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Objective Truth Hurt My Feelings

Here is a fair question. How is that we have both a massive rise in mental health cases like never seen before and more mental health professionals than ever before? If we have more mental health professionals than ever before, then we should have fewer cases of mental health issues. That’s the logical assumption. But that’s not what’s happening. We have both an increase in mental health cases and more mental health professionals than ever before.

So how did we get here? To answer this question, we must look at the differences in the overall value structure in societies before the mental health crisis explosion and after. Because what we value is what we will espouse, pursue, and emit into the world. Our values point us towards an end goal, whether we realize what that goal is and regardless of whether it is a positive and uplifting goal or a negative and destructive one.

The value and belief system of yesteryear is one of simplicity. Boys and girls grow up in school together, use different bathrooms, understand that their issues are different, and respect and appreciate the inequality of boys and girls. The values and beliefs of the past espouse the notion that where I lack, my neighbor will fill in the gap until I can stand again on my own. The community raises our children. If there was a problem with a teacher, we were instructed that we were the problem (if indeed we were, and we were most of the time). We all play a part and live closely by the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In the midst of this, if someone in our community was out of line, we stepped in to help right the wrong. If it hurt your feelings, so be it. You were better for it afterwards. Men could accomplish things that their wives couldn’t. And likewise, women could accomplish things their husbands couldn’t. And that was ok.

The values have shifted. Now, boys can go into girls’ bathrooms. Girls can join the “boy” scouts. Read that again. Now girls believe they can do anything a boy can do causing boys to react citing they can do anything a girl can do, neither of which is correct. Today’s values say take care of yourself because you can trust no one. Today’s belief system says that you can’t say anything to my children or there will be consequences. If there is a problem with a teacher, it has to be the teacher’s fault. Today’s golden rule is “He who has the gold makes the rules.”

Wives believe they can do absolutely everything their husband can do, allowing for no individualism, cooperation, negotiation, and contribution by both parties. As a result, this goal of “equality” emasculates their husband and leaves him feeling useless and worthless, which contributes to divorce. Men and women simply are not equal and appreciating that and utilizing one’s strengths where their partner is weak, and vice-versa, makes a relationship thrive long term. There is so much science that proves this.

Today we are so afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings that are willing to allow a total falsehood to control the narrative of human existence. We will deny thousands of years of objective science, thousands of years of learning and figuring out which way is the best way, and thousands of years of believing that we are not the highest being in the universe so that one person won’t have their feelings hurt.

How did we get here? We removed objective truth from our society. When I throw a ball in the air, it will come down. If a fetus has XY chromosomes, it will be male. Subjective versus objective can be explained this way: Merle Haggard is a great singer. That is a subjective truth. I believe that but my wife doesn’t. Merle Haggard has won multiple Grammy awards. That is objective. Regardless of how my wife feels about that, it is a verifiable, objective truth.

Some objective truths that we have let slip away include differences in sexes, appreciating the two genders, the family system is the best unit on earth for sustaining a society, the best possible environment for a child to be raised is in a low-conflict home with two biological parents, and the fact that religiosity balances, sustains, and causes any society to flourish. It promotes well-being, community, helping those in need, and unselfishness.

But we are so afraid of hurting someone’s feelings that we ignore these facts and tell outright lies. By “we”, I mostly mean mental health professionals. Although “we” as parents and societal members can also be included. And by outright lies, I mean telling society that a child being raised in a single-mother home is the same as being raised by two parents. My children don’t get to be in this category. I am divorced and remarried. That hurts my feelings. But it is a fact, regardless of how I feel about it. Or that males should be allowed to compete in female’s sports because we don’t want to hurt their feelings of being confused and qualifying for a mental health disorder, according to the DSM-V manual. This is where feelings override solid facts that point you towards healthier living. Healthier living requires that we die to one belief in order to make room for another. That requires that we hear something uncomfortable and are forced to acknowledge it and evaluate it for validity.

Regarding religiosity, when you believe you are the highest order of being in your universe, you are aware of your humanity, aware of the mistakes that you can and have made, and this frightens you. Therefore, you are either frozen in fear and refuse to take risks, or you are completely nihilistic about it and take far too many risks. Neither are good. When you believe in a higher power (God), you understand that you make mistakes but follow the One who doesn’t. You are willing to take risks, but not catastrophic risks. You understand that you have an ultimate goal to reach for, thereby making you better each day than you were the day before. You acknowledge your shortcomings, but chase the perfect One, which only makes you better, which makes your family better, which makes your community better, and so on.

We MUST return to a belief in an objective truth. Facts. Facts that say that discipline reroutes a child to success from where they were otherwise headed. Gentle parenting does not work. Facts that include teaching children that they are not the most important person in the universe and the world isn’t about them. It’s about others. Children are growing up believing they are so important that when they find out that they really aren’t, it is causing a mental health breakdown. These are measurable, scientific facts. There is an argument for and against objective morality. You can read that HERE.

Once we return to facts, even if it hurts someone’s feelings, objective truth, belief in something higher (God), we will begin to see the mental health crisis start to subside. Until then, we still have more mental health cases and more mental health professionals than ever before, which makes no logical sense. Bring logical sense back.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Where Two or Three are Gathered to Witness

We have all heard people say, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I will be with them” (Matthew 18:20). We have all most likely said it in our lifetime. “Father, I know you’re here because you said where two or three are gathered…” Having said that, I have rarely, if ever, heard this verse quoted in its correct context. I have been guilty of misquoting it myself. I think we all have. But learning to read the Bible in context helped me with many things I was struggling to understand. Think about it, if it takes two or three, does this mean God isn’t there until then? So when I’m by myself, God doesn’t show up? I can easily find verses that say He is there when I’m by myself. So that would be contradictory.

This verse is mostly used to imply that when two or three people are gathered, you now get to enjoy the presence of God. It is also used to justify “forsaking the assembly, as so many are in the habit of doing.” Yes, they justify not being part of a local church with this verse, taken completely out of context. In order to get the true context, we must read Matthew chapter 18, verses 15-20.

First, these verses have absolutely nothing to do with the church. He does use the word Ekklesia, but He is not referring to the “two or three” people mentioned later. The church was only mentioned as a way of handling conflict. So “two or three” is not referring to a local church or a church gathering of any type.

Next, it is not referring to the presence of God. The presence of God is ever-present, according to Psalm 46:1. So you don’t need two or three in order for God to be present. He is omnipresent, according to Psalm 139:7.

This leaves us with what Jesus is actually talking about. He is referring to conflict and discipline. It is a very practical matter for a practical people. His audience was most likely people who understood the Torah, because he was referring to it. Jesus says that if someone sins or falls, we are to go to them and point it out to them. Now wait, I thought we were to never judge? Another misconception. We are only to never judge non-believers. But other fellow believers, we are certainly to judge each other, according to this verse and many others.

Jesus then continues and says that if they won’t listen, take one or two others along so that every word that is said is said in the presence of witnesses. This was very practical and not new to the listeners. Again, Jesus was quoting the Torah. The passage is from Deuteronomy 19:15. This was the law handed down by Moses. It was put in place to prevent someone from being prosecuted by one person. It would be unfair and unjust for one person to hand down judgment. So they put this practice in place to prevent an unjust prosecution from happening and Jesus was echoing this law. Jesus then says that if they still won’t listen, take them to the Ekklesia (derived from two words meaning called and out of, the gathered people of God- the church) and if they still refuse, treat them as a tax collector (or someone who just does not know God).

One thing to keep in mind in all of this, treating someone as if they do not know God means, according to Jesus’ other teachings, that we are to love them, accept them where they are, teach them through our example of living, but not allow them to be in leadership positions. That’s how non-believers were to be treated. They are to be taught and loved but not to teach in the church. This is important because recently, someone took to social media to chastise a church for not letting them be in a leadership position because they were knowingly living in a life of consistent sin and not letting the very verses we are discussing play out. She was told of her sin. She has chosen to deny that she is living in such sin. The Bible then teaches that we are to treat them as thought they do not know God. They can no longer be in a position of leadership or authority. When this church did exactly what the Bible teaches, she took offense. And many came to her defense. The real problem was that she was already in this place of leadership and they recently decided to remove her. And for that, this church was wrong.

So after Jesus says all of this about pointing out sin, taking it to them, then with two or three witnesses, per the Torah, then to the Ekklesia, then treated as a tax collector, Jesus then says that “whatever they agree on and ask for, It will be done for them”, meaning that the conflict at hand has been resolved. He then says, “Where two or three gather in my name, I am with them.” The two or three Jesus is speaking of are the witnesses to the conflict and discipline. Jesus is basically saying, “Follow the Torah. This law is good. Once you have followed what God has commanded, I will be there to deal with the consequences, whether positive (“they agree on”) or negative (“They still won’t listen”).

Now that we know the context of this, it makes sense with the description of the church in Acts 2, Ephesians 4, Hebrews 10, and Hebrews 13. It also makes sense with the verses in Psalm 46 and Psalm 139. It all fits. But only in context. And it teaches a good lesson on how to deal with conflict and discipline with love.

So next time someone says, “Where two or three are gathered…”, you can respond by asking what they witnessed. Stay informed. Read the bible in context. Taking scripture out of context only hurts us and those around us. In context, it displays truth, and the “Truth shall set you free.”

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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I’d Like To Place an Order for God

It seems here lately I’m seeing an unusual amount of people asking about churches in my area. And with these requests are some disturbing patterns. Every post asking for recommendations has a laundry list of demands for what they need in a church. Only from the King James Bible. Soft music only. Only reading, no opinions. Once saved, always saved. One said, “mostly traditional, but some contemporary.”

Are we ordering from Burger King now? We get to have it our way? I feel like we are making a list of demands on God, and if He doesn’t meet them, we aren’t going to serve Him. “I need a 2:15-ish service. With a coffee bar that has pumpkin spice lattes with half and half and a sprinkle of nutmeg fixed to the perfect temperature. This will lead me closer to God.”

Here is a fair series of questions, what happens when God doesn’t accommodate all that? Is that God’s fault? What happens when God makes us uncomfortable? Do we immediately assume it’s not God?

If you are truly wanting to serve God, it will be uncomfortable. There will be times when the temperature in the room and the coffee aren’t perfect. There will be people there that you don’t like. The pastor WILL say something you don’t like (If he’s delivering God’s word). Someone at the church WILL offend you.

If you are looking for the perfect church with the perfect pastor and perfect people, you will be looking for a very long time. And if you find it, don’t join because YOU will ruin it.

In my many years of walking with God, I’ve learned that God is not interested in making us comfortable. Not at all. If we are comfortable, either we get a momentary break from real life, or we are missing something that God is doing. Your comfort is not on God’s to-do list. Your transformation is. Your denial of a long-held belief, thus making room for a revelation that God was wanting to show you… that’s on His to-do list.  

Majoring on minors won’t get us anywhere as a people. It’s just more division. Dunk, sprinkle, traditional, contemporary, bright, dark, big, small, doctrinal creed, just say yes… at the end of the day, it ends up at the same place, are we closer to Jesus? A sprinkle or a dunk won’t make the difference. Pursuing Jesus like we pursued our spouse or best friend will. Reading about Him, talking to and about Him, listening to others who know Him talk about Him, this will bring us closer to Jesus. And that’s ALL THAT MATTERS.

I’m not suggesting one way is better than another. You can dunk or sprinkle. I don’t care. But I am suggesting that if you are making a list of demands on God and His house, then that house is the least of your concerns.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Thou Shalt Not Cheat on Your Test

Should the Ten Commandments be in Louisiana schools?

The answer to this question has multi levels.

  • What relevance would the Ten Commandments have for a school?
  • Does this violate the separation of church and state?
  • What is Separation of Church and State?
  • Are there any judicial precedents for this?

Let’s start with relevance. They are foundations for good behavior. They are pillars of how the founding fathers of America sought to build a great nation. While the first four are religious based, number five, “Honor your father and mother” seem to be of the most important among most anyone who studies behavior (and/or religion). Numbers six, seven, eight, and nine (murder, adultery (grounds for divorce), theft, perjury- respectively) have legislation attached to them in our nation. So, are they relevant? It appears as though they are. Children need these principles in their lives. And often, they are not getting this instruction at home.

Does this violate the separation of church and state? Great question. It is first important to present the fact that “Separation of church and state” does not appear in the constitution. It was a phrase that was made popular when Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to members of the Danbury Baptist association in Connecticut. Why did he write that? Another good question.

A monument with the Ten Commandments stands on the grounds of the Haskell County Courthouse in Stigler, Okla., Wednesday, April 26, 2006. A federal lawsuit challenging the marker’s location comes amid a prickly national debate over displays of Ten Commandments on public property. (AP Photo/Brandi Simons)

The founding fathers knew a couple of things that informed and swayed their decisions when putting together the founding principles of America. They knew that where they came from, and all other countries as well, the government had formed an alliance with the church that caused the church to become as corrupt as the government. This, along with the church of the time espousing the idea that rituals, giving, and acts were what gained you entry into heaven, ignited the Protestant Revolution. Again, the government urged the church to continue to preach this message of acts gaining your way to heaven so that the government could heavily tax their people and the church’s parishioners would believe that this was directly tied to their heavenly reward. More collusion. More corruption. The Protestant Revolution ensued.

This revolution of free speech, individualism, and believing that you are saved by grace and not through works led the founders to consider something no one had ever considered. They chose to be the first country in the history of the world to NOT have an established religion. This had never been done. They simply wanted the church to be a pure place where one could worship freely, and the government wouldn’t have official strongholds over the church and its people. This revolution also brought about their belief that the government must be limited. This is why the U.S. Constitution is a document written for the purpose of limiting the government. For more on the foundations of America, how we became a country, and what it will take to bring America down, go grab my book HERE.

Therefore, the separation of church and state applies to establishing an official religion for the state. This still has never been attempted in America. So why is this such a big issue? Because some forgot how we were founded as a country. But just to be sure, in Van Orden v. Perry (545 U.S. 677, 2005), it was ruled that a “reasonable observer, mindful of history, purpose, and context, would not conclude that this passive monument conveyed the message that the State endorsed religion.” One objection to this is that Van Orden v. Perry applies to a state capitol building and not schools. The obvious rebuttal here is that the ruling and precedent applies to anyone within The State (government), including buildings and schools.

This leads us to one conclusion, if the Ten Commandments are displayed for historical context rather than a call to an established religion, they do not infringe on any part of the First Amendment, including the Establishment Clause and the Free Exercise Clause. If Van Orden v. Perry holds up, Louisiana will not have to reverse its decision to post the historical monument.

The commandments themselves, regardless of your religious belief system, foster a behavior that promotes good will towards others, respectfulness, and kindness. Think about it, you’re being asked to believe in something greater than you, to not put your faith in things, to not speak ill about anyone’s God or beliefs, to rest when necessary, to honor your parents, don’t kill, steal, or commit adultery, don’t slander others, and don’t wish for what others have to the point of it being unhealthy. This all sounds reasonable. Surely, this can’t be a bad thing. But what do I know, I‘m just a writer, father, husband, mental health counselor, and overseer.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Is There an Objective Morality?

Is there such a thing as objective morality? This is one of those questions that requires perspective. One could make a case that one’s sense of objective morality is in fact rooted in subjectivity, making it subjective morality and no longer objective.

For instance, if one says God is their objective morality, someone else could say that this is a belief, which is, in itself, subjective. There’s a strong case for this. So I’ll take a slightly deeper dive into this.

The term objective morality is the belief that there are morals and values that can be true and exist completely irrespective of individual opinions or cultural norms. As you’re reading this, you’re thinking that everyone disagrees on certain issues of values and norms, so they have to be subjective. For instance, it is immoral for a woman to get an education in some parts of the world. But in others, it is welcomed. They don’t agree.

The reality in this argument has two places of interest. Verbiage and Perspective.

In verbiage, we find that many believe that everything is subjective. No two people agree on absolutely everything. Therefore, there cannot be an objective set of values and morals. But the verbiage is off. The term objective morality never says that two people must agree on everything. It merely states that values and morals can exist outside of individual opinion. So, for example, there are no cultures in which you can steal someone’s property and it be widely accepted. It is objectively wrong to harm another human (outside of defense).

I once read some philosophy on this subject and saw two good points of view. First, let’s look at slavery. While there are still areas of slavery in the world today, no one will openly state that it is a good thing or a moral thing to be a slave owner. Everyone inherently knows it is wrong. Therefore, the objective morality around slavery exists. And if it exists anywhere, then it exists. It is the common sense theory. There are certain common sense areas where there is objective morality.

Another point of view is that when two people disagree over something, it is something subjective. But people won’t disagree over something objective. I love listening to Merle Haggard. My wife does not. The idea that he’s a great singer is a subjective principle. The idea that he has won Grammys is an objective principle. We won’t argue over whether he won Grammys. This is objectivity. This notion alone brings about the reality of an objective morality. If we can’t steal without causing harm, and we can’t enslave without causing harm, and we won’t argue over this being immoral, then it is based on an objective morality.

The other place of interest is perspective. This one is as simple as the first. If you have the perspective that there is no possibility of an objective morality, then there is nothing to stop you from taking what you want and doing what you want without limitations on your behavior. You have no guide, no standard, no measuring stick. Nothing is off limits. This will inevitably produce strife, recklessness, chaos, pain, heartache, and suffering of all sorts. Anyone that’s lived for any amount of adulthood time knows this. Therefore, the perspective must be that there is a standard by which we all live. There must be an objective morality. Or at least there must be the perspective of an objective morality. The only real question for many is where this objective morality would derive from. My favorite psychologist, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, once said, “I live as though there is a God.”

As Christians, we believe this objective morality comes from God and God’s word to us. But again, there is this perspective thing that creeps its head into the church. For instance, Calvinism. Calvinism is the belief that God already knows everything, everything has already been determined, and your life is a predicted outcome of circumstances and events that will not change God’s predetermined mind as to who enters the kingdom of heaven. The premise was that one should live hoping to be that soul. There is a case to be made that this is factually true. However, the problem with this line of thinking is obvious. If your perspective is that God has already chosen who enters heaven, then it doesn’t matter how you live. There again, you find yourself having no limitations on your behavior, leading you right back down that hole of despair and brokenness. I must say that if there is not a single source of objective morality from which you pull your belief system from, you are bound to be misled into a way of thinking that is not grounded in fact or anything helpful to society. Again, for me, it is God. The system of God and Christianity leads me to a place of being the best version of me if I follow the teachings. I firmly believe the denial of an objective morality is the denial of evil, and we all know evil exists. God has never steered me wrong before. I don’t expect Him to anytime soon.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Shame on You

I can remember as a kid, we went to Showbiz pizza. It was basically a Chuck E. Cheese. I was probably around 7 years old. I go to the bathroom. As I’m about to walk out, a woman walks in. I look at her, with full confidence and say, “You’re in the wrong bathroom. This is the boys.” She said, “No, it’s not. Check the sign.” I looked at the sign and to my horror, it said “Ladies.” And to make it worse, there were some kids I didn’t know nearby and saw the whole thing. They started laughing at me.

I then knew what it felt like to be shamed. Shamed for going into the wrong bathroom. No, this is not a blog about Target. I avoided that meaningless nonsense altogether. If you don’t know which bathroom to go in, we don’t have much to talk about.

Throughout life, I’ve seen people be shamed repeatedly. Sometimes it’s warranted. Like when they knowingly committed an awful crime and are only sorry that they got caught. Shame should be the reaction. But most of the time, it is not warranted.

When birth control was invented, improved, and became affordable, this caused more women to be able to enter the workplace. And, as predicted, many men had an issue with this. And also predictably, these women were shamed for not wanting to stay home. The problem here was that those that were shaming them for wanting to go to work were not aware of their daily issues.

All of this took place in the 1960’s. Birth control. More women entering the workplace. And men becoming more and more absent.

Originally, men being absent had a real reason, the war. Whether it was WWII or the Vietnam War. But this wasn’t even the worst of it. President Johnson read a report called the Moynihan Report and made a drastic response to it. President Johnson then proceeded to incentivize single mothers for being single mothers. These women would get more money and not have to work as long as they had children and had no man in the home. So they had as many children as they thought they could handle. The results were staggering, yet also somewhat predictable. There was an explosion of babies that grew up not knowing their fathers. But if you thought this only affected the black community, wrong. Prior to this policy, 8% of white babies were born to single mother homes and 25% of black babies were born to single mother homes. After this policy, white families born to single mothers rose to 25% and black babies born to single mothers rose to 75%. They both TRIPLED. And here you have the beginning of the epidemic of fatherless homes. Crime statisticians had plenty to do following this radical response to a report.

As a result of this, mothers were left to figure this out on their own. So with birth control becoming an affordable option within reach of almost any woman that wanted it, they were now able to go and work and not try to rely on the man, who would often use their position of breadwinner as a power play to mistreat their wife. The shaming began… by who? Men. Towards who? Working women. The very men that were walking out on their families were shaming women for bettering themselves. For obvious reasons. They were losing power.

Following the American Revolution, Abigail Adams wrote to her husband, John Adams, and said, “In the new code of laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make, I desire you would remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.” To which the future President of the United States replied, “We know better than to repeal our Masculine systems.” Of course men were furious at women working more.

Thus began the nonstop shame. Working women were ridiculed everywhere. Eventually, there were more female lawyers, more female representation than male in almost any university in America, and more men ditching their responsibilities than ever before. At some point, the table turned completely. Women began meeting men that were staying home and taking on their duties as husband and father. Men were providing, but not abusing. They were protecting but not dictating. They were directional but loving. This new man was something women longed for but hadn’t seen in a while, if ever. But he came along and caused many women to simply want to be a mother and housewife.

I read the transcripts from Harrison Butker. He’s a Catholic, speaking at a Catholic school, about Catholic issues. To expect anything other than that is very delusional. The response from the “Love is Love” crowd was anything but loving. Having said that, I don’t agree with his stance on IVF or birth control. But I also didn’t raise hell about his speech. Because Catholics all have the same stance on birth control and IVF. But in the flip of a switch, the shaming that once was abhorrent to society, was now ok as long as it was aimed at women who wanted to stay home and be wife and mother. This cannot be ok.

Shaming a woman for being a working woman, CEO, Attorney, (insert any career here) is uncool, self-righteous, and just mean. Along with that, shaming women for wanting to be a wife and mother only is equally as wrong. It is just as noble to want to make a lot of memories with your children as it is to make a lot of money for your family. So when Butker applauded the women for their accomplishments and also, at the same time, acknowledged that some of them may end up wanting to stay at home, there was literally nothing wrong with this.

And what was America’s response? Butker’s women’s jerseys are sold out. Apparently, they really do want to be a wife and mother as long as they have a man that will handle the other stuff and not be abusive along the way.

Leave the shame out. Let people be who they are. Even when (especially when) you don’t agree with them.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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A.C.T.

During my time in the music industry, I ran into so many people who looked as though someone had taken them out back and whipped them repeatedly. They looked dejected, worn down, and defeated. For some, it took over. They lost their record deals, their families, and in some cases, their lives. I had a couple of good mentors in the industry that pointed this out and told me to be careful of this happening to me. As a result, I learned from some of the best and managed to figure out how to manage the stress of the industry.

At the time, I was learning how to survive the music industry, but the principles that I was learning from others and what God was showing me was more universal than just the music industry. What I learned in that time was how to cope with being in a visible position. This applies to any visible position. Music artist, TV personality, pastor, professional athlete, CEO, any visible position where people tend to view you in a higher social status and tend to “brown nose” to get close to you in hopes that they too will be viewed in this higher social status.

One thing I learned is that everyone will compliment you. Constantly. “You’re the best singer ever!”, “You’re amazing!”, or “If you don’t make it, I’m moving back home!” These were some of the things I heard through the years. A couple of things I learned from this. First, we were never meant to take on that much praise. Verbal encouragement is a necessary dichotomy. In the right doses, it’s needed. Too much, and it’s costly.

The reason for this is that compliments were designed to benefit the giver. As we know, God is a giving God. So God made us in His image. Therefore, when we give, we benefit. It’s His design. From a physiological angle, God designed it so that we release a neurochemical called oxytocin whenever we either do something generous for someone or even when we witness it. It’s a feel-good chemical. And it only gets released by kind, generous acts and touch, like when you shake a hand, pat on the back, or hugs. So again, God made us to give. Therefore, the compliment benefits the giver. The compliment is a burden to the recipient. We weren’t meant to take on large amounts of praise. As you see, this is why it’s a necessary dichotomy.

This is what kills most people in visible positions. It is incredibly easy to begin to wear the accolades thrown in your direction. Everyone wants to be near you. They want to throw compliments at you hoping you will return the favor and invite them into your circle. It feels good when they say kind things about you. And what many do is they put those compliments on like a coat and wear them around. Not realizing that this coat is poisonous. It begins to erode your sensitivity to what’s right and true. You begin to think you are the reason for your success, not God.

The only way to properly handle all of this is to A.C.T. First, we must Acknowledge. We must acknowledge that the compliment is for the giver and a burden to the recipient. We just discussed that. The next thing is to Collect. When we are given compliments, we should collect them and proverbially set them to the side. Don’t display false humility, “It’s not me, it’s only God.” No one wants to hear that. Just say thank you and set it to the side for later. Collect all of the kind things that people are saying about you.

And lastly, Transfer. When the dust settles on the event, and you are finally able to get away and get alone for a few minutes, take all of those compliments you set to the side earlier, get alone with God, and offer them up to Him saying, “Look at what they said about YOU.” See, those compliments were meant for God, not you. If you keep that perspective, you prevent yourself from ever believing the lie that they are about you. Then you remove the burden of the compliment. Jesus said to cast all of our cares and burdens onto Him. Here’s your chance.

I’m firmly convinced that this is what killed Elvis. He was getting it from every direction. And I don’t believe it was intentional. But I believe that no one ever taught him how to manage this and he just went on instincts. And left to our instincts, we will believe what people say about us. He believed it to the point where he became almost untouchable. He fired a bodyguard who was his close friend before he ever became famous. This guy had been with him from the very beginning and in 1976, one year before Elvis’ death, Elvis fired him for caring about Elvis and suggesting that he was taking too many pills. He had become “too big.” Elvis did not know how to handle the pressure. He never turned it over to God. In defense, Elvis did make an attempt. He would get the band together before every show and sing hymns. This was his way of refocusing before a show. But it wasn’t enough. He died… from those pills.

If you or someone you know is in a place of visibility, pass this on to them. If the place of visibility and power isn’t handled correctly, it will get to you and destroy you. We must maintain that the gifts are from God. Therefore, the compliments are for God. If you’ve never tried to A.C.T., then give it a try. I dare you.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Is Love All We Need? Not Even Close

Why is Christmas many people’s favorite time of year? Even non-religious people, it’s their favorite time of year. What makes this time of year different for those that aren’t actually celebrating Jesus’ birth? I have a theory.

We have all heard the songs, “love is all you need” or “you are all I need” and we have all chosen to believe this. Celine Dion, Rodney Crowell, and The Beatles sang about this. The problem is, it’s not even close to the truth. If you said, “God is all I need” you’d still be wrong. Here’s why:

We were designed to be social. We were created to have social interactions. Without these social interactions, we begin to lose our minds. Let me explain from a psychological viewpoint.

The Stanford Prison Experiment: In 1971, a psychology professor at Stanford University led a research team conducting an experiment on human behavior given pack mentality versus isolation. Everyone involved was a willing participant in the research and was told they could leave at any time. They split the group into guards and prisoners. They told the guards to keep the prisoners in line. Eventually, the guards took their jobs as power-wielding tyrants seriously and began using psychological tactics to keep the prisoners from escaping. The experiment was supposed to last 2 weeks. It only lasted 6 days because both the guards and the prisoners had all but forgotten they were willing participants and felt forced into their current positions, which caused extreme psychological stress to the prisoners, and later the guards as well. The isolation caused their minds to lose their grasp on reality. The reality was that they were just college students pretending to be something else for an experiment but instead they had grown to believe they were actually prisoners.

Kalief Browder: Now if that was the effect after 6 days, imagine being isolated from reality for 2 years. This was the case with Kalief Browder. Browder was a common kid, getting into small theft trouble in the streets of New York. One day he was arrested and charged with a crime he did not commit. Without any evidence, he was charged and sentenced, based on his prior history. He was sent to the Rikers Island jail system. There, he was being bullied. So he fought to defend himself. In doing so, they put him in solitary confinement. He spent 800 days in solitary confinement. Studies show that if one is in solitary confinement for more than 30 days, they will suffer severe psychological damage.

After his release, the case gained national attention. Browder appeared on The View with his lawyer. Rapper Jay-Z reached out to him. He was gaining national support. Nothing but love. But love was not enough. Upon his fifth suicide attempt, Browder was finally successful in 2013. The isolation had destroyed him permanently. Love was not enough.

Oxytocin: There are four “feel-good” chemicals that flow through your brain. Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin, and Oxytocin. Of the four, oxytocin is the only one that does not have a negative side. Endorphins mask pain, but the pain comes back. You can easily become addicted to dopamine. Serotonin can be tricked into being released. But oxytocin requires generosity and/or physical touch.

So the way oxytocin is released is when there is physical touch and when there is a random act of kindness or an act of true generosity without expectation of reciprocity. So when you pat someone on the back or shake their hand or hug them, oxytocin is released. When you do something kind for someone, you get a release of oxytocin, they get a release as well, as well as anyone who witnessed it. Oxytocin fights addiction and boosts your immune system. We are DESIGNED to be generous, social beings. Love is not enough. I know, “But you said God is not enough?” Hear me out.

Adam and Eve: God created everything in the world, every living thing. Then He created Adam. At this moment, there is no sin. There is no competition for God’s attention. There is only Adam and God. Adam literally had everything he needed in that moment. And somehow, in the midst of such perfection, God still said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Why?! He had God. He had love. If that is all we need, then there was no need for anything else in that moment. That’s just it, we needed more, because of how God made us. It’s the relational aspect of how we are created that causes us to want to be close to God, which was the original design. I don’t want to force my kids to hug me. I want them to want to hug me. That aspect of us requires more than love and more than God. It requires each other.

What we find is that when we are separated from each other, the enemy begins to tell lies that we begin to believe which destroy us. When we are isolated from God’s other creations, we lose the ability for rational thought. But when we do something for someone else, we better our own physical body and brain. We unlock what God created for us by being socially interactive.

So, is love all we need? No. Is God all we need? Apparently not. We need God and God in each other. This is the only way we thrive the way God intended. I know it doesn’t sing well, but it’s just the truth. So this Christmas, embrace the time of giving generously and joyously but with a new outlook on it. It is what we all NEED. And maybe we can start acting like it’s Christmas year round.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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Tattooed on Your Heart

I’ll never forget the time I was on the road with Blessid Union of souls and we had played the University of Miami. Afterwards, we were invited to a very nice restaurant. So nice, I felt very out of place. I was uncomfortable from the moment I walked in. And it must have been on my face because the guys in the band just sat me between them and started throwing appetizers at me, “Try this… and this!” Before long, I was no longer uncomfortable and was able to just enjoy the time. They went out of their way to make sure I felt like I was one of them.

In my time in the music industry, this was the case with most. Most people in that industry are kind, thoughtful people. When their brothers and sisters are hurting, they run to each other’s need and comfort them in whatever way they can. Such was my experience.

This is NOT the case with the church, unfortunately. The church is the only army that kicks its wounded while they’re down. It’s one of the few groups out there that gloat in how great they are… “in the name of Jesus.” Church people have a tendency to struggle less with major things (or at least hide them better), and therefore view that as a license to attack anyone who does struggle; “I don’t struggle with adultery or porn addiction, so I’m going to drive that home, showing everyone how righteous I am! I will conveniently leave out the sins I struggle with… let’s not talk about those.”

Kat Von D

Such is the case with Kat Von D. The celebrity tattoo artist was immersed in witchcraft and occult culture. She stated that there was a heaviness, a darkness, and a negativity that she no longer wanted to be a part of. She returned to her early roots of Christianity. She chose to publicly get baptized, expressing the belief that baptism is an outward expression of an internal change.

Of course, this brought out the morally superior. She stated that her atheist friends and fans came out with a huge show of support and love about her personal decision. It was not they who attacked her. It was Christians. They claimed she was faking the whole thing as a PR stunt. They accused her of not being a real Christian with all of the tattoos and the clothes she wears… the CLOTHES she wears! Christians came out and attacked her for now being married to an apparent non-Christian. They attacked her for her choice in music. They even came after her because her hands didn’t go completely under water. WHAT?!?

Basically, every narrow-minded, nonsensical statement you could think of shot out of their vitriol-filled mouths. She finally said, “do you only hang out with people that think and look like you? If so, that is a very sad and narrow-minded way to live. I didn’t get baptized to be saved. I was already saved. It’s not about me.” Good for her. Because it’s true. At the end of her response to this vile retort from these “peculiar people”, she said, “I love you anyway. That’s being Christ-like.”

Kat Von D getting baptized and attending church

The audacity of some people to believe that because they don’t live a dark life, they have the right to look down on those that have, is amazing to me. These are the same people that would have bet on never seeing that thief on the cross in heaven. The thief said (paraphrased), “I believe you are who you say you are, please remember me when you get where you’re going.” To which Jesus responded, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.” His hands never went fully under water. In fact, water never touched them. He never signed a membership document. He never learned the sinner’s prayer. It’s like a minister once said, “on what authority did he get into heaven? The man on the middle cross, that’s all the authority he needed!”

For those that believe tattoos are ungodly, you missed the point and, once again, took a scripture out of context. Not that I’m surprised. In Leviticus 19:28, when it says to not put tattoo marks on your body, the passage is specifically referring to false idols. The verse before said not to cut your hair. We going with that too, or just sticking with what you believe to be someone ELSE’S sin? These were things the people of that time and area were doing to worship false idols and gods. God said to stop those things and worship Him. Those were the things they were doing that were in the way of worshipping Him.

It’s not about the visible, it never was. In Numbers 21, the people of Israel had grown weary and frustrated with their circumstances. They spoke out against God. The response was a swarm of snakes. When they were bitten, they would die. The people asked Moses to speak with God on their behalf, asking for forgiveness. God’s response? Build a bronze statue of a snake on a pole (which, coincidentally, is currently used as a symbol for medicine). God told them to build a statue! It’s not about the statue. It’s about the heart. God didn’t remove the snakes. He gave them a way to deal with the problem. When we find ourselves in a predicament that we got ourselves into, God doesn’t just get us out, but rather He gives a way to survive and work through it. He doesn’t just rearrange who you are, He gives you the grace to work through who you are and who He is in you. It’s like the old saying, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

God didn’t save you out of your mess so that you could belittle those that don’t look like you. He saved you from your mess so that you could love those who don’t look like you. This is how they will know… by the LOVE that you show. Currently the church is more known for what it is against than who it is for. It is time we, as ambassadors for Christ, start giving the world a reason to find what we found and stop being the reason they never will. Thank you, Kat Von D, for showing us the error of our ways, and at the same time, not giving up on us, but showing us love when we didn’t deserve it, just like Jesus does. I hope God’s love is forever tattooed on your heart.

Stay Classy GP!

Grainger

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The Only Shape That Fits

Most of us have enjoyed the beauty of a painting. Artists spend their time crafting what they believe to be a good painting. When they are done, they sign the painting somewhere on the canvas. The creator makes a mark on the painting that only he can make signifying it is his. Our Creator did the same thing. I’ll explain.

I was in the doctor’s office waiting room with my daughter watching a few kids play. One kid concerned me a little. She kept trying to put the square piece in the round hole. Over and over she tried. She finally threw the square piece. Then she picked up the triangle piece and put it in the round hole. Again, didn’t fit. She threw that one too. It seemed no matter which block she picked up, if it wasn’t the round one, it wasn’t going to fit.

Then it hit me. This is exactly what we do in life. We go through life trying to find something that will fill the hole in our inner most beings, but it never seems to fit perfectly. We look up and wonder why we are still miserable.

I recently watched the Johnny Football documentary. He had achieved everything he had ever dreamed of and more. He was a D1 star. He made more money than he knew what to do with. He beat Alabama. Ha. He won the Heisman as a freshman. He was drafted in the first round of the NFL. Then, sitting on his couch in Cleveland, he was miserable. All of that still didn’t equate to fulfillment. He tried taking his own life. The only reason he’s alive is because the gun malfunctioned.

Then there’s the time Deion Sanders attempted to take his own life after winning the super bowl 3 times. Or how about the time Dennis Rodman contemplated taking his own life. He had won championships. But he was miserable.

Robin Williams was a living legend. Kate Spade had more money than I’ll ever see. Anthony Bourdain had his own show traveling the world doing what he loved. It wasn’t enough. There’s a reason.

There’s a hole or void in our souls in a certain shape. It’s the shape of God. We have all tried to put things there that don’t fit. Money, substances, fame, cars, friends, careers, our spouses, our kids. They don’t fit. But we try to make them fit. Then we look around and wonder why we are miserable. We are miserable because we are trying to make a square block fit in to a round hole.

When it comes to the creation, the Creator was clever. He made you almost whole. But he left one piece out. And made sure that it was only in the shape of Him. After all, He did say He made us in His image.

So if you are in a place where you can’t figure out why you are miserable, apathetic, sad, frustrated, lonely, full of anxiety… it may be that you still need to fill that void with the right shape. If you will just give up trying the other things, that don’t seem to be working, and fill your void with the shape of God, you will find that there’s peace and relaxation in this. Try it. What do you have to lose?