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Fantasy and Imagination are Developmental, Not Detrimental

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• The Miracle on Your Street
• NYC’s Gateway Drug to Communism
• Fairness Killed Freedom
• The Forgotten Half
• Manhood is Broken and the Fix is 500 Years Old

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This post is a response and perspective on a post by Dr. Laura Dimler, PhD. In her article, she lays out belief in figures such as Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, and the developmental research concerning such beliefs. I simply want to give my take as this is something I see in the counseling room.

I always believed that it was a terrible idea to instruct children from the beginning that there is no Santa clause. To disallow any fantasy playing out in their minds about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny seemed malevolent to me. Though I’m not sure it’s malevolent, it is condescending, elitist, and neglectful to their children to remove an important part of child development. Having believed it, that didn’t mean there was any evidence for it (not that I always need evidence beyond my own eyes).

The movie “Miracle on 34^th Street” covers this topic. The child is taught by her mother to be realistic and not believe in fairy tales. The mother believed this would harm the child to find out it was all a lie. As the story goes, a miracle happens. I won’t spoil the rest, for those who haven’t seen it. Great movie.

Why Do Parents Do This?

But I have encountered many parents who have chosen to do just this, tell their kids from day one there is no Santa. Or Tooth Fairy. Or Easter Bunny. I believe there are reasons for this:

• The parents condescendingly believe their kid and their parenting are better than most others.
• The parent is afraid of being the bad guy when their kid finds out it’s a lie.
• The parent underestimates the benefit of imagination, fantasy, and creativity that dwells in the belief in such characters like Santa.

Condescending

There are many parents that simply think their kid can do no wrong. Subsequently, their kids can do no wrong because they are such good parents. Their kids would never bully, never be mean, never say anything societally unacceptable. Thus, their kids are above silly traditions that glorify fairy tales above reason. Their kids are just too smart for that. And it’s because they are too smart for that. An unfortunate result of this is the need for the child to tell everyone he knows so they too can avoid confusion. They bring this informaoitn to school and that evening a myriad of difficult conversations are taking place that become more of a letdown than simply allowing the child to learn naturally.

Afraid

Too many parents today are more friends than parents to their children. They are afraid of being seen as the bad guy if their kids find out Santa may not be real. This can only come about if they are basically worshipping their children and refusing to parent them but rather be their friend. This is so incredibly harmful to children. Trust me, I see the fruit almost every day. Those kids are “future clients.”

Underestimation

Sometimes, as parents, we underestimate kids’ ability to adjust and learn with enthusiasm. We assume their reaction will be the same as ours. We struggle to remember what it was like to be a kid. How such magic carried on with them throughout life.

I just read my favorite child development researcher’s take on this subject, and it clicked. For the record, the following words are my views only and may not necessarily represent the views of Dr. Laura Dimler. This is just me talking. So please do not harass her.

Let’s start with this quote from the article:

“Belief in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny (or any other cultural fantastical figure) is not a failure to understand reality. It’s a developmentally normal outcome of how children learn to coordinate imagination with evidence.“

So this appears to me to be natural. Not a willing lie. Research shows that when the child moves within Jean Piaget’s stages of cognitive development from the preoperational stage (ages 2-7) to concrete operations (ages 7-12), they begin to apply causal reasoning which informs their belief system of reality vs fantasy. Prior to this full transition, there are studies that show children as young as 6 years old can differentiate “impossible” characteristics that should not apply to us but only to these fantasy characters, like flying or disappearing.

Dr. Dimler notes that during the preoperational stage, children remain capable of attributing natural and realistic explanations unless they are specifically told of the pretend mechanisms in place.

But my favorite part of the article was when she noted that children do not experience this colossal letdown effect that parents think they do. Research shows they experience a neutral or positive effect, as if to be proud they figured it out. This is because the discovery is gradual, not immediate. They piece clues together over time and make a landmark discovery, which boosts their confidence.

My Experiences – Home & Work

I can remember when I found out. I felt smart. Clever. Almost like I outsmarted my parents by catching them. It was fun. Unfortunately, my little brother is 3 years younger than me and he figured it out at the same time because he asked me questions approximately every 3 seconds of our lives and followed me while peeking out of our room to watch our parents put toys under the tree.

In the counseling room, when a parent asks about this subject, I have, before now, said, “Just let them be kids.” But didn’t really have ammunition to back that theory. It was common sense. Dr. Dimler provided such evidence in this article, though that may not have been her intention. Again, these are my thoughts, not necessarily hers.

Conclusion

Children develop naturally through imagination and fantasy. When we deny them that, we deny them the opportunity to hone skills they will use throughout their life. As Dr. Dimler noted, we continue to apply the skills in areas such as believing in luck. It is not “responsible” of you to deny your child the experience of believing in Santa, or the elf on the shelf. It is asocial deviance. Misanthropic contrarianism.

Such fantastical belief is a natural part of development. Let them have their own Miracle on 34^th Street. What miracle? The miracle of child development.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Are we enough? How do we know?

I know that when I’m eating pizza, I’m not aware of when I’ve had enough. I just keep eating and eating. But usually around 2AM, my body tells me I had too much. Really inconvenient time to tell me this. So why do I eat to the point of hurting and not even realize it? Because I haven’t defined the number of slices I can have without hurting.

As a counselor, when I talk to people about their issues, what I’ve found is their problems are typically not defined. We sit. I listen. They talk about the issues they encounter and how it makes them feel. But after a while, I realize they still haven’t identified a problem. Just the results of the problem. That’s usually my job. To help them identify the problem. They often don’t seem to be able to get there on their own.

It looks like this:

(C)lient: I just can’t seem to get out of bed. I’m sad about everything. I really don’t want to do anything. My girlfriend broke up with me and I haven’t desired to do anything since.

(M)e: Tell me more about your everyday life

C: Normal stuff, play video games with my friends. Hang out at the frisbee golf park. My friends all seem happy. I can’t imagine what that’s like. Being happy.

M: Do you all work together?

C: Oh I don’t work. Can’t seem to get the desire to do anything, including work.

M: How do you pay bills?

C: I barely have any. Live with mom.

M: I think we’ve identified the source of your depression. You’re not productive. You were designed to be productive. When you’re not, chemicals that you need are being withheld.

C: Wow! I didn’t know that.

Not kidding. This is about how many of them go. They just didn’t know. They’ve never been told. They didn’t know how to identify the problem. Once the issue is identified, they move forward and life changes.

—But what about you? Do you find yourself feeling like you’re not enough?

My Wife’s Story

I have been given permission by my wife to share this. She grew up in a home that was unpredictable on a good day. Parents were divorced. Father was an angry alcoholic. Mother worked around the clock to keep the lights on. Often during her childhood, my wife wasn’t sure where the next meal was coming from, if they were getting evicted this week, or if something more sinister would completely rattle their routine. She was told by her father on a very regular basis, “You’ll never be anything. You’re too stupid.” She turned to drugs, pills, alcohol, and friends to numb this painful rhetoric coming from her father.

Fast forward. She’s currently a mother (or bonus mother) to 8 kids, not including those that consider her their mentor, she runs 3 businesses, she’s been celebrated for her achievements by various local news outlets, companies she’s helped, and county governments that recognize her contributions to the overall well-being of teenagers. Her children are all successful. She is very loved. In fact, the only reason I have friends is because people like her so much. So they put up with me. But recently she felt like she still wasn’t enough. I quickly recognized that this was because a daughter naturally longs for her father’s acceptance. No one else will substitute. Her father was never going to be that guy. This got me thinking. What is enough?

Objective Standards of Enough

As I talked through it, I found that there should be a definitive, objective standard for what is considered enough in life. As a Christian, I found it. Connection and Commission. I have two tasks in life:

1. Connection: Have a relationship with God, through Jesus and
2. Commission: Take as many people to heaven with me as possible- mostly through the way I live.

I firmly believe that if I am accomplishing these two goals, or aiming at them, I. Am Enough.

Here’s how I know. The guy on the middle cross said so. The thief basically says, “Don’t forget me when you leave.” Jesus tells him they will be together. God says that when we accept Him, we become heirs to His blessings. Not through what we did. But through what He did. And that’s the key. We are enough, because He is enough.

We Are Enough Because He is Enough

If we were left to our own accomplishments, we would be doomed. Through every move forward toward the ineffable aim, the indescribable telos, our dopaminergic system gives us a pat on the back to keep going. And with every step forward, we allow God to remove one more thing about us that doesn’t look like Him, allowing room for something to become a part of us that does look like Him.

As I spit out all of these truth-bombs, my wife stated that she still didn’t feel like she was enough. But she felt better. That’s because she now heard undeniable truth but had yet to identify and define exactly what would make her feel like she was enough. Now that she knows she is enough because God (in her) is enough, she can identify what, on earth, will make her feel like she is now enough. It must be reasonable and attainable. But this will cure the empty feeling.

If you are not yet at a place where you have identified what would be enough, sit down and figure it out. Because you can’t change what you don’t define. Now, earlier, I identified pizza as the best meal on earth, and right now I can smell it in the kitchen. So I’m out. Hopefully I won’t eat too much this time! Who am I kidding? Of course I’m going to eat too much. Because I haven’t defined what too much is yet!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Why is polarization so bad? I mean, I like what I like. And what I dislike, I don’t want any part of it. There are people who like pineapple on pizza and there are those who are right. You either hate pineapple on pizza or you’re wrong! There are only two options. So far, polarization sounds pretty good. There is group polarization. This type of polarization is when there is a group of people that consistently reinforce previously held beliefs or opinions. The more the group opinions are discussed, the more extreme they become. To understand the impact, we must break it down a bit. Binary thinking and beneficial opposition are two good places to start.

Binary thinking is the process of thinking in terms of two. It is either this way or that way. There are no other ways. This has roots as old as time. But as it pertains to the U.S., we can go to the Revolutionary War. It is us, the new British, against them, the old British. It is the unrepresented against the negligent representatives. It is the oppressed against the oppressor. Karl Marx capitalized (ironic word to use here) on this weakness of the mind when he wrote the Communist Manifesto. He highlighted the oppressor (Bourgeois) and the oppressed (proletariat). Marx realized that if he could accomplish the task of everyone thinking in terms of two, then get the two at total odds with each other, this would open the door for someone to come in and “save the day.” This is how you take control of a group or country. As a result, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao attempted just that. Even Hitler knew to get people within Germany at odds with themselves. He also set out to divide the country into groups so that they fought with each other, allowing him to do whatever he pleased because they were so preoccupied with the fight at hand.

So what does binary thinking have to do with polarization? When we are in a binary mode of thinking, one against the other, it turns the argument into being polarized one way or the other. If we could get our thinking out of binary and into multivariate thinking, it would begin to eliminate polarization because there are many different ways of viewing something or someone. For instance, politics is the easiest mechanism to use for this conversation. People often think we are either republicans or democrats. But what if we’re neither? We feel ostracized. What if I believe in liberal ideals in some areas and conservative ideals in other areas? What if there aren’t only two ways of viewing a problem or a solution? If we open our eyes, we will see that there are many reasons why someone would want the government out of their business. There are many different ways to view a problem and even more ways to view a solution. If you limit your thinking to bi-directional, you miss out on so many other vantage points that are very plausible.

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Another part of the problem with this polarized way of thinking is that it only stokes existing fires and begins to remove anything beneficial to you coming from such sources. For example, you believe orange man is bad for our country. So everything you will see on social media and everyone you talk to will echo this sentiment. You will never be able to digest him doing anything good, if indeed he does something good. Polarization exacerbates negative emotion… “Get your pitchforks and your torches!” they said, when they were running to lynch Shrek. They knew only what they had been told by their echo chambers and never heard another perspective that may challenge theirs. As the story goes, we learn that Shrek was actually a very kind gentleman.

Beneficial opposition is maybe the most interesting concept, and yet a quite simple one also. Opposition, in the way I’m using it here, can be explained in terms of working out. When you lift weights, you cause opposition, or resistance. You tear the muscle to make it heal stronger. You put force against it so that in the final analysis, it benefits the muscle. We require beneficial opposition to keep us calibrated in life.

Another interesting version of beneficial opposition is marriage. In the Bible, God says that it isn’t good for Adam to be alone and that He is creating a “helpmate” for Adam. That term helpmate is made of two Hebrew words, ezer and kenegdo. The term ezer means to rescue, save, to be strong. Kenegdo means to oppose, compliment, counter. This term is used 21 times in the bible; 3 for military, 2 for women, and the other 16 times it was the term used to describe God as a stabilizing helper. This is how important women are to society and to us. So God said (paraphrased), “I’m going to give you someone who will help you on one hand, and oppose and counter you on the other.” This is a principle that is used in neurophysiology when they want to stabilize something. Applying opposing force to something causes it to become more steady, less shaky, and more capable of direct linear movement. If you have recently changed a car battery, there is usually a block that is bolted down that helps stabilize the battery so that it doesn’t move around and cause harm to the engine. That is a beneficially stabilizing force. So God Himself knew that we needed beneficial opposition and created just that for us. In common vernacular, God gave us someone to keep us in check, because as men, we need it!

Back to polarization. If we now know that we need multiple viewpoints to avoid binary thinking that leads to inevitable polarization, the only way this is possible is through beneficial opposition, hearing something we haven’t heard before. We must open our ears to viewpoints we don’t typically share in order to hear a perspective we haven’t thought of. The problem is that listening to viewpoints that may conflict with our previously held presuppositions causes internal conflict. This internal conflict is uncomfortable. We are presented with an idea that, if accepted by us, means we have been wrong the whole time about the previously held idea. And this goes against our very nature to seek proper understanding. Now we’re faced with the possibility of being wrong, which could cause us to second-guess everything else in our lives. What all have I been wrong about if I was wrong about that? For some, this causes them to rethink their entire existence, which is detrimental to their health. Hopefully, at some point, we get more and more comfortable being wrong about something in order to become more knowledgeable and closer to the ultimate aspiration in proper understanding. It’s ok to be wrong. Let the old idea go. Accept the new idea and let it propel you forward.

The way to avoid polarization is to open your mind to multiple ideas and be willing to hear opposition to a previously held idea with the possibility that you were already correct or maybe you were not and now that you have accepted this new idea, you are now correct in your thinking on that subject. It’s possible. Having said all that, don’t expect me to start putting pineapple on my pizza. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

Church… we have done a terrible job.

In light of the events at Covenant school, the haves and have nots put on their gloves and begin to duke it out. Of course, and predictably, one side says it’s a trans issue. The other side says it’s a gun issue. No one can believe it can be both or neither. It has to be one of these because “my team” says so.

We could break down the issue that the killer had a map and a manifesto. So whether it was a gun, a bomb, a knife, a car, someone was going to get hurt or possibly die regardless of the weapon. The killer had it in her mind that this was going to happen. The weapon was the vehicle. But let’s not let a moment go by to push an agenda to make sure we get reelected. It is worth noting that the killer passed a preferred first location because there was armed security and knew she wouldn’t be able to carry out what she wanted. She picked a place with no guns, much like the Colorado movie theater shooter.  

We could make some irrational attempt to tie this to recent legislature in Tennessee. The legislation passed prohibits obscene performances from targeting children. The governor and lawmakers who wrote and sponsored the bill are on record saying it is not to address what is currently happening in Tennessee. It is designed to address what is happening in other parts of the country and making sure it doesn’t happen here. So no, it’s not a crime to be trans or a drag queen. Please continue to have the exact same fun you were having before. But if you target children in any way, you will be arrested. And rightfully so. Children often have to be saved from their parents. If you don’t believe me, go visit a foster home. And for those who say, “I can take my child wherever I want”, human traffickers are hoping you mean it.

We could make a point to call out those that claim there are 72 genders and normalize mental instability. We could point out that the chief of police stated that this person identified as transgender. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) defines gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults as a marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and their assigned gender, lasting at least 6 months. But then immediately after that the chief stated there was no history of mental illness. But he just said she suffered from a recognized mental illness… yet has no history of mental illness. That is a huge problem. Normalizing mental illness and being afraid to call it what it is. We cannot fix a problem until we recognize that it is a problem. The DSM-5-TR said it was a problem, why can’t we?

But here’s the real problem, those issues are not the core issue to this event. While I don’t truly know the motivations of the killer at the Covenant school, the fact that she was a former student there and came back to do what she did, tells me something important, THE CHURCH FAILED HER. There seems to be a perceived battle between Christians and transgender persons. That’s the problem, though, there is no battle. Or at least there shouldn’t be. Christians should not be in a battle or at war with people who identify as transgender. We should be available for them when they are in need.

If you saw this story and first thought anything other than sorrow for the victims and the killer, then you are part of the problem. For decades, and maybe forever, the church has been a social elite club where we ignore the problems in our own lives and spend all of our time pointing out the problems that we don’t struggle with. Hey, most of the church doesn’t (openly) struggle with gender dysphoria. So let’s attack it! Let’s put our energy in telling you what YOU need to do differently because there’s something wrong with YOU. Never mind our problems. That’s not important right now. What we need to do is illuminate your problems so no one knows we’re a wreck behind closed doors.

If the church wants to do something (besides “thoughts and prayers”), how about we start by not ostracizing those with mental disabilities. How about we love them right where they are. And point to the One who knows how to make their life less confusing and more peaceful. How about we stop attacking, do more loving, and being a kind face with kind words to a confused person. One thing I’ve learned about God is that he is never confused. He is always clear. So if you ever feel confused about something, that is 100% from the enemy. Never from God. For too long, the church has become known for what it is against rather than who it is for. This must change.  

So, for those that struggle with what the Bible calls sin (which is all of us) and those that are confused about how you were made, allow me to apologize on behalf of the church. Please hear our apology and know that we serve a forgiving God, a restorative God who sees us where are, saves us where we are, but loves us too much to leave us where we are.

For every so-called church goer that ridiculed you and made you feel like God loved you less; for every sermon you heard that made you feel like you don’t belong anywhere near God or a church; for every church going person that told you that you are not welcomed around them; for every time you were yelled at from a car and then noticed the fish on their bumper… for that, WE’RE SORRY.

The only real solution that will last is to stop normalizing sin and illness for fear of hurting one’s feelings and open our arms and embrace them where they are. Don’t ask them to change. Don’t ask them to be different. Accept them where they are and let God do the rest. My guess is this girl felt severely hurt by the church and never really loved by anyone that claims to love everyone. It must start with the believers.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

“Three seconds!” “Call it both ways!” “That’s a terrible call!”

These are sounds we hear night in and night out. People that didn’t pay money to watch a game and cheer their team on. They paid to yell at us. It appears to be the only thing that brings them pleasure. If their team does well, we hear, “We are gonna beat them even if the refs are terrible!” There’s no way to be good enough.

Sometimes, some of these comments are warranted here and there. Never to the amount they are spoken. And definitely NEVER to the level of angst and vitriol that is spewed. No one is that bad. No one. Not to that level of fury. It’s a game. We’re not hiding in a bunker hoping a Russian missile doesn’t strike us. We are watching a GAME.

This time of year, the entire country is putting refs under a microscope. Everything they are doing is on a national scale. You must be robotically perfect to keep yourself off of ESPN highlights. Seven or eight camera angles. Every single step they make to the right, to the left, is judged. Every call and no-call is scrutinized.

But who is it doing the judging? The people who are NOT wearing the striped shirts. The people scrutinizing every play are the ones that are sitting comfortably in their living room, at the sports bar, even in a comfortable TV studio set. The people yelling, making racial and homophobic slurs at refs are chilling behind a keyboard somewhere (Btw- yes, racial and homophobic slurs all the time).

Who are these guys you’re yelling at? Allow me to give some examples of people I personally know, without giving out any names. A minister with a wife and kids. Spends his life helping others for little to no money. A sheriff’s department officer with a family that already doesn’t see him a lot. A shift worker at an industrial warehouse who leaves and goes straight to the gym after work and gets home after his wife has gone to sleep. A current active member of the national guard. A doctor. A lawyer. A janitor. A schoolteacher. A funeral home director. Hopefully you’re beginning to get the idea. These are normal (except me, I’m not normal) people, living regular lives who have families. These people sacrifice their time with their families in order to do what they love and give back to a sport they love. Their entire job is to make sure both teams have an equal opportunity to compete. They pay money to go to camp in order to get training and conduct job interviews for college conferences. They organize flight schedules, rental cars, and open dates to ref. Even me, who is a mere minion in this game, very low man in the rankings of officials, I came home after midnight 4 times in one week. I refereed in 4 states in 4 days this season. My wife almost forgot what I looked like. And I’m a nobody. Think of the real refs.

So where am I going with all of this? You think I’m going to tell you to stop yelling at the refs? Nope. Being upset about a call is part of sports. Wanting your team to win and disliking a ref’s decision at the end of a game is part of sports. Yes, we should curb our anger and reduce our veracity after we have expressed our disapproval. Your yelling won’t change the call. So be upset and move on.

I pull up twitter and the entire feed was about how bad the refs handled the UNC vs. Baylor game. I didn’t open twitter until after the game. And I was shocked, but I shouldn’t have been. I watched that game and thought the crew did an AMAZING job on that game. The Flagrant 2 call was exactly right. It’s what has been preached to us all year. They want unnecessary contact like that out of the game. Ejections get their attention. The game had been chippy. They had a double foul and a dead ball contact technical foul as well. They tried to walk a tightrope of both staying out of the game, but penalizing directives from the NCAA and making sure both teams are playing by the same set of rules. But the comments on twitter were 100% negative about not only that game but also other games. All negative. One said, “We won’t have any refs left for the final four if they go home after doing bad because they’re all bad!” Chilling on the couch with those negative thumbs going 90mph pretending to know something about officiating basketball. Hiding behind their keyboard warrior persona saying things they’d NEVER say TO some of these guys. Some of them are jacked. Wouldn’t mess with them. But they’ll get real brave behind their iPhone.

The thing is you seem to know so much. You seem to be so good at knowing what the refs should call and not call. You seem to be the authority on how to referee high school and college basketball. So here’s my challenge, prove it. Join us. You heard me. Sign up and join us to referee. If we are so bad at it, please, come show us how it is done. Show us the way, Jedi Ref. If you can spew vile things about a ref that is that bad, in your eyes, then get on the court and show him how it’s done, please. We need help. We can’t do it without you! If you refuse to, then stay off twitter and shut up. Say your peace at games and move on. Cheer your team on. They need you. The refs don’t. Unless you can show us how to ref, then by all means, sign up and let’s do this. So you can know why we laugh when people say, “over the back!”

Stay Classy GP!  

Grainger

There I was, in my bed, not wanting to get up. Not wanting to wake up. Asking God to take me in my sleep every night for over a year. Sad story? Nah, I’m writing this, aren’t I? That means God didn’t listen or He listened and didn’t act on it… because He has this silly notion that He’s God and He can do whatever He wants (I speak fluent sarcasm).

Depression, anxiety, drug addiction, alcohol addiction… we all have either dealt with one of these issues or know someone very close to us that has. This is the current epidemic in society. Some hear (and believe) the lie that you must simply learn to live with it. I firmly believe that no one is called by God to have these issues plaguing us our entire lives. I believe they can be a thing of the past. But this requires both knowing what God says about us and where the battle primarily takes place. My pastor is currently teaching a series called “Winning the War in Your Mind”, based on the book of the same title written by Craig Groeschel, lead pastor of Life.Church. And this series couldn’t be more timely. This is the primary issue we all face.

See, Paul wrote, “Be transformed by the renewing of your gym membership.” Wait… no he didn’t. He actually said, “Be transformed by the renewing of your bank account.” Hold up… no, not that either. Paul wrote, “Be transformed by the renewing of your MIND.” He understood then, while sitting in a prison cell, that your mind is where the battle is. Paul understood that when Jesus did what He did, that concluded the real war. From that point forward, the battle wasn’t against flesh and blood, but against… and I quote, “rulers, powers, principalities of darkness, and spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavens” (Eph. 6:12). None of that sounds like the stuff we usually think we’re warring against. If that’s all off the table, then the only thing left is the mind.

I firmly believe that no one is called by God to have these issues plaguing us our entire lives

Jason Grainger

I’m not going to address each of the aforementioned issues society deals with individually. What I want to focus on here is what God says about these issues, what HE says about you, and what I believe are practical ways to both get out of the shackles of these issues and avoid going back.

See, Isaiah 64:6 says that all of our righteous acts are like filthy rags. Romans 3:23-24 says that all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. These verses basically state that no matter how good we are, we come short of God’s worthiness. The anecdote is Jesus. Once the crucifixion took place, you became heirs of God; adopted sons and daughters of the Most High God. That’s who we really are. God made us in HIS image.

To briefly address one aspect of anxiety, many times, anxiety comes about in “people pleasers.” The idea that we made mom and dad proud consistently and now it seems we can’t make anyone happy. This leads us to a dark place, wondering what it is we’re doing wrong. The sooner we see ourselves through God’s eyes, the less we care what others think. If someone is angry at you and you know you did nothing wrong, guess who isn’t angry at you… your God (and very possibly your spouse). I say that because that’s the only two people whose opinion of me I care about, God and my wife. For people pleasers, anxiety can begin to erode away when we really begin looking at ourselves through God’s eyes and understand that we simply cannot make everyone happy. So there’s no sense in worrying too much about it. Remember, if God is for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31) 

Ok, I get that He is for me, but what can He do about the issues at hand, depression, anxiety, and addiction? Check this out, “I will send my terror ahead of you and throw into confusion every nation (enemy) you encounter. I will make ALL of your enemies turn their backs and run…But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land” (Exodus 23:29-30) The land is your own individual liberty from the bondage of depression, anxiety, and addiction. And it won’t go away all at once. Little by little God will drive it out! That’s great news!

But what if it was brought on by my own mistakes? Well, welcome to the club. This club includes…every single person that has ever lived, except Jesus. As Pastor Kody Woodard of Renovation church recently said, “Failure is an event, not a person.” Your issues don’t define you, regardless if it was brought on by your own transgressions or not. This goes for depression, anxiety, and addiction. That doesn’t define you. So if you’re not defined by that, then how are you defined? The Cross. That’s how you’re defined.

There’s something else. Look at this, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). REMOVED. When you remove something, it doesn’t linger around. If I remove my gym membership, they will not let me linger around and hang out when I want. I have been removed. Do you know why the writer said east and went instead of north and south? If you are walking forward headed north, when you get to the north pole and keep walking in the same direction, you are now headed south. But if you are walking forward headed east, you have to completely turn around in order to be walking west. That’s how far He has removed your transgressions (sins). So you are no longer defined by your mistakes, but by His acceptance.

I’ve said this before, but the two primary ways out of depression and anxiety (which are also the two ways to avoid going in or back) are community and service. Both of these are the antithesis of isolation, and that’s the key. Don’t isolate.

Community is a group of people. The best community is church. But community can also be a local club, or close friends. Church is usually the best community because they are there for you unconditionally and solely based on their love for Christ, which makes you eligible for their love and attention. You’ll need community in times of doubt and fear. Remember the story I shared at the beginning? Community got me out.

Service is simply serving someone else. This has two factors. One is that we were created to give. When we give, we benefit. That’s how God designed us. That’s why when we give a gift to someone, we feel great. The other factor is that it gets our minds off of our problems and on to someone else’s problems. And often times, in this, we find that our problem isn’t nearly as big of a problem as we originally thought. Again, with my story at the beginning, service helped keep me out.

So, if you’re headed east, turn around and head west through community and service. Don’t continue to believe the lie that you just have to learn to live with it. That goes directly against what our God says. You CAN and WILL be FREE!

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger