“I thought you were a real jerk, a punk, a know-it-all who gets on my nerves!” Every single friend I had growing up eventually said that to me. Not kidding. Every. Single. One. This statement implicated quite a few things.
First, it implicated that I came across as all of those things. I didn’t give off an impression that I was a good guy. At all. It also implicated that I really wasn’t any of those things. It also implicates that we were close enough friends that they knew they could tell me that without me getting offended. So where was the problem? Why was this always the case? Was it something I was doing or saying or was it their quickness to prejudge? I later figured out that the answer to that last question was YES. It was a combination of both.
On one hand, I was not presenting myself in a good light. Apparently, dudes have RBF too. I carried myself in a way that was immature, irreverent, and sometimes mean. I didn’t appear to care about anyone other than myself. This was the first impression of everyone that met me. Hopefully, I’ve fixed that.
Example: There’s a book by author Anne Lamott called “Bird By Bird”. The cover has birds and eggs on it. So naturally, your first impression is this will be about birds. Maybe watching them, taking care of them, learning about the various species. That’s the first impression it gives off. It turns out that this book has absolutely no mention of birds in it at all. It’s an instructional guide to writing that lists the instructions piece by piece or “bird by bird”. Not exactly what you thought it was going to be about.
On the other hand, these friends of mine went with what they saw and heard before they ever even said a word to me. The ones that gave me a chance found that I wasn’t anything like what they thought. They would say things like, “You’re actually cool, funny and just normal.” Well anyone that knows me knows I’m anything but normal. But I’m of the belief that the only thing in life that’s normal is a cycle on a washing machine.
Example: I’m not a Trump apologist. I AM NOT. We all know he doesn’t have a very good “cover” on his book. But I was struck by a speech Steve Harvey gave in which he was pushed in to meeting with Trump as part of a request from the Obama transition team. So he went. Harvey told Trump all about how he didn’t vote for him. How he campaigned for Clinton. He said he’d been asked to help Trump, so he was there. Trump asked how he could help. Harvey said that Ben Carson was in charge of Urban Development and that schools were closing. Harvey could help revive cities and that those local leaders would listen to him and would get Carson in the door easier. Harvey asked for HUD money to open the schools for STEM, to also teach computers and coding in inner cities. What happened next changed everything Steve Harvey originally thought. While they were still sitting there, Trump said, “I like it! Let’s get Ben on the phone right now!” The next thing you know, they’re meeting to discuss launching this concept.
Following this meeting, Harvey received a flurry of comments laced in vitriol. He was called everything BUT Steve. The hate was spewed so hard and heavy that Harvey said that even he was surprised by it- implying that at age 60, he doesn’t get surprised much. When asked why he would agree to meet with Trump, he answered, “I had an obligation to take a seat at the table when invited.”
Harvey, when invited, felt two things. One, he felt it an honor to be in the White House in the best country on the planet, regardless of who was president. And two, he knew that if he was going to get the chance to speak to Trump, this was his chance to discuss with him what he thinks needs major improvement. In other words, he knew that if he never spoke with someone he disagrees with, nothing would ever get done. There’s a great deal of awesome sauce in this concept.
Now insert Rapinoe. Megan Rapinoe publicly stated that she would not visit the White House, if invited. My first thought was “how unpatriotic”. But my next thought was, “if she’s this passionate about certain societal issues, this would be her chance to voice them and see if there’s room for discussion.” But that would require listening to someone you don’t agree with and attempting to see their side. Something I’m not sure Rapinoe’s capable of, but I hope she is. Trump did just that for Harvey. Again, I’m not an apologist for Trump. But these are facts you can’t ignore. And those of you that consider Rapinoe to be mean and irreverent, that’s the cover… you don’t know the contents of the book. You may also be surprised by her if you were to get to know her.
Our society is so quick to judgment on almost everything. Who cares what the facts are?! Facebook said it, so it’s true! We all get caught up there. We should never judge a book by its cover, but we should all work on making our cover pleasant and accurate- depicting who we really are. And if we’ll be slow to view the cover and actually look inside the book, we just might be pleasantly surprised. But it will require us to be prepared to listen to someone that we don’t agree with. At least to hear them out. To find common ground. But if you never open the book… you’re left with only the cover. And here we sit: still thinking the book is about birds. Open the book. But first, open your mind.
Stay Classy GP!
Grainger