Watch your mouth:
I can remember in high school, I was the guy walking down the hall always complimenting someone. I figured they get enough criticism from teachers, parents, and coaches. They can get encouragement from me. That was then.
Unfortunately, recently, I was on a family vacation and my brothers were informing my wife that I use “cut words” as well as anyone they know. The worst part of this is that she already knew all about it, first hand. It’s my most hated part of who I am. No doubt. It crushes people.
So it’s one thing to hear this from your wife and your brothers. But it’s yet another to hear it from your children. In this morning’s sermon, that’s what he dealt with. Having a critical mouth. At the end, he had a prayer time and said “if you’d say ‘that’s me, I don’t want to be this way but I am’ then raise your hand.” I had my eyes closed, I shook my head in acknowledgment that, obviously, that’s me. But my 10 yr old daughter, who loves me immensely, grabs my hand and raises it. I look at her, she sweetly smiles and softly says, “just saying”. Wow. She can be a typical preteen girl sometimes. But this wasn’t one of those moments. She was being gentle. Kind. Sweet. On one hand she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But she felt the truth had to be spoken. If that doesn’t wake you up, nothing will.
I’m reminded that I’ve had many people tell me how my words of encouragement to them changed the course of their life and, in some cases, my music has helped them in life as well. This means I have a natural tendency to encourage and lift up but here I am, known for having cut words. So I clearly have to lean on the side of encouragement and eliminate the “cut words” side of my vocabulary.
So what can you do? I dare you to sit down with your kids and ask them how they perceive your words. Ask them if they feel like you spend more time building them up or tearing them down. If they’re teenagers, expect an over-dramatic response, but somewhere in there you’ll hear the truth about how they feel. And whatever you uncover in this conversation, you can pretty much bet your spouse probably feels the same way. So begin changing your vocabulary with him/her. Then it will be easier to stay in open communication with your children. Ok. I’ll shut up… for now. I’ve clearly been saying too much anyway.