The bottles flew, the state became embarrassed, and the country got angry. If you didn’t see it, The University of Tennessee (UT) was playing Ole Miss in Knoxville and the crowd didn’t like a crucial call the refs made late in the game. As a result, they began to throw bottles, beer cans, golf balls, mustard, and all sorts of debris onto the field. The items struck people on the field area. UT had to evacuate the cheerleaders, the band, and the dance team for their safety. It was quickly recognized that most of these items were flying in from the student section. So they evacuated the student section.
Having said that, the first response for everyone that wasn’t a UT fan was to point the finger at how classless the university is. The truth is, UT was playing Ole Miss in basketball in Oxford, MS and Ole Miss fans (students) threw similar items onto the court. I’m an LSU fan and there are plenty of stories of those fans (students) throwing eggs at the opposing team bus as it was either arriving or leaving. So the university isn’t to blame. The SEC isn’t to blame. The stadium isn’t to blame. And I submit to you that the kids are only partially to blame.
What does that have to do with mental health issues? First, let me say that for this issue, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all fix. This subject is just ONE piece of the overall issue of mental health. I say the kids are only partially to blame because they claim to have mental health struggles, and many do. Mental health struggles are real. They are not to be taken lightly. In 1990, a survey was taken of high school students asking what their biggest struggles in school were. The top answer was drugs and alcohol. Down around 10th was depression and anxiety. The same survey was conducted in 2018. The results were the opposite. Depression and anxiety were #1 and drugs and alcohol were #10. What changed? Parenting.
When I was growing up, I wasn’t that important. My parents made sure I knew I wasn’t that important. I was cared for, loved, taught, celebrated at times, but was never more important than the teacher, coach, police, or trusted adult. When I had problems at school, the approach was, “What can we do at home to make this better?” OR “Don’t worry, he’s in so much trouble, you won’t have this problem again!” Much of today’s approach is, “What can you do to make my kid pass?” OR “This is your fault. My kid is a great kid!”
Parents, for too long, have protected their kid from any and every dart flying their way. There is no physical nor emotional immunity built up as a result. They got a trophy for spending the entire soccer season picking flowers out of the ground when they were supposed to be contributing. These kids grew up feeling VERY important. The importance grew to entitlement. The entitlement grew to a lack of respect for any form of leadership or authority. I mean, who needs leadership or authority when you are already perfect?
Right about here is where the mental health struggles kick in. They’ve gone through life being told they’re great for doing absolutely nothing. When they are really bad at something, they’re told they’re great. When they screw up in school or sports, it’s the coach’s or teacher’s fault. Not theirs. Then they enter life, look around, and quickly realize that the world doesn’t think they’re nearly as important as mom and dad thought they were. This is where they begin internalizing this. They are thinking about what they are doing wrong… “How can I fix what I am doing wrong?” Or “What is it about me that is now so bad that I can’t seem to please them or anybody else?” Well… the answer is- you didn’t change; you are just finding out that the world isn’t about you. Something you were never taught before but should have learned a long time ago.
All of my kids can answer this as quickly as I ask it. “What is the key to life summed up in one word?” OTHERS! I teach them that their life isn’t about them. I teach them they come after my God and my wife. I teach them that the world isn’t going to hand them anything. I didn’t have this happen, but I know someone well that it did happen to. His son got a trophy at the end of the season and they were both aware that they were the last place team. He took the trophy and told him he didn’t deserve it. That kid will grow up with a psychological condition known as work ethic.
Here’s the problem, once a kid realizes that throughout his/her entire life, he was being fed a half truth and that the world isn’t that impressed with him and that he actually has to work for things because they won’t just hand it to you, this is where the mental health struggles begin. They were able to please their parents pretty easily. But now, it’s not that easy. This leads them to a place of severe depression. They can’t help but internalize all of this.
What’s the solution? Begin teaching your kids that they are only as important as their work ethic. Teach them that respect for authority is mandatory to thrive in society. Teach them that others are more important than they are. This causes them to be outward focused, which is exactly what Jesus taught. Make them accountable for their actions. Set an expectation and demand they meet the expectation. If they don’t, set the consequence and MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW THROUGH. If you don’t follow through, they don’t believe anything you say, which leads to more mental health struggles. I’m not suggesting this is the whole reason for mental health struggles. I am suggesting this plays a huge role. The AAP and AACAP just declared a national emergency for children’s mental health. One major cause was covid lockdowns. Children struggling with everyday issues is also a major cause. That struggle comes from unmet expectations. Let’s work on teaching our children what to expect and let them know you’re here for them, but you can’t “adult” for them. Give them the tools to succeed on their own. Their mental health will thank you.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger
I will let you know this…You ARE Important!! ☺️