{"id":1305,"date":"2026-09-29T07:03:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-29T13:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=1305"},"modified":"2026-09-23T10:11:14","modified_gmt":"2026-09-23T16:11:14","slug":"darby-saxbes-advice-to-steven-bartlett","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/29\/darby-saxbes-advice-to-steven-bartlett\/","title":{"rendered":"Darby Saxbe\u2019s Advice to Steven Bartlett"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2><em>Eight Points to Successful Parenting<\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"480\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/darby-ceo.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1306\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/darby-ceo.jpg 480w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/darby-ceo-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px\" \/><figcaption>L-R: Darby Saxbe and Steven Bartlett<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__list wp-block-latest-posts\"><li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/29\/darby-saxbes-advice-to-steven-bartlett\/\">Darby Saxbe\u2019s Advice to Steven Bartlett<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/23\/undiagnosed\/\">Undiagnosed<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/08\/i-am-sowellian\/\">I Am Sowellian<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/08\/capitalism-didnt-create-human-nature\/\">Capitalism Didn\u2019t Create Human Nature<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/01\/what-identity-is-not\/\">What Identity is Not<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>I recently watched fellow stacker <\/em><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/open.substack.com\/users\/46862711-darby-saxbe?utm_source=mentions\" target=\"_blank\">Darby Saxbe<\/a> <em>on the podcast <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/Ppyt3MptX5k?si=DFqPYkxWg_IQ7ZBk\">Diary of a CEO<\/a> with Steven Bartlett. During the podcast, Steven asked for advice for his eventual leap into fatherhood. The following points were her list. I chose to elaborate on each point from my perspective.<\/em> <em>Please keep in mind that these views may or may not necessarily reflect Darby\u2019s views on these issues. Again, this is merely from my perspective as a therapist<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2>Shore Up the Couple First<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This is vital. The strength and resilience of a couple will certainly determine their success or demise once children are introduced to the partnership. Marital satisfaction (Rhoades et al., 2009) is the key here, rather than duration. But duration is reflective of marital satisfaction. I\u2019ll explain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If we know that couples who cohabitate are significantly more likely to divorce than couples who marry before moving in together (Rosenfeld &amp; Roesler, 2019), and we know that couples who cohabitated during their first child\u2019s birth were cohabitating an average of 20.9 months before birth, as opposed to 36.7 months for married couples before having their first child (Guzzo &amp; Hayford, 2012), then it is quite plausible to connect a reasonable duration of time as a mitigating factor of divorce after having children, knowing that children immediately put strain on a relationship in the beginning months. I encourage couples to wait at least 2 years, but not more than 4 or 5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Divide the Load Early<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This is important, but not in the way you might think. I see many couples who vary in their division of household and parental labor, and it works for them. What I find is satisfaction is tied to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2026\/06\/16\/how-working-parents-divide-family-responsibilities\/\">expectation<\/a>. When parents don\u2019t discuss their household and parental division of labor, this produces resentment. When they do discuss their household and parental division of labor, and it is carried out, there is great satisfaction. The percentage truly does not matter. Some prefer fathers\u2019 engagement at 20%, 50%, or 70%. It\u2019s different for every couple. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2023\/01\/24\/gender-and-parenting\/\">But if the expectation is 50%, and the father does not fulfill this agreement, resentment and bitterness begin to erode the relationship through \u201c<\/a><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2023\/01\/24\/gender-and-parenting\/\">relational death by a thousand cuts<\/a><\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/social-trends\/2023\/01\/24\/gender-and-parenting\/\">.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Have the Values Talk Now<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Truly, this should have happened a long time ago. Values should be discussed prior to cohabitation or engagement. What type of living arrangements?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Where?<\/li><li>Children?<\/li><li>How many?<\/li><li>Religion or not?<\/li><li>Type of school?<\/li><li>Discipline style?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>All need to be discussed prior to engagement. But, if for some reason this hasn\u2019t been covered, yes, now is a good time to get this all sorted out. Household negotiation can be a mitigating factor of divorce, or its biggest contributor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Build Your Support Network\/ Find Your Community:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>For clients with depression, we discuss:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li>Service<\/li><li>Community<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>Among the benefits of serving others, beyond whatever assistance is provided to them, is the perspective gained when attention is directed away from our own struggles and toward others\u2019 difficulties. Because no individual remains equally strong under all circumstances, community involves not only receiving help in moments of weakness but providing such help when the weakness of others presents itself. One person stumbles and is stabilized by another. Later, the reversal is almost inevitable. It truly does take a village. There\u2019s no way around this. If you are one that doesn\u2019t enjoy the company of people, this is an area which will require acquiescence. We were never meant to do life alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Protect Your Sleep<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Among the consequences of inadequate sleep, particularly during care for an infant, are difficulties in memory, attention, and the ability to function effectively. Because sleep plays an important role in memory consolidation, its absence leaves the mind heavily burdened. The practical question you must ask is not whether you will lose sleep, as this is inevitable, but rather how such loss is distributed. When our baby woke, I changed the diaper and my wife handled feeding. Such a routine allowed both of us to obtain comparable amounts of sleep, rather than leaving one parent consistently deprived. The particular arrangement matters less than finding one that works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Take Every Chance to Bond<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This is an area I wish I could get back. Don\u2019t jack this up! When you have a free moment, it should be with your children. This means putting the phone down. Many surveys are available where kids were asked if they could have their parents do one thing different, they stated their desire for their parents to put down devices and play with them. Don\u2019t be that guy. I can promise you from firsthand experience, you will regret it to the point of dysfunction. I had to relearn how to refrain from hating myself over this. Although my daughters have assured me that my self-perceived failures were not as massive as I imagined, accepting this required learning that regret can instruct and does not have to become another form of self-punishment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Give Yourself Grace<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>There are perfect parents, they just don\u2019t have children yet. In reality, there are no perfect parents. And you won\u2019t be the first. So relax. Settle in. I highly recommend the work of Dr. <a href=\"https:\/\/open.substack.com\/users\/335357451-laura-dimler-phd?utm_source=mentions\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Laura Dimler, PhD<\/a> in this area. She is likely the best at helping parents determine what is satisfactory and what it means to be a <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradimler.substack.com\/p\/the-science-behind-the-good-enough\">Good Enough Parent<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <a href=\"https:\/\/lauradimler.substack.com\/p\/your-child-doesnt-need-an-optimized\">one such writing, Dr. Dimler states<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Experience-expectant development refers to experiences the human brain evolved expecting across development:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><em>language exposure<\/em><\/li><li><em>visual input<\/em><\/li><li><em>movement<\/em><\/li><li><em>caregiving<\/em><\/li><li><em>social interaction<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The brain is biologically prepared for these experiences and relies on them to organize neural systems normally. Experience-dependent development is different.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>These are experiences unique to the individual:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><em>learning piano<\/em><\/li><li><em>reading<\/em><\/li><li><em>gymnastics<\/em><\/li><li><em>chess<\/em><\/li><li><em>speaking a particular language<\/em><\/li><li><em>playing soccer<\/em><\/li><li><em>coding<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><em>These experiences are not universally expected by the brain, but they help shape the brain over time through learning and repeated practice.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Provide what is expected, and you, too, can be a good enough parent. Relax. You got this!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>Protect Time Together<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Don\u2019t. Skip. Date. Night.<\/strong> I don\u2019t care how you do it, just make it happen. It doesn\u2019t need to involve great expenses. Make some PB&amp;Js, throw them in a basket, lay a blanket down at the park and have some eyeball to eyeball time, in hopes for eventual belly-button to belly-button time. I\u2019ve had some couples decide that following an 8pm bedtime, 8-10pm is their time to connect while device-free. You\u2019re not being selfish by protecting your time together, you\u2019re consistently reigniting your relational fire to ensure your children get what\u2019s best, rather than what\u2019s left of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grainger<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>References<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Guzzo, K. B., &amp; Hayford, S. R. (2012). Unintended fertility and the stability of coresidential relationships. <em>Social science research<\/em>, <em>41<\/em>(5), 1138\u20131151. <a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.ssresearch.2012.03.002\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.ssresearch.2012.03.002<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., &amp; Markman, H. J. (2009). The pre-engagement cohabitation effect: a replication and extension of previous findings. <em>Journal of family psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43)<\/em>, <em>23<\/em>(1), 107\u2013111. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/a0014358<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rosenfeld, M. J., &amp; Roesler, K. (2019). Cohabitation Experience and Cohabitation&#8217;s Association With Marital Dissolution.<em> Journal of Marriage and Family, 81<\/em>(1), 42; 42\u201358; 58. 10.1111\/jomf.12530<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Eight Points to Successful Parenting I recently watched fellow stacker Darby Saxbe on the podcast Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett. During the podcast, Steven asked for advice for his eventual leap into fatherhood. The following points were her list. I chose to elaborate on each point from my perspective. Please keep in mind &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/09\/29\/darby-saxbes-advice-to-steven-bartlett\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Darby Saxbe\u2019s Advice to Steven Bartlett&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[166,6,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1305"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1305"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1305\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1307,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1305\/revisions\/1307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}