{"id":1124,"date":"2025-10-15T09:37:50","date_gmt":"2025-10-15T15:37:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=1124"},"modified":"2025-10-15T09:37:51","modified_gmt":"2025-10-15T15:37:51","slug":"comfort-for-moms-chains-for-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2025\/10\/15\/comfort-for-moms-chains-for-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Comfort for Moms, Chains for Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h3><em>My Response to PsyPhi&#8217;s article &#8220;Maternally Induced Autism&#8221;<\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This article is a response to an article brilliantly written by\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/psyphichannel.substack.com\/\">PsyPhi<\/a>. I want to deliver my perspective from the counseling room. The article addresses what Bitar has loosely labeled, Maternally Induced Autism. I kind of like Maternally Associated Mimicry of Autism (MAMA). But that\u2019s the jokester in me coming out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/ASD-candy-jar-683x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1125\" width=\"404\" height=\"606\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/ASD-candy-jar-683x1024.png 683w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/ASD-candy-jar-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/ASD-candy-jar-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/ASD-candy-jar.png 1024w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 404px) 100vw, 404px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>In case you missed recent posts:<\/p>\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__list wp-block-latest-posts\"><li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/21\/why-therapy-is-so-hard-for-men\/\">Why Therapy is So Hard For Men<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/14\/according-to-research-you-and-i-are-probably-wrong\/\">According to Research, You and I Are Probably Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/04\/07\/the-diary-of-existing-beliefs\/\">The Diary of Existing Beliefs<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/10\/the-dirty-s-word\/\">The Dirty \u201cS\u201d Word<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2026\/03\/03\/dont-throw-the-message-out-with-the-mess-ups\/\">Don\u2019t Throw the Message Out With the Mess-Ups<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/psyphichannel.substack.com\/p\/maternally-induced-autism\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Here is the article I\u2019m responding to<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I recently (this week) had a conversation with a client. She discussed her child\u2019s autism. This young client has developed a sense of trust in me, and we share a strong therapeutic alliance. As\u00a0<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/open.substack.com\/users\/107064381-hannah-spier-md?utm_source=mentions\" target=\"_blank\">Hannah Spier, MD<\/a>\u00a0recently noted, such alliances are often emphasized, sometimes even more than the tangible improvements in clients\u2019 lives. While this observation is true, establishing a therapeutic alliance remains a necessary foundation before introducing interventions, techniques, or strategies aimed at fostering meaningful change.\u00a0<strong>They don\u2019t care how much we know until they know how much we care<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As we discussed her child\u2019s autism, she shifted her tone suggesting that she didn\u2019t like her child\u2019s diagnosis because she doesn\u2019t want her child treated any differently because of his diagnosis. I asked her how severe his symptoms are. She basically stated that he doesn\u2019t look you in the eye, doesn\u2019t do well in school, is particularly smart in certain areas, but is in all standard classes. All behavioral, and less likely neurological.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I asked her how she would feel if they were to find out that he does&nbsp;<em><strong>not&nbsp;<\/strong><\/em>indeed have ASD. She looked scared when I said that. She shifted:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><em>\u201cWell I think he probably has Asperger\u2019s.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>I retorted:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><em>\u201cBut you said you wanted him to be treated like everyone else, implying you did not like him having a diagnosis. But then you said you think he may still need a diagnosis.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>This screamed something to me. She enjoys the diagnosis. But why? I have found that there are three primary reasons mothers enjoy diagnoses of their children:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li><em>Their kid is extra special<\/em><\/li><li><em>They are viewed as altruistic<\/em><\/li><li><em>They are viewed with extra sympathy for their efforts and suffering<\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>They\u2019re Extra Special<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>More context: this young lady is sweet, well-meaning, and genuinely a good person. A little insecure. Tries to impress you often. But overall wants the best for everyone. So why would this good mother enjoy this diagnosis? This is where it gets good. I asked her just that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><em>\u201cWhat about the diagnosis do you like?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>Her response:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p><em>\u201cI think it makes him extra special.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>The error here is suggesting that he is not extra special without the diagnosis. She already stated his elevated cognition in certain arenas. And he is uniquely made. There is only one him. This alone should ensure he is special.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>Altruistic<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Though she didn\u2019t allude to this, another reason mothers enjoy the diagnosis is the mother is now viewed as particularly altruistic. \u201cLook how good I am!\u201d Some mothers need external validation to feel good about themselves. Like their character needs to be on display to ensure a) those who mistreated them were wrong about them or b) no one will find out just how deviant they really are. Those are very different women, but I\u2019ve met them both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4><em>Extra Sympathy<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>And yet another reason mothers enjoy the diagnosis is they are viewed with extra sympathy for their struggles and suffering as a parent of a&nbsp;<em>neurodivergent<\/em>&nbsp;child. This wreaks of undiagnosed Cluster B symptoms, as PsyPhi pointed out in their article.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Labeling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Another aspect of the subject of Maternally Induced Autism worth pointing out is that labeling usually hurts the child as much as it helps, sometimes more. Research shows this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Labeling children creates anxiety (Yang et al., 2015).<\/li><li>Labeling children worsens mood and reduces motivation (Mukolo, Heflinger, &amp; Wallston, 2010).<\/li><li>Labeling children increases loneliness, isolation, and reduced self-esteem and confidence, thus greatly affecting their social relationships (Prizeman, Weinstein, &amp; McCabe, 2023).<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3>Men &amp; ASD<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Lastly, Bitar covered the paternal void exacerbating claims of neurodivergence. Studies show that children with fathers not in the home but who are directly engaged in their lives are better off than fathers in the home but either absent (due to various reasons like overworked or uninterested) or prevented from engaging in paternally instinctive roles (Coakley, 2013). The father\u2019s absence itself contributes to ASD symptoms, through a lack of rough play, risk taking, and teasing, which produces emotional resilience (Kogan et al., 2018), as <a href=\"https:\/\/psyphichannel.substack.com\/p\/the-relationship-between-father-absence\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Bitar noted in this earlier article<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Based solely on this data, it is quite plausible that paternal presence indeed is a protective factor against misdiagnosis or predatory clinicians who need a new vacation home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is what I see in the counseling room. Avoidance. Denial. And accepting diagnosis for reasons other than science. Labels handed out like candy soothe adults, not children. My hope and my challenge is that more of us will stand up against these hollow mainstream narratives. Children\u2019s lives are at stake, and no mom\u2019s comfort should outweigh the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grainger<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4><strong><em>References<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Coakley, T. M. (2013). The influence of father involvement on child welfare permanency outcomes: A secondary data analysis.<em> Children and Youth Services Review, 35<\/em>(1), 174\u2013182. <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.childyouth.2012.09.023\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.childyouth.2012.09.023<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kogan, M. D., Vladutiu, C. J., Schieve, L. A., Ghandour, R. M., Blumberg, S. J., Zablotsky, B., Perrin, J. M., Shattuck, P., Kuhlthau, K. A., Harwood, R. L., &amp; Lu, M. C. (2018). The Prevalence of Parent-Reported Autism Spectrum Disorder Among US Children.<em> Pediatrics, 142<\/em>(6), e20. <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1542\/peds.2017-4161\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1542\/peds.2017-4161<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mukolo, A., Heflinger, C. A., &amp; Wallston, K. A. (2010). The stigma of childhood mental disorders: a conceptual framework.<em> Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 49<\/em>(2), 92\u2013103; quiz 198. <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1097\/00004583-201002000-00003\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1097\/00004583-201002000-00003<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Prizeman, K., Weinstein, N., &amp; McCabe, C. (2023). Effects of mental health stigma on loneliness, social isolation, and relationships in young people with depression symptoms.<em> BMC Psychiatry, 23<\/em>(1), 527. <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1186\/s12888-023-04991-7\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1186\/s12888-023-04991-7<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Yang, L. H., Link, B. G., Ben-David, S., Gill, K. E., Girgis, R. R., Brucato, G., Wonpat-Borja, A. J., &amp; Corcoran, C. M. (2015). Stigma related to labels and symptoms in individuals at clinical high-risk for psychosis.<em> Schizophrenia Research, 168<\/em>(1-2), 9\u201315. <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.schres.2015.08.004\" target=\"_blank\">https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.schres.2015.08.004<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My Response to PsyPhi&#8217;s article &#8220;Maternally Induced Autism&#8221; This article is a response to an article brilliantly written by\u00a0PsyPhi. I want to deliver my perspective from the counseling room. The article addresses what Bitar has loosely labeled, Maternally Induced Autism. I kind of like Maternally Associated Mimicry of Autism (MAMA). But that\u2019s the jokester in &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2025\/10\/15\/comfort-for-moms-chains-for-kids\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Comfort for Moms, Chains for Kids&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[72,166],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1124"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1126,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1124\/revisions\/1126"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}