{"id":1064,"date":"2025-07-08T08:30:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-08T14:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/?p=1064"},"modified":"2025-07-07T15:15:38","modified_gmt":"2025-07-07T21:15:38","slug":"masculinity-in-counseling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2025\/07\/08\/masculinity-in-counseling\/","title":{"rendered":"Masculinity in Counseling"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h4><em>When the Problem and the Solution are the Same<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1065\" width=\"575\" height=\"575\" srcset=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor.png 1024w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor-768x768.png 768w, https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/man-counselor-100x100.png 100w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 575px) 100vw, 575px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Much of society is shouting that we need more male counselors. They desire more men, but not the masculinity that comes with them. So what\u2019s the problem? Why aren\u2019t there more male counselors? Let\u2019s dig into that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recently, on a plane, a lady was getting frustrated with a 90-year-old man getting his bag down slowly. The old man looks to her and says, \u201cI am not obliged to take part in your anxiety.\u201d The whole plane smiled in relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We have all been around a Karen like this. And in public discourse, the fear in everyone was natural and expected. The relief was too. However, in professional walks of life, it is the opposite. You are vilified if you don\u2019t affirm such anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why in the professional setting and not normal discourse? One plausible explanation is that \u201cprofessionals\u201d believe they are smarter than those inferior beings not in professional settings. Another is the fear of liability. The backlash both professionally and personally is scary to many. Many are scared to death to hurt anyone\u2019s feelings. But in everyday life this is not a fear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>My Experience in Counseling Training<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I was in a group counseling class with other future licensed counselors. I led the very first group. Following the session, everyone else gave feedback. The feedback I received was all aimed at who I am, not what I did. It went something like this:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"is-style-default\"><li>You are a man, so you need to be careful as a counselor.<\/li><li>Because you are a man, you are very intimidating<\/li><li>Men in counseling is not really a good thing, so I didn\u2019t like the session<\/li><li>If you want to be a successful counselor, you need to act more like a woman.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I specifically requested behavioral examples. Some would be honest and say, \u201cIt\u2019s not really what you did, more just who you are.\u201d Some would say, \u201cThe way you spoke, you know, like a man, was scary.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I realize that counseling is a feminine profession. But I must ask the question, <em>why<\/em>? Because men don\u2019t communicate verbally? Because men don\u2019t want counseling? Or is it because few care about issues with men, masculinity, or the stance that men can take care of themselves?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There may be another explanation. While in this class, I heard \u201cI have 4 children and they all have ADHD and ASD!\u201d She smiled and everyone looked excited and celebrated with her. I was almost shocked at the celebration of the two most over-diagnosed conditions in America. Both because we are celebrating dysfunction and because they are over-diagnosed. So the chances that they have an accurate diagnosis are very low. None of that mattered. Only affirmation and validation mattered. Another said, \u201cEveryone needs therapy because everyone has trauma.\u201d This was from a 22-year-old female who has no idea when and when not to talk. She never heard, \u201cYou have one mouth and two ears. So listen twice as much as you speak.\u201d This girl got it backwards. And oh the wisdom coming from her lips. Again, everyone validated and affirmed. No one challenged either statement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might be thinking, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you challenge it?\u201d Good question. Being a man, I am already at a disadvantage. We have already seen what these ladies really think about me. My challenge would go unheard, not welcomed, and met with vitriol. No male spoke up. They knew better. They saw what the psycho-Karen squad did to me. But I know this, men don\u2019t easily affirm nonsensical lies. Men push back. Men are not afraid of confrontation and challenging. Therefore, a man would say, \u201cHey, did you know that the statistical likelihood of one mother having four children with ADHD and ASD is 0.7937% on a good day? And knowing it is severely over-diagnosed, the stats are probably much rarer than that?\u201d But this wouldn\u2019t serve the purpose of the counseling industry. To merely affirm and validate through femininity. Maybe, just maybe, <em>this <\/em>is why there aren\u2019t more men in counseling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Each day of this week-long intensive course, only feminine characteristics were celebrated. Masculinity was scorned as broken. The professor played a very sweet, soft, feminine worship song each day as class started. I realize that starting with worship is probably a good thing at a Christian school. It sets the tone. I get it. But every day? We get no strong, mighty songs? Why? The answer to all of the questions so far is simple. Men. Don\u2019t. Matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>Are You Sure Men Don&#8217;t Matter?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If you commit vehicular homicide, if it\u2019s a man that\u2019s killed, you get a <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nber.org\/digest\/aug00\/sentencing-homicides-us\">56% lower sentence<\/a>. Both men and women surveyed say that it is <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/www.stevestewartwilliams.com\/p\/distractible-males-virtual-freud?utm_source=publication-search\">worse for a man to have an affair<\/a> than a woman. There has been a <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/substack.com\/@jameslnuzzo\/p-162523889\">U.S. Department of Labor\u2019s Women\u2019s Bureau<\/a> since 1920. There has never been such a bureau for men. I could go on and on. Society is telling us that men don\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>What to Do<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As it stands, unless you are a very feminine man, it is an uphill climb. You are not wanted in the class among \u201cprofessionals\u201d or future professionals. You are not accepted for who you are. You are not welcome in psychological spaces. You are viewed as the one they must \u201ctolerate\u201d on their way to proper, soft, feminine, easily triggered, affirming of falsehoods, counseling. So you must know that it is a battle. It is not for the weak (Well, it kind of is, actually). If society is interested in doing something about the mental health epidemic among men, they have a weird way of showing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If there are to be more male counselors, we may have to attempt to provide an incentive for men to go through the difficult, arduous process of becoming a licensed counselor. We must welcome masculinity, as long as it is utilized correctly. We must be ok with challenge. The industry needs men for this very reason. We need more men that are willing to challenge falsehoods, present a masculine perspective, and be there for other men and boys in their crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Stay Classy GP!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Grainger<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When the Problem and the Solution are the Same Much of society is shouting that we need more male counselors. They desire more men, but not the masculinity that comes with them. So what\u2019s the problem? Why aren\u2019t there more male counselors? Let\u2019s dig into that. Recently, on a plane, a lady was getting frustrated &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2025\/07\/08\/masculinity-in-counseling\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Masculinity in Counseling&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[166,6],"tags":[190,189,121],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1064"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1064"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1064\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1068,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1064\/revisions\/1068"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1064"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1064"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tidbitsofaudacity.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1064"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}