{"id":1182,"date":"2026-02-17T06:11:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-17T12:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=1182"},"modified":"2026-02-10T15:16:04","modified_gmt":"2026-02-10T21:16:04","slug":"the-freedom-of-limits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/02\/17\/the-freedom-of-limits\/","title":{"rendered":"The Freedom of Limits"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h3><em>Less Echoes, More Challenges<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/freedom-pic-1024x843.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1183\" width=\"710\" height=\"584\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/freedom-pic-1024x843.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/freedom-pic-300x247.jpg 300w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/freedom-pic-768x632.jpg 768w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/freedom-pic.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 710px) 100vw, 710px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__list wp-block-latest-posts\"><li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/21\/why-therapy-is-so-hard-for-men\/\">Why Therapy is So Hard For Men<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/14\/according-to-research-you-and-i-are-probably-wrong\/\">According to Research, You and I Are Probably Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/07\/the-diary-of-existing-beliefs\/\">The Diary of Existing Beliefs<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/10\/the-dirty-s-word\/\">The Dirty \u201cS\u201d Word<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/03\/dont-throw-the-message-out-with-the-mess-ups\/\">Don\u2019t Throw the Message Out With the Mess-Ups<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>This isn\u2019t one of those articles that brings research, data, science, into the discussion. This one is the eyeball test. What I see, what is working, and what\u2019s not working.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Back Story<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When I began officiating college basketball, it was primarily due to how poorly basketball was being officiated. I set out to show it was possible to work hard and be a good referee. I quickly garnered a reputation for, \u201cThat\u2019s one of the good ones.\u201d As if to suggest this is rare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fast forward. Many years later, I\u2019m serving in a pastoral counseling role at my church when my wife says, \u201cYou should consider doing this for a living.\u201d That sparked a desire to understand where the industry was. It didn\u2019t take long to understand that this industry was ideologically captured by group-think minions that dare you to present facts and refuse to test the ideas they espouse proudly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Affirm at all costs<\/li><li>Validate anything and everything<\/li><li>Make them feel seen and heard so they return<\/li><li>Don\u2019t challenge them or they will end their own lives and you will be the reason why<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>This all made no sense to me. If counseling becomes solely a space for affirmation without thoughtful challenge, its value diminishes. Effective therapy involves both validation and constructive confrontation. Helping clients examine assumptions, recognize blind spots, and consider alternative perspectives rather than simply reinforcing existing beliefs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But that\u2019s just it, we have moved beyond the ability to think critically, but rather homogenously. It\u2019s an incessant drilling of like-minded, echo-chambered mobs with pitchforks daring others to get in their way. \u201cIf they believe they\u2019re a microwave, you better find the popcorn button!\u201d But there\u2019s a problem, it simply doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Therapeutic Madness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I recently&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/substack.com\/home\/post\/p-186464200\">read an article<\/a>&nbsp;that made me almost come out of my chair and yell in excitement at the screen, \u201cYes! That\u2019s what I\u2019m saying!\u201d&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/substack.com\/@skyesclera?\">Skye Sclera<\/a>\u2019s primary point was how therapy seems to be ideologically homogenous and in denial that another perspective exists. When therapy becomes this rooted in groupthink, it reduces its quantitative reach. And when clinicians struggle to establish clear behavioral limits, clients may interpret this as implicit permission for unrestricted behavioral choices, including those that may be maladaptive or harmful. It\u2019s like a menu that has way too many options. You\u2019re not impressed, you\u2019re overstimulated. That\u2019s because there\u2019s liberty in limits. But good luck telling the therapeutic community that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>The Outcry<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Lately, there have been an influx of mothers entering our office making this statement, \u201cI heard you had a man here that talks to teenage boys and knows how to make the rest of our lives more peaceful. Well, I need this guy to see my son. Because he is wreaking havoc on our home and something has to change!\u201d The last five mothers who entered saying this, I accepted as clients. Here are some examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>New Dad<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>One comes in, looking everywhere but in my eyes. Talks&nbsp;<em>at<\/em>&nbsp;me instead of&nbsp;<em>to<\/em>&nbsp;me. We begin talking about how he ended up in my office (most of my clients are court-ordered). As he states why, I quickly see that this young man doesn\u2019t have a man in his life telling him how to and how not to act in public. So I ask. Nope. No man. So I lean in. \u201cYou want to be exactly like your father who is sitting in a prison cell? No? Then you should start acting like a real man. You have a baby on the way. Do you wish to be the dad you never had? Yeah? Then you will need to start acting like a man. So far, you resemble a little boy who argues and fights his way through everything. Men discuss. Men care. Men protect and provide but also nurture and love. You are on your way to being cellmates with your dad if you don\u2019t do something different!\u201d He clearly needed to hear this. Because his mom told him he didn\u2019t have to go to therapy if he didn\u2019t want to. Yet he chose to continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>Little Boy Syndrome<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Another one came in looking down and away, steady RBF. Made it clear he didn\u2019t want any part of this. Again, I leaned in. \u201cSounds like you wanted to be treated like a man.\u201d He nods yes. \u201cThen you should start acting like one. Men don\u2019t look down when they\u2019re talking to people. Men don\u2019t cuss their mothers. Men don\u2019t sit back and wait for good things to happen. They make good things happen. They initiate. They help. They make everyone\u2019s life around them better because they\u2019re in it. Little boys cause more problems. And you\u2019re causing more problems for your family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This particular young man goes back to court. His mother tells the judge about our conversations. Leaves it to the young man where to go for therapy. He says he wants to see me because I\u2019m \u201cdifferent.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What makes me different? I fully believe it\u2019s because I don\u2019t let them stay where they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p>\u201cWho you are isn\u2019t nearly as important as who you could be. And who you could be isn\u2019t here. So let\u2019s go find him.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>Mom\u2019s Despair<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>A mother comes in with her arms open. \u201cThe last 5 therapists I saw didn\u2019t understand. They validate my son\u2019s anger outbursts. Affirm his rudeness and violent tirades. They say that we must let him feel his emotions fully. Am I going crazy or does that sound like a bad idea?\u201d I then spoke about how young men need structure that\u2019s not sugar-coated but blunt and forward directed. I told her that I believed his previous therapists were trying to exorcise the masculine out of him, assuming that was the demon within, and installing a feminine chip would solve everything. But it won\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I told her some of the strategies I use on teenage boys, she began to cry. But they were tears of joy. For the first time, she encountered feedback that resonated with psychological clarity. Rather than vague reassurance, she heard a formulation grounded in behavioral principles. I spoke of the benefits of structured incentives, consistent boundaries, and predictable consequences. At the same time, supporting his development likely requires a balanced approach. Allowing meaningful autonomy while maintaining appropriate parental guidance rather than granting full control. No one had ever expressed the need for him to be called&nbsp;<em><strong>up<\/strong><\/em>, not&nbsp;<em><strong>out<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Quenching the Thirst Using Limits<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>What I hear is an outcry from both mothers and young men for something real and not ideological. Something that beckons to evolutionary psychology. Something that is a calling card to their given biology. That it\u2019s ok to be masculine. It\u2019s ok to be tough. It\u2019s ok to be angry. It\u2019s ok to be confused. And it\u2019s ok to express emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s as if they have been wandering in a desert and someone just gave them a drink of cold water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This must be how Jordan Peterson felt when he realized how many men were responding to his call to stand up straight, put on your best clothes, look a man in the eye, make your bed, and treat yourself like someone you\u2019re responsible for. I\u2019ve seen many interviews when people ask him to acknowledge this influence and he is reduced to tears. Now I know why. It\u2019s sadness knowing that all they needed was fundamental encouragement to revolutionize their lives mixed with the pure joy of seeing it come to fruition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m seeing it now. Every day. We don\u2019t need more therapists who just nod and validate everything. We need more who actually challenge people. Therapists willing to call&nbsp;<em><strong>out&nbsp;<\/strong><\/em>what\u2019s broken and call people&nbsp;<em><strong>up&nbsp;<\/strong><\/em>to something better. Ones who aren\u2019t afraid to say the uncomfortable, unpopular truths that actually change lives. Because drowning clients in feelings while ignoring reality isn\u2019t compassion, it\u2019s avoidance. And whether the field admits it or not, a lot of people are starving for someone who will finally be honest with them. But if you ask a therapist, they\u2019ll say these clients are misguided and haven\u2019t found their \u201ctrue self.\u201d Yes they have. And now I\u2019m normalizing their true self with structure and boundaries. And the evidence is right before me. There\u2019s freedom in limits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grainger<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Less Echoes, More Challenges This isn\u2019t one of those articles that brings research, data, science, into the discussion. This one is the eyeball test. What I see, what is working, and what\u2019s not working. Back Story When I began officiating college basketball, it was primarily due to how poorly basketball was being officiated. I set &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/02\/17\/the-freedom-of-limits\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;The Freedom of Limits&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1182"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1182"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1182\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1184,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1182\/revisions\/1184"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1182"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1182"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1182"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}