{"id":1178,"date":"2026-02-10T06:24:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-10T12:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=1178"},"modified":"2026-01-29T12:29:59","modified_gmt":"2026-01-29T18:29:59","slug":"i-forgive-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/02\/10\/i-forgive-you\/","title":{"rendered":"I Forgive You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h4><em>The Burden That Affects Only One<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"450\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/forgive-idea.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1179\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/forgive-idea.jpg 450w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/01\/forgive-idea-300x200.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 450px) 100vw, 450px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__list wp-block-latest-posts\"><li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/21\/why-therapy-is-so-hard-for-men\/\">Why Therapy is So Hard For Men<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/14\/according-to-research-you-and-i-are-probably-wrong\/\">According to Research, You and I Are Probably Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/07\/the-diary-of-existing-beliefs\/\">The Diary of Existing Beliefs<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/10\/the-dirty-s-word\/\">The Dirty \u201cS\u201d Word<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/03\/dont-throw-the-message-out-with-the-mess-ups\/\">Don\u2019t Throw the Message Out With the Mess-Ups<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>I have written about forgiveness before, but in response to an article and a cultural event that took place. You can see that <\/em><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.substack.com\/p\/forgiveness-is-a-decision?r=h20p2\" target=\"_blank\"><em>HERE<\/em><\/a><em>. This time, I want to make it personal. Because it is. Here\u2019s my story. Try your best to respond to the call to action at the end.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I forgive you. Yeah you, the one who told me you would place me under investigation so that I would leave the company because you didn\u2019t want any white people there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I forgive you. Yeah you, the one who told me I would not get the job though I was most qualified because I was a white male.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I forgive you. Yeah you, the one who told me that the only way I\u2019d ever be a good therapist was if I were to become a woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I forgive you. Yeah you, the one who went behind me, told outright lies, and got me removed from the band because you wanted full credit for any future success of that artist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Aas far as I know, each one of those individuals above are still alive. But if they were deceased, it wouldn\u2019t change the statement. I forgive them. Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Forgiveness is an internal dialogue. Though it is expressed externally. Forgiveness is you drawing a hard line in your own mind and body. This wound does not get unlimited access to my life. The injury happened, but it doesn\u2019t get to run the system anymore. You\u2019re telling your nervous system to stand down, telling your thoughts to stop orbiting the damage, and reclaiming the bandwidth that pain once consumed. From that point forward, you\u2019re not drifting in reaction, you\u2019re moving with intention. Focus replaces fixation. Direction replaces rumination. And your future stops being negotiated by your past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>My Experience<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I was working at a large corporation. I had risen to the top 5 in the entire company in sales. I was being celebrated by many in the company that were not in my area. Meanwhile, in my area, there was a black woman that sat me down and told me a harsh truth. I had applied for a supervisor position leading a sales team. She said that she did not want me to get the supervisor\u2019s position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result, I did not get it. She told me it was because she wanted her black female friends to get it because we need more \u201cdiversity.\u201d Diversity had come to be known as non-white. She said, and I quote, \u201cThe last thing this company needs is more white men telling black people what to do.\u201d Another supervisor\u2019s position became available. I applied again. This time, someone above her stated that being top 5 in the company means something and that he was giving me a shot. But I had to work for \u201cher.\u201d As soon as I got the job, she told me that she would see to it that I\u2019m no longer there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She had opened an investigation into another supervisor, a mixed male. Again stating that we need more females in the company. Shortly thereafter, she opened one on me, completely inventing infractions. My coworker sweat through it and hung on. I did not. I moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>I was in another industry. I went to the boss and discussed getting hired for certain positions. He plainly told me that we need more black people and that I would not get the job, \u201cSo don\u2019t even bother applying.\u201d I was more qualified and had more experience. It did not matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve already written about this, but basically, I was in class and told that in order to be a good therapist, you have to be a woman. If you\u2019re a man, you have to be feminine. You can\u2019t be masculine in any way. But being a straight white Christian male made it impossible to be a good therapist and that I needed to rethink my career choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Each of these individuals left a mark on me. It stung. Each of these individuals was in a place of authority and, by default, I looked up to them. Each said what they said because they knew there were no repercussions. Being racist or sexists was perfectly acceptable as long as it was against white males. And I\u2019m not the lawsuit type. I like the path of least resistance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fortunately, I\u2019m surrounded by wise men and women. And these wise individuals encouraged me to see it for what it was; a power grab rooted in ideological homogeny centered around group think that has placed blinders over their eyes to the possibility that someone could disagree with them and be right. So I forgave them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>How Do You Know When You\u2019ve Forgiven Them?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>You know forgiveness has actually happened when their name stops having power over your nervous system. It comes up, a familiar scenario resurfaces, and there\u2019s no spike. No heat. No internal recoil. Just neutrality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My wife had to forgive her ex-husband and her father for years of harm. Today, when they\u2019re mentioned, she doesn\u2019t relive the story. She simply says she hopes and prays they\u2019ve changed. That\u2019s the difference. Forgiveness isn\u2019t sentimental, it\u2019s neurological. The person who once hijacked your emotions no longer lives rent free in your head. Their name becomes just a sound, not a trigger. And in that moment, you realize something radical. You\u2019re no longer reacting. You\u2019re choosing<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Studies<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>There are studies showing a link between forgiveness and physical health. One such meta-analysis (Lee &amp; Enright, 2019) showed forgiveness having a positive effect on the sympathetic nervous system, endocrine production, brain activity, blood pressure, cholesterol, and the immune system (<em>N<\/em> = 58,531, <em>r<\/em> = 0.14, <em>p<\/em> &lt; 0.001).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Your Turn<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Who do you need to forgive? Your story is likely much worse than mine. Murder. Rape. Molestation. Sex trafficking. Domestic violence. Psychological abuse. Malevolently turning the children against you. The list goes on and on. People do awful things at times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may be asking, \u201cWhy should I forgive them? They don\u2019t deserve that.\u201d And you would be right. They don\u2019t. I don\u2019t deserve the forgiveness I receive either. And neither do you. That\u2019s why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So I\u2019ll ask again, who do you need to forgive? Don\u2019t wait. Don\u2019t put it off. Forgive them today, tonight. Even if you don\u2019t have a way to tell them. Forgive them. Tell someone that you\u2019ve done so. You will begin to feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders. Peace is achievable. But not with unforgiveness lurking in the background.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To my Christian brothers and sisters. Forgiving is not an option. It is a command. We are able to forgive others because God forgave us. Remember, we didn\u2019t deserve the forgiveness God extended, no one does. So forgive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One last time, <strong>Who Do You Need to Forgive?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grainger<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>References <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lee, Y., &amp; Enright, R. D. (2019). A meta-analysis of the association between forgiveness of others and physical health.<em>\u00a0Psychology &amp; Health,\u00a034<\/em>(5), 626\u2013643.\u00a0<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/08870446.2018.1554185\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/08870446.2018.1554185<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Burden That Affects Only One I have written about forgiveness before, but in response to an article and a cultural event that took place. You can see that HERE. This time, I want to make it personal. Because it is. Here\u2019s my story. Try your best to respond to the call to action at &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/02\/10\/i-forgive-you\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;I Forgive You&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[12,6,4,5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1178"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1178"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1178\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1180,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1178\/revisions\/1180"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1178"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1178"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1178"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}