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Watch Your Mouth

Watch your mouth:

I can remember in high school, I was the guy walking down the hall always complimenting someone. I figured they get enough criticism from teachers, parents, and coaches. They can get encouragement from me. That was then.

Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.

So it’s one thing to hear this from your wife and your brothers. But it’s yet another to hear it from your children. In this morning’s sermon, that’s what he dealt with. Having a critical mouth. At the end, he had a prayer time and said “if you’d say ‘that’s me, I don’t want to be this way but I am’ then raise your hand.” I had my eyes closed, I shook my head in acknowledgment that, obviously, that’s me. But my 10 yr old daughter, who loves me immensely, grabs my hand and raises it. I look at her, she sweetly smiles and softly says, “just saying”. Wow. She can be a typical preteen girl sometimes. But this wasn’t one of those moments. She was being gentle. Kind. Sweet. On one hand she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But she felt the truth had to be spoken. If that doesn’t wake you up, nothing will.

I’m reminded that I’ve had many people tell me how my words of encouragement to them changed the course of their life and, in some cases, my music has helped them in life as well. This means I have a natural tendency to encourage and lift up but here I am, known for having cut words. So I clearly have to lean on the side of encouragement and eliminate the “cut words” side of my vocabulary.

So what can you do? I dare you to sit down with your kids and ask them how they perceive your words. Ask them if they feel like you spend more time building them up or tearing them down. If they’re teenagers, expect an over-dramatic response, but somewhere in there you’ll hear the truth about how they feel. And whatever you uncover in this conversation, you can pretty much bet your spouse probably feels the same way. So begin changing your vocabulary with him/her. Then it will be easier to stay in open communication with your children. Ok. I’ll shut up… for now. I’ve clearly been saying too much anyway.

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The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly:

The Good- the Davidson/Crenshaw exchange was refreshing. One guy makes a mistake. Then apologizes. The other guy accepts. They bro-hug it out and move forward. I would encourage everyone to view how this was handled. The apology was accepted and they moved forward. When someone genuinely apologizes, most of the time, that’s really all they can do. Say sorry and hope to do better. But for some reason, we as a society hold them in “you offended me” jail. We don’t let them out. We continue to bash, accuse, and belligerently harp on whatever they did that they have apologized for. We have to understand that humans make mistakes. It’s what we do. So the next time someone apologizes, accept it and move on.

The Bad- The Tucker situation. Really? You verbally attack and humiliate then cause a scene to a 19yr old girl who happens to be Tucker Carlson’s daughter? Then you stand outside his home? At what point is this ok? I can only hope that those that vehemently disagree with his politics and maybe even loathe the way he conducts his show would still stand and say that this action is reprehensible and cannot be tolerated in a civilized society. I disagree with every single thing that comes out of Michael Moore’s mouth. But I’ll never attack him, even if no one will find out. Because it’s not ok. It’s not the right thing to do. The ONLY way to a somewhat unified country is for those on the left to call out these thugs for what they are and denounce these actions, those on the right to call out behavior like this against a liberal/democrat and for BOTH sides to watch the Davidson/Crenshaw clip.

The Ugly- Me. I’m ugly. Deuces.

#davidsoncrenshaw

The Davidson/Crenshaw exchange can be seen here:  Davidson/Crenshaw

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Obedience Before Sacrifice

What if I told you that Jesus didn’t die for you and I. You would think…”well, this concludes my reading of this crazy blog.” But, in fact, He didn’t. He died because he knew it was God’s design…God’s order… God’s plan and it was his duty to be obedient.

My brother and I once were asked to obey by cleaning the living room. I was slower to get up than my brother. He quickly became anxious and said “what about Jason? why isn’t he helping?” My dad then immediately instructed me to sit down in the living room and watch my brother clean the entire room by himself. He told my brother, “I told you to do something. What he does is not your concern. You worry about you.” My dad was looking for obedience and this was a chance to teach that. Does it sound harsh to make a kid clean a room while everyone else watches? Maybe to some. But I never forgot it. So it worked. It taught me about obedience.

Most of us have heard the story of Jesus praying before the betrayal of Judas. He knows what’s coming. So he decides to sit down and have a little chat with God. He basically gets so stressed he can’t stand up. He asks God 3 different times to remove this burden from him. He didn’t want to do this. The only thing that drove him to the cross was his obedience and love for his father. I’m fully convinced Jesus could’ve taken many different routes. He could have just wiped out an entire army with one command. But he chose to be obedient.

We often find ourselves trying to negotiate with God. We have a better idea. We have a plan that works. “I gave my tithe to the homeless man. I think God would understand.” Actually, no, He doesn’t. He understands obedience. Jesus could have said, “I’ll still sacrifice, just in a different way…surely you’ll understand, Dad…right?” This is tough for all of us. But for God it’s very simple. OBEDIENCE BEFORE SACRIFICE. Sacrifice is good. Sacrifice is necessary. But obedience is imperative. It’s imperative to validate the sacrifice. Without the obedience, the sacrifice falls on dead ground. The moment we decide we know better, we immediately walk away from the best God has to offer. The moment we choose to put our tithe where we think it will be better served, it then serves as a burden to us, instead of a blessing. I use tithe because this happens more often than anything else. But it’s certainly not limited to that.

Jesus knew he could give his life. He was hoping to just do it in a way that maybe God hadn’t thought of yet. (feels funny to even type that). Notice that after he prays, he checks on his guys who are sleeping. He scolds them, telling them he needs their help. Yeah, Jesus said he needed their help. Chew on that a second. Jesus wasn’t afraid to ask for help from his friends. Then he returns a second time. Same result. Then a third. This means that he asked God 3 times… “you sure about this one? There has to be another way!”  All three times God had the same answer. The ball was in Jesus’ court. Obey or doom all of mankind. He chose to obey. Learning to simply obey will enrich your life. Teaching your children to obey will save theirs. Teaching them to obey requires consistency, firmness, compassion and a willingness to not let your feelings get in the way of a lesson learned. Had my dad worried about our feelings on the matter(that also felt funny to type), I would not have learned that lesson.

Throughout the Bible, obedience always came before love, sacrifice, generosity, encouragement… anything and everything. Obedience came first. Obedience opens the door for everything else to be validated and supported by God. I’m thankful that Jesus decided to be obedient. As a result, we all have an open door to the very Guy that carved out the oceans and painted the sky. Stay classy GP!

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To Think or Not to Think

I remember being told to be quiet in church. Told how to be polite. How not to be rude. Steered in certain directions. Then as I got older, I was told to make my own decisions. Be an individual. Have my own opinions. Then as an adult, it was like it went back to childhood. Next thing you know, you’re being told how to think again.

I grew up around all boys. I understood boys. How they thought, felt, acted. I knew what a boy across the room was thinking without him ever saying a word. And it was usually about sports or boobs. I mean, what else was there? I never understood the difficulties and types of hard challenges that girls faced every day just being a girl. The way their mind worked. What was important to them. How fragile and soft they were. “That time of the month!” I never understood any of this until I had daughters. My daughters changed my entire life, starting with my thinking. I chose to be the best dad I could possibly be. By doing so, I had to begin to understand how a little girl worked. But the only way I was going to achieve this was to forget what I knew and genuinely listen to what they said. I teach my children and bonus children all the time that the key to life summed up in one word is “Others.” I had to, as a dad, put “others” before me. In doing so, I saw a brand new perspective on life. A totally different way of operating life. It was mind blowing…. for the better. Be transformed by the renewing of your gym membership. Wait… no… it’s the renewing of your mind.

This is not at all about the details of the Kavanaugh case but rather how we as Americans handled the news. This Kavanaugh situation is a direct combination of the first two paragraphs. We, as an American society, have somehow gotten to a place where we’ve stopped thinking for ourselves and allowed a group, club, team, (that could easily be translated “people that give me purpose”) to decide how we feel about something. We have completely flipped to “guilty until proven innocent.” All because we can’t think for ourselves. We’ve bought in to this “pack mentality” that says if someone smarter than me says it, then it must be true. So I believe it too.

WE MUST FIND A WAY TO GET BEYOND HOW LITTLE WE DIFFER IN ORDER TO SEE HOW MUCH WE ARE ALIKE.

There isn’t a single republican, Democrat, tea party, Whig party, independent or libertarian in the world that was going to make me decide on Kavanaugh’s innocence or guilt prior to hearing facts. I simply refused in the face of a missing solidarity that our country once had.

So maybe you’re reading this and thinking, maybe I’ve been unwilling to hear another point of view and be willing to accept it as an intelligent idea and genuinely try to see things from their perspective. Well there’s hope. But it will require you to get beyond yourself and serve others. To make every attempt to look through their eyes. Then, and only then, will we stop spewing hate rhetoric about a man, or a woman and their families without hearing FACTS. Think for yourself. Don’t be a puppet for any political party. It’s not worth it. It tears families apart and ruins lifelong friendships. It’s completely up to you to think….or not to think.

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Relationship Priorities

Relationship Priorities:


This gets quite sticky and murky for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. God created things in life to be in a certain order. If we stay in that order, we find peace that passes all understanding. If we don’t, we find constant strife and can’t figure out why. Well, let me explain why…
Our relationships should be in this order:

1- God
2- Spouse
3- Children
4- Church family
5- Everyone else

The problem is simple. We get these out of order based on something someone did or didn’t do. Most of us find ourselves putting #3 ahead of the first 2. “But I have to be here for the kids first. Hubby don’t like it, he’s got to go!” That’s a problem. Huge problem. But it’s very common. There is an epidemic of kids growing up thinking they are much more amazing than they are. That merely being born entitles them to rights above anyone else. They are living with the belief that the world has short changed them because it’s nothing like what mom and dad said it would be. We see a growing number of kids that are questioning and disrespecting authority with no reason. They have no regard for any authority figure. Sometimes it’s because their authority figure is really their friend…oops, I said it. What I’ve found is that often times, the parents don’t realize they are in error until it’s too late. They don’t want to raise an irreverent kid, but it’s happening. They don’t want to raise a kid that can’t take care of themselves, but a 30 year old had to be kicked out of his parents’ house… by a judge. So for those that are wondering if you’re getting it right as a parent, God gives us many ways to tell.

My mom always said she never wanted to raise a child that no one wanted to be around. She succeeded in trying with all 4 boys but unfortunately, I’m not a highly sought after guy. Haha. But what I was taught will stick around forever. My dad once grabbed me and literally threw me out the front door and said, “Don’t come back until you learn how to talk to my wife!” What stuck out was that he didn’t called her mom, or by her name. He called her “my wife.” That sent the message that she was more important than I was. She came before me. I apparently needed to hear that.

When a child knows he or she is first, they live in a place of (false) authority that was never granted by God. This improper placement of authority causes them to say and do things that are not in line with God’s design for children. But when they know they are 3rd after God and mom/dad, they begin to know their place. Their place is NOT the center of our universe. Their place is to learn to obey, love, and honor…in that order. Notice I said obey first. If they’re taught to obey, they will know how to love and honor. As adults, God requires obedience from us that seems impossible at times. How can they be prepared for that if we don’t teach it to them as kids?

This one’s tough, but has to be said again- You are NOT called to be your children’s friend. You were called by God to be a good steward over what is God’s. To teach, instill, and prepare them to “leave mother and father and cleave to each other”. Regardless of how backwards this sounds, if children are given boundaries (discipline), they feel safe, even though they are crying because they didn’t get their way. If they see that mom and dad are together on issues, there is large place of protection that they are aware of but don’t know how to communicate that. Not only do they not know how to communicate it, they test it to make sure it’s strong. If they see that they really aren’t that important…that mommy and daddy come before them, they will learn obedience, God’s order, true love, and it will prepare them to know the heart of God and be successful in their relationships in the future. He created everything to bring us closer to Him. This can’t happen if we’re shifting relationship priorities around.

Now I understand the things that happen. “My husband is abusive.” Or “my wife is an alcoholic…so I put all my effort in to someone who loves me unconditionally. Makes sense to me.” But it doesn’t make sense to God. Paul said “I die to myself daily”. What makes sense to God is to put all your effort in mending the marriage relationship FIRST. Out of that restoration, the children will flourish. But not until then. If you shift your focus that belongs on your marriage over to your children, you have placed a burden on them that they can’t handle…that they shouldn’t handle. Worse yet, if you place God second to anyone, you have walked right out of God’s order and the blessings cease. Please understand that by blessings, I don’t mean money. God’s not limited to money. I mean that when you need peace under pressure, when you need something to lift you up over a storm that you can’t handle, you have no idea where to turn…because you walked out of God’s favor, blessing, and order. But, when God is first, your spouse is second and your children are 3rd, and when those times come, you will know how to handle them because “the steps of the righteous are ordered.” This is a lot easier to say than it is to do, but it needs to happen.

We (starting with me) have to understand our proper roles in raising children and always remember that YOU ARE TEACHING THEM IN EVERYTHING YOU DO AND DON’T DO. They are always learning from you. Whether you realize it or not. If my daughters cried for something as a small child, they immediately forfeited their right to it solely based on the fact that they cried for it. If they asked politely, they got it almost every time. The times that they didn’t receive it, most of the time, they were explained why and they understood, most of the time. They were learning early on that crying for something was the wrong way to go about it. As a result, I feel as though I have well-adjusted girls that understand that everything I do or don’t do is out of love and God’s order. If this spoke to you, feel free to share. It’s meant to encourage, not condemn.

Stay Classy, GP (God’s People).

Grainger

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Giving is ALWAYS for the Giver

Giving is ALWAYS for the giver. Receiving is ALWAYS a burden. Once we understand this basic principal, we can proceed with caution. We are all quick to receive. Gimme gimme gimme. We are usually reluctant to give, unless someone is watching. But here’s the problem…

I’ll never forget the time we rescued an Australian Shepherd puppy. He was too young to have done anything that he was born to do. We put in an ad to place him and a farmer calls. We take him to the farm to meet the farmer. The puppy sees the herd of cattle and starts panting and wagging his tail. Keep in mind that there’s a very slim chance he’s ever seen a cow in his young life. We disclaim to the farmer that he may take some time to be trained because he’s never been out of a suburban neighborhood that we know of. The farmer then looks to him and says, “Go ahead boy!” he looks up at us as if to ask permission. We say “Go!” He takes off like lightening and immediately successfully herds the cattle where the farmer wanted them. He was born to do this. He never had to be taught. It was purely innate in him. We don’t have to be taught to give. It’s innate in us. It causes all types of things to happen. Science tells us that giving, no matter how big or small, releases endorphins in our brain. There’s a reason. The Creator made us that way. This explains a parents’ delight in watching their children open Christmas presents. Parents benefit more than the child. The Bible actually says “Give and it will be given back, pressed down, shaken together and running over”…in Red letters, btw. So the measure in which we give will be given back. But what about receiving?

This is where the whole conversation gets tough. We like to receive things. I know I do. But what we have to understand is that if we’re receiving something, it’s usually because we lack it. Once we receive what we lack, it instantly becomes a burden until it is used correctly. One example of this that is familiar to me is when someone in a visible position receives compliments. They are showered with, “you’re the best singer in the world!” or “you are so awesome!” So far there’s nothing wrong. What they do with those compliments is the key. If they choose to wear them, thereby believing that they are the reason for the compliments, then the problem begins. But if they collect it to the side and later, in the quiet place, offer them to God saying, “Hey, look what they said about you”, then the compliment is no longer a burden.

See, we weren’t meant for that much praise. We weren’t designed to receive. We were designed to give. I personally believe this is what killed Elvis. He didn’t know what to do with all the accolades and began believing that he was the reason for the success, instead of believing that God was the reason for it all. There were times in his life that he gave God credit. He even recorded true Gospel records later in life. But he was never consistent in offering the praise in the proper direction. So next time someone is offering something, make sure you’re able to use it, or distribute it correctly before agreeing. Remember though, sometimes it’s necessary to receive what someone is giving just to
make sure you’re not robbing them of a blessing. But again, making sure that you use the gift properly or it will become and remain a burden.

Something that was previously mentioned is the fact that we only give if someone is watching. Why is that? What is it that makes us need to be recognized for our giving? The answer is quite simple, yet very complex. The simple answer is that we don’t fully understand who we are in Christ. If we knew exactly who God says we are and bought into that, we wouldn’t need anyone else to pat us on the back for doing what God calls us to do on a daily basis. After healing the man with leprosy, Jesus told him not to tell anyone who did this. Why would He do that? Because he understood this principal and as a result, his genuine concern was for the welfare of this man and not His self-promotion.

So knowing all of this, why is it so tough to just give? I’m as guilty, if not more guilty than anyone reading this. We could talk all day about the various answers to this question but it comes down to one primary thing. We simply don’t trust God. We believe that we must hang on to what we have for fear that we’ll never have it again. But God said “give and it will be given back to you”… so why don’t we just give? Trust. Lack of trust also stems from a need for control. If you’ve lived a chaotic life, full of dysfunction, having never been in control of anything that happened to you, you feel the need to be in total control of your life from here on. Sometimes, trusting God means not being in total control. (Lord have mercy! Now I know what mt father means when he says that he often preaches to an audience of one-himself). I didn’t grow up in dysfunction. But I still struggle with trusting immensely. The fact remains, once we trust, giving follows. And what follows that… is the coolest chapter of your life.

Lastly as a side note, I’ve, all too often, heard ministers referring to Tithes as generosity. The two are not related. Proper perspective is everything. Tithe is obedience. Malachi 3:8. What you give above that is generosity. So when reviewing this, don’t consider tithe as giving. It’s relinquishing what wasn’t yours in the first place. Giving is above and beyond that. Well, this was going great until I said that. HA! Truth is truth. I didn’t make it up. I just scribed it down.
Giving is ALWAYS for the giver.

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Suicide

I have sat on my thoughts about recent celebrity suicides for a while now. You’ll be shocked to know I still don’t know the immediate answers (sarcasm). Here’s what I do know. There are a few things to consider when talking about this subject. One thing that’s rarely talked about in reference to suicide are all the people it affects. Sure, we talk about the family and rightfully so and in some cases the best friends. But we don’t talk about ALL the people it affects for the rest of their lives. Like the good friend at work or school that just saw them a few days before the tragic choice was made. They’re now thinking “If I would’ve just said something that reminded them that they have something to live for, maybe they’d be alive”. There are so many of those people out there that are second guessing every move they made prior to their friend’s death and really beating themselves up over the “what I should’ve said’s” and it affects them for the rest of their lives.

In most cases, there’s nothing you or anyone could’ve said. Their mind was made up. But for some that may wonder, “what do I do in a situation where I’m concerned for someone? Will I say the wrong thing?” One thing my brother Adam Grainger said in his sermon concerning this very issue is he learned in training to be a counselor, that if you even THINK they are struggling to that point, ALWAYS ASK them because you get one of 2 responses. “No, it’s not really that bad and it’s great someone cares” or “yes, that’s what I was thinking.” I implore you that if you are close to someone that you think is struggling, say SOMETHING. Apathy and isolation are the first steps towards self-destruction. Remember, the enemy doesn’t care about you going to Heaven. He realizes he lost that battle. He just wants you to shut up while you’re here. I also believe that there are two primary driving factors behind suicide itself.

1- We need air in our lungs to breath or we’ll die. We need hope in our soul or we’ll die inside. HOPE is where the entire dilemma lies. The only debate is what to put our hope in. It’s clear that whatever Kate Spade placed her hope in had vanished. Her kids weren’t enough hope. Her riches weren’t enough hope. Only hope in something (really Someone) bigger, greater, and cooler than us will sustain us. The sooner we realize that we are not Teachers, Policemen, Janitors, etc… but that we are children of God and that teaching, policing and cleaning is WHAT we do, not WHO we are, the sooner proper perspective comes in life. Our hope and identity can’t be in anything other than GOD. Everything else fades. Everything else goes away at some point.

2- Isolation. When God created Eve, He said it was because it wasn’t good for man to be alone. Therefore, He created us to be co-dependent. If the enemy can get you alone, He can convince you of something that’s just not true. Just ask Eve. The only way Kate and Anthony thought it was a good idea to do what they did was because they isolated themselves. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Had they sought the approval of anyone on this, they would’ve received immediate rejection. They would’ve known just how loved they are. But they got alone and listened to the enemy tell them the lie that the world is a better place without them. We are called to a community of people. People to keep us in check.

So going forward, find hope that outlasts every vocation…and don’t isolate yourself. If anyone in your life is struggling with either of these, step in! Don’t let someone you love isolate themselves. Penn Jillette, an outspoken atheist, told the story of when a man brought him a Bible after a show. He stated that this man was a very good man and he had nothing but respect for that man. He stated, “if you believed in Heaven and hell, believed that there really is everlasting life, how bad would you have to hate someone to not tell them about it?!” For some of you reading this, there are certain people in your life where YOU may literally be the only hope they encounter.

Stay Classy GP! (God’s People)

Grainger