Why did we get married?
Great question. Most people will answer that they love their spouse. So because they’ve fallen in love, they get married. On the surface, that sounds normal and reasonable. There’s a large problem with this motive, though.
I mentioned in a previous blog that Jesus didn’t die for you and I. I said that he gave his life because he was being obedient to his Father and as a result, you and I are eternally joined to the creator of the universe. Perspective. It’s important to keep proper perspective. If our perspective is that he did it for us, then the conversation before the betrayal means nothing. He wouldn’t really care what his dad thought. He would just do what he thought was best and say “Dad will understand.” But he didn’t. The perspective here is to do what your Father has instructed and everything else will flow from there.
Let’s look at something that most of us can relate to. When we came into covenant with God, we didn’t know how to love Him. It was only after we chose to surrender our will and choose to get to know Him that we began to see all of the benefits and began to love Him for who He is. The covenant and obedience came first and the love was born out of that obedience. This quote by Jackie Hill Perry says it well:
“Choose to love even when you don’t feel like it. Obedience often precedes affection.” -Jackie Hill Perry
We must do what God instructs us to do because of our obedience, respect, reverence and honor. We do it because He said do it. Not because we like it or want to. If we happen to want to, then good. But our “want to” is not required for our obedience. What does this have to do with marriage? Another great question.
I remember looking my wife in the eye and telling her that I didn’t ask her to marry me because I loved her. That it’s the wrong reason. She looked a little perplexed. But I explained that I asked her because through all of my searching, praying and seeking God, she kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I explained that I believed this was what God wanted and it wasn’t up to me to decide against it. I married her because I believed God had designed this and put us together.
If you get married to someone because you feel love for someone, you will divorce them because you no longer feel that love for them. I hear celebrities say all the time, “We fell out of love so we got divorced.” The reasoning simply cannot be for the love of that person. It has to be for the love of God and that you believe God has put this together. Because you will, inevitably, come to a place where you don’t feel love. When he eats loudly… when she throws your good stuff away… when he won’t put the toilet paper roll on correctly… when her cosmetics are all over the sink… you will need more than the feeling of love to get past these things. You will need the conscience understanding that God put it together and it’s not up to you to end that covenant. With that understanding, it becomes much more difficult to walk away. There will be a time when it will ALL be tested. You will need an outside opinion and outside instruction to get you two on a path of unity. You will need to do things to “spice up” the relationship of the person you’ve been with for many years. If these are things you are unwilling to do for the sake of a God-given unity, then don’t get in. Don’t waste anyone’s time. Because Jesus said, “in this world you WILL have trouble…” Not might, or could… but WILL.
Pastor Michael Todd once said that the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13 requires sacrifice and a willingness to die to ourselves that most of us aren’t willing to do outside of a full commitment. He’s gone so far as to say that marriage comes before love. I agree. You don’t really know what kind of relationship you really have until it’s tested. Until you find yourself in a fire, you don’t know what you’re made of. Adversity is the ONLY way to know where you stand as a couple and where you’re headed.
So prepare yourself. Prepare to wake up to their snoring and know you’re committed. Prepare to be surprised by that awful fart and know you’re still committed. Brace yourself for the fruit of the forbidden tree to start looking appealing and know ahead of time that this is the enemy.
One last note about the marriage covenant itself. Why is it so important? Yet another great question. God holds His relationship with us of the utmost importance. The relationship between husband and wife is held just under that. Every other relationship, including with your children, come after those two. So if God sees it that important, so should we. I once heard Ravi Zacharias teach that the Greek text of the Bible speaks of four types of love. They had four different words for what we universally call “Love”. Agape- Unconditional love; Phileo- brotherly love; Storge- protective or parental love; Eros- romantic love. The marriage covenant is the only relationship that encompasses all four types. Therefore, it is a sacred union to God. It’s not a feeling. It’s a covenant. The decision isn’t about how you feel. The decision is about WHO put this together and who you vowed to stay committed to. It’s not easy. No one ever promised that. But nothing worth having is. It’s work. It’s dying to yourself. Remember, the key to life summed up in one word is “others”.
“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, STAND.” Ephesians 6:13
Stay Classy GP!