{"id":331,"date":"2019-09-07T23:18:07","date_gmt":"2019-09-07T23:18:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=331"},"modified":"2019-09-10T16:54:22","modified_gmt":"2019-09-10T16:54:22","slug":"hope-in-the-tunnel-part-1-my-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2019\/09\/07\/hope-in-the-tunnel-part-1-my-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Hope in the Tunnel- Part 1: My Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019m in a\ntunnel\u2026 and I don\u2019t see an end to the tunnel. It\u2019s so dark that I can\u2019t see my\nhand in front of my face. Can\u2019t see directions. Can\u2019t tell if life is going on\naround me. Or if I\u2019m just stuck in some chasm of hopelessness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

That pretty\nmuch summed where I was a few years back. But the story didn\u2019t end there. While\nI was in the tunnel, a few things happened. First, I prayed the same prayer\nevery single night for at least a year. \u201cLord, please take me in my sleep. I\ndon\u2019t want to wake up.\u201d I really prayed this. Over and over. And began to get\nmad at God that He wasn\u2019t listening. I was already mad at God for what had\nhappened to get me here. More about that in a moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though I\ncouldn\u2019t see around me, those around me knew I was there. They decided to guide\nme from place to place in this tunnel. I still couldn\u2019t see but I could hear\nthem. \u201cNo, don\u2019t walk that way, walk this way.\u201d Over time, I began to rely on\nthose voices. I began to enjoy those voices. I began to believe those voices\nwere around me for a reason. So little by little, God used those people to\nguide me further and further until I began to see a light. It was very dim, but\nit was there. And the more I headed in a forward direction, the brighter the\nlight became. Until eventually, I was out of the tunnel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How did I get there? <\/strong>In 2011, I got the call that I had\nreceived many times before, but this time it was crippling\u2026 it was final.\nWarner Brothers had officially passed on me and my band after we had verbally\ndiscussed and agreed on terms. Something happened within the label that made\nthem bail on me at the last second and refused to sign any new acts for a while.\nThe problem was, I was 36 years old. No one is looking for the next big 36 year\nold. I knew right then I had to hang it up. Grow up and get a real job. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why was I so angry? <\/strong>Because I wasn\u2019t trying to get a\nrecord deal to get famous or rich. I was doing exactly what I truly believed\nGod had called me to. My talents, my desires, my surroundings. I received\nconfirmation from many Godly people, including 3 pastors, that I was called to\nbe light in a dark place. And that country music was to be my outlet. I\u2019d given\nall of my \u201ccollege\u201d years, my \u201cworking up the corporate ladder\u201d years, my\n\u201cbuilding my business\u201d years\u2026 doing music. Now I was 15 years behind everyone\nmy age in every aspect of life\u2026 all for doing what I thought God wanted! So\nafter 15 years of sacrifice and heartache and disappointment, to have nothing\nto show for it was more than devastating. I felt like I was having a funeral.\nLike I was burying someone close to me. What happened next was worse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I became\nvery numb. Very cynical. Very bitter. And worse, very apathetic. Nothing phased\nme. I was grieving. I poured myself into officiating basketball. Anything to\nget away from my constant reminder that I was a total failure. But if that\nwasn\u2019t bad enough, this funk I\u2019d found myself in, greatly contributed to the\nend of a 14 year marriage. Which resulted in once seeing my daughters every\nday, to seeing them every other weekend. Well now I\u2019ve done it\u2026 I\u2019ve gone and\nmade sure I\u2019m a TOTAL failure. This is where I fully enter the tunnel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how did I get out? <\/strong>Jesus\u2026 in friends. A certain group of friends took me in and welcomed me in their \u201cclique\u201d. That was the beginning. A couple of old friends came in to my rescue as well. These people wouldn\u2019t let me stay in the tunnel. They wouldn\u2019t settle for \u201cI\u2019m tired, I think I\u2019ll stay home.\u201d They pulled and tugged until I was hanging out and laughing with them. In the midst of all of this, I found myself helping these people. I found myself helping other people with<\/em> these people. I found myself less worried about my problems and more concerned about\u2026 OTHERS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What I\u2019ve\nlearned about this topic is\u2026 the way out of this tunnel had a few\ncharacteristics. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*People<\/strong>. Jesus didn\u2019t send a fancy angel flying down from the clouds. He sent people. People that didn\u2019t even know they were being sent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Serving<\/strong>. Getting out of my own way and helping others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Lack of judging<\/strong>. No one cared that I wasn\u2019t as successful as most people my age. No one shunned me, kept me out. It was open arms. And I had to be ok with them knowing everything wasn’t ok. And hoping they didn’t judge me, which they didn’t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Decisions<\/strong>. I had to consciously choose to make better decisions going forward. Starting with owning my contribution to my divorce. What can I do better? What can I learn from? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Renewed love<\/strong> for God and His people. I still don\u2019t have a clear answer as to why I believed for so long that God wanted me to do something, only to find out I was wrong the entire 15 years. Why God didn\u2019t stop me at some point and say, \u201cHey, this isn\u2019t going to work. Go do something else.\u201d But because of how I was taught and how I believe, I remembered that God never changes. He\u2019s still God. And while I still don\u2019t know why my life went the way it did, it doesn\u2019t change who He is and what He wants for us and from us. That\u2019s the short version of my story. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned some valuable lessons about that tunnel. I\u2019ve been hearing many people talk about their tunnel. I\u2019ll address that in the next part. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grainger<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m in a tunnel\u2026 and I don\u2019t see an end to the tunnel. It\u2019s so dark that I can\u2019t see my hand in front of my face. Can\u2019t see directions. Can\u2019t tell if life is going on around me. Or if I\u2019m just stuck in some chasm of hopelessness. That pretty much summed where I … <\/p>\n

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