve God, it will be uncomfortable. There will be times when the temperature in the room and the coffee aren’t perfect. There will be people there that you don’t like. The pastor WILL say something you don’t like (If he’s delivering God’s word). Someone at the church WILL offend you.
If you are looking for the perfect church with the perfect pastor and perfect people, you will be looking for a very long time. And if you find it, don’t join because YOU will ruin it.
In my many years of walking with God, I’ve learned that God is not interested in making us comfortable. Not at all. If we are comfortable, either we get a momentary break from real life, or we are missing something that God is doing. Your comfort is not on God’s to-do list. Your transformation is. Your denial of a long-held belief, thus making room for a revelation that God was wanting to show you… that’s on His to-do list.
Majoring on minors won’t get us anywhere as a people. It’s just more division. Dunk, sprinkle, traditional, contemporary, bright, dark, big, small, doctrinal creed, just say yes… at the end of the day, it ends up at the same place, are we closer to Jesus? A sprinkle or a dunk won’t make the difference. Pursuing Jesus like we pursued our spouse or best friend will. Reading about Him, talking to and about Him, listening to others who know Him talk about Him, this will bring us closer to Jesus. And that’s ALL THAT MATTERS.
I’m not suggesting one way is better than another. You can dunk or sprinkle. I don’t care. But I am suggesting that if you are making a list of demands on God and His house, then that house is the least of your concerns.
I’ll never forget the time I was on the road with Blessid Union of souls and we had played the University of Miami. Afterwards, we were invited to a very nice restaurant. So nice, I felt very out of place. I was uncomfortable from the moment I walked in. And it must have been on my face because the guys in the band just sat me between them and started throwing appetizers at me, “Try this… and this!” Before long, I was no longer uncomfortable and was able to just enjoy the time. They went out of their way to make sure I felt like I was one of them.
In my time in the music industry, this was the case with most. Most people in that industry are kind, thoughtful people. When their brothers and sisters are hurting, they run to each other’s need and comfort them in whatever way they can. Such was my experience.
This is NOT the case with the church, unfortunately. The church is the only army that kicks its wounded while they’re down. It’s one of the few groups out there that gloat in how great they are… “in the name of Jesus.” Church people have a tendency to struggle less with major things (or at least hide them better), and therefore view that as a license to attack anyone who does struggle; “I don’t struggle with adultery or porn addiction, so I’m going to drive that home, showing everyone how righteous I am! I will conveniently leave out the sins I struggle with… let’s not talk about those.”
Kat Von D
Such is the case with Kat Von D. The celebrity tattoo artist was immersed in witchcraft and occult culture. She stated that there was a heaviness, a darkness, and a negativity that she no longer wanted to be a part of. She returned to her early roots of Christianity. She chose to publicly get baptized, expressing the belief that baptism is an outward expression of an internal change.
Of course, this brought out the morally superior. She stated that her atheist friends and fans came out with a huge show of support and love about her personal decision. It was not they who attacked her. It was Christians. They claimed she was faking the whole thing as a PR stunt. They accused her of not being a real Christian with all of the tattoos and the clothes she wears… the CLOTHES she wears! Christians came out and attacked her for now being married to an apparent non-Christian. They attacked her for her choice in music. They even came after her because her hands didn’t go completely under water. WHAT?!?
Basically, every narrow-minded, nonsensical statement you could think of shot out of their vitriol-filled mouths. She finally said, “do you only hang out with people that think and look like you? If so, that is a very sad and narrow-minded way to live. I didn’t get baptized to be saved. I was already saved. It’s not about me.” Good for her. Because it’s true. At the end of her response to this vile retort from these “peculiar people”, she said, “I love you anyway. That’s being Christ-like.”
Kat Von D getting baptized and attending church
The audacity of some people to believe that because they don’t live a dark life, they have the right to look down on those that have, is amazing to me. These are the same people that would have bet on never seeing that thief on the cross in heaven. The thief said (paraphrased), “I believe you are who you say you are, please remember me when you get where you’re going.” To which Jesus responded, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” His hands never went fully under water. In fact, water never touched them. He never signed a membership document. He never learned the sinner’s prayer. It’s like a minister once said, “on what authority did he get into heaven? The man on the middle cross, that’s all the authority he needed!”
For those that believe tattoos are ungodly, you missed the point and, once again, took a scripture out of context. Not that I’m surprised. In Leviticus 19:28, when it says to not put tattoo marks on your body, the passage is specifically referring to false idols. The verse before said not to cut your hair. We going with that too, or just sticking with what you believe to be someone ELSE’S sin? These were things the people of that time and area were doing to worship false idols and gods. God said to stop those things and worship Him. Those were the things they were doing that were in the way of worshipping Him.
It’s not about the visible, it never was. In Numbers 21, the people of Israel had grown weary and frustrated with their circumstances. They spoke out against God. The response was a swarm of snakes. When they were bitten, they would die. The people asked Moses to speak with God on their behalf, asking for forgiveness. God’s response? Build a bronze statue of a snake on a pole (which, coincidentally, is currently used as a symbol for medicine). God told them to build a statue! It’s not about the statue. It’s about the heart. God didn’t remove the snakes. He gave them a way to deal with the problem. When we find ourselves in a predicament that we got ourselves into, God doesn’t just get us out, but rather He gives a way to survive and work through it. He doesn’t just rearrange who you are, He gives you the grace to work through who you are and who He is in you. It’s like the old saying, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
God didn’t save you out of your mess so that you could belittle those that don’t look like you. He saved you from your mess so that you could love those who don’t look like you. This is how they will know… by the LOVE that you show. Currently the church is more known for what it is against than who it is for. It is time we, as ambassadors for Christ, start giving the world a reason to find what we found and stop being the reason they never will. Thank you, Kat Von D, for showing us the error of our ways, and at the same time, not giving up on us, but showing us love when we didn’t deserve it, just like Jesus does. I hope God’s love is forever tattooed on your heart.
We see it on Instagram and Facebook every day. The image is
surreal. Utopia. But the reality is damage control and brokenness. We, as a
society, spend so much time creating an image that doesn’t represent who we are
at all. We do this for various reasons. But, unfortunately, the church is the
world’s worst!
I’ll never forget a friend of mine in the 5th
grade. His image was that of perfection. The best clothes. The nicest backpack.
Everyone wanted to be like him. Then came the day I was invited to his house
after a soccer game. He didn’t seem wild about that. But his mom was being nice,
so I went. When I get there, I get the real picture. His dad was verbally
abusive. The house was rather dirty- like “dirt” dirty. Filth. Not what you’d
expect from the golden boy of 5th grade. He seemed miserable and
embarrassed the entire time I was there. The next day at school, he was
avoiding me but managing to keep up the pretty boy, “got it all together”
image. Even as a 10 yr old, I knew that he wasn’t going to be any less
miserable until he sought help. That pretending to be someone he wasn’t was
only going to prolong the inevitable. No, I didn’t know what “inevitable” meant
when I was 10. You know what I mean! HA.
The various reasons: The primary reason is the need to feel accepted. That need to
be a part of something. We can’t let anyone know we don’t have it all together
or they may not want to hang out with us. They may talk bad about me. I’ve
always said that if we knew how little they actually thought or cared about us,
we wouldn’t spend so much time worrying about what they think of us. But that
need to be accepted is real. And it’s not going away. Also, this need to feel
accepted is connected to what we put our hope in. Unfortunately, if our hope is
in something that only lasts for a while, our need to be accepted by that which
lasts a little while will damage us.
The solution here is to seek
that which lasts forever. Seek people with that common bond. I know many
reading this hate church. But this is exactly where you find this common bond.
You’re there joined by an eternal purpose. It supersedes everything else. These
people aren’t exactly your best friends, but they are there no matter what,
when you’re dealing with a tough issue. That’s because of that eternal
connection. The need to feel accepted begins and ends with an attachment to
your maker. But this, in itself, creates another problem. Church Faces.
This is another reason people create images that aren’t true. Fear of someone knowing what they’re really going through. We all tend to put on faces to pretend everything is okay, especially those in church. People in churches put on church faces to pretend everything is just fine when, in reality, it’s not at all. The sooner the church people take off their “church faces”, the sooner people outside the church will want to come in. The image you need to create there, is one of acceptance. Yet another difficulty for church people. “I know for a fact that he’s gay. I’m not hugging him.” Or “I saw him doing cocaine in the bathroom at a restaurant last week. I can’t be seen with him.” This has to end. It has to stop. They need to see nothing but love and acceptance and let God do the convicting. But no one will come in if they think you have it all together. They can’t compete or be a part of that. They seek people who have problems like the ones they have. If you take your “church face” off, they’ll see that you have issues like them, and they’ll come in and together you’ll work through them.
The solution here is to be
vulnerable. You can only experience the level of love that matches the
level of vulnerability you have. The more vulnerable you are, the more love you
experience. In that vulnerability, you find 3 things: 1- there are others
dealing with what you’re dealing with. 2- it’s ok to be dealing with this
problem. You don’t have to keep it a secret. 3- It’s not ok to stay there like
it’s some private club you’re a part of. Right there, you’ll able to identify
the problem, share it with others dealing with the same problem and begin to
work on a way out. This can only come if you stop worrying about who knows what
you’re really going through. Taking off the church face.
I personally believe that church faces have contributed to
the rise in suicides among Christian pastors. The enemy has accomplished a few
things. He managed to convince the pastor that he needs to pretend everything is
ok. He’s also convinced him that his ministry will be much better off if he’s
not in it, especially if someone finds out what he’s dealing with. The enemy
has also convinced him that in putting on the church face, in order for no one
to find out what he’s really dealing with, he must isolate himself. And once
the enemy has you isolated, it’s open season. He simply takes aim and fires
bullets relentlessly. But it started with church faces.
For this reason, I hate church faces. I hope after reading
this, you do too. If you’re in a place where you can’t be you and still be
accepted, find a new place. There are plenty around. God can only be a part of
something if 2 things exist, Obedience and Love… in that order. You want to see
people’s lives changed? Let them know they’re not alone in their every day
struggles. That being a Jesus follower doesn’t mean you rid yourself of issues.
It means that you have a new hope that is bigger than the issues you face.
Remember
those pesky brothers and sisters you had growing up? Remember when they did
things that got on your nerves? Remember when your parents said something that
made you so angry you could bite a nail in half? Now… remember when you got to
leave all of that and get new brothers, new sisters, and new parents? Yeah… me
neither.
“Dad, I
unfriend you!” … “That’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this works!”
We all
remember the first few things I mentioned. The times when we hated our
siblings. When they purposely got on our nerves when we had friends over. When
they had to stick their nose in everything you were doing. But we also remember
the times when someone else was mean to them. My little brother Adam could tell
you stories of how we fought but can also tell you the time a kid older than me
punched him in the face. And what happened to said kid’s face (I’m not
condoning violence). I’m just saying
that we say we don’t like them, then when they’re under attack we immediately
go to their defense. How in the world can this happen?
As much as
I’ve studied this topic, I still don’t truly understand it. What I do know is
this: God designed it this way. It’s a natural reaction to take care of those
close to us, whether we like them or not. It is innate.
Here’s where
this conversation gets tough. The church. Oh boy, I said it. Just hear me out.
We want to call the church a “family”, but in reality, we don’t really view it
as family at all. We view it as a bunch of things, but family isn’t one of
them- when really, family should be the primary one.
We view church as a social event. “take a pic for Instagram honey so people see how cool we are!” We view it as a place to GET something. A place to meet people. Nothing wrong with meeting people and getting things needed while at church. But when we really view it as family, church hopping will slow down to a crawl. As of now, it’s a super highway moving at Autobahn speeds. Don’t like what the pastor said about seeking God daily? We just leave. Go somewhere else. Don’t like the guy next to you because he wore a Bama jersey to church? We leave. While these seem like extreme examples, and they may be, they’re really not that far off.
As with any relationship, you don’t really know what kind of relationship you have or how strong it is until you are faced with real adversity. That’s when you get to see where your relationship really is. In a family, when your “dad” says something you don’t like, you learn to deal with it because eventually, you get to a place where you know he loves you and wants the best for you. When your brother gets on your nerves, you just go to a different room of the same house. Oh but church, no… you find a completely different house. You go to the next church with some delusional belief that your jacked up problems somehow won’t find you at the next place. News flash…They do!
Imagine, if you will, a place where you hear the Pastor say something you don’t like and just chew on it and ask God what it is that’s bothering you. Only to find out that it’s something YOU need to change and not the pastor or the church. Imagine a place where you don’t have to be everyone’s best friend but when someone attacks your brother, the one that gets on your nerves, you are quick to defend and can’t really explain why. Imagine a place where things aren’t always perfect and squeaky clean. We’re all kind of weird. We all have issues and problems. But we have these issues together. We walk through them together. We don’t bail out when the Pastor says something we don’t like or agree with. A place where you realize that he’s human. Just like your imperfect dad or mom you had growing up. Imperfect but doing their best.
Now imagine
a God, a COVENANT God, getting the opportunity to shower you with rewards,
gifts, blessings because you stuck through the hard times to get to the good
times. Your obedience to His direction in your life leads to blessings that you
can’t measure.
The same goes for the people in the church. Those people that are called hypocrites because they are church goers but also… wait for it… make mistakes. Well that just can’t happen. You go to church. You’re not allowed to make mistakes! It. Is. Family. We all make mistakes. We all say and do things someone else doesn’t like. But at the end of the day, we’re still family.
Church faces is an epidemic that usually doesn’t exist in a real family. We put on these Instagram faces like everything is ok and refuse to let anyone think we don’t have it all together. Afraid of what they may think and afraid of being judged. You get NOWHERE with church faces. The junk is still there. We’re just pretending it’s not. We MUST take those off. We have to be vulnerable. You CANNOT love until you’re vulnerable enough to be hurt. Family doesn’t keep church faces on. Family doesn’t think less of someone going through something tough because they remember going through something tough as well. Family also does so much more.
Family cooks meals for mothers who just gave birth. Or for people who were injured in accidents. Family rallies together to take care of another family member’s yard. Family holds you when your child is in the hospital after overdosing on drugs. Family doesn’t leave your side when you get sick, they run to your side. And it’s important to note that sometimes, you are on the receiving end. But more often, you are on the GIVING end. But if you’re not there, someone missed out on a blessing you had to give. You are needed by your family.
So the next
time you and your spouse are pulling out of the church parking lot and they
say, “I don’t think I liked church today”, back up, remember you are family and
seek God before you just hop on the next family train. Real family doesn’t bail
in time of need. Real family sticks it out even when it’s uncomfortable.
Part of family is a “Father” that is leading the family. We dive head first in to that in part 2 of this blog.
