Comfort for Moms, Chains for Kids – Tidbits of Audacity

My Response to PsyPhi’s article “Maternally Induced Autism”

This article is a response to an article brilliantly written by PsyPhi. I want to deliver my perspective from the counseling room. The article addresses what Bitar has loosely labeled, Maternally Induced Autism. I kind of like Maternally Associated Mimicry of Autism (MAMA). But that’s the jokester in me coming out.

In case you missed recent posts:

Here is the article I’m responding to.

I recently (this week) had a conversation with a client. She discussed her child’s autism. This young client has developed a sense of trust in me, and we share a strong therapeutic alliance. As Hannah Spier, MD recently noted, such alliances are often emphasized, sometimes even more than the tangible improvements in clients’ lives. While this observation is true, establishing a therapeutic alliance remains a necessary foundation before introducing interventions, techniques, or strategies aimed at fostering meaningful change. They don’t care how much we know until they know how much we care.

As we discussed her child’s autism, she shifted her tone suggesting that she didn’t like her child’s diagnosis because she doesn’t want her child treated any differently because of his diagnosis. I asked her how severe his symptoms are. She basically stated that he doesn’t look you in the eye, doesn’t do well in school, is particularly smart in certain areas, but is in all standard classes. All behavioral, and less likely neurological.

I asked her how she would feel if they were to find out that he does not indeed have ASD. She looked scared when I said that. She shifted:

“Well I think he probably has Asperger’s.”

I retorted:

“But you said you wanted him to be treated like everyone else, implying you did not like him having a diagnosis. But then you said you think he may still need a diagnosis.”

This screamed something to me. She enjoys the diagnosis. But why? I have found that there are three primary reasons mothers enjoy diagnoses of their children:

Their kid is extra special
They are viewed as altruistic
They are viewed with extra sympathy for their efforts and suffering

They’re Extra Special

More context: this young lady is sweet, well-meaning, and genuinely a good person. A little insecure. Tries to impress you often. But overall wants the best for everyone. So why would this good mother enjoy this diagnosis? This is where it gets good. I asked her just that.

“What about the diagnosis do you like?”

Her response:

“I think it makes him extra special.”

The error here is suggesting that he is not extra special without the diagnosis. She already stated his elevated cognition in certain arenas. And he is uniquely made. There is only one him. This alone should ensure he is special.

Altruistic

Though she didn’t allude to this, another reason mothers enjoy the diagnosis is the mother is now viewed as particularly altruistic. “Look how good I am!” Some mothers need external validation to feel good about themselves. Like their character needs to be on display to ensure a) those who mistreated them were wrong about them or b) no one will find out just how deviant they really are. Those are very different women, but I’ve met them both.

Extra Sympathy

And yet another reason mothers enjoy the diagnosis is they are viewed with extra sympathy for their struggles and suffering as a parent of a neurodivergent child. This wreaks of undiagnosed Cluster B symptoms, as PsyPhi pointed out in their article.

Labeling

Another aspect of the subject of Maternally Induced Autism worth pointing out is that labeling usually hurts the child as much as it helps, sometimes more. Research shows this:

Labeling children creates anxiety (Yang et al., 2015).
Labeling children worsens mood and reduces motivation (Mukolo, Heflinger, & Wallston, 2010).
Labeling children increases loneliness, isolation, and reduced self-esteem and confidence, thus greatly affecting their social relationships (Prizeman, Weinstein, & McCabe, 2023).

Men & ASD

Lastly, Bitar covered the paternal void exacerbating claims of neurodivergence. Studies show that children with fathers not in the home but who are directly engaged in their lives are better off than fathers in the home but either absent (due to various reasons like overworked or uninterested) or prevented from engaging in paternally instinctive roles (Coakley, 2013). The father’s absence itself contributes to ASD symptoms, through a lack of rough play, risk taking, and teasing, which produces emotional resilience (Kogan et al., 2018), as Bitar noted in this earlier article.

Based solely on this data, it is quite plausible that paternal presence indeed is a protective factor against misdiagnosis or predatory clinicians who need a new vacation home.

This is what I see in the counseling room. Avoidance. Denial. And accepting diagnosis for reasons other than science. Labels handed out like candy soothe adults, not children. My hope and my challenge is that more of us will stand up against these hollow mainstream narratives. Children’s lives are at stake, and no mom’s comfort should outweigh the truth.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

References

Coakley, T. M. (2013). The influence of father involvement on child welfare permanency outcomes: A secondary data analysis. Children and Youth Services Review, 35(1), 174–182. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2012.09.023

Kogan, M. D., Vladutiu, C. J., Schieve, L. A., Ghandour, R. M., Blumberg, S. J., Zablotsky, B., Perrin, J. M., Shattuck, P., Kuhlthau, K. A., Harwood, R. L., & Lu, M. C. (2018). The Prevalence of Parent-Reported Autism Spectrum Disorder Among US Children. Pediatrics, 142(6), e20. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2017-4161

Mukolo, A., Heflinger, C. A., & Wallston, K. A. (2010). The stigma of childhood mental disorders: a conceptual framework. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 49(2), 92–103; quiz 198. https://doi.org/10.1097/00004583-201002000-00003

Prizeman, K., Weinstein, N., & McCabe, C. (2023). Effects of mental health stigma on loneliness, social isolation, and relationships in young people with depression symptoms. BMC Psychiatry, 23(1), 527. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04991-7

Yang, L. H., Link, B. G., Ben-David, S., Gill, K. E., Girgis, R. R., Brucato, G., Wonpat-Borja, A. J., & Corcoran, C. M. (2015). Stigma related to labels and symptoms in individuals at clinical high-risk for psychosis. Schizophrenia Research, 168(1-2), 9–15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.schres.2015.08.004